A quadrabble, according to MSW......
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How do I tell him?
Already I can hear the breaking of his heart or maybe it is my own; I scarce can tell the difference any more. Shall I look into his smile and say: Dear friend, you loved me well but it was not enough now I must seek healing and happiness from a higher power? Is this what I tell the one who never left my side, that I must go, never to return?
I stand as on the edge of a chasm separating me from all warm others; hateful creatures lurk below, claws and teeth violating my scarred skin night by night, dream by dream, the chains of pain and guilt clanking behind me one relentless ugly dirge; no hammer here can break them and the gap grows ever wider as I reach my hands in vain at the same time, my eyes saying Touch me not; I am unworthy, and will only ooze blood-stains on all your joys. You are as helpless as I who have little choice but to quit this hollow land and relieve you as well as myself of my invisible burden.
But how does a healer say, Your babe will die and I can do naught to ease its passing? How might a lover say, I loved thee dearly but now there is another and we must part forever? How does one tell a child, Your mother and I can no longer abide each other, now we must break apart? Shall I say: In your eyes I see that which I once craved and needed but it can no more sustain me so I give it back to you and go where you cannot follow and seek my salvation from sources I know not? Kind words do not exist. There is no easy shaft with which to pierce a heart, the keener and more delicate the blade, the more distressing will be the wound.
So do I bid him quick farewell promising him future joys laying a volume of memories bound in heart's red in his stunned hands? Will he cast it into the sea and teach himself to hate my name or berate himself, saying it was he who failed, not I? Or will he see my star across the chasm, and know it shines for him, and resolve someday to follow where it leads?
How do I tell him?
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