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| The Enemy Within by daw the minstrel | 57 Review(s) |
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| sofia | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 11/18/2016 |
| Poor Eilian- I hope he doesn't do anything rash about Gelmir. And if he does, hopefully Maltanaur will be there to keep him from killing himself! And I KNEW there was something fishy about those earrings and the merchant. Seems very magic-y, getting people to act differently. What purpose does that serve? Probably not anything good! I wonder does the necklaces- or rather the easterling merchant who is paying Camil- have anything to do with Gelmir being missing? Part of me is thinking not but part of me is still suspicious. Can't wait for the next chapter! Author Reply: Maltanaur will make sure he's there. When I created the bodyguard characters, I didn't realize how much I'd come to enjoy writing them. Tolkien always seemed to me to be interested in how people are defeated not just by external forces but by internal emotions and impulses. That's what the Nazgul are about really. So I'm playing with that a little here. Thanks for the review, sofia. Always good to hear from you. | |
| curiouswombat | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 11/18/2016 |
| Oh -ho! They really do need to talk to Adar. The Eastern merchant sounds as if he may be more than he seems. Author Reply: They're on their way. The next chapter will be from Thranduil's POV, which is always fun to write. | |
| asms2 | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 11/16/2016 |
| They figured it out! The trinkets can speak? Is it an out loud voice or something that messes with their minds? I wonder what the angle is here for Camil/the Easterling Merchant. Giving out so many at the same party increases the odds that someone will notice that something is off and connect the dots. Also just giving them away instead of selling them would seem to raise suspicion when the elves stop to think about what is happening. I can't wait to see Thranduil's reaction to this!! Poor Eilian finding out about Glimir in that way while he was under the influnce of the earing. Maybe Thranduil will be a little more forgiving to Eilian's reaction once he realizes what is happening. Can't wait to read more! Author Reply: The voice is inside their heads. It speaks to whatever weaknesses the listener has. One person who's weakness is showing is the merchant who's so eager for money that he's trying too obviously. It turns out that when you play on someone's weakness, you can't always predict what they'll do. I was very happy to show that Eilian's love for Legolas outweighed what the voice was whispering to him. One more chapter, I think. Thank you for sticking with it. | |
| PSW | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 11/16/2016 |
| Well, this is a big old stinking mess... Thranduil is going to roast them alive -- hopefully *after* they have a chance to tell him about the charms (charms w mouths on them = creepy :-P). I'm a little surprised they were both able to calm down enough to work through what was happening, but I suppose Eilian had taken his off by this point...and yes, this is Legolas, who does seem to get the best of what Eilian has to offer even when no one else does. Ah, baby brothers... Hoth and Jardin continue to be a bit of a mystery...but I'm thinking the charms have been working on them too. This occurred to me literally as I'm typing this...but Jardin started to eat only after she gave her charm to Eilian -- is it telling her she's fat and unattractive, or some such? And I'm sure it's working on Hoth (and possibly even Camil?) in some way. Hmm... Given that this is all coming from an Easterling merchant, it can only mean trouble... I would bet the Elf who got drunk and ran along the roofs in Esgaroth was wearing one at the time, too... Can't wait for Thranduil to find out! ;-) I'm enjoying, thanks for writing... Author Reply: I figured Legolas's charm was in his pocket, not near his ear, so he was more or less normal crazy teenaged boy. But Eilian came through for Legolas before he took the charm off, which speaks to his powerful love for Legolas. Thranduil is about ready to roast someone already. He just has to find a target. :-) Thank you for sticking with the story | |
| obsidianj | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 11/13/2016 |
| Playing with Fire is an apt title. What is going on? These trinkets are definitely not just jewelry. Something else is going on. And why won't Jardin eat? This is the second time you mentioned her looking starved... Author Reply: The trinkets are a problem, definitely. Let's see how our heroes manage to figure things out. daw | |
| obsidianj | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 11/13/2016 |
