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Frodo - The King James Version  by DrummerWench

Disclaimer:  I cannot take any but the most minor credit for this.  Some time ago, I shared the "Book of Frodo" bit with my baby brother.  He promptly procrastinated on writing up his sermon (he's an ordained Presbyterian minister), and instead dashed off the following.  Being a minister, he naturally has a real feel for the KJV style.  I asked for and received his permission to post this; if you post comments, I'll relay them to him.  I know you'll enjoy:

The Second Book of Bilbo

Chapter 1:1-21

1. And it came to pass in the days of Denethor, son of Ecthelion, Steward of Gondor, that the Halfling, Bilbo Baggins of Hobbiton did make unto himself a feast.

2. Saying in his heart, I have accomplished five score and eleven years. Shall I not make for myself a feast and a celebration to gladden my heart?

3. So Bilbo did send unto his acquaintances and unto his kindred, both those who dwelt nearby, and those who were afar off.

4. Even unto every kind of Bagginses, Boffins, Tooks, Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Burrowses, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses, and Proudfoots did he send.

5. Unto his dwelling place at Bag End did he summon them.

6. So Bilbo did prepare for himself a feast, making for himself all manner of diversions and summoning unto himself one of the wise men of the kingdom, even Gandalf Grayhame.

7. And when the day was come that had been appointed, the feast commenced.

8. Then there came all manner of Halfling. Even from the ends of the Shire did they come and unto Bag End did they go.

9. And there came also Gandalf, bearing with him diverse sorceries and enchantments.

10. Then began the feasting of which Bilbo had spoken, and then did the Halflings make merry with song and dance, yea verily with eating and drinking did they feast, and then did the sorceries which Gandalf wrought bring light to the heavens.

10. Then spoke Bilbo unto the Halflings saying,

11. My heart doth rejoice, and my spirit is gladdened 12. At the coming of the friends of my youth. 13. For two purposes and for three have I summoned thee hence. 14. My soul is made merry at thy presence, and my five score and eleven years are now fulfilled. 15. Furthermore this day marketh the majority of mine nephew, even Frodo Baggins, who this day hath come of age, being fully thirty and three years of age. 16. He is unto me as a son and it pleaseth me to claim him as mine heir. 17. Now must I make an end. 18. So I say unto you, my friends, Fare thee well.

19. When he had spoken these things, Bilbo did vanish

20. And no man knew how he had accomplished this feat

21. Nor whence he had gone.

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