Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Hobbits by GamgeeFest
Pearl Took · 25 March 2007 · Chapter 11: Crouching Hobbit, Roaring Dragon
LOL! Those wonderful, amazing hobbits! Well written, GamgeeFest
Author's reply
Those crazy hobbits! Thankfully, the golf madness has been put to an end. Boromir and Legolas will be considered heroes! LOL. Thanks for reading!
elanor winterflowers · 25 March 2007 · Chapter 2: Tea With Hobbits
I'm a little behind here—just read your first two chapters this morning over breakfast and enjoyed myself immensely. This is terrific, slyly insightful, very funny, with really excellent characterizations. The byplay between Merry and Pippin is so much fun, fast- paced and loaded with wit. Frodo is properly gentle and Sam wonderfully understated. And it's so nice to see Boromir as his brother would remember him—friendly, thoughtful and kind, glowing with honor in the days before he fell to Ring-lust. I so enjoyed learning the illustrious history of hobbit meals, too: “Here it comes!” Pippin squealed, his voice shaky with excitement. Obviously, this was a spectacularly successful hearthside tale in the Shire! At least by the end of the Quest, Pippin had learned two very important food facts: go easy on the lembas and don't eat six slices of rum cake before bed! Looking forward to reading more—
Author's reply
What I have enjoyed most about writing these is seeing Boromir as he truly was, before Lorien and the Ring-lust, and allowing him to share some quality time with the hobbits. Any tale involving food would be highly popular in the Shire, and a tale that is about nothing *but* food is gauranteed to get any hobbit drooling with anticipation. LOL Hm... it's a good thing the lembas didn't have any rum in it! :D
shirebound · 25 March 2007 · Chapter 11: Crouching Hobbit, Roaring Dragon
This is such a delight, but my favorite part is that Boromir is now the one who is now teaching "everything you ever wanted to know about hobbits"!
Author's reply
Boromir can now be considered an master in the ways of hobbits. He's reached the one-month mark and so has graduated from novice to expert. Legolas will be very grateful to have a seasoned veteran to seek advice from. :D
Bodkin · 25 March 2007 · Chapter 11: Crouching Hobbit, Roaring Dragon
I love the title. And the deepening understanding of Legolas and Boromir that there's a lot more to hobbits than you might think! Frodo is, I fear, streets ahead of them. But allows them to get away with the Golf Club Incident, because he's had enough of the game. Somehow, I can see Boromir and Legolas dressed in Shire golfing gear. I think it would turn them into perfect Santa's little helpers. They have escaped a fate worse than any the Dark Lord could think up. I think there's a group of people here who are really beginning to look forward to heading off on an impossible quest. It'll be safer. Love Bilbo's version of his story. And Merry's cunning manipulation of Pippin's understanding. Tall tales, indeed!
Author's reply
This may not be anywhere close to being an Ang Lee movie, but I just couldn't resist the parody on the title. :D Legolas is just beginning his sojourn into the ways of all things hobbits. Luckily for him, he has a seasoned veteran like Boromir to help guide him through! LOL! But yes, they have a long way to go before they can match Frodo, master prankster that he is. Thankfully, Frodo was both on their side and willing to allow Merry to believe that he had hidden the clubs, for of course, denying invovlement was not about to sway Merry. ;) And can you imagine Sam's horror if Merry and Pippin tried to put Legolas, an Elf prince, into those plus-fours! hehehe Now Legolas also knows the true meaning of a narrow escape. ;) Merry can be such a rascal sometimes. It's one thing to exaggerate when they are children and let Pippin believe a false tale. It's another thing to allow him to *continue* to believe it! And Frodo's no better, for surely he would have realized long ago what Merry did, and never bothered to correct the situation either. Poor Pippin! It's hard being the youngest. :D
harrowcat · 25 March 2007 · Chapter 11: Crouching Hobbit, Roaring Dragon
Thanks GF I needed a grin right now!
Author's reply
You're welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Grey Wonderer · 25 March 2007 · Chapter 11: Crouching Hobbit, Roaring Dragon
Bravo yet again! I loved Legolas' part in all of this madness of golf clubs. I would have loved to see Legolas and Boromir in the golfing cloths, especially the little flat hats but I quite understand that sooner or later the golfing must end. LOL
Author's reply
Another lesson Legolas has learned: Do not mess with a hobbit's woods, for they are clever and quick to find others. LOL! Thankfully, they have Frodo on their side to help with the conspiracy. And it's quite fitting that it is now Frodo spear-heading the Conspiracy, while Merry is left on the outs. ;)
Anonymous · 9 March 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
hahaha, I am much enjoying these hobbitish stories indeed.
