Title: Go North

Author: sheraiah

For full disclaimer, see chapter 1.

A/N: This fic has ended up, like many of my others, to be something that takes on a life of it's own. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve.

It's also worth noting, to my newer readers, that the Thranduil in this story is the same Thranduil that I have written for well over a decade now. He is not, as I'm sure you've noticed, the movie version of the character. I cheerfully mix movieverse and bookverse at will and while I adore Lee Pace I was very dissatisfied with the movie version of Thranduil, who has always been my favorite of Tolkien's creations. In fact, running across Bad!Thranduil fics is what started me on this journey into writing Tolkien fanfic to begin with. Up to that point, I had only ever written Star Wars fanfic and original works. My dissatisfaction with That Scene in BOFA prompted this fic, as I stated in the author notes on chapter one. I have always viewed the movies as big budget fanfiction, at no time more than in the last installment.

Some other worthy works to note:

Fan made movies:

Born of Hope

The Search for Gollum

Fanfics for Thranduil and Legolas fans:

The works of daw the minstrel

The works of Nilmandra

The works of lerouret (my dear friend and HLP)

Ooo

My beloved son,

I know not how to tell you this except to simply say it: Tauriel has passed into Mandos' halls. We had thought she was coming through her grief, but in the last week she simply slipped away from us. She went missing earlier today and we searched for several hours before finding her sitting on the steps by the cell the young dwarf prince occupied. She was already gone when we found her. I pray that Aule will make an exception for her and allow her to reunite with her love.

A letter seems inadequate and I wish we were able to grieve together. We will honor her life at sunset. I will send an emissary to Dain and ask if her ashes may be placed with Prince Kili. As they were unable to be together in life, it seems fitting to me that they be laid to rest together. I hope that Dain will agree. I will write again when I know more.

I am sorry, my son.

Adar

ooo

The world blurred before Legolas' eyes and it hurt to breathe. He could only stare at the letter, now lying on the ground at his feet. As if from far away, he heard one of the twins swear and he felt someone sit down beside him. An arm circled his shoulders and he was helped to his feet and guided into his cottage. Once inside, he was guided to sit on his bed and a cup was held to his lips. He drank instinctively, the strong, sweet cordial slipping easily down his throat. In a moment, his vision cleared and he was able to breathe more easily. Blinking, he looked up at the twin, Elrohir. Elladan stood by the small table, having just set the letter down on it. Estel, his face bearing an expression of mingled sympathy and guilt, stood by the door.

“Legolas, I am so sorry. We did not intend for you to read that unprepared. Your Adar wrote to ours, asking that we break the news to you gently,” Elrohir sat down next to him again, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “It was an accident that you received the letter as you did.” He looked up at Estel. “It was not your fault, Estel. You had no way of knowing what was in that letter.”

“If anything, the fault was ours for not making certain you waited for us,” Elladan pointed out. “Brother, give him a little more miruvor. He looks like to pass out at any moment still.”

Elrohir held the cup to his lips again and Legolas drank obediently. Warmth spread through his chest, easing the tightness and allowing him to breathe freely again. To his dismay, it also loosened the control he typically exerted over his emotions and he began to shake. Elladan crossed the room to kneel in front of him.

“Legolas, you are among friends. You need not guard yourself as you would in your father's court. There are none here who would carry tales.”

Estel approached and sat at his side opposite Elrohir, also wrapping an arm around him. “Elladan is right. There are none to see who would mock or carry tales. You have lost someone dear to you. It is only right to honor them by grieving their loss.”

Legolas gave in, turned to bury his face in Estel's shoulder, and allowed himself to weep.

Ooo

“I should have been there. I should never have left.”

The light outside had faded, Elladan had lit the lanterns and made a fire in the hearth before he and his twin had left to speak to Dirhael once Legolas had quieted. Estel had elected to stay, and had fixed a light meal for them, which Legolas had picked at and hardly tasted. He lay on his bed, staring into the fire.

“There wasn't anything you could have done. Legolas, you can't make an elf stop fading unless they want to. It doesn't work that way.” The elf 's eyes closed, his grief etching lines in his ageless face.

“I know. I knew what she would choose. Deep down, I knew.” He opened his eyes again and rolled onto his back to stare up at the roof. “I hoped I was wrong.”

