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| The River by Indigo Bunting | 19 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| harrowcat | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/31/2006 |
| Ooh! got to run... will come to to you on this Author Reply: Heh. Sounds like you liked it! | |
| Bodkin | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/30/2006 |
| What an incredibly exciting chapter! And just so typical that they got away only to be pursued further - and that now Mr Nasty has spotted the others. (Could have been a good moment to loose that arrow, Aragorn!) More! More, more, more, more, more. Legolas can't last in that river too long - especially not if he's been spiked with arrows. Sam can't last in that river even that long. Get them out and reunited with their friends. They've got enough trouble with Garan the Ghastly anyway. Argh! What a read! I feel as if I've dived off the cliff into the rapids with them. Excellent stuff! Author Reply: Just to clear the air – Aragorn did let some arrows fly. I briefly thought about saying so, but then I realized that Gimli wouldn’t have seen it happen. He went for the crevice as soon as Gandalf gave the word, and he was the second person into it (after Boromir). Several people saw fit to comment on that, but if the chapter had been from Aragorn’s POV there wouldn’t have been any question as to what he was thinking during the conflict or why he acted the way that he did. Still, what this tells me is that you (and other readers) are really paying attention, and that makes me feel good. Garan the Ghastly – how appropriate! You’re right that neither Sam nor Legolas can last all that long in the water, both being considerably weaker than they were last time. They’ve both done about all they could do, preferring to take their chances with the river than willingly fall to Garan. Several chapters ago, Legolas said that the choice would have to be “between the river and death” for him to want to go back in, and that’s just what happened here. I don’t expect that anyone else will remember that line, but I know this story backwards and forwards, and it was as much foreshadowing as it was logic on Legolas’ part. Here I go, congratulating myself, but I was always proud of that line. :) I’ve been hard at work on the next chapter which is mostly written now, but there are some significant gaps to fill. With so many reviewers going “Update! Update!” it’s not possible to take it slow. :) | |
| XtremeFrolicker | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/30/2006 |
| I'm caught between loving you forever for updating and cursing you for not finishing it! I am absolutely in love with this story, and yes, it is one of my favourites. I was so sad when i gave it up for dead a while ago, and you can't imagine how happy I am that you've revived it. Each character is so true to themself, but takes on new characteristics at the same time, and your plot line is astounding! You are truly an artist, my friend. Author Reply: I think I know what you mean about wanting resolution to conflict and yet not wanting the story to end. In some ways it’s probably easier to be the author of this story than a reader, although I sometimes wish that I could just sit back and read the rest of it without having to write it. I’ve found that I enjoy rereading my own work, which I take as a good sign. This story, dead? Heck, no! I’ve had it outlined from start to finish for a long time now. I just didn’t have much time to spend on it, and chapter ten kept me stymied for a while. But without the enthusiastic response I’ve gotten from wonderful readers like you, I don’t know if I could have kept going. Writing is fun, but sometimes it’s very hard work. Case in point: chapters five and ten. I’m so glad you think that the characters are drawn truly. Truth be told, I’ve never found it terribly difficult to slip into any of the characters’ skins although some go on easily than others. I think that leaves me free to focus on the development of other things, like language and plot. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the “artist” comment. What an uncommonly kind thing to say! | |
| French Pony | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/30/2006 |
| Whew! That was exciting. Good detectoring, Fellowship! Although I admire the fact that they were willing to stick with their original plan of only so much searching and then no more. They have their priorities straight, no matter how painful they may be. And I appreciated the chance to see it through Gimli's eyes. He's such an underused character, possibly because Tolkien doesn't give much in the way of insight into him. But I could really hear a Dwarf voice throughout this chapter. So the rest of them were spectators to Sam's desperate last stand, eh? I can kind of see why they didn't do anything, although there were a couple of points where they could at least have tried to signal to Sam and Legolas. But again, that would have been a risk either way. Legolas did seem suspiciously healthy after the pounding he took, but that could have been the adrenalin talking. I also liked the observation that it was Dorlic's own rage that worked against him in his duel with Legolas -- that's very true of any sort of combat. I wasn't so thrilled with the description of the duel as dance-like. It's a description I've seen before, and I know why people use it, but real blade combat doesn't really look like the kind of dance people are thinking of. Author Reply: “Whew” is how I feel right now. I’m going to need a vacation after I finish this next chapter. You made some great observations in your review, the first of which was the Fellowship’s plan to keep on