Author's reply
Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying them! It's fun to imagine the impact the hobbits had on Rivendell and its residents. Now even the Big Folk are acting hobbity! :)
MithLuin · 21 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
I imagine that Frodo will know something is up when Merry and Pippin search Sam's room and don't find the art books. Once the art books are found in Boromir and Legolas' room, it will be obvious they took the golf clubs, and with Sam's help, no less. If only Frodo didn't like golf so much.... I also enjoyed the line about casting the clubs back into the woodpiles :> And I thought Erestor's observation goes a long way to explaining Legolas' comment when they are all smoking at Isengard - well done.
Author's reply
If Merry and Pippin even get so far as searching Sam's room, much less anyone else's... ;) But even the best laid plans of Men and Elves and Hobbits are bound to have flaws, and this plan was thrown together rather hastily. :D Boromir does have a rather dramatic side to him, doesn't he. To think that the golf clubs would be comparative in dark power to the Ring! LOL I don't recall that remark of Legolas's. I'll have to look it up the next chance I get. Thank you for reviewing!
Frodo Baggins · 20 February 2007 · Chapter 7: A Gift for the Byrding
Well, I'm finally catching up. *hugging Pippin* This chapter was a tearjerker!! I would hate to see him cry. Maybe that's because he reminds me so much of my own Pipsqueak...er, my brother. I hate it when he cries. Anyway, this was a wonderful chapter. But wonderful chapters are normal for you, aren't they? Before you deny it, they are normal and I enjoy them very much. I had to smile at the part about Merry being so very competitive. Can't tell you how many times that has gotten my sister into trouble. *shaking head* I like to win, but I will take losing and having a good time over winning and everyone fighting. Well, I've written you a book. APologies. Namarie! God Bless, Frodo Baggins
Author's reply
Pippin did need a hug in this one, poor lad. Thank goodness Gimli showed up when he did, even though he wasn't sure what to do once he got there. ;) Still, Gimli did an admirable job, thrown off guard as he was. My Merry has a competitive streak and it comes out at the most inopportune times. But he's still very good-natured about it. If Boromir had own again, Merry would have accepted it with good grace and treated him to an ale. Thank you so much for all your kind comments! I'm glad this reminds you so much of your own family. I always enjoy it when a story I read can recall my own experiences to me. And I very much enjoyed your 'book'. ;D
harrowcat · 20 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
You are keeping me laughing from start to finish with this one GF!
Author's reply
Excellent! I'm so glad this made you laugh! :D
Bodkin · 20 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
It's a very, very dangerous thing that they do now! Trying to break a golfer's addiction to golf ... could lead to far more than Legolas and Boromir suspect. Although Legolas now knows the dangers of being around weed-deprived hobbits, too. The prospect of this journey just gets worse and worse!
Author's reply
If Legolas thinks nicotine withdrawal is scary!... ;) The following day should be very interesting for everyone involved. It won't be quite what Legolas and Boromir are expecting, but whether that's good or bad is left to be seen. Legolas is off to a shaky start with the hobbits. I wouldn't be surprised if he's reconsidering the Quest. And they don't even know at this point that Merry and Pippin will be going too! ;D
Pearl Took · 19 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
These are fun! A very different way of looking at the hobbits. I'm interested in what is going to happen next! Excellent, GamgeeFest! :-)
Author's reply
Thank you Pearl! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. The hobbits were in Rivendell for so long and you know they had to interact with everyone while they were there. There were bound to be some very entertaining moments between all the calm and serenity. As for what happens next - expect more intrigue. :D Thanks for reading!
Larner · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
Two subjects to strike terror in the hearts of the most courageous and wise--Hobbits and golf, and anyone suffering from withdrawal from nicotine. How wonderful! And it appears there will be no rematch, for which Sam will be grateful, as well as Frodo in spite of himself. Heh!
