Chapter 35 - “The Tangling of the Web”

For a long while, Penny stood at the window in her room, staring south unseeingly, thinking about everything and nothing.

“Right, madam,” she was muttering to herself. “You need to start making decisions and plans.”

But that was easier said than done, and she was no nearer any kind of conclusion even when Eleniel and Mireth finally arrived to drag her off to supper.

After the meal Halladan made a point of, for once, refusing to allow her to drag him off for a dance and insisted they go outside to talk. Arvain came with them and she told them both what Gandalf had said.

“But that is wonderful!” Arvain grinned, hugging her impulsively.

“Argh! Put me down, you fool!” She was laughing as he spun her round.

Halladan was smiling broadly. “It puts your mind at rest at least.”

“Well, yes, I suppose,” she replied, trying to smooth her skirts and catch her breath now Arvain had stopped swinging her round like the proverbial cat. “Gandalf was not speaking in certainties, though. There is always that slim possibility…”

“If Mithrandir says he is as sure as he can be that something will not occur, then trust me, Pen-ii, it will not occur. He is not someone to say such things lightly.”

“My brother has a point,” Halladan agreed.

“I think this calls for a celebration!”

“Ai, do I want to know?”

“Well, you could promise me a dance or two for a start, Pen-ii. That and I feel sure I could persuade Aragorn to open a keg of Rohirric ale…”

“Oh, no, you don’t! I am not going near that stuff ever again!”

The brothers laughed loud.

“Yes, we heard all about that,” Arvain chortled. “I have to say for someone who supposedly did not like to dance, you apparently surpassed yourself.”

“Oh, shush.”

Halladan was chuckling madly as he filled his pipe.

“Of course, I suppose this should make deciding where I am to stay slightly easier,” Penny said, plonking herself on the bench beside Halladan. “I am not sure that it does, though.”

“Well, you have a while to decide, do you not?” Arvain came to sit on the other side of his brother. “After all there will be the journey to Rohan, and even then you could possibly leave the decision until the Gap of Rohan, which is as far as King Elessar intends us to travel with you all.”

Penny blinked at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“King Elessar. He will not be travelling all the way to the North just yet. There is too much to be done here for now…”

“No, no, you said ‘us’.”

“Yes, many of the Dunedain are staying here for as long as Aragorn needs us,” Halladan explained.

“The Dunedain are not going North!” Penny looked at them both for a moment in astonishment. “But I had assumed… I mean…”

Halladan and Arvain exchanged the briefest of glances.

“Some of us will be. Faelon, for example, is riding with the elves, but most will be staying here for at least another month or so. We left men back home protecting our own. Not all of us could be reached in time to ride south, after all.” Halladan was sounding relatively breezy as he spoke. “Why?”

“Oh, no reason,” she replied, attempting to match Halladan’s tone, but just slightly too hurried to be completely sincere. “I had just thought, what with you having been here as long as you have already, that was all.” She smiled.

“Does it say in your stories that we return North now?”

Halladan kicked his brother in the ankle and glared at him.

“No. I mean it says nothing. Little is said or known about the Dunedain. I have told you that.” She tried smiling again and waved her hand noncommittally. “I had just misunderstood.”

She was trying to ignore her brain which was screaming at her that if the Dunedain were not there any time soon, then who was going to stop who knew what rampaging all over Eriador as it came up the Greenway from Orthanc? But then perhaps that was the point, perhaps that was how it had happened?

“Ah, there you are!” It was Lindir coming down the stairs from the Hall towards them. “A little bird tells me that you had some good news today, Pen-ii. How about a dance to celebrate?”

“I was just suggesting the same thing,” Arvain laughed.

“Ah, well, in that case it has to be a good idea.” Lindir grinned, holding out his hand.

Penny was grateful for the opportunity to escape.

“But of course! Will I see you both inside?”

“Yes, yes, we will be there presently.” Halladan replied cheerily. He waved his pipe at her. “I will just finish this and we will head straight in.”

Penny hurried off with Lindir.

There was a minute’s pause and then Halladan and Arvain slowly looked at each other, their mood entirely changed and their faces suddenly serious.

“And what, brother, do you make of that?”

“I do not know, Arvain. I do not know, but I am not sure I like it. She was genuinely surprised and even a little alarmed.”

“Indeed.” Arvain looked at his brother for a moment. “Well? Should we tell Aragorn?”

“Let me think on it. The Rohirrim do not arrive until the day after tomorrow, so there is no immediate hurry. I shall mull this over, but yes, I think King Elessar should be told.”

“You think something has occurred back home?” Arvain was sounding genuinely concerned.

“No, not yet. We would have had word by now if it had. Perhaps something has yet to occur? We left men behind us, it is true, but a mere handful and many of them elderly, sick or young. Most of the strongest and best amongst us all rode south. If there is any danger…”

“But she said it was nothing.”

Halladan gave his brother a meaningful look. “She has had to carry secrets all this time, brother. There may be reasons why she withholds this from us now. No, the more I think of this, the more I think the King should be told and told as soon as possible.”

“But we are not certain.”

“He is wiser than either of us, Arvain. He will know how best to act on this, or if to act at all.”

“I agree.”

“In which case,” Halladan said, knocking out his pipe on the flagstones, “let us go and find him.”

