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| Shadow by fael bain | 52 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| sofia | Reviewed Chapter: 27 on 12/30/2003 |
| i liked this chapter. im glad Legolas is OK. I like the twins too! Too bad that they were left out of the movies, though. Author Reply: Hiya Sofia, Glad you liked it, if you looked carefully enough during the reforging of Narsil, you can see that the twins as the swordsmiths! :D | |
| sofia | Reviewed Chapter: 25 on 12/21/2003 |
| good chapter. cant wait till its updated again! | |
| sofia | Reviewed Chapter: 23 on 12/9/2003 |
| i really like this story! but what happened to the human girl? if u did mention it, i missed it. Author Reply: Yes, it took me the better part of a month to realise it, I'm so sorry, hopefully this will make more sense now, I'm so oblivious I sometimes wonder how I survive! ;) | |
| JS | Reviewed Chapter: 22 on 12/8/2003 |
| I love this story! I'm so glad you post so frequently! I'm so glad the Thranduil is starting to realize that he does actually love his son! I can't wait to see how their relationship develops. Hope you post more soon! | |
| Findulas | Reviewed Chapter: 21 on 12/7/2003 |
| I like your story, but I cannot help but be distracted, at times very distracted by the way the Elves speak. They totally sound like Yoda! I concentrate more on that than on the words they are actually saying. Your story otherwise is very lyrical and well written. | |
| sofia | Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 12/1/2003 |
| this chapter was good. it wasnt too much.... i think it added more to the story.cant wait to read more! | |
| miruvour | Reviewed Chapter: 7 on 11/30/2003 |
| oook. This whole . . . "Master" business is a little freaky. I would have thought that after being friends, the two would mutually use each others' first names. I am also slightly disturbed by it, but that's just me. #2 - Tolkien's style is not in making people talk like Yoda! (I love your story, but I can't get into the serious aspect of it b/c the conversation is making me imagine Legolas' servant with green skin and huge ears! - I'm laughing, not what you want me to be doing when the tone of the story is dark!) #3 - There are a few ways to slow things down a bit. You're keeping it full of action, and suspese, but there are points where the description is more along the lines of listing what a place/person/etc looks like rather than telling - for example, when you described the dark creature/thing's death you said, "A trickle of blood on it's mouth", as a sentence, or something along that effect. The imagery is good, but it's slapped in the reader's face rather than revealed to the reader's senses. A way to fix this would be to say "A trickle of blood slowly trailed from the side of it's mouth". There are several places where simply adding a pronoun & verb could help the writing immensely. - I hope I haven't been to harsh - I'm trying to employ the constructive criticism so often turned upon myself, and hope I have suceeded. I know this sounds dumb, but I'm really not flaming or trying to be mean - and in that light, don't get discouraged in any way. Your storyline is fresh, for I haven't come across many people who write about the reaction of the royal family as shadow begins to creep into the forest - mostly, it's along the lines of battling what's already there. You show a lot of promise, just - please, PLEASE stop making people talk like Yoda! It's okay, & in Tolkien (all hail! all hail!) style to put your verbs at the beginning of the sentence. (and please stop the whole "Master" business, b/c even though he's a prince, that's just .. . . creepy.) Author Reply: Thanks for your review, miruvour, it's definitely not a flame, don't worry, I've seen what *real* flames are like! ;) I have to say that although you make some really good points, it's not really very possible for me now, having written 30+ chapters, to change everything, because that would require a major rewrite/overhaul of the story, which has been posted in quite a few places, which I simply don't have the time to do, but I shall bear your words in mind for whatever I next write! Also, i ahve to admit that I went completely overboard and insane with the making the Elves talk in a different way, but I was definitely NOT thinking of Yoda when I did it, although I see how people can interpret it as such, you will find that it (hopefully) gets a lot better as the story goes on..same too with the writing structure/style.. Have to say, however, that I have to disagree with your views regarding Esendri's addressing as he probably means 'Master' as a title rather than a purely servant-and-master sense..it's like 'Mister' to a certain sense, or perhaps maybe even in the starwars 'Master Windu' way as well! =) But thanks again for the feedback, I really thought it helped! xx | |
| Elf messenger | Reviewed Chapter: 18 on 11/29/2003 |
| I really like this chapter! It kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time! the following and previous chapters are excellent as well! Keep up the good work! NAMARIE! -Elf messenger | |
| sofia | Reviewed Chapter: 18 on 11/26/2003 |
| this chapter was really good. i cant really cant wait till the next one. | |
| sofia | Reviewed Chapter: 17 on 11/14/2003 |
| i really love the story... cant wait to read more. But if i may, i would suggest making it easier to tell who is talking. I kind of gets a big confusing on who is saying what. --sofia Author Reply: Thanks Sofia for the feedback, I will try to make it clearer, glad you like it! xx | |