Not Gonna Happens by Larner
Theresa Greenfalcon · 17 December 2007 · Chapter 6: Cook Needed
**snickers** I wasn't sure who the cat was till you gave it away at the end - cracked up laughing harder than I should have recovering from a nasty chest cold - but it was worth it! Thanks, T
Author's reply
Glad it gave you a laugh, but sorry it's when your chest was already sore. It was fun.
Neilia · 17 December 2007 · Chapter 6: Cook Needed
Oh, this is fun! I just read all of the 'Not Gonna Happens' so far and find them too entertaining for words! More, Larner, More!
Author's reply
So glad you got a giggle out of them! And they will come when they come, I've found.
Queen Galadriel · 17 December 2007 · Chapter 1: What Was that Job Description?
ROTFL! Just had to come back and read this one again now that I could put it in context! Yeah, I finally gave in to my own nagging curiosity and the wheedling and arguing and cajoling of a dear friend and got myself the HP books—I’m in the middle of The Order of the Phoenix now…er, maybe closer to the beginning, considering how huge it is. Can’t put it down and fight an inner battle every time I think of schoolbooks vs. just picking up the PM and continuing on, but I must admit I’m a little afraid of what this one holds later. I have the sinking feeling that Dumbledore is going to be lost…he definitely would get along well with Gandalf, wand or no wand. Lockhart, on the other hand…LOL Now that I get all the implications of this fic and know what kind of person Lockhart is, well…this is so much funnier even than it was when I first read it! And I have a feeling Legolas and the twins would be even more horrified if they knew exactly what sort of elves they were being compared to! House-elves are cute and charming and all that (well, Dobby and Winky and their Hogwarts friends are…when there are no bewitched bludgers or hovering and shattering dishes involved…I’m definitely not fond of Kreacher—fine name for him, ugh!) but there’s just no comparison to the Fair Folk! *grins* Say, wouldn’t it be interesting to see Hermione campaigning for S.P.E.W. in Middle-earth? Or the Dementors meeting the Nazgul…actually maybe that last isn’t such a brilliant idea, there’d really be trouble then, considering what the two horrors can do on their own. God bless, Galadriel
Author's reply
No, no loss of Dumbledore within "The Order of the Phoenix." But do pay attention to phoenix song. There is a loss in this one, but not Dumbledore. Just finished listening to the Jim Dale reading of "The Deathly Hallows." It was my second reading of the book, and he does as marvelous a job of reading it as he did the others. Am now working once more on Ingles's reading of "The Two Towers." At least the commercial readings have some of the best doing it. In the last book you'll even come to love Kreacher, believe me; and it's in the last book the fact the author is a committed Christian and that she's been building up all along to such a work as to stand alongside those of Tolkien and Lewis and some of the others is made plain. So glad you find the jokes and imagery of this one more clear now that you've seen Lockhart in all his fading glory! And you'll see him briefly in Order as well, you'll find. I'd just finished listening to Chamber of Secrets again as I drove to my friend's place and back when I wrote this one. Hope you can find time to read "A Maid Waiting"--I think you'll enjoy it. It's one of my shorter ones, thank heavens. Good to see you able to sneak away at least some from school work.
Queen Galadriel · 17 December 2007 · Chapter 6: Cook Needed
Garfield now? LOL! Oh wow! Yes, I’d forgotten about that! Well, if anyone can do it, it will be our Sam! God bless, Galadriel
Author's reply
Yes--I've even managed to slip Garfield and Ratatouille into the mix now! Heh! Glad to give you a new snicker.
Dreamflower · 17 December 2007 · Chapter 6: Cook Needed
*sporfle* Oh my word! Larner, I have heard of some wild crossovers, but never in my life could I *ever* imagine a LotR/Garfield crossover! But I'd love to taste Sam's version of lasagna!
Author's reply
Sporfle? Hehehehehehe! Love the sound! And why NOT Garfield? I also would love to try Sam's version--we're united in that, Dreamflower. Thanks for the feedback.
Lindelea · 17 December 2007 · Chapter 6: Cook Needed
Wanna hear something funny? Lasagna was already on the menu for tonight. Finally looked up Jasper Fforde. His books sound just about the right off-the-wallness...
Author's reply
I bought some at Costco a few weeks ago, but it came at a time when the acid reflux was acting up, so it didn't go down all that well. And I think you'll like Jasper Fforde's books. The poor Nexts!
harrowcat · 17 December 2007 · Chapter 6: Cook Needed
I don't often admit to laughing out loud but this one is going to keep me sniggering for days. Trouble is that I am going to get some funny looks coming my way. Thanks Larner.
Author's reply
So glad to give you a giggle, Harrowcat. You're welcome!