Word had clearly spread amongst the few who knew of Penny’s story, and all who knew of course well understood (or could guess) both her desire to stay as well as the relief certainty (one way or the other) must have brought her. They were happy for her, for all sorts of reasons. Elladan cut in and insisted he dance with her after Lindir, Erestor murmured something in her ear about being glad for her sake when Elladan brought her over to the side to find a cup of wine for them both, and Galadriel, passing by with her husband on their way to dance, smiled warmly and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

Penny did not notice Arvain and Halladan enter the Hall of Feasts and make their way over to Aragorn. Gandalf and Elrond were with him, but so were Faramir and one or two other nobles. Halladan murmured something in Aragorn’s ear who glanced at him, reading his face, then nodded and wordlessly rose from his seat. He walked over to one side as Halladan spoke quietly to him, Aragorn listening intently all the while.

The two talked for a few moments, Aragorn clearly asking questions and Halladan asking a few in return. Aragorn looked up, thoughtful and his expression serious. Gandalf caught his look and furrowed his brows as if to ask him what the matter was. There was the faintest, almost imperceptible tilt of the head from Aragorn by way of reply, asking him to come over. Gandalf was on his feet immediately and, no doubt on the silent prompting of Gandalf, Elrond was only a second behind him.

As they joined Aragorn, Halladan and Arvain, and then made to leave the Hall through a back door, Elrond turned, scanning the room for someone. One dance had just finished and another about to begin. Celeborn was smiling at his wife, asking her if she would care for another, when he looked in Elrond’s direction, as if he had sensed he was being looked for. Whether Elrond was able to throw his mind that far, or simply long years of knowing each other so well was enough for Celeborn to immediately read his son-in-law’s expression, Celeborn murmured quietly to Galadriel, handed her over to Elrohir to take the next dance and made his way through the crowd to come and join the others.

A little time later they were all in an antechamber together. It was a rather large room with a high, beamed roof, heavy furniture and tall windows set high in one wall opposite the door. Outside a long, wide corridor and hallway opened out on one side onto the main square, the wall giving way to pillars that opened onto a flight of low steps down to the flagstones.

“So you think it may be significant?” Halladan was asking.

“I do indeed. There is something she has resolutely kept hidden even from both Lord Elrond and Mithrandir here.”

“I knew it had nothing to do with the elves. At the same time I felt it was something relatively near to home.” Elrond was looking grave. “If it concerns the Dunedain…”

“Or the North as a whole, perhaps?”

Everyone turned to look at Gandalf but he said nothing more.

“Do you think we should question her?”

“We have no choice, Arvain.”

“I doubt you will get anything out of her,” Gandalf said quietly. “I think she is resolute. She doubts her own judgment in this matter, that is true, but I suspect she cannot see any other course of action. Did we not advise her to keep silent before the War?”

“But Sauron is fallen, Mithrandir. It is hardly the same situation.”

Again Gandalf remained silent, and Celeborn’s comment remained unchallenged.

“Shall I go and fetch her?” Arvain was looking at Aragorn as he said this.

Aragorn nodded. “Yes. Yes, if you please, Arvain.”

So it was that about ten minutes later Penny spotted Arvain heading her way through the throng. She grinned and he smiled back, but there was a seriousness in his eyes that told her something was up.

“Is anything amiss, Arvain?”

“No, no. I have been sent to find you. The King is asking for you.”

“Oh?”

She looked at him and he smiled once more, reassuring her, but there was something…

She had no chance to mull it over as Arvain was already heading back the way he had come, so she hurriedly handed Celebdor her cup and went to catch up with him.

Arvain did not say a word as they crossed the courtyard.

“Arvain, are you upset with me?”

“No.”

Again that slightly forced smile. What had got into him?

“What does the King want of me, do you know?” It could not be an invitation to another quiet gathering since nearly everyone else was in the Hall as far as she could tell.

However, Arvain did not reply. He simply hurried up the low steps towards the pillars along one side of the block of buildings north of the Citadel.

“Arvain?”

She touched his arm to stop him as he turned left at the top of the steps.

“Arvain? What is the matter?”

He looked down at her.

“Nothing… I hope. Come.”

And he turned, leading her down the corridor to a large heavy door where he knocked, waiting for a reply even as he glanced over his shoulder and beckoned for her to hurry up and join him.

Penny was not sure she liked the look of this.

Then, when Arvain opened the door, ushering her in ahead of him, and she saw both who was waiting for her and the expressions on their faces, she knew she did not like the look of it.

Not at all.

Given Halladan and Arvain were there, she could guess what this was about. She halted, feeling angry that this had been sprung on her but also worried about what she should or should not say and exactly how hard they were likely to press her.

Behind her Arvain closed the door. As he walked around her and into the room to go and stand beside his brother, Penny glared resentfully at him. He caught her eye and did seem vaguely apologetic, but she dropped her gaze to the floor as soon as she realised the rest were looking at her.

“Ah, Pen-ii,” Aragorn was sounding warm and pleasant, “Thank you for joining us. Will you take a seat?” He indicated an empty chair beside Elrond.

She smiled thinly, trying to look gracious and as if she had no clue as to why she was there. She slowly crossed over to them and sat down. She glanced up at Halladan, standing behind Gandalf. He looked back at her levelly, not unkindly but certainly seriously, and there was a hint of concern on his face.

“You will forgive this impromptu meeting, Pen-ii, and it may be we are worrying unnecessarily, but, well, how shall I put this…?”

