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| Free Fall by Lindorien | 52 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Imrahoil | Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 6/16/2004 |
| Haha, critizising is FUN: 1. Of the ten, not a one of us was a member of the nobility save Faramir ..., one "a" to many? 2. In the Mablung bit you sometimes switch the tense, when it's not intended, I think. 3. “He tells me you are almost a cleric these days.” A cleric? My eyebrows are all the way up to the roof. Rather sad chapter. I'm still broading over the beginning of chapter 4, it's a bit of "be careful what you pray for". Author Reply: argh!! **hides under bed and refuses to come out** yeah, yeah, a cleric - as in generic member of some sort of religious belief system presumed to be temperate in his behavior. **scurries deeper under bed** Telephone! Saved by the bell. hehe Lindorien | |
| Imrahoil | Reviewed Chapter: 4 on 6/15/2004 |
| I'm not really comfortable with criticizing, but I'm going to do it for once, take it as a token of my appreciation of your writing (because of phrases like that I'm not any longer allowed to write e-mails in English at work, hihi, I can tell you I worked hard for it): 1. Chapter 3, 2nd paragraph: “Was it every different?" Typo? 2. Anorien: That's a place name, isn't it? I don't think it's a man's name as well. If it's canon, gnmph, I don't have a copy of LotR at work. Not yet. And now to the real complaint: 3. Chapter 4, the beginning: It's funny, nice read, BUT it doesn't feel right, more like "Lindorien in Wonderland", not "Free fall". Did you do that on purpose? 4. The rest: great. I really, really love your Boromir, well, not only your Boromir, but your Boromir is exactly as I imagine my Boromir, ... (I could go on like this for hours and afterwards sing the typical fanwoman lament: why oh why is he fictitious, why oh why does he have to die even in fiction). I wondered why Faramir did not "simply" mention his vision of Boromirs death to him (Boromir), I could not imagine him (Faramir) NOT doing it, and here you are taking care of it, good. Before I forget it, since you have obviously forgotten it: Ceterum censeo Council of Elrond esse scribendam. Author Reply: Yay! I love this kind of feedback! Criticize away! Easy stuff first: 1) Thanks for typo catch - all better now. 2) Anorien is a place name. Often in olden times and even today - a land takes on the name of a person and vice versa. In this case - I gave Boromir a First Lieutenant named Anorien, the name just north of Minas Tirith and west of the Anduin. That would make Anorien a man who's land is dispossessed. He's assigned to Cair Andros, which would make sense, since he'd have a special interest in seeing it once more made useful. -- Besides, I'm lousy at finding those old-fashioned names and I wanted to establish Anorien as a member of the nobility. It has more to do with that even older fanfic I mentioned a bit ago. 4) Oh dear. Lindorien in Wonderland? That wasn't the idea! Send me an email telling me where exactly? I'm trying to establish an easy bantor between this two and I hoped I'd already done so by now. Faramir is good with words, so I tried to keep that idea, and these guys are a couple of soldiers - so likewise. The original of this chapter was just too, too much. Read like a soap opera. So I wanted to progress from lighter bantor to less light bantor to argument and capitulation. Is that making sense - my eyes aren't quite open yet. Guess I might have gotten a little goofy writing this chapter. I'm glad you're liking this. Actually, in the actual work - I couldn't believe Boromir would leave his command after such a devastating battle because baby brother had a dream. THAT was the difficult thing. I couldn't see him doing it two weeks after Osgiliath. That always hit me as a 'suspension of disbelief' moment. Which is what birthed this entire fanfic - which I noticed is half the size of my current novel. Yes yes - I will scribendam the Ouncilcay of Elronday - er...Council of Elrond. But not today. Gotta finish this thing first. But seriously - I'll do it. Lots of people waiting for it - it must be perfect. Also - I have to get the elves right. Elves, why do they have to be Elves? Author Reply: Okay - just rearrange the numbers on the answers to questions above. I'm still sucking coffee. Boromir - remember the exchange in Tolkien's work over the bringing the logs for a fire? (just had seven Summary Version moments there - must go write them down...) ANYWAY - Gandalf insisting - no fires unless death is the only alternative, blah blah blah, whatever. Then Boromir finally says - Okay, freezing to death or fire? whatdya say, Gandalf? Would NOW be a good time? That exchange so struck me for establishing Boromir as a guy with a sense of humor, but I am also the only person in the world who reads that exchange as humorous. So - given how little Boromir actually says - I have to grab my 'characterization hooks' where I can. Okay - more coffee time. | |