Elflingimp · 17 December 2007 · Chapter 6: Cook Needed
Garfield!!!!LOL! I caught on when you described the dish he liked ,but wheres Odie!
Author's reply
The grandsons have a couple of Garfield comic books in the main bathroom, and that sparked this story.
Kitty · 3 November 2007 · Chapter 5: A Game of Ninepins
Quite an unreal experience for Aragorn, to watch these odd little people playing a game he doesn’t know, and even more, to see this mysterious man. To not being able to find the place again the next morning had to be a bit disturbing for him – he’s a Ranger, after all! And it was a nice little twist to have Rip finding Aragorn’s dagger.
Author's reply
The legend of Rip Van Winkle was pushing at me, even as I was trying to figure out how the Legend of Sleepy Hollow might be adapted for this series; and this one obviously won. Yes, to find himself unable to find the place he found in the fog would be very distressing, I'd think, although I suspect he'd realize there was some kind of magic involved. And I think that Rip deserved some souvenir of his experience beyond his rusted musket! Heh! Thanks for the response, Kitty.
Dreamflower · 1 November 2007 · Chapter 5: A Game of Ninepins
This was so funny--I saw early on where it was going! Poor Aragorn, he'll never understand what he witnessed, or his own peril--imagine if *he'd* been put into an enchanted sleep as well! By the time he woke, everything would have been over... And not in a good way, I fear!
Author's reply
Am glad you saw where it would go. And to think he might have slept for twenty years alongside poor Rip Van Winkle--you're right--it indeed could have been disasterous! It was an interesting task, trying to see where this plotbunny would lead, I found.
Queen Galadriel · 1 November 2007 · Chapter 5: A Game of Ninepins
Oo, very eerie for both sides! So, Aragorn took a little venture into “our” world, did he? Wonder if he’ll tell anyone about this…though if I were in his place, I don’t think I’d say a single word about the lost dagger, knowing what he’ll get for it! Hehehe! Love your description of the bowling game! Makes me want to go do it. I used to all the time (there were about eight or nine blind students [myself included] at the elementary school I attended and at one point, after we’d all gone our separate ways, we still organized annual or bi-annual games, bowling being a general favorite). That’s about the only sport I love to play myself…never mind the fact that I am so terrible at it it’s not even funny. *grins* God bless, Galadriel
Author's reply
Now and then I love doing odd bits. Once he comes home without a dagger, I wonder how well Aragorn will be able to hide the fact he's lost it? I suspect his brothers would find every reason on earth to try to take the Micky out of him, to quote the Weasley twins! Heh! The hubby and I used to belong to a bowling league of blind and sighted bowlers. He used to play before he lost his vision, so he didn't have as much to learn as I did, who'd never bowled in my life. He did pretty well. After he died I gave his bowling rail to an organization in Chicago so they could set up a blind bowling league. Haven't bowled for years, myself.
Lindelea · 1 November 2007 · Chapter 5: A Game of Ninepins
Wonderful blending of the two tales... great descriptions, very well done!
Author's reply
Thank you so, Lindelea! I am truly honored you find the descriptions well done.
harrowcat · 1 November 2007 · Chapter 5: A Game of Ninepins
So myth meets legend. Great story for All hallows Eve. Loved the description of Aragorn's life in the first part and especially the bit about the 'Taming of Smeagol' curing any desire for the Ring. Great thought that!
Author's reply
I'd think that after he realized Gollum was the way he was due to the Ring, Aragorn would have even greater appreciation of what It was likely to try to do with the likes of him! Heh! And it was fun trying to find a truly appropriate story to cross with Arda for this day. Thanks so for the feedback. And the morning's revelations on the court case were very positive indeed. We're still praying true justice for all will be done.
Grey Wonderer · 31 October 2007 · Chapter 5: A Game of Ninepins
LOL Brilliant as always! I just love these.
Author's reply
Am so glad you like it, GW. And I'm honored! Thanks so for the comments.
Linda Hoyland · 31 October 2007 · Chapter 5: A Game of Ninepins
A nice scary story for Halloween.I liked the way you wove the two worlds.
Author's reply
Oh, I'm so glad you feel I wove them together well. Rather eerie for both sides, I'd think. Thanks so for the comments, Linda.
Elanor Silmarien · 23 October 2007 · Chapter 2: Why Mums and Dads Leave Home
*giggles* Oh man, I can't believe I didn't read this before! That is just too cute! I can just imagine how the little Gamgees will handle Nanny McPhee in their smial! God bless, Ellie
Author's reply
Am so glad you got a kick out of this one, Elanor. And I think that in the end all will enjoy the stay far more than the children now anticipate. Thanks so for the review!