Author's reply
Those were two huge revelations that Legolas had to suffer in one day. :D No wonder he's slightly paranoid about the hobbits! As to the rematch - there's a flaw to their brilliant plan that will be uncovered in the next chapter. They're not out of danger yet! And Frodo will be (privately) grateful, despite himself. Thanks for reading! I'm glad this gave you a laugh. :D
Baggins Babe · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
We must cast them back into the woodpiles from whence they came.” Bwahahahaha!!!!!! *snert* Oh my stars! I laughed so much at that. Poor Boromir and Legolas are finding out much more than they ever wanted to know! I just love Sam. Practical, down-to-earth - and keeping Elven 'art' books under his bed!! This was priceless - and if the hobbits are so keen on golf they forget about food then I think hiding the clubs was a very good idea.
Author's reply
I debated putting that line in or leaving it out. Then I figured, what the heck, and put it in at the very last minute. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Boromir at least had time to learn all this. Poor Legolas is getting the crash course! No wonder he's so intimidated. There's no one more practical than Sam. As for his placement of the books - it was nothing so naughty as what Boromir was suggesting. In another story of mine, I described Sam's room in Number Three as being so small - and the bed somewhat big for having to hold three sons at one time - that the only storage space he had was under the bed. So for Sam, it would have been instinctive to put the books there. I doubt he even thought much of it, until Boromir brought it up that is. ;) Boromir and Legolas will no doubt be considered minor heroes for hiding those clubs. But there's a flaw in the plan. ;) The next day should be interesting. Thanks for reading!
Andrea · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
Oh dear! If that is what happens when you try to give up smoking... But there are those nicotine patches! Well, I'll have to think it over. Still, thumbs up to lovethosehobbits: You'll make it :) “And while Frodo and Sam alone would not be so horrible to endure as Merry and Pippin, there is still a dwarf, a ranger and an incredibly grumpy wizard to take into account.” LOL! I would really like to see a grumpy old wizard fighting the loss of pipe-weed. And I can't wait to see what happens when the hobbits find out that their golf clubs have vanished (and if Legolas and Boromir like the art books) ;-)
Author's reply
I think Bilbo would have had a heightened reaction to withdrawal - he wouldn't know what was happening, and he has been smoking for 100 years or more by now. That's a lot to get over. They need a Middle-earth version of the nicotine patch. Gandalf, I think, would have been through withdrawal before, so it might not be as bad as Legolas is fearing. Still, there would be a chain reaction to all those people going through withdrawal at the same time. Too bad they didn't know what group therapy is either. ;) I'm sure Legolas and Boromir will find much to enjoy about the art books, both of them being so cultured as they are. ;) Thanks for reading!
Dreamflower · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
At last! A chance to read the final version of this chapter! (Lots of interruptions this morning!) This is great! I love the extra interaction between Erestor and Legolas now! You really added a lot more to it than I expected! Beautiful job--and I can't wait to see what happens next!!
Author's reply
It did get rather longer than I was aiming for, but once I started filling in the corners, the muses just kept giving me more things to add. Those darn muses. ;) And Sam just can't seem to stay away from conspiracies. This one isn't quite over yet. ;) Thanks again for your suggestions and I'm glad you enjoyed the final product.
Glory Underhill · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
Bilbo needs a nicotine patch! hahaha With all the lengths Boromir and Legolas are going through to avoid golf, they're pulling some rather hobbit-like pranks. Delightful! *still giggling*
Author's reply
If only they had nicotine patches in Middle-earth! Maybe Elrond could whip up some miracle herb before they all leave for their Quest. ;) The prank isn't over yet. I've discovered a snag in their plan and it will cause some panic. :D We'll be seeing even more hobbit-like behavior from the Big Folk in the next chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed your chapter!
Pearl Took · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 9: Fore!
This is wonderful, GamgeeFest!! I love your using all the old names for the various clubs. Wonderfully funny!!
Author's reply
Thank you Pearl! I'm glad this gave you a laugh. Figuring out the proper order for the clubs and then which one should be used in each instance was probably one of the harder things about this chapter. I was finally able to find a chart that showed their order and the average distances off each club, and was able to use that.
lovethosehobbits · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
Too funny!! I must say, your description of poor Bilbo following the loss of his pipeweed is spot on. I currently am going through said withdrawal and unfortunately, your fic has made me desperately want a cigarette. See, the mere mention of cigarettes (like food to hobbits) to a person trying to quit will cause a chain reaction of neurons that will be unable to think of anything else. *sigh* loved the fic, can't wait for more.