moving once the allotted time for searching had passed. Gandalf is in the unenviable position of having to focus on the bigger picture, which is something I tried to bring out here. Frodo is having something of a rude awakening, too. Not only has he had to face the prospect of abandoning a loyal friend, but he’s had to watch a new friend facing what could easily have been his death. I’m sure that Frodo thought about the possibility of having to lose his friends or leave them behind before departing from Rivendell, but thinking about such a situation and experiencing one are completely different things. Thank you also for pointing out Gimli. He’s criminally underused, not only because Tolkien didn’t tell us much about him but because he’s a Dwarf. At least, that’s what I think. Elves and hobbits are what’s hot in fanfiction. Anyhow, I’m glad you could hear his voice. This was by far the longest chapter yet but it was so action-heavy that it wasn’t ideal for character development. I’m not surprised to hear you say that you were fairly (but not fully) convinced by the Fellowship’s actions in this chapter. You’ve proven yourself to be attuned to plot details. If there’s a logical solution that has not been explored, you’re going to point it out. A lot of people wondered why the Fellowship didn’t act differently (why Aragorn didn’t shoot, why they didn’t signal, etc.). If the POV had been Aragorn’s I wouldn’t have had nearly as many questions as I did. Aragorn didn’t shoot early on for several reasons: not wanting to call attention to Sam, fear of hitting Legolas (during the fight), and not wanting to reveal the Fellowship’s position. The returning Men would have noticed a little thing like their fellows being stuck full of arrows that weren’t their own, and then they would have known that they had enemies nearby (who were likely known to their captives). Aragorn could have shot at the four Men that returned from the woods, but then it would have been four archers against one, and those four archers would have had a nice little group of bowless observers to take aim at while Aragorn would have had to pick them off one by one – if he could. The Men at the edge of the woods were far enough away to be quite a stretch for him. Aragorn did actually get a few shots off at the end after the beans had been spilled, but Gimli didn’t see him do it since he was already heading into the rift. I thought about having the Fellowship try and signal Sam and Legolas, but I discarded the idea. By the time they got up to the clifftop, Sam and Legolas were too engrossed in trying to survive to even think of looking across the river, and any signal that would have caught their attention would also have caught the attention of the Men. I tried to think of how Dorlic in particular would react if he knew that a group of his prisoners’ friends were nearby (even with the river still between them). I thought it highly likely that he would kill Legolas on the spot, and Saruman and Garan be damned. He wanted Legolas dead from the get-go, and Garan had not planned on any of Legolas’ friends making an appearance when he left him with Dorlic. Dorlic wouldn’t have needed much excuse to do Legolas in. (Legolas himself was expecting death at Dorlic’s hand if he failed to fight them off, but that’s something else that won’t come out until later.) As far as Legolas’ resilience goes, I hadn’t actually thought that he took that much of a physical beating. One or two of the Men got some punches in, but for the most part they were simply absorbed in pinning him down. The adrenaline would definitely have been a factor; who wouldn’t fight to escape torture, maiming, or death? Desperation is a powerful thing. That’s what fueled Sam to do something that he would never have done otherwise. What’s more, I’ve set Legolas’ limits well beyond those of the Men. He can take a licking and keep on ticking, but Legolas’ fight to throw the Men off him didn’t even approach a licking in my mind – not for him, anyway. I’m glad you pointed out how Dorlic’s anger worked against him. That’s what did him and two of his friends in – that, and impatience. As for disliking the description of the fight as a dance, I understand where you’re coming from. I’m no expert, but I’ve learned enough to know that battles are anything but choreographed. They’re hot, sweaty, and confused. I left the comparison to a dance in there because the fight was not only Man vs. Elf, it was Reckless Man vs. Elf-Who-Really-Knows-What-He’s-Doing. :) Legolas has been fighting in Mirkwood for a long time, and he’s got a heck of a lot more skill than Dorlic does, not to mention superior senses and balance. I also imagine the fighting style of an Elven soldier to be very technically polished. Regardless, your point is well made. When I stop and think about it, one of the first words I associate with “dance” is “elegant”, and swordfights are anything but elegant. I don’t want readers to come away with the impression that Legolas and Dorlic weren’t all-out trying to kill each other. I’m not a stickler for absolute realism but I do strive for plausibility. I’ll have to take another look at the passage. I can already think of a half-dozen ways to excise the word “dance” but still convey the difference in control and skill of the two combatants. Thank you for the honest criticism! | |
| Lamiel | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/30/2006 |