“I think Halladan and Arvain here,” Gandalf cut over the top of Aragorn, “were concerned that you felt the wrong decision had been made in keeping many of the Dunedain here for a little while longer.”

Did they, now?

“Apparently you seemed surprised that they were not to travel north, and that worried them.”

She could not blame them, but she was still furious – at herself as much as them. At the same time this hit too close to the bone for her to glare up at Halladan or Arvain since they were actually right, after all.

Damn Dunedain and their intuitive insight! They were nearly as bad as bloody elves!

She stared at the floor tiles in front of her.

“It is not for me to have an opinion one way or the other,” she said as calmly and non-commitally as she could. “Wiser minds than mine have made a decision and I am sure it is the correct one. I know nothing of the Dunedain, their future or their history. You all know that.”

Her tone was taut, polite and strained which only went to confirm to everyone there that they were probably right in at least some of their assumptions and they had hit a raw nerve. Glances were exchanged. Halladan’s brow furrowed slightly, his alarm showing clearly on his face and matched by Aragorn’s own expression.

Elrond sighed and leaned forward in his chair.

“Pen-ii, I know I have asked you this many times, and I have not pressed you on it in a good long while, not since we left Imladris, in fact. Forgive me, but is there nothing more you wish to tell us? You know we know there is something more that you have withheld from us, be it good or bad. Have we hit near the mark? Would it not be best to tell us, help us to make the right decisions?”

Penny glared at the floor tile in front of her as if she would burn a hole in it. How dare they? How dare they put her in this position? How dare they bundle her in here, put pressure on her like this!

“Do not be angry, Pen-ii.” Celeborn, seated on the other side of Aragorn from Gandalf, could see the expression on her face. “This is not unreasonable of us. Sauron is fallen, the danger is passed. It was one thing to risk his fall, but another to possibly endanger lives…”

“I know of no lives in danger,” she said quickly. It was true… in a fashion.

“But there is a risk?” Halladan was speaking in earnest. “And it is back home? Tell us, Pen-ii! Please!”

She closed her eyes. She would not give in to this. She would not. Emotional blackmail or not, she had to stay resolute…

“Pen-ii, if something has occurred or is yet to occur in Eriador, then I would ask you to tell me. It is my realm, and those are my people, my kinsmen.”

This was not fair of Aragorn, Penny decided. Not fair at all!

“I have a duty to them and I love them dearly. If they are in any danger…”

“Stop it!”

There was silence, and her voice echoed off the rafters.

“You cannot do this to me! I will not let you!”

Still she refused to look up at any of them, scared she might crack at any moment, torn as she was between desperately wanting to tell them, warn them, have them do anything to stop the Shire being destroyed and yet… and yet not trusting them to be ruthless enough, to slaughter in cold blood just on her say-so.

She rounded on Elrond.

“This is just like when I told you about the Balrog in Moria. It took all my strength of will not to tell you about Mithrandir’s fall, and even then you were furious with me. I shall never forget that, Elrond. And it may be you will all be furious with me once more, if you are not already, but of all the options open to me the only one I can choose is silence. Do not press me. I am close to breaking and I cannot think but that would end in disaster.”

“Pen-ii…” Elrond began.

“No.”

“Pen-ii, this is…” Aragorn was sterner in tone.

“No!”

“Will you not even confirm that something happens in the North? That the Dunedain are needed?” Halladan was looking at her with something close to anger in his eye.

“No, Halladan, I will not. I will not confirm or deny anything. I will not even confirm or deny that whatever is to occur does so in the North because whatever I deny will lead you to alternative conclusions. I cannot risk that. This is not my choice to make, but I must make it. I would prefer not to have this decision, but I do, and so I must decide. If you guess at it and change your decisions based on your own foresight or intuition, then so be it – that is not my affair, but I will not, I will not be bullied into speaking when my heart tells me it is utterly the wrong thing to do.”

She was getting desperate now. She was angry, frustrated and worried as hell she was not doing the right thing.

Aragorn had opened his mouth to say something, but Celeborn stayed him, holding up his hand.

“Then we must respect your decision, Pen-ii. You had to hold your tongue before over the deaths of many, over acts of darkness and danger but all for a higher purpose. We can only trust it is for the same reasons now.”

She looked at him gratefully. “I am desperate to tell you. Believe me. I do not make this choice easily.”

“I know. I realise that. It may be we have some foresight over what you may tell us.”

Yes, indeed, given the gift Galadriel gave to Sam in Lothlorien.

“Perhaps.”

“Come. I think this meeting has served little purpose other than to frustrate us all and upset Lady Pen-ii.” Gandalf stood. “Forgive us, Pen-ii. You were most clear to me this afternoon about your intention in this matter, and I did warn them that you were resolute. You cannot blame us for being concerned when it may touch people who are so dear to us, that is all.”

“I do not blame you in the least. I only hope you are not too angry with me.”

“Not at all, Pen-ii,” Gandalf replied, and Celeborn murmured his agreement. Penny noted the others stayed silent, however.

She could not move. She was raging, desperate, worried and upset. Elrond and Celeborn stood and walked over to the door with Gandalf. Arvain exchanged a glance with his brother and Aragorn, shook his head and then walked across to the large table at one end of the room, resting his hands on the top, bowing his head and sighing heavily. Halladan had not yet moved and Penny could not bear to look at him. She was worried if she did she would find only anger and reproach in his eyes.