Author's reply
I'm glad that Bilbo's behavior is accurate. I was afraid I was going a little over the top, and I probably did, but that seemed appropriate for a hobbit going through withdrawal, especially since he wouldn't have known what it was. Hang in there, lovethosehobbits! You'll kick the habit. *hugs* Here, I'll help you think of semething else: naked hobbits. That should do the trick. ;)
shirebound · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
All you need to do is mention food. They will realize that they are hungry, or are about to be, and will go in search of some. Though I will warn you this is not fool-proof, for if they are not hungry then they will simply prattle on about food until they are. **** "We must destroy the golf clubs,” Boromir stated. “We must cast them back into the woodpiles from whence they came.” **** “Are these art books what I think they are?” Legolas finally asked. "No, it's art, it's just a little more art than the hobbits are accustomed to," Boromir explained. This story continues to delight, GamgeeFest! I just love how the innocent hobbits are inspiring such complex conspiracies and activities.
Author's reply
And this particular conspiracy isn't finished yet! There's a flaw to their plan that they did not think about and it will cause some panic amongst the conspirators. ;) At least the art books found a good home - and an appreciative audience. :) Thanks for reading!
Elemmírë · 18 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
How ever do you come up with such funny material, GamgeeFest? “There are several methods for dealing with the hobbits,” he began. “Many of them are simple enough and you will learn them within a day or two on your own. The most important thing to remember is to not confuse their naiveté for childishness. Though they may often act child-like, they are wise in their own manner and just as intelligent as anyone else here. Even Pippin, who is still a child according their way of counting such things, understands much of what is said and even more of what is not said. So don’t speak down to them.” Very wise advice indeed, Erestor. Legolas will do well if he heeds it. “But you would be wise to keep this in mind also, for I find it to be the most effective for distracting an impassioned hobbit: food. All you need to do is mention food ROTFL!!! “When they are finished with that, they will tell you about the receiving of their first pipes, a very momentous occasion in a young hobbit’s life, nearly as momentous as their first breath of smoke, about which they will also go into excruciating detail. They’ll tell you about the different types of pipes, clay and wood, big and small, and how to light them, smoke them, clean them and keep them in good order. Oh, that sooo reminds me of all the research on pipes I did when I wrote my tale about Frodo receiving his first pipe(s) from Bilbo. Bilbo missed him naturally, but he got along as easily as he always had and so we did not think to worry. Until the day his pipe-weed ran out. Or, more accurately, until the day after his pipe-weed ran out.” Now you have me howling with laughter and in stitches. Although I'm one who believes that the hobbits' pipeweed itself is non-addictive and does not contain nicotine, I really enjoyed what you've done with this chapter in writing the opposite of what many of us like to think. Working as a Respiratory Therapist I see so many who suddenly have to cease their smoking cigarettes because they're hospitalized. It's not a pretty sight until the doctor is strongly reminded to order a nicotine patch to get them through. It's too bad the Elves of Rivendell didn't have a pipeweed patch handy for dealing with Bilbo's withdrawl of smoking for well over a century. LOL! Elrond examined him and said he had developed a cold. .... Bilbo again developed cold-like symptoms and became irritable to the point of being nearly lethal.” If I had a dollar every time a patient said in a accusatory voice to me. 'I was fine and in perfect health before I quit smoking. In denial, just like Bilbo. Oh my!!! That poor cook! What a description of the sirloin! LOL! We must destroy the golf clubs,” Boromir stated. “We must cast them back into the woodpiles from whence they came.” Along with ... No, it's art, it's just a little more art than the hobbits are accustomed to," Boromir explained. Just when I thought I couldn't laugh anymore ...... my sides hurt now, you know. :) This was utterly fantastic, GamgeeFest! I especially appreciated it from the Elves' pov, being in the profession I am and such an advocate of anti-smoking. I can't wait for the next chapter! ~Elemmírë~ p.s. You simply MUST write something--anything--on the Quest where Legolas has to deal with withdrawling hobbits ...... plus a dwarf, 2 men, and one already grumpy wizrard!!!!!!