| Wow -- I never expected you to post again so quickly! And I had braced myself to seing just the Fellowship in this chapter, so the resolution to last chapter's cliffhanger was a wonderful treat. Thank you so much! I can't tell you how greatly I'm enjoying this story. My only fear is that we seem to be heading toward the end -- Legolas has taken out, let's see, six of the men now, and Sam got one, so that leaves just the three left. Oh dear. Well, I won't fret over the diminishing number of bad guys. Really, you write this so well that even when I wasn't expecting to see anything more of Sam and Legolas I was still completely engrossed and enjoying our time with the Fellowship. They are wonderful characters, all of them, and you bring them to life just beautifully. I would have been happy just watching Gimli poke that pile of rocks. That said, I am very glad that you brought us back into the action so quickly. I just about chewed my nails to the bone during Legolas' fight with the Men. That was fantastic -- and I was a little shocked that Sam really did stab that Man. He must have been a bit shocked by it as well. Then during Legolas' standoff with the Men I was almost shrieking for Aragorn to shoot -- but I suppose he didn't dare give away the Fellowship's position. So Legolas took matters (and Sam) into his own hands. It's logical, because they would certainly have died otherwise, but dang. That is one heck of a brave Elf. An underwater Elf. Is he staying under to avoid the Men's arrows? Is he holding Sam up? Has he been shot? I'm eagerly awaiting more -- as much for the pleasure of reading your work as for the story itself. Author Reply: That last chapter flew out of my brain and onto the page. It helped that some of it was written long ago, but most of it was done immediately following chapter ten. It’s amazing how some chapters come forward with the greatest of ease while others have to be dragged out kicking and screaming. There are actually four baddies left at present, down from ten. Legolas killed one during the first fight, one got squashed by a tree, and four just met their end on the clifftop. The story has to be somewhere between 60 and 75% complete at this point, but there are still a few chapters left. I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to work in a chapter from the POV of every member of the Fellowship, though. Sam and Legolas just have too many repeats. I don’t know; I might be able to do it. It sounds like a lot of readers were bracing themselves for having to wait longer for the end of Sam’s conflict with the Men. I have to admit that I smiled at those fears, thinking, “Ha ha! Little do they know!” It was extremely gratifying to be able to post this doozy of a chapter knowing that it would probably come as a pleasant surprise to several people. When I first started this story I thought that I would be shuttling back and forth between the Fellowship and Sam and Legolas, chapter for chapter, but it quickly became clear that this wasn’t feasible. There just wasn’t enough to write about the Fellowship. Most of the chapters would have gone like this: “Another day had passed, and there was still no sign of either Sam or Legolas. Merry/Boromir/Pippin/Gimli was hungry/depressed/footsore/glum.” Hey! Someone finally mentioned feeling surprise that Sam actually stabbed someone. So far no one else has singled that out although many people have spoken of his bravery. I did make an effort to show that yes, he is quite stunned by what he has done (without smacking readers in the face with it), but I suppose that wasn’t what people were thinking about when they finished the chapter. A lot of people wondered why Aragorn didn’t shoot, and there were several reasons, but I only got into the one reason when Sam was sneaking away. (Gimli wouldn’t have been thinking much about Aragorn shooting/not shooting when there was so much else to focus on.) The biggest reason Aragorn didn’t shoot during Legolas’ fight was for fear of hitting Legolas. People change position awfully quickly during a fight, and especially Elves, by my way of thinking. I don’t think Legolas would have balked at shooting if their places had been reversed, but he is the Fellowship’s main archer. You’re right about Aragorn not wanting to reveal the Fellowship’s position, too. Not only would the Men he shot at suddenly know of the company’s existence, but the Men who returned from the forest wouldn’t miss a bunch of strange arrows sticking out of their companions. Then they’d all know that someone else was out there. Finally, Aragorn didn’t shoot when the last four Men were taking aim at Sam and Legolas because there were four of them with bows and only one of him, and those Men had a whole bunch of targets in one big group to shoot at (if they knew the Fellowship was there). When the Men did start firing at the Fellowship there was no reason for Aragorn to hold back any longer, and he didn’t, although Gimli didn’t see it. I thought about mentioning that Aragorn got a few shots off, but then I remembered that Gimli wouldn’t have seen it, being the second person into the rift. Aragorn was the last person to come down, after all. I know I’ve probably said this a dozen times, but I’m so glad you like the story so much. Hearing that means a lot to me because I think that really engrossing stories are hard to find. Incidentally, I’ve discovered that I really enjoy reading my own writing. Sometimes I wish that the rest of this story would just write itself so I could just sit back and read it. Writing can be really hard work, as I’m sure you well know! What happened to Sam and Legolas will come out in the next chapter. I don’t think it will be posted as quickly as the last one was, but it’s coming along. | |
| Periantari | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/30/2006 |