“I'm sorry. Would it help to tell me of her?”

“Her name was Tauriel. I chose to use Taurion because of her. She would have laughed about that, before.” He rolled back to his side. “Her parents were killed by orcs when she was a child. My father took her in, and raised her with me. She was my dearest friend, my sister in everything but blood. When she was made Captain of the Guard, I would patrol with her group. We fought well together.We had no secrets. Not until we captured a party of thirteen dwarves in our lands. The Company of Thorin Oakenshield. There was one among them, a young archer. From the first, she seemed drawn to him, and he to her. I thought at first that it was curiosity. Tauriel had never seen a dwarf before. I saw her that night, though, sitting on the steps outside his cell, talking with him. I saw the way he looked at her. Later, after the dwarves escaped and fled to Laketown, after the dragon awoke and was slain, I saw them together again. He was the braver one, he made it plain what he felt for her. She might have replied in kind, had I not revealed myself when I did. I wish now that I had given them at least that.”

“He was killed in the battle?”

“Yes. I tried to reach them in time. I had run out of arrows, aiding Thorin Oakenshield. He was dead by the time I got close enough to help. I managed to keep the orc scum from killing her. I left to travel here right after he was laid to rest with his brother and uncle. He was Oakenshield's youngest nephew, Kili. Tauriel loved him.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “Father is going to ask if her ashes can be placed in his tomb.”

“I am sorry, Legolas.”

“It was not your fault, Estel. You did not know.”

“No, but I wish you had not lost her.” The young Man crossed the room to sit on the side of the bed. “What will you do now?”

“I have less desire to be home now than I did before. I would stay, if you will have me.”

“Of course. We are fortunate to have you with us.” He handed Legolas a mug. “Miruvor is all well and good, but dwarven brandy is best for drowning sorrows. I think, however, that you should not go out on patrol tomorrow. You can join the patrol I'm leading next week. We'll be going to the Shire and then circling over to Imladris before heading back here.” Legolas nodded, sitting up and turning so that his back was against the wall before taking a deep draught of the brandy. Estel gave a low whistle. “I was going to tell you that the brandy packs a punch but I see that will not be necessary.”

“I have had it before. King Thror used to serve it during diplomatic meetings. He used to trade it to us as well.” He shrugged, taking another drink. “Besides, I have been drinking Dorwinion wine practically since I was weaned.”

“Tell me more of Tauriel. How old were you when she came to live with you?”

“I had not reached my majority yet. I was 30, she was 20.” He grinned suddenly. “We were utter terrors, once we got to know each other and once she overcame her awe of being in the king's home. Adar may well have regretted his decision during those years.” He drained his mug. “I had started novice training and she insisted on going with me. Her mother was a warrior, and her father a healer. She had aptitude in both, but always opted towards the former. I think Adar had planned to apprentice her to one of the healers when she was old enough, but that went to the winds as soon as Tauriel picked up a bow. She was the only one who could challenge me with a bow, once she was grown.” Estel refilled the mug and Legolas took another deep draught.

“She sounds remarkable.”

“She was.” He grew solemn again. “She was one of very few to whom my title meant nothing. With her I was always just Legolas and not the king's son. I could join one of her patrols once she became Captain of the Guard and just be a warrior. She never treated me any differently than any of her warriors while we were out. It always shocked the newer ones, and the few that had parents either in the court or in the household.”

“What kinds of trouble did you get into with her?” Estel asked, filling the elf's mug again.

“What did we not get into? We stole sweets from the kitchens, made tents in the feast hall and in Adar's study with bed sheets we had stolen from the laundry, placed buckets of water and ashes above the doorways to tip onto unsuspecting members of the court, put ink in the council's wine and in the hair soap supply in the public baths, short sheeted Adar's bed, set loose snakes, mice and beetles in the council meetings. I am surprised we did not drive Adar mad.”

“You really were little terrors,” Estel said, shaking his head.

“We truly were. We had so much fun. Looking back, I think Adar might have known what he was in for. He had a younger brother, and he knew Elladan and Elrohir when they were small. I think he wanted both of us to have that.” He raised the mug again, frowning when he found it empty. Estel poured a small amount of the brandy for him and the elf downed it.

“Here, let me take your mug and get you some water.” Estel took the mug and filled it with water before handing it back to Legolas. “Drink that down and I'll give you a little more of the brandy.”

