Chapter Forty

 Frodo got up from his desk, paced about his study for a minute then sat back down. He took up his quill to continue writing in his and Bilbo’s book, he paused with his hand hovering over the page only to put the quill back in it’s holder. He shuffled through the pile of notes on his desk, sighed, then got up to pace around the room again. Linwe watched this pattern repeat itself several times before she finally spoke. "Frodo, you are very near to driving me mad with all of this nervous fidgeting. Please save me some aggravation and tell me what it is that is on you mind."

Frodo sighed, "I’m sorry. There is something that I would like to tell you but I am not sure how I should go about it."

"If it is bad news, then it would likely be best to get it out in the open as soon as possible," said Linwe in her most reasonable patient tone.

"It isn’t bad news. Dearest, have you given any thought about what you might do after I have left?"

Linwe sighed and thought for a few moments, "I am not sure I understand what you mean."

"Have you thought about if you would want to continue on living here with Sam and Rosie, or would you want to move back to Brandy Hall? Saradoc told me at Yule that he has had someone looking after your parents house since your parents passed away, so it is being kept in good repair, and many of your neighbors are still there, perhaps you would like to go back there."

"Goodness, I don’t know. I admit I have not given it any thought. I suppose I would most likely stay here? I take it you have given it some thought."

"I have. I promised you on our wedding day that I would care for you. And where as I accept that in its way leaving is one of the most important things I can do in fulfilling my responsibility, I don’t feel that it is all that I can do. I started giving a lot of thought to what life might be like for you after I have gone. I found myself remembering how everyone responded when Bilbo left. Some of the things people had to say were unkind. Linwe, no one but those that are nearest to us are going to understand why it is I have left. They are going to talk about how I have abandoned you. For the most part they will whisper things when behind your back, but once in a while someone will say something to you, and that might be very hurtful to you."

Linwe sighed, "You are probably right about that; as if loosing you were not going to be bad enough, but to have to face all of that gossip."

"I have been thinking that there is away you could avoid all of that."

"How on earth could I possibly do that. News of your leaving will be all over the Shire and on to Bree as well. I would be required to never step outside the front door again to avoid the talk."

"You could avoid it by leaving the Shire yourself. Linwe, after I got word that Elrond would be sailing out towards the end of September, I sent word to Aragorn of my plans. I then asked him if it would be possible for him to arrange for your safe passage to Minis Tirith. I wrote to him nearly three months ago and I was starting to believe that my letter had not reached him when I finally received a reply three days ago." Frodo went to his desk and took what appeared to be a sizable packet of papers bound with a black ribbon edged with silver. Frodo returned to his seat next to Linwe then handed her the packet. "This is Aragorn’s reply. In his letter to me, he explains that it took him awhile to reply because as soon as he received my letter, and read my request, me immediately sent messages out to several others that he thought would want to know of my plan and my request. Linwe, these are letters inviting you to Rohan and Gondor."

Frodo sat silently as he watched Linwe open the pack of letters; letters bearing official seals of those who wrote them, written on heavy parchment or thick rich vellum. Some were written in an elegant hand, others in a less than graceful script. There was one thing the letters all had in common; they all expressed admiration, gratitude, and friendship. In letter after letter friendship for Frodo was being extended to her. Kind words to convey comfort and solace as well as to offer assistance and hospitality in anyway the writer could offer.

"I don’t seem to know what to say," said Linwe as she continued to gaze at the letters, deeply touched at the expressions of deep felt friendship and love.

"You need not decide right away. Whenever you may wish to go, Merry and Pippin will take you beyond the southern Border of the Shire then see you safely into the care of Aragorn’s and Eomer’s men. If you are patient Lady Eowyn herself will come to ride with you. Maybe you will be better off here with Sam and Rosie. All I wanted was to give you every possibility I could for you to find your own place of peace."

~~~~~

"Why are you worried?" asked Sam, "I thought you were the only one who wasn’t worried."

"Well, I was, but I’m not now, unworried that is. As I was saying, I am worried for them. Linwe barely talks to me now, but I can tell there is something on her mind. I ask her if she wants to tell me what is on her mind, and she will smile at me then say it is nothing, or she will come up with some trivial matter."

"I thought you had decided that what was bothering them was that they want a baby and don’t have one yet."

"For the longest time that is all I thought was bothering them, but Linwe would talk to me about that. She doesn’t now. If I ask her about it, she acts as though it were the last thing on her mind. I don’t think having a baby is such a large concern to them anymore."

"Rosie, love, you will have to pardon me for saying so, but that does not sound all that bad to me. Isn’t it better that they not be quite so worried about having a baby?"

"That isn’t all that has me worried."

"Then what else is there?"

"Well have you really looked at either of them lately? They look tired. Linwe keeps up with her share of the home keeping but I can tell that she barely has the energy for it. And...well... I don’t know what else. There is something that is not right."

"I will admit that Mr. Frodo seems a bit tired of late. Now that I think about it, I really don’t spend that much time with him throughout the day. Last summer he had taken to helping me in the garden. He said being among the growing things felt good. This summer he has spent mostly locked away in that study of his, working on that book of his and Bilbo’s. Now that I think about it, it is almost as if he is suddenly in a hurry to get it done. Though what time that could be is beyond me. "Sam, I’m worried for Frodo and Linwe," said Rosie as she sat rocking Elanor one late July night.

~~~~~

"OW!"

"Sorry, dear, there was a particularly large snarl in her hair." Frodo looked up from his task of combing out Linwe’s hair. She was chewing on her lower lip and her eyes had a distant look to them. "You know, if you are not going to wear your hair tied back perhaps you should consider cutting it all off."