| Ohmy goodness. oh my. THis chapter was beyond beyond beyond awesome. ANd i'm totally incoherent now to leave a proper review ...so just want to say. Wow...keep up this awesome work. Wow. Author Reply: Thanks as always for the good vibes, Periantari. I’m really glad that you’re enjoying the story so much. “Destination” stories can be hard to find, and if this story has managed to become one for even a few people, then I’m very happy. | |
| Dreamflower | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/30/2006 |
| Wow! This chapter ran the gamut! From the despair felt as one by one the different members of the group give up hope--very realistically portrayed, and yes, I can see that Merry and Pippin would hold on to that hope the longest--to the sudden hope against hope! And then finally, we get to see the outcome of Sam's brave actions in the last chapter! I love your showing this part from Gimli's POV. He is not detached, not at all, but I think using one of the hobbits' POVs would not have been as effective--the angst would have been in the way of the action, which was magnificent! So very glad for this update so quickly. I'm off to my LJ now to let everyone know!! Author Reply: I’m with you on your feelings about the POV of this chapter, Dreamflower. I agree that doing it through one of the hobbits’ eyes would not have been as effective, and for precisely the reason that you stated. What’s more, the hobbits would have tended to focus mostly on Sam, although I don’t think they could have avoided paying attention to the slaughter of four Men. Gimli, on the other hand, thinks about both Sam and Legolas – Sam because Gimli likes him and is worried about him, and Legolas because he’s with Sam. At least, that’s the way it starts. It’s a compliment to Gimli’s character that his feelings towards Legolas have become slightly more charitable. We know that he and Legolas eventually forge a friendship for the ages (one of my favorite things about LOTR, by the way). That friendship had to start somewhere, and while Gimli feels nothing like friendship yet, his thoughts do reflect a willingness to at least try to look past Legolas’ race. Aw, you recommended me on your LJ? Again? Thank you!!! I selfishly hope that lots of people read the entry. But what author doesn’t want lots of readers? :) | |
| Grey Wonderer | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/30/2006 |
| Another update and so quickly! Very exciting stuff in this one. Sam was brilliant and so very brave. I felt so sorry for the rest of the Fellowship having to stand and watch rather than help. Liked Gimli's reaction to the trees and his decision to tell Legolas that he had 'acquitted himself well so far.' I enjoyed Gimli's voice in this very much. I know I keep saying this but I can't wait for more. Author Reply: Thanks, Grey. :) I’m glad you liked Gimli. I did my best to get into his character as much as possible despite the fact that so much was happening in this chapter. An awful lot of his thoughts seemed to revolve around his conflict with Legolas. I don’t think that’s what defines Gimli, but in the Fellowship’s current situation it seemed more than natural for him to think about Legolas and how he feels about him. I’m glad that you picked up on that line near the end about Legolas “acquitting himself”. Legolas and Gimli are both incredibly prejudiced at first, but we all know that they come to see each other differently with the passage of time and events. I meant it as a tribute to Gimli’s character that he’s big enough to admit, if only to himself thus far, that he has found some things to approve of in a member of a race he’s been raised to hate. | |
| GamgeeFest | Reviewed Chapter: 11 on 1/30/2006 |
| Oh, I was hoping something like this would happen, that somehow the Fellowship's attention would be drawn to all that commotion. They had quite the front row seats, for such a horrible thing to have to watch. I could all but feel their frustration when Sam lingered so long over the packs, and that leap off the cliff! Sam and Legolas must have figured they would be dead either way, so they might as well attempt escape. Too bad Frodo had to draw attention to themselves then, and too bad Aragorn didn't think to shoot the men instead of looking for his friends in the river, but he was going by instinct at that point, making sure his friends were ok first. Another riveting chapter. Can't wait for more! Author Reply: It was only a matter of time before the Fellowship got wind of the Men, really, the way they kept building fires every night. This time the Fellowship was simply close enough to see. It was hard for them once they realized what was going on. They had finally found what they were looking for, but they still couldn’t get it. Yes, Sam and Legolas figured they really had nothing to lose by jumping, although they wouldn’t have done it if there were nothing to fall into. That would have been pure suicide. In a previous chapter (six, I think) Legolas did say that the choice would have to be between the river and death for him to attempt swimming it again. That’s not a line I expect anyone else to remember – I think someone would have to be a new reader and go straight through from chapter one to eleven to catch the connection – but I was thinking of this moment when I wrote it. As for Frodo and the falling stone: everyone in the Fellowship was a bit careless, really; there was no need for them all to climb up the cliff. They risked being seen by putting so many of themselves in one place, but their actions do show a noble concern for their companions. And Aragorn did shoot at the Men, but “off-camera”. Gimli didn’t see him do it, being the second person into the crevice. Aragorn didn’t get too many shots off, though; four bowmen against one wouldn’t have been much of a fight. I’m glad you’re enjoying the story, and I hope I can post again soon! | |