“Thank you. I do not wish to suffer from indulgence come morning.” The elf drank the water down and accepted the small amount of the brandy. He stared into the fire for a moment. “Everything changed when we caught the dwarves in the forest. I expected Tauriel to be curious about them. She was curious about everything. But from the start, there was something between her and the young dwarf prince. He flirted shamelessly with her, something no one had ever dared to do before. I actually heard him ask her if she was going to search him, that he could have anything down his trousers! She never lost her composure. She just said, “Or nothing” and shut the cell door. He just smiled. I think he wanted her to come back at him like that. I did not understand at the time. It made me angry.”

“You thought he was being disrespectful to her, didn't you?”

“Yes, and I was wrong to. I think he may well have lost his heart to her the first time he saw her.” He sighed. “He was being dragged across a clearing on his arse by a spider when we first saw him. Tauriel rescued him.” He reached up and started to undo his braids, succeeding only in snarling them.

“Stop pulling on them. Sit forward a minute,” Estel undid the braids and Legolas ran his hands through his hair. “Here, let me get you some more water and then I think you should lay down and try to rest.” He refilled the mug and waited while Legolas drained it, then helped the elf out of his tunic and shirt.

“I am not drunk. I should not be drunk,” Legolas said, frowning up at the young Ranger.

“Only a little, my friend. What ails you now is more grief and too many days without rest than the brandy, although I hope that aids you to sleep without ill dreams.” Estel guided him down onto the bed, atop the covers as the night was warm even though they had allowed the fire to die out. “Rest now. I will stay until midnight. Elladan will stay with you then.”

“I do not need nursemaids.”

“No, you do not. However, you do have friends who care about you.” The young Man's face bore a patient expression. “Rest now.”

ooo

Pale, gray light filtered through the cottage's shutters when Legolas became aware again. He lay still for a moment, listening and assessing himself before sitting up.

“How are you feeling?” Elladan's voice came from the vicinity of the hearth. Legolas sighed, running his hands through his hair and over his face.

“I will survive.” He shot the peredhel a sharp look. “I am not wine-sick if that is what you are asking.”

“No, or at least not entirely. I know Estel well enough to know he took care to give you sufficient water to prevent wine-sickness.” He rose and added a piece of wood to the small fire in the hearth. “Here,” he said handing a steaming mug to the elf. “Strong tea will clear any cobwebs sleep and brandy may have left. Halboron sent meat, cheese, bread and some of Areliel's preserves. You should try to eat something.” Legolas accepted the tea with a slight shrug.

“I will try. I make no promises.” He looked up briefly. “Thank you. I am poor company. I appreciate what you are doing for me. What all of you have done for me.”

“We all know only too well what grief feels like,” Elladan replied softly. “I spoke to Dirhael last night. He agrees with Estel that you should not go out on patrol today. Surien was willing to go in your stead.” He moved to the table, unwrapping the bread and slicing a piece, spreading the preserves on it generously before handing it to Legolas. “As I recall, you are fond of sweets. Let us see how you do with this.”

ooo

Legolas emerged from the cottage just as the sun began to rise past the horizon. He crossed the open space in the center of the settlement quickly, heading for the gate and the trees beyond. He was no fit company for anyone, as evidenced by his churlish behavior towards Elladan, despite the peredhel's graciousness. He wished to seek the company of the trees until he managed to regain his composure.

“Taurion!”

With effort he schooled his expression to something resembling impassiveness and turned to greet Gilraen with every shred of courtesy he could muster. She smiled, shaking her head.

“It's all right, I don't expect you to be your usual sweet self today. Estel told me what happened. I am so sorry for your loss.” He swallowed hard and nodded. “ Here, take this with you in case you feel like eating later.” She handed him a cloth bundle. He took it, his surprise evidently showing on his face. She chuckled. “I lived in Imladris for 20 years. I do have a bit of experience in dealing with elves, although Imladris elves and Greenwood elves aren't of a piece. Still, some things are similar. None of you handle grief particularly easily. Why would you?”

“My lady, I am rather in awe of the strength of your people in that regard,” he said, shifting the bundle to the crook of his left arm.