“Come, Pen-ii. Mithrandir is right. Let us return to the Hall.” Aragorn slowly got to his feet as he spoke. “If you think it best we do not know, then so be it. We cannot force it out of you, after all.” He attempted a laugh as he said this, but it had a hollow ring to it. “If it has nothing to do with the Dunedain, then Elbereth be praised, and if they are to be tested, then one can only hope good will come of it. There, that is my saying on the matter.” He held out his hand out in a gesture to indicate she should rise and leave the room ahead of him. She nodded and gave a half-hearted smile.

As she walked to the door, her brain was whirring like mad. She could not leave it like this. The Dunedain had to go north and soon. Would they now still remain behind a month or more? What state would Eriador be in by the time they reached their home? Imladris was near enough empty, and while the elves would defend their borders once they got home, they would not be that interested in defending half of Aragorn’s realm on his behalf, on that Penny was fairly certain.

In front of her, Gandalf had held the door open for Elrond and Celeborn before following them out into the corridor. Behind her Aragorn and Halladan were following her together, while Arvain had yet to move from the table.

She hesitated.

Behind her Aragorn and Halladan stopped.

“Pen-ii?”

She turned to find Aragorn looking at her sharply.

“I…”

If she could talk to him alone, then… After all, he would not be there when they met Saruman, so perhaps he could advise her…

“Wait one moment, Pen-ii,” Aragorn said rather too loudly for it to be solely for Penny’s benefit. “Perhaps we might be well served if I spoke to you alone. No, no, you stay, Halladan, you may be able to help me gently persuade Lady Pen-ii to be more forthcoming.”

Penny looked alarmed as Aragorn strode past her to the door, nodding out to the slightly astonished trio in the corridor and then firmly shutting the door on them. He turned back to Penny, and she was surprised to see the hint of a smile on his face.

“Now then, what is it that you might be prepared to tell me but you are not willing to say to those three?”

She blinked at him. Behind her Arvain had turned round from the table, and now both he and Halladan were staring at Aragorn with obvious astonishment.

“Is that not the case? Or have I misjudged this completely?”

“No,” Penny said slowly. “No, but…”

“But?” He was walking back to the group of chairs, indicating that she should join him.

“I cannot tell you everything.”

He stopped, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Please, your Majesty, I would do so, but…” She sighed. “I would gladly tell you, but you would have to swear to me that you would not say one word to anyone, that it would not go outside of this room. You would have to swear you would not tell Mithrandir or Lord Elrond, or Lord Celeborn or Lady Galadriel… Perhaps not even Queen Arwen, given she is related to them. I would not want to ask that of you. It would be unjust and inappropriate of me to do so.”

Aragorn was looking fairly gobsmacked it had to be said.

“But why, Pen-ii?”

“Do not ask me that, Halladan.” She turned to him. “Please.”

“Then what can you tell me?” Aragorn was seated, his composure regained once more.

“Why are the Dunedain still here?”

The three men looked at each other.

“So it does concern us!” Arvain walked briskly back to join the rest. “We were right!”

“You are not answering my question.”

“You have the right to ask it?” Halladan asked coolly. “Our King asked us to stay, and we stayed. Some of us were injured, some of us were in no hurry to return home to those grieving the fallen, some of us felt, rightly so, that the danger was past and we could afford to take our time.”

“Forgive me, Halladan, you said to me you have left some protecting the north, but are they enough? Imladris is empty and how many Dunedain still roam the wilds? The rangers are gone. They rode south. Who is there to protect the people now? They never appreciated your work in the past. They little knew or cared how much you did for them all, unbidden and unrewarded, but now… now they notice that the rangers are gone. They miss you, or they will do soon. You should return.”

“YOU DARED TO KEEP THIS FROM ME!” Aragorn practically exploded. “I am King of Eriador, Pen-ii! It is my duty to protect all those that live there, be they of my kin or no!”

“Aragorn…”

“Halladan, she should have told us this from the first!”

“He is right, Halladan.”

Penny had long worried about this, and to have someone ranting at her, basically telling her she had in fact done exactly the wrong thing, was a rather upsetting thing to hear.

“With all due respect, King Elessar, do you think you could not have worked it out for yourself?”

Halladan and Arvain looked at her, appalled and agog. Aragorn was furious.

“HOW DARE YOU!”

He was on his feet and Penny now joined him.

“WHEN ORTHANC EMPTIED, JUST WHERE WERE THEY MEANT TO GO!”

He blinked at her.

“What?”

Arvain and Halladan looked horrified.

“Uruk-hai? In Eriador!”

“Sweet Elbereth, no!”

“I did not say that. As far as I know, they were all slaughtered in the battle in Rohan. Some may have escaped, but I doubt it. There were others in Orthanc, though. Half-breeds. Half-breeds and men in the thrall of Saruman. They could not go south or east since they only would have found Rohirrim or Gondorians. They could only travel one way, caught between the sea and the mountains: the Greenway.”

Halladan sat heavily in a chair, his head in his hands. Arvain was looking stunned. Aragorn was still staring at her, his mind whirring and his face ashen.

“They were needed.”

“I know, your Majesty.”

“I asked for them because they were needed.”

“Indeed. They were needed: to join you in the fight in southern Gondor, to take the ships, to inspire the people on those ships and to provide a third flank on the Pelennor once you landed and then lift the hearts of those already there who had nearly given up hope and thought the battle lost. They were needed… but now they are needed back home.”