| Rose Sared | Reviewed Chapter: 13 on 6/15/2004 |
| My goodness, you have polished this until it shines. Your storytelling is flawless, as is your dialogue, and if I must visualise Sean and David all the time, saying your lines, well I can't help being a fan girl. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Well done! Thanks. Rose Author Reply: Flawless storytelling? Flawless dialogue? **Lindorien's head swells to truly annoying proportions** Um, Rose? Care to whisper the same to any stray agents you have lying about? Your only 3 chapters into the rewrite. Nine more to go. Plenty of time for me to tarnish things up a bit. Now then chapter 4. That needs major help it does. CPR, Crash Carts, the works. So, fangirl away. Sean and David thank you for that. Myself? I'll take 'flawless' and 'well done' anyday! Thanks so much, Lindorien | |
| Elvenesse | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 6/14/2004 |
| I've been meaning to read this for a while, rewriting has given me the perfect chance. The author's notes managed to confuse me. I read them and I was sure what you've written so far isn't AU as most of it isn't even mentioned - it took me a while to realise it's a lot longer than three chapters! ;) You’ve made Boromir seem so real that Faramir’s dream with the arrows and cloven horn is upsetting. The dream about his mother and Boromir and falling is very vivid as well, as is the account of Finduilas dying. Hmm, is there anything happy in this? I suppose it’s not a very happy time though. Author Reply: No, not a very happy time for our dear brothers. There are AU elements - I lengthened the time period beween the fall of Osgiliath and Boromir's actual departure because two weeks just seemed ridiculous and beyond irresponsible. Also - considering how long these guys had been fighting those Mordor folks, I didn't see anybody dropping everything and dashing off because somebody had a dream. Otherwise, I just kept all the dates the same - shortened the time taken for Boromir's trip and whatnot. However, in the rewrite, I don't mention it much. I hedge on the time passage. Let the reader decide about it. So - I'm glad you like it. I thought chapter 4 was ready, but just reread it and decided it stinks, so its going in for a major overhaul, lube job, realignment, brakes, the works. Chapter 5 is holding up pretty well. But, can't have chapter 5 without chapter 4... yes - i'm rambling and shall now stop doing so. Most people don't take issue with a suicidal Finduilas and a depressed Faramir - for which I am grateful. However, I really worried people would be upset by it. now I really will stop rambling. Chapter 4 will be along. Pretty soon. It's 12 chapters in all I think. 34,000 words. Longest fic I ever wrote or ever shall write. Or even rewrite... yes - I'm done talking now. Shut up, Lindorien. over and out. | |
| Imrahoil | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/14/2004 |
| What's this? A reader caught off her guard?? I've missed one of your stories??? A long one???? About the Brothers of Gondor????? Something is rotten in the state of fanfiction. Love the relationship between Boromir and Faramir, their understanding, the banter ..., like very much what you write about the unrelationship between Denethor and Faramir, I can't stand the "explanation" by way of a Evil!Denethor - I hope you heard that, Peter Jackson. But tell me, who/what is Benard? (Boromir laughed. “Mablung knows I would cover your debts. Though perhaps he worries I’ll try to recoup your losses in your stead.” Then Benard quieted. “He misses you. He’s been very concerned. Wanted to assure himself you yet breathed, I’ll wager.”) Author Reply: **snicker** my alter-ego. He had me on the phone last night while I typed. Good catch! Thanks. This one's been offline for a while Imrahoil. Or hidden in the bowels of SoA. It's a rewrite of an even OLDER fanfic - one that seriously changed the story. So this is a SECOND major overhaul. Seriously major. I've been meaning to do this rewrite, then somebody nominated it for the MEFA's and kicked my butt into gear. I'm not a writer, Imrahoil - I'm a REwriter. I rewrite endlessly. I do it because people tell me - "You know...this sucks." I tell them to...well...not a very nice thing...then I go home, swallow crow and rewrite. So - the bones of the story remain the same, but hopefully it will move quicker and read better. Ah, yes, Evil!Denethor...You know I read The Infamous Passage and think - "Sheesh! These guys sound like my family. They must be Italian!" Glad you're liking it. When you see the original version, you'll see why it needed help. Lindorien | |
| Raksha The Demon | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/14/2004 |