“”It comes of long practice, something I have to say that I am rather glad you have not had up to this point. I grieve that you lost one so dear to you, but I also grieve that you have lost a great measure of your innocence. Perhaps that is the mother in me speaking, for I have had the same grief where Estel is concerned.”

“Estel is a fine young Man, my lady. One of the finest I have ever had the honor of meeting.”

“Thank you. He is a good man. He will grow to be a great one, I believe.” She smiled faintly. “I doubt I will live to see it, but perhaps you will see it for me.” His breath caught and he stared at her. “What is it?”

“My lady, Estel's use name in the Wilds is Strider, is it not?” She gave him a measured look for a long moment before nodding.

“It is, and before you say it, yes, I do know that my husband was acquainted with your father. He told me much. Arathorn admired your father greatly.”

“Adar called him a good man. That is very high praise from him.” Legolas paused for a moment before continuing. “He also told me that Estel could become greater than his father. That is why he suggested that I come here. He wished for me to meet Estel. He did not say why, and I have learned to simply trust his instincts when he says such things.” He looked at the ground briefly before meeting her eyes. “Adar is not foresighted, you understand. Not as Lord Elrond is, nor even as Elladan can be. He is, however, very good at seeing patterns and in seeing beings for what they truly are.” He sighed, running a hand though locks left loose in mourning. “In any case, I am glad that I have come to know Estel, and you, Halbarad, Halboron, Areliel and everyone here. I wish to stay for the time being.”

“And what of you? Are you foresighted?” Her tone had a teasing lilt to it but he sensed that she was serious.

“No, else I would have done many things differently of late,” he replied, shaking his head. “Most definitely not.”

“I wonder what your lot and Estel's would have been had his father and your mother not died while you were both young. Futile fancies, I know, but I do wonder.” He grinned ruefully.

“Had Naneth lived to bear more children, Adar would have a different heir. That I do know. As it stands now, he refuses to force me into that which I am unsuited for, despite his council's objections. He has always allowed me to go my own way. For that last 600 years, that has been whatever way Tauriel was headed in. I cannot imagine a world without her in it.” He blinked rapidly, not wishing to disgrace himself in the middle of the settlement. “Forgive me, I am poor company today.”

“I do not expect you to be good company when you're grieving. Just remember that we are here should you need us.” She patted his arm comfortingly. “Go seek the company of trees for awhile. I know enough of Silvan elves to know that it is your mother's blood that calls to you today. We will be here when you return. Come sup with us this evening if you wish.”

“Thank you, my lady.” He bowed and turned towards the gate.

Ooo

My beloved Adar,

I hope my letter finds you as well as you can be under the circumstances. I also hope that the petition to King Dain bore favorable results. As for me, I am having difficulty imagining a world without Tauriel in it, as I must hope she is not since I too hope that she may be reunited with Prince Kili. She would not want us to grieve over long, and I am trying to honor what I know would be her wish.

The Dunedain are very kind. They know grief well and I am in awe of their ability to continue on in spite of it. Are all Men made such, I wonder? They have been of great comfort to me. I sorrow that I am not there for you in that capacity. Please allow Luinloth or Galion to look after you. And do not try to tell me that you need them not, Adar. I know you too well to believe that.

The Summer Sickness has run its course, thankfully. There were fewer deaths this year than in years past, I am told, but it seems that one is too many to me. I am thankful that everyone is well again, most particularly my friends Halboron and Areliel. I feared for them, Areliel especially, but they are well now.

Areliel spoils me as badly as she does her husband and their son. Very few days go by that I do not have fresh bread or fruit pies made by her hand. Lady Gilraen spoils me too, but I aid her with chores her late husband would have been doing were he still living, as is the custom among the Dunedain for widows to be cared for by the bachelors in the settlement in return for meals and mending. Before you ask, I do bring meat for their tables. You raised me with manners that I have not forgotten.

I am slated to go out on patrol again in a couple of days. I admit that I am glad for this as it will give me something else for my thoughts to dwell on. I enjoy traveling with the Rangers. I find their way of sharing tasks to be beneficial. Tasks are rotated on a rough schedule, not assigned permanently each to one individual. I have learned much and I suggest that our patrols might benefit from such an arrangement. It is something that would be worth discussing with the captains, at any rate.

I am sending this with the gwenyn, so I will already be on patrol by the time you read it. Until I can write again, Adar, be well.

Your Son