He nodded and slowly moved round to the back of his chair, taking hold of it with one hand.

“I have had no word that affairs are that bad.”

“It may be they are still making their way slowly north. It may be that, compared to the orcs and wolves that were prowling round before the War that matters, if not back to how they were, are not out of control as yet. I cannot tell you. All I can tell you is what the people of Eriador describe happened to them – that many strangers and bad men came up the Greenway and suddenly everyone wondered where the rangers had gone since no one had seen them in a long while.”

A silence fell. Penny sat down. She looked round at the three of them and realised that, as grieved as they were to hear this news, she was glad she had told them.

“I am sorry. I had assumed the Dunedain were travelling north with us. Since I only know the story from the time when the elves reach Imladris onwards, it had not occurred to me the Dunedain would arrive much later than Lord Elrond and his household. Perhaps I should not have said anything. Perhaps you are meant to arrive later… I do not know. I am glad I have told you, I am glad that you know, but I am worried. Perhaps I have changed something that was actually meant to be.”

“Honestly, Pen-ii? I can tell you that I would have insisted the Dunedain ride north with Lord Elrond even if you had not told me what you have. That you were as astonished as you were was enough for me to make that decision even when Halladan first told me of it. You have changed nothing by revealing this, only confirmed that, as you say, my kinsmen are needed in their homes and the surrounding land. Those we left behind would have been enough to protect our own. It is the others, the men and hobbits of Eriador, that would have been left exposed.”

“They never appreciated the work you did for them.”

There was a wry smile on Aragorn’s face. “Perhaps not.”

“Father always complained of it.”

“And yet we still protected them, Arvain,” Halladan pointed out. “We knew they needed looking after even if they did not realise it.” He looked at Penny. “Thank you. Thank you for telling us this. For myself, it will help to ride north with a purpose ahead of me.”

Arvain nodded and Aragorn chuckled at the pair of them. Penny was still worried she had said too much.

“As for the rest,” Aragorn was saying, “I do not doubt it is specifics related to what you have just said, no? No matter. I can tell the others if they question my change of heart what you have said with little fear, I think, though I shall try and maintain you have told me nothing. And as for the Dunedain, though they may guess I have had some foresight, if necessary they will accept that I have read between the lines in news from home and am concerned there is trouble brewing. There is no point in sending them any sooner than with the elves. Besides, we would all wish to give the fallen King of Rohan his due, on that point I insist.”

“I am so very sorry.”

“Do not apologise. You have done the right thing. Whatever occurs then if the Dunedain are there even if they cannot stop it, they can prevent it getting worse and can strive to overcome it. I trust them implicitly. Any one of them is worth many ordinary men.”

“I know. That much is very clear in our tales.”

There was an amused expression on Aragorn’s face. “Well, I am glad to know we got some recognition at last, but then your abject apologies to Halbarad over the way you behaved with him were proof enough of that.”

Penny tried to join in with the quiet chuckles, but did not quite manage it.

“He would be pleased you have told us, Pen-ii. And that you are striving to do what is best, no matter how difficult it is for you.”

“I agree, Halladan.” Arvain nodded. “It must be hard for you to try and make such decisions by yourself, but I am glad we know and we can ride north and prepare ourselves.”

“Well, then, the decision is made.” Aragorn made for the door and Arvain got to his feet.

Penny remained seated, however, and as Halladan pushed himself upright with this stick he looked questioningly at her.

“Are you coming?”

“Yes… in a moment. Can I stay here for a little while? It has all been a little…”

“But of course, Pen-ii,” Aragorn replied, already at the door.

She turned in her seat. “Forgive me, your Majesty. I was quite rude just now.”

“As was I, I do not doubt,” he waved his hand and grinned, “Emotions were running high and you made your point, so please think no more about it.”

“I will be along presently,” Halladan said. “I think there is something I need to discuss with Lady Pen-ii.”

“But of course.” Aragorn opened the door. “Arvain?”

Arvain was looking at his brother, as if wondering whether to stay or not.

“Please, Arvain,” Halladan indicated a chair beside him, “after all it concerns you as much as I.”

“No. No, Halladan, it is for you to tell. It was you he spoke to after all.”

Halladan seemed a little disconcerted, but accepted his brother’s decision.

“We will wait outside for you. Take your time.” So saying, Aragorn and Arvain left the room to join the other three who were waiting patiently outside.

Penny was looking at Halladan as he sat back down in a chair next to her.

“There was something you wanted to say? If it is about all this, then I am sorry I alarmed you. Truly, I am. I can only guess how distressing this must be for you all…”

“No, no. It is not that. It is related to it, perhaps, but, no, do not apologise. All is well.” Halladan smiled.

“Well, then?”

“Pen-ii, if we are to return north and for such a purpose… well, it changes matters a little. Arvain and I had not come to a decision as to how long we would stay here in Gondor, and in part that was because we were waiting for you to make your decision on where you wished to stay.”

“Me?”

Halladan took a deep breath, stared at the floor for a moment and then, glancing back at Penny, he continued.

“As you know, Father told us all about you, about how he had found you, what he thought of you at first, how he watched with increasing pride as you changed and settled into life in Imladris. I… I do not know if he ever managed to convey this to you, but he said to us that he had begun to look on you as something like the daughter he never had.”

Penny’s throat was tight. She had not known what to expect Halladan to say, but she had not expected this.