| Oh, Legolas. I love how he reason's himself into the wrong things. With Turgon into the mix thing only can go wrong. At least he didn't drink too much of the wine and Jardin seems also to know enough not to drink it. What is with these trinkets? Something is not right. Author Reply: One of the things I enjoy most about writing is getting into a character's POV and seeing how what they do and say makes total sense if you look at it from their perspective. Legolas is at the age where his father looks unreasonable and the actions he wants to take seem like an obvious choice for a sensible person! But yes, he has some sense, and while he's taken off for someplace Thranduil wouldn't approve of, he's at least on his guard enough not to compound the situation too badly. We'll see. | |
| obsidianj | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 11/13/2016 |
| Something is not quite right. What is all the merchandise doing in Arost's home? From what I remember dealing with the men was pretty limited to items the wood-elves couldn't make themselves. After having a pleasant domestic like first chapter we are suddenly reminded that these are dangerous times. Gelmir missiing, Eilian still suffering from Shadow sickness and now this merchant who seems a bit shady. Can't wait to see how Ithilden's courting tactics will woo Alfirin. I know it ends well, but my feeling is Ithilden succeeds because Alfirin decided long ago she wants him not because of any of his "tactics" ;). Author Reply: my feeling is Ithilden succeeds because Alfirin decided long ago she wants him not because of any of his "tactics" ;). That made me laugh. I suspect you're right. Or maybe Alfirin and Thranduil between them. Thanks for the review! | |
| perelleth | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 11/12/2016 |
| I'm sorry that it took me so long to review! it's wonderful o be reading another story in this universe, and then from this time, with Turgon Legolas and Annael being their troublesome terrible selves! Despite the many years between the tales, this fits seamlessly in the period, with Elian getting in trouble whether he wants it or not, and Legolas in that difficult age..They feel the same characters though your writing is somehow livelier and lighter. It's a great story that takes us back to this Greenwood that is still living under a restless peace. What a treat to have you back! Author Reply: I like writing Legolas at this age. He's old enough to be opening up to the wide world, but still inexperienced enough to be torn between excitement and caution. If the writing is livelier and lighter, that's a good thing. It feels like I learn to write better only by tiny increments now. Thanks for the review, Perelleth. | |
| Dot | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 11/12/2016 |
| I guess all of Thranduil's sons come to realise that when they're quoting their father in their heads they're probably doing something he wouldn't approve of... Ah, fire jumping! I was wondering what they were heading off to do. Poor Turgon is constantly having his fun spoiled. Annael had the sense to study a nearby maple as if he'd never seen one before That made me laugh out loud. Of course, Annael is well used to his friends being chastised by some adult or other. I actually always enjoy Legolas' cheekiness with Eilian, even though if I was present I'd probably want to slap him. But it's such a contrast with how he generally is with Ithilden and Thranduil. It's that real sibling thing. And Eilian thinking his little brother is still a baby who isn't interested in girls. Sure, Eilian. There'd been a girl, though he couldn't remember which one. *snort* Hmm. Jardin is a bit of a minx. Eilian could do without temptation into recklessness. I'm looking forward to seeing how everything all comes together :-) Author Reply: I think it would be hard to have a father like Thranduil. He loves them and pays attention to them (too much so for their taste sometimes) but he's a powerful, towering figure. It would be overwhelming. Legolas's father and brothers probably thank the Valar on a daily basis for Annael's presence in that little group. Not so much for Turgon. And they all have trouble letting go of the image of Legolas as the baby they're raising. Oddly the one who has the least trouble is Ithilden. He seems to have a more objective picture of little brother. When I pick myself up from being flattened by current events, I'll get on with the next chapter. | |
| asms2 | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 11/10/2016 |
| Fire jumping! That does sound like something Turgon would want to show off at. These trinkets that are being dispersed seem to be having some influence on the elves. Between the raft elf incident and all the party goers being a little riled up - it would seem to be connected to the men and these trinkets. I wonder if they are laced with something! And I wonder if there is a bigger angle in place than just selling the the items. Jardin seems to be flirting with Eilian a bit. haha. I'm looking forward to seeing what Thranduil thinks of everything! Can't wait to read more! Author Reply: Fire jumping seemed to me to be something less wise and more dangerous wood-elves would think was fun, especially those like Turgon or Eilian for that matter. The boys have been out wandering. It's time to take them back to the feast and see what happens. Thank you for taking the time to review. | |