This is for Orophins Dottir, who came up with the idea in the first place.

In the Halls of the Elven King

(ring-ring. ring-ring. ring-ring)

You have reached Greenwood the Great. (whispered aside) No, I am not going to say "Mirkwood"! It's Greenwood! I don't care what...

Ahem. You have reached Greenwood the Great. If you are calling for Legolas, he's... (whispered aside) What? The butler got into the wine again??? Lock him up in one of the holes we put dwarves in and I'll deal with him later... now where was I? O yes...

Ahem. If you are calling for Legolas, I have no idea where he's gone or when he'll be back. He was supposed to call me when he reached Imladris, but you know how these irresponsible, light-hearted... (whispered aside) What?

(beep)