“He was much moved by the fact that you had never known your father, never had such a figure in your life. In some ways, having been the one to first find you and look after you as you travelled to Imladris he had already begun to think of you as his responsibility, his charge. Then, after the revelations of your situation, he realised that, after the War, you would need someone to look after you, to become the equivalent of your family. A woman by herself… It is not possible in our society. She needs a husband, a family, menfolk to protect her and on whom she can rely. He made a vow to himself that he would take on that role.”

Halladan paused, glancing at her once more in time to catch her as she wiped a tear away from her cheek.

“He never told you any of this, did he?”

She shook her head.

“We would have become something like brother and sister.”

He smiled at her, and she tried to smile back but it hurt too much to know Halbarad had thought so much of her, had cared and worried about her to this extent.

“Forgive me if this is upsetting for you, Pen-ii. I have been waiting for the right moment to tell you these things. He would have wanted you to know.”

She nodded. “I understand, Halladan. Please… continue.”

“He had made that vow to himself, as I say. He told us about it, all three of us, since it would no doubt affect us. We needed to know he had made such a commitment and understand his reasoning behind it.” He paused. “Of course, when he made that promise, he did not know he would not survive the War to see it through.” He looked at her, studying her face for a moment before he spoke, and when he did his voice seemed thick at first. “When… when he was dying…” He coughed and cleared his throat. “…he made me swear that I would take on his role as guardian to you, that I would fulfil his duty by you. I did so gladly, Pen-ii, even though I had never met you. I had heard enough about you and I trusted Father’s judgement implicitly… He had not needed to ask, in truth - we would have done it even if he had not mentioned it.”

Penny was staring at him open-mouthed, trying not to dissolve into tears in front of him.

When he was dying? He had been that damn insistent about it that…?

She bowed her head, putting her hand to her mouth, trying to hold back her emotions. Halladan said nothing, just sighed heavily and gave her a few minutes to recover herself and take in what he had just told her.

At last she sniffed and took a deep breath, wiping her cheeks as surreptitiously as she could. She looked up to find him smiling sadly at her, his face taut with deep emotion.

“I thank you for telling me this, Halladan. It… it moves me much to know he worried about me and took that burden on himself. I thank you also for what you promised him and for the friendship you have shown me since I met you.”

The smile lightened a little on his face. “I am glad you consider me a friend. As I do you.”

She shook her head a little, as if still at a loss.

“I am not sure exactly what my father intended,” Halladan continued, “but I imagine he would have had you come to live with us or with the Dunedain at least. Arvain and I agreed that, so long as you agreed to our guardianship, we would do our best to be near wherever you chose to stay. We would be welcome here in Gondor, and King Elessar, of course, would be happy to have his kinsmen nearby, indeed has already told us all that any who choose to come and live here will be given land and income. Equally if you stayed in Imladris, you would be close to us, but then you have not yet decided. If you choose to stay in Gondor, then you have to understand that we have to ride north and we do not know how long we will be gone. However, I want you to know that we will return, both of us, to fulfil our duty and to act as protectors on our father’s behalf. Aragorn would stand as guardian in our stead until that time, rest assured on that point. This is why I needed to explain the situation to you.”

Penny was bewildered by all this. She was touched, grateful, but it was a lot to take in all at once.

“Halladan, I do not want you to feel beholden to me in any way.” She held up her hand to stop him interrupting. “No, let me explain. I am touched and grateful for your kindness and thoughtfulness. I said what I did not to belittle the fealty you hold to your father, nor the honourable kindness you would extend to me. I simply want to tell you that you must not feel as if you have to do something that you do not wish to do or would cause you difficulty. If it is in my power to do such a thing, then I release you from your promise. Do not think ill of me for saying such a thing, I…”

He suddenly took her hand in both of his.

“Pen-ii,” he said, and his tone was as firm as his hold on her hand, “whether it is in your power or no, I stand by my promise. I shall stand by it to my dying breath. When I told Arvain and Hirvell of it, they agreed to it instantly: no argument, no debate, no question. You need someone to look after you, Pen-ii, to help you find your way. The elves would do it gladly, but… well, you really need a fellow mortal, and the elves will not stay overlong now things have changed. You cannot remain alone, it is impossible. I thank you, but I am resolute.”

She could see the determination in his eye. She felt a little guilty that perhaps he and Arvain felt lumbered with her thanks to their father, but at the same time she felt a rush of gratitude towards them both, and to Halbarad also. She felt her eyes filling with tears once more and tried to smile to ward them off. He smiled back at her, nodding and letting go his hold on her hand as if they had come to a silent agreement which, in some ways, they probably had. She noted he did not move, though, did not make to stand but hesitated as if there was still more to say. She tilted her head a little, looking at him questioningly.

“There is something else you should know… while we are talking about this, I mean.” He seemed uncertain, suddenly, as if unsure as how best to proceed. “He… he asked me to tell you something.”

Penny was suddenly very aware of her own heartbeat. Did he again mean as Halbarad lay dying? Surely not?

“He told me to tell you…”

He swallowed.

“He told me to tell you that you were not to blame yourself.”

Penny stared at him.

“That it was his choice, that it was not your fault.”

Penny felt a cold horror grip her. He could not mean what she thought he meant. No. No, no, no. She refused to believe it.

“He said to tell you that… that Lord Elrond told him. Lord Elrond told him everything.”

It was as if time stood still.

