A quadrabble, according to MSW......

~*~

How do I tell him?

Already I can hear
the breaking of his heart
or maybe it is my own;
I scarce can tell the difference
any more.  Shall I look
into his smile
and say: Dear friend,
you loved me well
but it was not enough
now I must seek healing
and happiness from
a higher power? Is this
what I tell the one who never
left my side, that I
must go, never to return?

I stand as on the edge of a chasm
separating me from all warm others;
hateful creatures lurk below,
claws and teeth violating
my scarred skin night by night,
dream by dream, the chains
of pain and guilt clanking
behind me one relentless ugly dirge;
no hammer here can break them
and the gap grows ever wider
as I reach my hands in vain
at the same time, my eyes
saying Touch me not;
I am unworthy, and will only
ooze blood-stains
on all your joys.
You are as helpless as I
who have little choice
but to quit this hollow land
and relieve you
as well as myself
of my invisible burden.

But how does a healer say,
Your babe will die
and I can do naught
to ease its passing?
How might a lover say,
I loved thee dearly
but now there is another
and we must part forever?
How does one tell a child,
Your mother and I can no longer
abide each other, now we
must break apart? Shall I say: 
In your eyes I see that
which I once craved and needed
but it can no more sustain me
so I give it back to you
and go where you cannot follow
and seek my salvation
from sources I know not?
Kind words do not exist.
There is no easy shaft
with which to pierce a heart,
the keener and more delicate
the blade, the more distressing
will be the wound.

So do I bid him quick farewell
promising him future joys
laying a volume of memories
bound in heart's red
in his stunned hands?
Will he cast it into the sea
and teach himself
to hate my name
or berate himself, saying
it was he who failed,
not I?
Or will he see my star
across the chasm, and know
it shines for him,
and resolve someday to follow
where it leads?

How do I tell him?