Author's reply
Thank you Elemmire! I do love long reviews! :) Legolas will be getting - and using - all the hobbit advice he can get! He had a rude awakening that morning with Merry and the golf ball. He wants to avoid any more such confrontations in the future if he can. I've always wondered what happened to that pipe Bilbo was smoking in the first chapter of The Hobbit. That was one large pipe! And rather reminded me of a different kind of smoking instrument. As such, pipeweed has always reminded me more of another type of weed, especially since the hobbits are so mellow and eat so darn much, if you take my meaning. ;) However, pipeweed is described as being a forerunner of tobacco, so it would be addictive, though I happen to think that Hobbits are less likely to become addicted to such things as smoke and alcohol than are Men or even Dwarves. But even in that case, after smoking for well over 100 years, Bilbo was bound to have a very negative reaction to running out of his pipeweed. And those golf clubs - I wonder if they ever get found? Very wise of Legolas to choose a sack that will camoflauge them with the rest of the tree. And the art books - I figured it was time to find out what happened to those. I might eventually get around to that plot bunny. In the meantime, have you read Dreamflower's "Any Time I Want To?" I highly recommend it. :D Thanks for reading and for the lovely review!
Grey Wonderer · 17 February 2007 · Chapter 10: Smoke Gets in Their Eyes
LOL And here I thought this was simply about smoking! So the art books return? Or we have more golf? How about both? LOL These are excellent. I love Legolas's confusion in it all. He is even less prepared for Hobbits than Boromir.
Author's reply
LOL. I tried making it just about smoking, but like a bad weed, golf kept coming back up. It's taken on a life of it's own. No wonder the elves were happy when Bilbo gave it up. ;) I figured it was time to reveal what happened to those art books. It actually just sort of came to me while I was writing the chapter that of course, they would be in Sam's room - the least likely place! Frodo knows his cousins far too well, as does Sam. Now the books have found a new home where they can be, shall we say, better appreciated. :D By this point, Boromir is practically a hobbit expert. It's time to get some fresh blood in here to liven things up. ;) Thanks for reading!
Queen Galadriel · 2 February 2007 · Chapter 8: A Mister, A Master
I seem to have missed this! Yes, Gimli should trust his father, LOL! Leave it to Pippin and Merry to be obnoctious kids! *tsk, tsk, tsk* Good grief. I love authoritative, older-cousin Frodo! :) And the argument about titles had me laughing hysterically! Hahahaha! No wonder poor Boromir was confused! What a lot of rules, my goodness! I admire the amount of research you had to have done for this. And it made some things more clear to me as well, so thank you! God bless, Galadriel
Author's reply
Gimli needs to start listening to his father! LOL First the tea party and now this. You think he'd learn his lesson. ;) Lads will be lads! Thankfully, they have their dutiful and responsible older cousin to steer them right. Or unfortunately, if you're Merry and Pippin. LOL I think a good portion of their remaining time in Rivendell will be spent in pursuit of those books. I think that discussion was more heated than the Council of Elrond! Er, movie-verse Council of Elrond, at any rate, since Elrond would never have allowed that to happen. But I digress. It take a lot of time to figure out all those rules, and I was confused for awhile there myself! I don't blame Boromir for getting worked up. :D And I'm glad this helped to clarify some things for you! *hugs*
Larner · 1 February 2007 · Chapter 9: Fore!
I've played ONE golf game in my life, and hated every minute of it. And the thought of Boromir and Legolas hiding in a storage room to escape the golf talk is so hilarious! Oh, how wonderful!
Author's reply
I've played mini golf a couple of times, and that's about as involved with the sport as I want to get! Though I imagine watching it would be a good way to induce a midafternoon nap. ;) Boromir and Legolas have the rights of it - every man and elf for himself! LOL Considering how passionate the hobbits are about even average topics of discussion, they are bound to be ten times worse when it comes to something they're so obsessed with. I feel most sorry for Sam, though I suppose after a lifetime of this, he's become immune to its effects. :D
Bodkin · 1 February 2007 · Chapter 9: Fore!
Let me hide in the cupboard with Boromir and Legolas! There's nothing scarier than a bunch of golf-obsessed hobbits! I loved the discussion about whether Legolas was or was not an immovable obstruction! Hilarious. (But scary.) Sam is such a brilliant hobbit. A diamond of the first water. Boromir - and Legolas - should be grateful to him!
Author's reply
LOL! I don't think there's enough room! It'll be awfully cramped if anyone else joins them. ;) But yes, golf-obsessed hobbits are quite possibly the scariest things on Middle-earth. You know, after Sauron and the Ring-wraiths. :D Legolas is rather miffed that everyone is so enjoying his unlooked for torment. ;) But at least he was a good sport about it and didn't just throw the ball away. But then, he probably knew that would be the last thing in life he ever did! Boromir is going to owe Sam big for this one. His debt may likely never be repaid. :D