Tracey C · 8 September 2007 · Chapter 4: The Cook-off
Had to comment on the "chili cookoff" chapter - where I was born (Texas) - *real* chili doesn't contain beans - usually just the meat (rough ground or diced), a corn meal flour called masa harina, salt, chili peppers ( could be chili powder to), and water (or beer!) - some chili purists consider it sacrilegious to add tomatoes or onions :) I loved the contest though - gave me a terrific laugh!
Author's reply
Ah, yes, of course I had to make it sound as if beans, onions, and tomatoes were required in chili, but then up here in the Pacific Northwest if anyone were to do authentic chili without those ingredients they'd be looked at as if they were nuts, I fear. And I've used the recipes I've always heard used. Actually, I can't eat true chili, as I have the digestive system from Mordor as well as the ISP from the same source. I can't handle more than a very small amount of pepper of any sort, onions, or tomatoes, or I rue it for days. I even have difficulties with beans and, any more, corn as well. It's frustrating, particularly as so many people seem to think I CHOOSE to be this way. Am so glad that it at least gave you a laugh! It was fun to write.
Linda Hoyland · 23 August 2007 · Chapter 3: Inequity
Just hilarious !I like your version of these over sentimental tragic characters.
Author's reply
So glad you enjoyed it, Linda. Yes, a good deal of sentimentality here, but it's all in good fun. But I had this dream in which Frodo went stomping off crying, "It's just not fair!" and had to figure out what sparked that response--and this is what came out. Heh!
Queen Galadriel · 21 August 2007 · Chapter 4: The Cook-off
LOL! Oh, I love it, Larner! Of course Frodo won, I knew he would from the moment he decided to participate! But the picture of a bunch of wizards all cooking chili is *so* amusing! But who are all these? Dumbledor (sp?) I know of, and Merlin, and of course Gandalf, but the rest? The two messy ones should meet a friend of mine. Maybe their magic would be his salvation¡Xor undoing, but I really think he could find that without help. I decided to test his cooking skills after his recent return from Blind Incorporated in Minnesota, and I am now thoroughly convinced that no matter what he does, he will always be himself. We made strawberry pie (which *was* delicious in spite of my really goofing up the recipe and his not making the crust right), but the mess I had to clean up in the kitchen after he left was absolutely the biggest I have ever seen. (Not that I didn¡¦t contribute, cooking isn¡¦t always the neatest thing in the world, but I¡¦m not the one who makes bags of pretzels explode and I don¡¦t envy his future wife!) Poor Sam! LOL! I really would love to see his reaction¡Xand the end results. Of course, these wizards will find themselves blown away once more, and might even stuff themselves on chili if there¡¦s enough¡Xas I¡¦m sure there would be considering the size of Sam¡¦s family. :D This was great! I needed a good laugh. ƒº God bless, Galadriel
Author's reply
Well, of course! Ridcully and his companion are from the Unseen University from Terry Pratchett's Diskworld series. I can't remember the name of the wizard in the series who's always coming up with magical instruments to do things that could be as easily done with a good wooden spoon or a decent chalk drawing of a pentagram, but I had to put some of his gadgets into this story. The one in white robes is Bishop Camber from Katherine Kurtz's Deryni books. "Camber of Culdi" is the first one in the series, if I remember correctly. The Egyptian is Ptolemy, who many considered to be a wizard. Red Cloud is actually a fairly generic American Indian medicine man, but I thought he made a good counter to many of the rest. I know about those who can't seem to open a bag of pretzels or chips without them going all over the place, and your friend just might enjoy the Unseen University as well--they do go in for the oddball and nerdish sort. I know I'd feel right at home there. Heh! Now, Sam has to find out if he can handle a cook-off with a group of wizards. Heh! After going through the Fellowship and raising thirteen children, I suspect he can handle a good deal.
