2: The Intense Planning of Professional Mischief

Some time later, Pippin and Merry returned to Pippin’s room, their stomachs full. Planning mischief was hard work, so one should have a full stomach to fuel one’s brain.

Pippin grabbed a piece of paper to jot down ideas. Together, he and Merry brainstormed for almost an hour. In that time, they had devised a list of twenty ideas for mischief, quite a good effort for only two hobbits (of course, since one was a Brandybuck, and the other was a Took, twenty may be regarded as too small a number). Twenty was, obviously, too many ideas to try in one night. Many of the ideas were so small and irrelevant that nobody would notice them, so these ideas were crossed off the list. Others were too large or difficult for the two hobbits to accomplish, and these ideas were also scrapped. Eventually, Merry and Pippin had reduced the list to just four ideas.

Merry’s prize idea was to tap a hole in the tops of all the ale kegs (of which there would be many), and empty ink into them. Pippin argued that it would be virtually impossible to do this without being caught, but Merry’s mind was set.

Similarly, Pippin had an idea that he would not be swayed from. He wanted to saw the legs of all the chairs nearly completely through, so that when an unsuspecting hobbit sat down, the chair would collapse beneath him. Merry accused Pippin of being hypocritical, since his idea was just as impossible to accomplish.

"How are we supposed to saw all of the chairs without someone noticing?" said Merry.

"Well, how are we supposed to make a hole in all of the ale kegs, and empty ink into them without being caught?" retorted Pippin.

A small quarrel soon followed, consisting mostly of a lot of name-calling. Finally, the two of them came to an agreement. They made a compromise. They would make holes in the ale kegs, but in the bottoms, so that all the ale would drain out (by the time the kegs were empty, Merry and Pippin would be long gone). As for Pippin’s idea, they decided to break the legs of only a few chairs – if possible, the chairs of particularly large hobbits.

One of the other ideas spawned from Pippin’s own prank from the previous day. Merry suggested that they collect as many frogs as they could, and release them under one of the tables. Pippin, because it had been based on his own prank, was rather fond of this idea.

The final idea was to run around and extinguish as many of the lanterns that were sure to be lighting the party as possible. This idea was eventually scrapped too, since it involved too much running around, and would pose to great a risk of being caught.

Three ideas wasn’t really much to work with, but Merry and Pippin both knew that many more opportunities for mischief would present themselves at the actual party. Neither of them had any idea what Bilbo had planned for the night – whether there would be a band, whether people would be dancing, what sort of cake there would be – so it was difficult to plan anything too specific. They agreed to come to the party prepared, with such things as small round pebbles, mud from the pond and pepper.

Merry folded up the list, and hid it in his waistcoat pocket. "This will be a night to remember."

* * * * * *

Pervinca’s bedroom was right next to Pippin’s, so she heard all of what Merry and Pippin said. She was quite shocked (after Merry and Pippin’s quarrel) about Pippin’s insult vocabulary. She wondered where he had heard many of the things he called Merry.

Probably father, she decided. Pervinca was also glad to have her guess confirmed. She had assumed that the frog incidence had been the result of Pippin, but she would not tell her mother. In fact, she held some respect for her younger brother for managing to accomplish the prank without being caught.

Similarly, she would not tell anyone about the pranks Merry and Pippin had planned for the party. It would be interesting to see whether they actually succeeded with any of them. Pervinca doubted it, but still, they could prove her wrong.

Pervinca flopped onto her bed and sighed. She gazed at her ceiling, as she made her own plans for the party.

She was only sixteen, which was too young to be courted, but with two older sisters, it was hardly surprising that she was already thinking about romance and marriage. Pearl, at twenty-six, had been approached by many suitors, especially since she was part of a rich family, and very fair. Pimpernel, now twenty-two, was starting to receive affection from hobbits too.

Pervinca wished that she were older. She wanted hobbits to offer her gifts, even if they were not as rich or powerful as they claimed to be. She wanted to be worshipped for her beauty. Pervinca knew that she was very fair, but she was just too young.

She sighed again and spoke aloud. "All I want is to know what it’s like. I need to find a hobbit who wants that too. Who wants to…experiment."

The party would be the perfect place to find such a hobbit – Pervinca knew it.

* * * * * *

"Peregrin Took! Stand still!" Eglantine screeched. She had called tailors to the Great Smials to measure her children for their party clothes. Pippin refused to stand still. Pearl, Pimpernel and Pervinca giggled as they watched one of the tailors try to hold a measuring tape against their younger brother’s wriggling body.

"Master Peregrin," pleaded the tailor, "this will only take a moment if you stop moving."

Finally, Pippin gave in, and let the poor tailor measure him. There had better be lots of pockets in these clothes, Pippin thought to himself. Otherwise, where can I hide the frogs?

The tailors measuring Pearl, Pimpernel and Pervinca had a much easier time than the one who had landed Pippin – until it came to deciding on materials and colour.

"You can’t wear blue, Pimpernel!" cried Pearl. "I want to wear blue!"

"But I said blue first!" said Pimpernel. She grabbed her tailor by the collar. "Make my dress blue! And prettier than Pearl’s!"

"I want a white silken shirt," Pervinca told her tailor, "with a green velvet bodice and skirt…no wait, yellow bodice and skirt." She thought for a moment. "No, green would be best, but a light green, not dark…I know! A sort of yellowy-green." The poor tailor tried desperately to write all of Pervinca’s demands down.

Meanwhile, Eglantine had to pry Pimpernel off her tailor, before she killed the poor hobbit. Eventually, Eglantine was able to work out a compromise between her eldest daughters: Pearl would wear navy blue, and Pimpernel would wear sky-blue. Similarly, she decided that her two youngest children would both wear green: Pervinca in the pale green she desired, and Pippin in a dark forest green. As for the materials – all the undershirts (and slips, for the girls) would be silk. The girls’ bodices and skirts would be velvet, as would Pippin’s waistcoat, and Pippin’s pants would be wool. The tailors were very grateful when Eglantine told them her orders, and allowed them to leave.

As the Took children also left the room, Pippin turned to Pervinca and said, "Pervinca, remind me to never become a tailor."

Pervinca couldn’t help laughing.