Title – Cling And Clatter – Chapter 11 – Acceptance

Author – Julesmonster a.k.a. Yunadax

Rating – PG 13

Summary – Having survived the freezing mountains, Legolas and Aragorn continue on their journey to the dead village of Mirkwood.

Disclaimer – they do, I don't. Bugger bugger bugger. The first song is Creed’s My Sacrifice, the second is By My Side from INXS, and the third is One Last Breath, again by Creed.

Authors Notes - This is chapter 11 of a series, please read the other 10 if you want to make any sense of this what so ever. This also heavily ties in with my other fic, Faded Ashes, one would also be advised to read that before proceeding.

Dedication – Sonbon, my trusty beta, and the Ratpak Gals, Katiemunchkin and all my reviewers. Thanks!!

Acceptance

We've seen our share of ups and downs

Oh how quickly life can turn around in an instant

It feels so good to reunite

Within yourself and within your mind

Let's find peace there. 

Several more days passed uneventfully for the travelling trio. By day they rode towards the growing black scar upon the land, and by night they camped and feasted upon the fruits and berries the land offered them. Outwardly, neither showed any signs of conflict, yet inside a storm was brewing within them both. Aragorn warred within himself over whether to offer counsel to his friend, who, although he tried to disguise its effects, was feeling the first pangs of guilt as they neared his fallen homeland.

Legolas tried desperately not to display his warring emotions. Hate, betrayal, anger, fear and guilt all fought for attention within his soul, causing him to fall silent for hours at a time and at night relive the horror of the day of the fire. Concern grew within Aragorn as the days passed and Legolas grew quieter still. His face seemed permanently etched with the tight lines of pain as the blackness of Mirkwood grew in front of them. On the night of the fifth day after descending the mountains, they entered the scarred land. No regrowth sprouted from the charred remains, each blackened gnarled tree standing as silent as when they had left the lands one year ago.

Legolas paused as his feet touched the black earth for the first time, no grass, no shrubs and no animals would be found until they returned to the unburned area through which they had just passed. His heart warred with his mind, willing him to flee and avoid the angst that would follow in the next few days. Aragorn paused beside his friend, laying a calming hand upon the elf's shoulder. He did not speak, nor did he look towards his friends' face. Isildur’s heir just gazed into the darkened landscape before them, silently offering support for the troubled time that lay ahead.

Aragorn released his friend, facing his own demons while he slipped the saddle and bridle off the gentle horse that had carried them this far. There was no food to forage within the lands ahead, nothing to eat and the water assuredly still containing the evil that Saruman had inflicted on the elven village months ago. He whispered quietly to the horse, asking it to remain on the green side of the border until they returned, it responded by nickering softly and bunting its head against the human's chest, saying in it its own way it would comply and wait for its masters. Aragorn watched as the animal picked its way slowly through the green grass, sampling the sweet blades as it moved towards the shelter of some trees, he then turned his attention back to his companion. Legolas hadn't moved in the short time Aragorn had tended to the horse, his eyes still focused on some far object and the emotions he'd tried so hard to keep hidden running as plain as day upon his features. He wanted so much to flee and never return, but his pride willed him to remain and pay his respects to his fallen family and people. He would do this; he had to, if only he could.

Aragorn watched Legolas for a while, taking in the emotions playing across the elf's face, before returning to his side and placing a reassuring hand on the other's shoulder.

"You must go on Legolas, I know that your heart wishes you to flee and never return, but your soul will not let you rest until you do what you have come for"

Legolas turned his head towards the soothing words, the phrase was all he needed to make his resolution complete. Yes he would continue, no matter how hard it would be.

His posture straightened by determination and his step fueled by pride, the elf picked up the small bundle of foodstuffs they had gathered, tied his waterskin to his belt and started to make his way through the land that once was his home. Aragorn followed in his friend’s footsteps, trying desperately not to cough as the other's light footsteps stirred up dust that should have settled days after the fire.

For two days they walked in silence, Legolas' keen eyes searching for anything that was familiar in a landscape that look liked it had been burnt yesterday. On the eve of the third day the two came across a green gully, untouched by the ferocity of the fire and seeming strangely familiar. Legolas stopped as he neared the stream, running clear and cool, not dark and evil like the others they had crossed. He knew he should remember this place, but for some reason his memories of the area seemed fragmented and broken.

What had happened here? He turned to Aragorn who had stopped behind him and with a questioning look in his eyes asked what had happened there. Aragorn pointed towards some large boulders within the burnt area above them, not wanting to continue but knowing Legolas needed to accept what had happened to him and find within himself some kind of closure.

" We found you over there, your horse tried to leap the boulders but didn't make it, throwing you and leaving you wedged into a crevice. We found you more than a day after the fire and nursed you back to health by the stream here. You had a nasty head wound and for a time couldn't remember what had happened."