Queen Galadriel · 18 August 2007 · Chapter 3: Inequity
Oh, my goodness! LOL! Wow! ¡§You mean that I had to go through almost a year¡¦s torture carrying that all the way to and through Mordor, followed by two and a half years of feeling increasingly alienated and empty; and this child--this child only had to appear pitiable?¡¨ Methinks our esteemed Lord Iorhael ought to consider his situation and motives for obtaining it before exploding. :D Ah, someone ought to introduce him to Beth March; she might be able to talk to him if she could get over her own shyness. ƒº And even if she couldn¡¦t, music has a softening influence¡Kif they have pianos in the Halls of Mandos. ƒº Or Frodo could just have his own wing, but it could get rather lonely, I¡¦d think. Course, some writer could always give him a companion¡K*snicker* Who is little Eva? Now I¡¦m interested. I love sad stories, even though I do usually end up crying over them. ƒº That was truly hilarious! I¡¦ve missed you all as well! Not that I was online as much as I used to be even before the computer expired, but when one *can¡¦t* get on, one realizes how much one misses it. Your reason for keeping my shameful review made me laugh. It¡¦s definitely something to marvel at; I couldn¡¦t read it, and I *wrote* it! My brother and I are managing to keep a delicate peace over JAWS, and I hope it lasts because if it doesn¡¦t, the first few weeks of school are going to be really miserable. Hopefully he¡¦ll get to hate it less; he certainly didn¡¦t hate it when I was trying to install it. I eventually let him because he was so fascinated and wanted to so much, and it was¡Kquite amusing; he was laughing at the default slow speech, and I was laughing at him laughing at it. ƒº God bless, Galadriel
Author's reply
Little Eva dies of consumption in "Uncle Tom's Cabin." If you ever have the chance to see "The King and I" you will see in it a version of Uncle Tom's Cabin and Little Eva's death that is both funny and touching. They are in the Harriet Beecher Stowe wing, you will remember. And it's very likely the March girls were very familiar with Harriet's most famous work, as it was one of the rallying points for the Civil War in which their father was fighting. I do believe that Frodo and Beth would have gotten along famously, particularly if she has access to a piano. So glad this gave you a laugh--it was great fun to write one morning after I'd had this particularly absurd dream in which I heard Frodo exclaim "It's not fair!" and go stomping off. At least he can turn JAWS off easily, as I do at Meesh's when I sneak down to use hers when I'm visiting. It can be annoying for those of us who'd rather not have our things slowed down while we compute away.
Baggins Babe · 12 August 2007 · Chapter 4: The Cook-off
This was such fun, Larner. I'm thrilled but not surprised that Frodo won the contest. Of course he did, he's a hobbit! I'm willing to bet that Ridcully's version contained a good amount of W0w-Wow Sauce!
Author's reply
Oh, I'm certain that Ridcully's contained Wow-Wow sauce, not to mention what he might have picked up from Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler, of course! And of course Frodo won. Now to see what Sam might do.... Glad to give a laugh or two.
Inkling · 11 August 2007 · Chapter 4: The Cook-off
This is a riot, Larner! I just love that Frodo brought his own knives…the mark of a true cook! He’d be great on Iron Chef. And, like Andrea, I’d love to see Rincewind stumble into Middle-earth… Now, I could recognize some, but not all, of your wizards. Who had the elegant white robes and the shaved head? And the two with the trousers?
Author's reply
Frodo on the Iron Chef would be great, of course. The Kid was a cook for a time, and I learned about personal knives from him. Ridcully and his fellow were from the Unseen University and wore trousers, and the elegant white robes was one of Katherine Kurtz's Deryni priests--perhaps Camber himself!
SurgicalSteel · 10 August 2007 · Chapter 4: The Cook-off
*giggles* Too funny!
Author's reply
So glad you did--this was fun to write.
Andrea · 10 August 2007 · Chapter 4: The Cook-off
That was funny, Larner! And now that I remembered where I know the name Ridcully from, I have a question: Why didn't he bring Rincewind with him? He would have created a mess, I'm sure ;-) I love Disc World stories! The wizards had no chance against a hobbit who knows the perfect secret ingredient: mushrooms! Thank you!
Author's reply
I, too, love the Diskworld books, too. And Rincewind would have made a marvelous mess! As for a cooking contest--Hobbits would win hands down.
Lindelea · 10 August 2007 · Chapter 4: The Cook-off
*snork* That was precious! (and not in the gollum sense of the word) “No, but he does enjoy cooking.” That may become an oft-quoted phrase around here, where cooking wizards are high on the admiration list. (The little ones like to play at "Iron Chef" and "Rachel Ray" in their spare time. The biggest purchase, lately, was a hobbit-sized cookery set at the newly opened IKEA. Need I say more?) I have a recipe for kid-friendly chili that includes a large can of British-style baked beans, among other things. Loved the variety of visiting wizards. Did you have the wizard Merlin from the cartoon Sword in the Stone, by chance? (Loved his Bermuda shorts when he hitched up his robe. At least, I think I'm remembering that cartoon right.)
Author's reply
So, the girls are into cooking, eh? I remember when we used to cook as kids--and cook, and cook, and cook. The cooking set sounds wonderful--we used to make real cakes and pies in our aluminum kids' baking set when I was a child. No, I more tried to model Merlin on how he appeared partly in a movie I saw years ago and my imagination. Sorry this one didn't get responded to before--Hughes continues to be a major pain in the behind.