| HOORAY - it's back! I liked this story the first time you did it; and frankly don't quite remember how you've changed it, but it's still vividly and poignantly written. Author Reply: I have the original chapters renumbered and hidden at the end. Maybe I'll put them up together when I'm finished - which won't be long; I'm rewriting as I type this. Then you'll see the difference. The first version was just too too melodramatic. The basics of the story remain the same, but the text is changing rapidly. I write on a dime, and rewrite on a threat. This story is a classic case of learning a thing or two about the craft and choosing to go back and fix those items that now glare at me. I'm glad you still like it, Raksha. It'll be coming along. Thanks for hanging with me. Lindorien | |
| Werecat | Reviewed Chapter: 15 on 3/17/2004 |
| One note: Perhaps you should edit the first chapter and make it shorter, perhaps adding its last section to this. Nothing to do with the content, I just read somewhere that opening chapters, like prologues, should better be shorter and avoid overwhelming readers. Just a thought. Anyway, I liked this chapter as well. The interaction between them was very much in character, at least for me, including their suspicious attitude towards the elves. And those dreams only add to the foreshadowing. Will return shortly. Author Reply: I considered breaking it up a bit more. But the second chapter is two weeks later and it seemed odd to throw the end of this chapter, in which Denethor and Faramir have already had a falling out and the two are only beginning to seriously discuss following the call of the dream and Denethor has already said 'No!' to the beginning of a chapter that now has Faramir on his own, contending with his recovery himself and a sea change having taken place among the three. Sheesh! Look at the length of THAT sentence. I must get out of 'Bad Opening Lines' mode! I hope you continue to enjoy this, Werecat. Thanks for reading! Lindorien | |
| Werecat | Reviewed Chapter: 14 on 3/17/2004 |
| This first chapter had a feverish feel in it. Until the end, I was not sure if Faramir was hallucinating in seeing Boromir at his side. And I liked this, because it is a -more or less- accurate view of someone who has been in a near death experience in combat. Author Reply: Feverish was what I was going for, so I'm glad that you picked that up. A lot of this comes back to haunt him in the sequel. thanks for reading. Lindorien | |
| Kitt of Lindon | Reviewed Chapter: 13 on 2/27/2004 |
| I could not stop reading, thus I have not left a review for a few chapters, though there were a few things I wanted to comment on in them. The part that said Boromir blew his horn to let Faramir know of his death was very poignant. Though I normally say that he was trying to drive fear into the Uruk's hearts, I really like your idea. (I’m assuming it was not like the joke-'I will blow my horn and summon soldiers of Gondor to our aid, who are hundreds of miles away.') I simply loved the when Faramir was reading that note from Boromir. I cried and laughed at that part. The vembraces were a nice touch to your story as they were in the movie. Anyway, I enjoyed this story very much, and I hope to find time to read its sequel soon. Author Reply: I hope you find time to read the sequel also. Blowing the Horn of Gondor made no sense. It was supposed to summon help. I suppose it did, alerting the others in the fellowship that he needed aid, still it seemed an odd thing to do - certain to bring more Uruk's upon him if nothing else. Also, it would take effort to blow that horn and it seems he would have been otherwise occupied. Call me a romantic, I like to think he was trying to let his father and brother know. | |
| Kitt of Lindon | Reviewed Chapter: 22 on 2/27/2004 |
| At the first few lines of this chapter, my heart caught in my throat. Argh! No! Boromir! I had always wondered what they were doing at the time they heard the Horn of Gondor. It was so beautiful as Faramir came to the river's edge and saw his brother. I had always loved that Tolkien did that. *sigh* To the next chapter I go. Author Reply: According to the books, Faramir was in Minas Tirith with his father when both together heard the sound of the Horn as a distant echo. Neither was even certain that they actually heard it, so much as sensed it. I do not know what was in Tolkien's mind when he wrote that passage and I don't know that he's written any explanation in any of his letters or other writings. It does seem incongrous to me, but perhaps they were merely talking strategy - Denethor and Faramir. With Boromir gone, I saw Faramir as running himself ragged to keep up with the myriad responsibilities, but the main war was being foughtin Ithilien, so it seemed odd to me that Faramir wouldn't be there. | |