Legolas nodded at the words. The explanation fitting his broken memories of what had happened as within his own mind he relived the events before the fall - galloping blindly, choking on the smoke, eyes searing in the heat, his mount stumbling, faring little better than he. He shook his head and rid himself of the memory; it would do him no good to fall into the pit of grief here, not until he had done what he came to do.

Pay his respects to his family.

He placed the gully to be near two hours walk from his home and started towards the slope, silently passing the boulders, pretending not to see the few white bones which were all the remained of his faithful elven horse, and continued up the steep slope. He paused to let Aragorn catch up as he neared the crest of the hills, amazed to still see hoofprints from the year before still etched cleanly in the ash. The area would never recover from the evil, permanently standing as a testament to Sarumans' evil power.

Together they walked, adding new footprints to those of the deceased as they moved closer to the heart of the once proud village. Aragorn left quietly, giving the elf privacy as he knelt by the great mounds of earth and whispered prayers to the Valar for the dead, praying they had safely made the journey to the other side and apologizing for having only recently being able to pay his respects. For hours he whispered to the gods, singing little used death chants to the silent mounds before rising and looking for Aragorn.

Dusk was approaching as he found the human back in the green gully, silently preparing a meal of berries and roots. Without a word Legolas sat next to the King, eyes focused on the small fire flickering with hues of orange and yellow. His eyes glazed over as the memories overtook him, flashing the imaging once again before his unwilling eyes.

The memories became more intense than ever before as his body lost control and slumped sideways, landing in an unceremonial heap on the ground.

Startled but not altogether alarmed Aragorn gently gathered his friend in his arms and laid him next to the fire, striping out of his tattered shirt and using it to mop his friends brow with the cool water of the stream. Legolas stiffened and shook as the dream drew to a close, finally clearing his eyes and looking into the concerned face of Aragorn.

" Legolas, I know the elves are private people, but you mustn't let your grief destroy you. You must discuss what is troubling you, expose your grief to others apart from yourself. Only then will you begin to heal. Please tell me what you see"

The ranger was torn apart knowing the pain that Legolas must be going through and was determined to save the elf from his grief.

Legolas lay quietly for a while before sitting up and staring into the flickering light. He looked into the understanding eyes of his companion and began his story.

" It happened so quickly, we were preparing a celebratory dinner in my honour, feasting to the triumphant destruction of the ring of power when it happened. First we noticed the plume of smoke in the near distance, then the heat, then the stench of fear. We fled; running as fast as our feet could carry us. Those who could took horses, galloping through the trees away from the flames. It felt terrible, fleeing, leaving those who could not keep up behind to die, but there was nought we could do. Stopping would have meant a certain death. I could hear the screams, horrible and painful ringing through the village.

"One by one the great trees fell, crushing people and mortally wounding others. I heard my father calling out for me, thinking I was still within the palace, he was looking for me and he would have died in there, trying to find me. I felt useless, powerless, fleeing like a startled deer, unable to help them, and not even game enough to try. I can still taste the smoke, feel it stinging my eyes and choking the air around me. It hurt to see, it hurt to breathe, and it hurt to live. I don't know how Asfaloth managed to get as far as he did; he would have been able to see even less than myself yet he still kept going. He tried to jump the boulders, but the ground underneath him gave way and we fell. I remember hitting the rocks, but after that, nothing.

"I still feel horrible about leaving my people, leaving them to die while I live, I feel not worthy to be alive."

He finished and stared at the ground, salty droplets tracing their way down his cheeks, splashing silently to the ground and cleansing the earth. It hurt to relive the events, and hurt even more to share them with another, yet when he has finished it seemed as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Yes he lived, but in him the memories and joys of all his people continued.

Aragorn regarded his friend solemnly as the elf recalled his experience. He seemed almost apologetic about living as the memories unfolded, then somewhat relieved as he finished. The grief that had accompanied and haunted him was still there, but it was no longer consuming him as it had been for the past few days. Without a word both of them settled down for the night, staring into the flickering flames of the campfire until sleep overtook them.

The next morning a glance was all that was needed for plans to be made. They had accomplished what they had set out six months ago to do, and it was time to head back to the peaceful seclusion of Rivendell. Silently they packed their small pack of belongings and started back toward the greenery of the surrounding lands. Little did they know the eye of Sauron was once again upon them.

I'm looking down now that it's over

reflecting on all of my mistakes

I thought I found the road to somewhere

somewhere in His grace

I cried out heaven save me

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say, let me say.

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin'

Maybe six feet, ain't so far down.

To be continued

All feedback greatly appreciated at yunadax@bigpond.com