News Resources
Login
Become a member
Help
Search
|
|
| About Us News Resources
Login
Become a member
Help
Search
|
|
|
| The Grief and Guilt of a Ringbearer by Cantora Eledhwen | 18 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Marilla | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 11/25/2003 |
| Well, I've finished reading all you've got posted to this point, and I will continue reading this fic. A correction, this time gramatical in nature. Frodo was not "in the wrong spot when a very large troll THROUGH his javelin," he was "in the wrong spot when a very large troll THREW his javelin." Although they sound the same, "through" is a preposition and "threw" is the past tense of the verb "throw." If it seems like all I ever do is criticize your writing, I'm sorry. I really do like it - your writing style is easy to read and flows nicely, and you do a fairly good job of characterization. It's just that when I see something that jumps out at me as needing correction, I want to comment on it. It's the perfectionist in me coming to the fore. Author Reply: *huggles Marilla* Oh my goodness, I love your reviews! They give WONDERFUL advice and point out such embarrasing errors as the one above... *hangs head in shame* I can't believe some of those...! You know a lot about Tolkien, not to mention grammar. I will definately try and go back and fix all of that after the holidays! *head swims* I'm so busy... New chappie for GAGOAR coming this weekend probably. "...fairly good job of characterization." *snort* Thanks! I try. It is difficult to characterize such complex characters, though. Tolkien was very detailed. Keep reviewing! I love them! Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. I'd rather be a little disappointed that my chappie wasn't "perfect" rather than keeping a mistake up there for all the world to see. Thank you!!! -Cantora www.youngwriters.blogspot.com | |
| Marilla | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 11/25/2003 |
| Since you specifically asked for comments on the elvish: with my (very limited) elvish I can't find anything glareingly wrong with yours. The words I know, you've used correctly. The only correction I have regarding that passage is not regarding the translation, but the use of the name "Elessar (Elfstone)" for Aragorn at this point in the story. I believe that that name was given to him by Galadriel upon the Fellowship's departure from Lorien (at least in the books). I know this fic is stated as being movie-verse, but since they never call Aragorn "Elessar" in the movie at all (at least I can't remember them doing so), why not stick with the book? I like your use of horizontal lines to indicate when the pov changes - it really helps to clarify things and keep the story from being confusing. | |
| Marilla | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/25/2003 |
| Just a quick suggestion regarding your use of Gandalf's exact lines - you should really indicate that they come directly from the source, to differentiate them from your writing. Although I'd hope that anybody who is reading stuff on this site is at least well enough versed in Tolkien to recognize these lines, I believe it is a standard convention to mark even the most well-known quotations as quotations, either by putting them in italics or referencing them as such a footnote. | |
| pebbles | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 11/21/2003 |
| I like it! But please write longer chapters. I'm ready for more. | |
| Lossenchristal | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 11/21/2003 |
| Hi, I really like your story. I am looking forward to the next chapters. I always loved the part when Aragorn looks at Frodo and finds out he has the Mithril coat on. Keep up the good work! You have a nice style. -Lossenchristal Author Reply: Yey! I'm glad you like it. I hope you'll read the next two chapters. | |
| JULES6 | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 11/20/2003 |
| Hi there, great job once again - I am trying to do one of my own along this part of the journey and your version is just so great to read - very nice - more please soon !!!!!!. JULES | |
| Mysterious Jedi | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 11/20/2003 |
| That was an excellent start. Please continue. Author Reply: Thanks! I hope you can find time to read the next two chappies I've posted! | |
| JULES6 | Reviewed Chapter: Prologue on 11/20/2003 |
| Looking forward to reading more - well done so far. I always like the story surrounding about Frodo's guilt after Gandalf falls in Moria. JULES | |