“Pen-ii?”

Penny had gone absolutely white. She felt like she was in shock. She was not even sure she was breathing properly. In fact the more she focused on it the more she became aware she was holding her breath, or was short of breath, or her chest was tight, or something.

And then it came: a great, heaving sob as she dragged in breath, her hands hovering in midair for a moment as if she was uncertain whether to cover her face, or leap out of her chair, or tear her hair out. Tears spilled down her cheeks, hot and fast.

Halladan, watching her completely break down in front of him, was immediately worried he had done the wrong thing. His father had only wanted to ease her pain, he knew, but this was probably worse than any guilt or blame she may have held on to since it was clear that, just like himself when his father had spoken to him, she had had no idea Elrond had told his father that she had known he would die.

She looked at him, and he could see it was as if she wanted to say something but had no idea how to form the words.

Then suddenly she was on her feet and running for the door.

There was something in her expression as she did so, as if all that distress had focused itself into blind rage, and that alarmed Halladan, especially since he knew it was not directed at him. He grabbed his stick and hurried after her, calling her name.

Penny had reached the door and flung it open, looking out into the corridor. There, some way down and almost level with the pillars, were Aragorn and Gandalf, and only a little way in front of them stood Elrond, Celeborn and Arvain chatting quietly.

She had opened the door with some violence and all turned to look as they heard the noise. It was clear even in the half-light of the torch brackets both that Penny was distressed and furious, and that her attention was on only one of them. Elrond furrowed his brows in astonishment and the others, turning to look at each other at first to see which of them her rage was focused on, then looked back and forth between the two or else exchanged puzzled glances.

Halladan, catching up with her at last, grasped her by the arm and attempted to either pull her back into the room or at least stop her from striding forward.

“Pen-ii, no. Please. Not while you are this angry, this upset.”

She stood there, shaking with fury, breathing hard, desperately trying to contain herself, but not breaking her glare in Elrond’s direction.

Elrond, glancing at the others and seeing they looked as bewildered as he felt, walked towards her.

“Is anything amiss, Pen-ii?” he asked, concerned. “I have angered you in some way?”

Still she said nothing, but her face was contorted in what was obviously a supreme effort to keep her feelings under control and bite her tongue.

Behind Elrond, Arvain looked questioningly at his brother but Halladan broke eye-contact with him, muttering to Penny that she had best come back inside the room and calm down.

Arvain had his answer.

“Pen-ii, I think I have a right to know why you seem so furious with me.” Elrond’s tone was edging towards the stern as he stopped in front of her.

Penny nodded several times, as if screwing up the courage to give him a piece of her mind.

“Pen-ii?”

“You had no right.”

She spoke slowly and quietly, her jaw tight and her teeth clenched. Elrond’s expression instantly became dark as he heard the tone she was using with him.

“You had no right to lay that burden on him. How dare you? I told you what I did so that, if there was any way at all, you might help me stop him riding south. I knew it was hopeless, I knew it was stupid, I knew it was the wrong thing to do… but I never dreamed you would betray me to him!”

Behind her Halladan gently pulled on her arm, saying her name insistently.

“Pen-ii, leave this. Please. This is not the way…”

But she was not listening. Now the dam had broken there was no stopping the flood.

“And it is not even your betrayal of my trust that makes me so furious, so absolutely… furious.” She took a deep, shuddering breath in through her nose. She was struggling to maintain control, her voice beginning to crack madly and tears threatening to fall. “It is the fact that he then carried that burden with him all that time, all the way south. We mortals accept death as part and parcel of who we are – from the day we are born we know that we will die. We can live in hope that we will live long lives, but we cannot know: we can only hope. Every soldier that goes into battle knows he may not live to see the dawn, but he can still hope. And you took that away from him!” She had tears streaming down her face. “You… you gave him a certainty beyond certainty. For all your insight and foresight and visions, you can never know. But I knew. I knew!” And she jabbed at her sternum so savagely she bruised herself, though she did not feel it at the time. “And he knew that if it came from me, that there was no question of it. I told him about Boromir, did he tell you that? Did you know? And the moment he met Aragorn and found that to be true, it would have confirmed to him that what I knew, I knew for certainty. He carried that burden with him all that time, Elrond, and that was your doing. How dare you do that? You, of all people! You, who has suffered so much! You, out of all immortals should have known …”

She stopped herself, reining in her emotions with a monumental effort. She closed her eyes tight to try and stop the tears from falling. Her hands were clenched tight into fists as she fought to keep it all in, her nails digging into her palms.

And all the while Halladan’s hand stayed holding her upper arm, his grip looser now and more a comfort, a reminder that she must not let go. Halladan himself felt desperate. He was embarrassed that he had clearly been the trigger of her behaviour let alone that she was speaking to Lord Elrond in such a manner. At the same time the strength of sympathy she had for his father moved him greatly.

Down the corridor the scene was being watched with some concern. Penny had kept her voice down through most of it so much of what was said was missed, though snatches could be heard by all. It was clear, however, that she was speaking her mind even if she was trying to keep herself under control; and, no matter what Penny thought was the case, nothing Lord Elrond could have done could warrant such behaviour. Their expressions were grave.

Elrond was livid and it showed in his face. He was not used to being spoken to in this fashion, for all that Penny was trying to restrain herself.

“I of all immortals, Pen-ii?” Elrond’s glare was hard, his voice cold with rage as he prompted her to continue, to finish her sentence.

