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| That Which We Are by Avon | 14 Review(s) |
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| keela | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 1/18/2005 |
| I am enjoying your writing of everyone except Faramir. He seems a complete 180 change from his canon characterization, if that's what you're going for. Granted, it's normal for everyone to be grumpy at times, but he comes off here as very cold, selfish, and somewhat snotty. An explanation would be gladly appreciated :) Author Reply: Well, I am going for a considerable change, but not 180. Basically, without giving away too much, he's quite young (I now know just how young I still was at 23), in the ghastly stage of almost better after having been quite sick - and tied in knots about something. Thanks for the feedback, Keela. | |
| Lackwit | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 1/18/2005 |
| I forgot to mention that I thought Éomer's apology and Faramir's response (that's more like it! :) ) were excellently done and a good way to close the scene. The ending itself was fairly neutral; as it appears the fic is primarily from Éomer's POV you may wish to end with more of that. | |
| Lackwit | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 1/18/2005 |
| I have heard and used "leading reins"; as I am Canadian it could be of either American or British origin here. To respond to your questions on Faramir's characterization: My initial reactions were quite negative, so before I replied I went back and reread the chapters. Having done so, I would say that given what the reader knows it's not unbelievable but will be if it continues without a reason pretty soon. Up to now I find Faramir too surly and personally would like to see a little more of his noble side. I think he would have hidden his unhappiness better from their guests if only due to good manners. He's a little too rough with Éomer as I expect he would have easily understood that Éomer is young and feeling out of his depth. Also, while Faramir is bookish, some of his behavior and distance almost makes him appear to be sulking, even beyond Éomer's POV; Faramir is a very reserved character but not quite so much. Boromir's rebuke was painful but justified. Right now we have seen very little of the man loved by his fellows, and every time he does show a hint of it (e.g. his sympathy for Éomer's scolding) he goes on and acts like a total pill; frankly i can agree with Éomer's nasty dig. There seems to be a significant maturity gap between Faramir and Boromir or Théodred that is greater than chronological age would indicate- is that your intent? It is true that Faramir can be pushed too far so in that respect his rude outburst to Éomer (he totally did not cover himself with glory in the horse incident) is not unexpected. While I personally would find it increasingly OOC if Faramir *continues* in this behavior without a very strong hint soon of why he is behaving like this, outbursts are quite believable IMHO. Of course, if the reason for his behavior is potent, then in retrospect all the above would make sense. But I am not sure that revealing the reason very late is the best story design for chapter-by-chapter updates. I should note that your other characterizations are very good, which is probably why Faramir's sticks out so. Boromir (I am developing quite a passion for that man lately) and Théodred are charming. Éomer is cute! I liked the feeling with which he compared dining at home to the mannered behavior at the Steward's table; his love for Rohan comes off strongly. I hope the above makes sense. Don't get me wrong, I very much enjoy this story and its details! Author Reply: Hi, Sorry it has taken me a couple of days to reply - I really appreciate the time and thought you put into your feedback. I've got a lot of feedback from people saying that they don't like the Faramir I'm presenting and, of course, I'm taking it seriously. In fact I've spent much of the last two days thinking about it - but in the end I don't know I will change him much. To me he's not acting out of character, given how he is feeling - but clearly I need to try and find a way to let my poor readers into more of the background. I'm currently struggling wih that in chapter 4. Don't worry though - Faramir may well be both grumpy and sulky but his underlying nobility is there, and will come out later. Really, to me it does make sense, because it is his very 'highness' (in a Tolkien sense) that is making him tear himself to pieces. They do say a good soldier shouldn't think too much. There seems to be a significant maturity gap between Faramir and Boromir or Théodred that is greater than chronological age would indicate- is that your intent? I think so... partly because of the way I've set up my universe. Gondorians go off to be soldiers at around 18 - therefore when Boromir was say 20 and Faramir was 15 the age gap would have seemeed bigger because of their differing experiences. At 23 Faramir has been a captain for less than 6 months while Boromir has been one for 5 or more years - again the experiences are going to stretch that gap. I have a big sister who is four years older than me and the size of the gap has stretched and shrunk over the years. Thank you very much for the feedback - both criticism and kind words are much appreciated. | |
| Raksha The Demon | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 1/17/2005 |
< As a devout Faramirist, I am enjoying this story. I do find Faramir's exasperation with Eomer during the dinner, and his angry retort ('what would you know' I think it was) in this chapter to be unusual - even at 23, Faramir should be more of a well-mannered host to their guests, especially when Eomer is very young and inexperienced compared to him. I don't understand why Faramir is riding the gentle mare while the others are showing off fiery stallions - Faramir will be known later for his skill with horses. Is he so physically fragile that he can't control a more feisty horse? Why would Eomer think him weak; do men of the Mark jump up on their stallions to show off while recovering from fevers? And was Faramir relieved of his command; he's very touchy about it? The writing is very good; so I'm hoping that Faramir's unusually prickly/immature behavior will be explained later. He's enough of his usual intelligent and deep-minded self that he's far from unbelievable. I will read future chapters, and try to have patience. Oh, as cute as the image of Faramir reading a book while the others saddle up is, isn't it rather a rude thing to do when one is out with guests? Author Reply: Thanks for the feedback - I'm finding this fascinating not just in terms of the story but also in how people see manners etc. even at 23, Faramir should be more of a well-mannered host to their guests, especially when Eomer is very young and inexperienced compared to him. I guess the problem is that to my mind it is Eomer's very youth that makes Faramir feel able to speak to him with such freedom. He isn't an honoured guest, just the kid brother of his big brother's mate. However, obviously this isn't how my readers see it so I need to rewrite in some way. Thanks for letting me know how that comes across. I don't understand why Faramir is riding the gentle mare while the others are showing off fiery stallions Ah well, significant plot point. More will be revealed on that point later on. In essence though, Faramir is riding his comfort horse. Faramir is also, underscoring his unwillingness to play some of the more macho games (bet modern day Faramir wouldn't have spoilers on his car and a sound system that made your ears bleed - far more likely to do his research and choose a car that handled well, kept its resale value and had good fuel economy - IMO!) Why would Eomer think him weak; do men of the Mark jump up on their stallions to show off while recovering from fevers? Well, Eomer certainly would! ;-) IMHO, of course. I don't want to provide too much explanation at the moment because they are then spoilers for you if you keep reading. Sufficient perhaps to say that Faramir's belief that others see him as weak is also a significant plot point. Oh, as cute as the image of Faramir reading a book while the others saddle up is, isn't it rather a rude thing to do when one is out with guests? *grins* Well, I would! (See what I mean about learning how people see different things? It's really interesting.) I honestly don't see it as rude to wait elsewhere for them to get ready - Boromir just chose to do so because he likes people. Thanks, Raksha - you've given me some very interesting things to think about. | |