"Mmm" came her absent minded reply.

"In fact, I was thinking you should just shave your head. Think of all the time you will save by no longer having to wash all of this."

"That would be lovely."

Frodo sighed. He reached up to touch Linwe’s chin and turned her head to face him. "Linwe, you have not heard a word I have just said."

"Yes I have."

"Very well, what did I just say?" challenged Frodo. Linwe only responded by glancing away and biting her lower lip again. Frodo thought she was adorable when she was looking guilty. "Now are you going to tell me what you have been thinking so hard about?"

"Yes, I believe I will." Linwe’s eyes narrowed, "I have been trying to figure out how it is that not so long ago you were working hard to convince me that I would be happy leaving here to live with the elves only to have you this very morning, convince me that I should go to Rohan and Gondor, to live among still more strangers?" Frodo’s face suddenly lost it’s smug expression.

"Oh… um… well… It is like this."

"Yes?"

"That, doesn’t make very much sense does it?"

"No, it doesn’t," Linwe wrapped her arms around Frodo’s neck and hugged him tightly, "but I thank you for using everything you can think of to help me feel better about all of this."

~~~~~

"Sam, what would you say about you and I taking a little bit of an outing? We could go walking about the Shire for a few days, like we used to do." Frodo and Sam were sitting over a chess board. Sam had learned how to play the previous winter and much to Frodo’s dismay, Sam was as shrewd of a chess player as he was at checkers. Linwe and Rosie sat near by sewing on yet more clothes for Elanor. Frodo and Sam believed that the child should have enough clothing to keep her suitably dressed until she was well into her tweens, and commented as such, Linwe and Rosie had merely looked at them with pity.

"Go away? I am not sure that is such a good idea, Mr. Frodo. What of our responsibilities here?"

"I think it is a wonderful idea," said Rosie, "Linwe, Elanor and I will be able to get along on our own for a few days. When were you thinking of going?"

"Not until mid September at the latest. You see, I was actually thinking I would very much like to go see Bilbo. I thought that September would be a good time to travel. Sam could go with me as far as Bree, and then I would make the rest of the way on my own. I figured it would take me about two to three weeks to get to Rivendell. I would spend about six weeks visiting there. I could then be home well in time for Yule."

"You would leave Linwe for that long? Then there is the journey itself, there is no easy road to Rivendell. I don’t think this is a good idea Mr. Frodo. Walking all about the Shire for days on end was all well and good when we were bachelors, but we have wives to think of now, and I have a daughter as well."

"You would not be gone more than a week, Sam, Rosie and Linwe could manage well enough without us for that long."

"That may be but what about your plan to leave Linwe behind for at least two and a half months?"

"It was I who came up with the plan," said Linwe.

"If you think is such a good idea, then how come you are not going with him? I know you want to see Rivendell."

"Linwe doesn’t feel up to making this trip," answered Frodo.

Sam looked even more suspicious. "Why doesn’t she feel up to it? Is there something the matter?"

"There is nothing the matter with me, Sam, other than I don’t really think I am up to what would be a demanding and long journey. I am only trying to be practical."

"Practical would be neither of you going, least wise not until next summer."

"Sam, you know that this is likely to be my last chance to visit with Bilbo. I will not be gone that long, and you know Lord Elrond is likely to see that I am escorted safely back. I thought having you a long on the first part of the trip would round things out nicely. Rosie and Linwe have both given their approval. Please Sam, just one more short trip."

Sam looked at Frodo and remembered the rambles of several years before. Maybe if Frodo was once again feeling the need to wander it was a sign that he was healing that much more from the wounds of the quest. Sam wanted to encourage that healing in anyway he could. "Very well, Mr. Frodo." .

~~~~~

"Frodo, if you are going to Rivendell then I think Pippin and I should come along with you," said Merry. It was the second week of August. Merry and Pippin had come to Bag End for another visit. Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin were all sitting together in the garden having a smoke.

"No, Merry, I would rather make this visit on my own, if you don’t mind."

"We do mind. It is not wise to travel all the way to Rivendell by yourself."

"But I will not be alone. I have already arranged for a guide."

"Humph, well I suppose that is all right then. But don’t be gone any longer then necessary."

~~~~~

"You are leaving the day before our birthdays?" cried Linwe, "Frodo, how could you?"

"Linwe, it will be for the best," said Frodo, keeping his voice low and calm.

"How can it be for the best? It is bad enough that you are leaving me forever. Now you are adding to that you will be leaving me the day before our birthday. I thought we would at least have that one last special day to share."

"If I put off leaving until the day after our birthday, how do you think you would feel and behave on the day of our birthday. Our friends would expect us to be happy. To celebrate joyfully. I don’t think either of us could get through that."

"Then tell them the truth!" cried Linwe. Frodo was taken aback. Linwe had never yelled at him in anger before. "What difference will it make now. You have had all of these months with your secret that I helped protect. They have never known, they have never guessed, so you have had all of these months to be with them and not be forced to face their mourning you before you were gone. Why can’t you tell them during the last few days what you intend to do? Then let us have our birthday."

"If everyone knew, what sort of birthday do you think we would have? Do you think everyone would cheer and dance? Do you think Merry and Pippin would sing? Our birthday would be a wake, Linwe. Is that what you want? If I leave the day before then we live with the memory of the last birthday spent together being one filled with love and happiness."

Linwe collapsed against Frodo in a torrent of sobs, "Why must you always be right? Why isn’t it that for once in all of this, something that I want will be the better way? And why is it that we seem to have been brought together quite deliberately if we are only to be parted so soon after?"

"I don’t know."