“No matter. I have said what I wished to say.”

Penny did not look at him as she spoke. Not out of any sense of shame, but rather in an attempt to control herself and not be drawn into saying things she may regret later.

“Come, Pen-ii, please. You have said more than enough.”

Halladan was again pulling on her arm. He could feel her resistance was less than previously and she began to turn.

“No.”

Elrond reached out for the same arm that Halladan was holding and stayed the movement. As he pulled Penny back to face him, Halladan’s hand fell away, deferring to the greater authority.

“I want to know what you would say to me.” Still that voice as hard as steel with anger. “I want to hear you say it, even though I can guess near enough.”

“Lord Elrond…” Halladan was nearly pleading.

Penny was glaring back at Elrond once more.

“I, of all immortals, should know better because..?”

And in that moment Penny threw caution to the wind. So much had been unsaid, too often she walked on tiptoes, never quite said what she felt or thought, worried and tried to conform. She had done her damnedest to fit in, to follow their mores, to restrain herself and not even speak of all she knew and all because they had advised her so.

And here he was, the one who had laid such an intolerable burden on Halbarad’s shoulders, goading her.

Well, stuff him.

“You of all immortals know what it is to live with the knowledge of certain death hanging over those you love.”

“Pen-ii!” Halladan’s voice was sharp in her ear, but it was useless.

“I used to near weep for you, you know. Truly. You lost both your parents, your brother chose mortality, your daughter has chosen the same fate, and you nearly lost your wife.”

The expression on Elrond’s face was extraordinary.

“You have suffered, will suffer terribly… So, all the more reason for you not to have laid that burden on him. You should have understood more than anyone what you were doing to him.” She shook her head as if unable to find the words to express her contempt for him in that moment. “I will never forgive you for that. Never. What you did was…”

She had no words. She pushed Elrond out of the way, an action that had everyone else watching gasp and look appalled, and began to walk down the corridor towards the square.

Halladan was stock still in the doorway, immobile, unable to believe what she had just said. Penny had referred, directly, to matters that were rarely spoken of, or certainly not outside of intimate circles.

Elrond was standing to one side, his head bowed. He seemed to be having some difficult controlling his emotions. Then he turned, lifting his head as he took a deep breath and called Penny’s name. She stopped, but did not turn round.

The others down the corridor, who all knew Elrond well, could see from the expression on his face that whatever Penny had said it had upset and angered him greatly.

“You should know, Pen-ii, that he had foreseen it himself. He came to me about it. He asked me directly if you had said anything. I could not lie to him.”

It was like a slap in the face. Penny slowly turned to face him, stunned, all her anger gone in an instant.

“I loved him dearly. I told you that at the time, and any here could attest to it. It grieved me much to tell him, but he insisted. He could see I was trying to hold something back from him. No matter how much I tried to avoid telling him, I had no choice.” He paused, glancing up at Arvain and then back at Halladan. “Forgive me.”

There was an awful silence.

The others, who had not heard all of what had been said, were now busily filling in the gaps in their heads. Penny was rooted to the spot. She felt sick. Elrond, still clearly very angry and upset, eventually moved, walking away from the room and down the corridor. As he drew level with Penny he stopped, glaring at her.

“You are right,” he murmured, his voice shaking slightly with anger. “I have known great loss. And for you to be so brazen as to… How dare you mention them to me! You think I do not know full well the burden he took with him? I understood absolutely, which is why I did everything I could to avoid telling him. Did it never occur to you I did not tell you I had told him precisely to spare you the pain that knowledge would cause you?”

He looked at her for a moment as if assessing the affect his words had had on her. Then he abruptly turned and strode away, Celeborn immediately following him, calling his name and asking him to wait, to calm down. Aragorn and Gandalf shared a glance, seemingly unable to take in what had just occurred. Halladan, still frozen in the doorway, seemed stricken, and Arvain seemed similarly distressed.

“Pen-ii, just what did you…?”

“No.” Gandalf held a hand up and stopped Aragorn, looking dark, as he made to cross over to Penny. “Leave her. Leave them both until they have calmed down. Now is not the time.” Then he walked over to Penny. “You have done a grave thing,” he said quietly. “I realise you were shocked and upset by what you learnt, but that was no excuse. That said, what has been done is not irreparable, but you will apologise to Lord Elrond, is that clear?”

There was no response. Penny, her cheeks wet with tears, had her gaze fixed somewhere on the flagstones in front of her.

“I said, ‘Is that clear?’” His tone was firm and insistent: he would brook no argument.

Her gaze flickered up to his, and he could immediately see she was terribly distressed, desperately sorry. She nodded. Then her gaze fell down to the floor once more, even as both her hands came to cover her face.

Gandalf walked away, back to Aragorn.

“Come,” he said.

Aragorn hesitated, still looking in bewilderment at Penny and then at Halladan and Arvain. Arvain had turned away, one hand resting on the wall as he stared at nothing in particular. However Halladan returned his gaze and nodded, indicating Aragorn should leave, that he would take care of matters here.

“King Elessar,” Gandalf called from the steps. Aragorn turned, heading off to join him out in the courtyard.

Author’s Notes:

Many thanks to my beta, mumstheword, who found this most appropriate saying of Aristotle’s: “Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”As ever, my sincere thanks to all those reading and those who take time out to review and let me know their thoughts and responses to the chapters. I do appreciate it. :)