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Pearl of Great Price  by Lindelea 3 Review(s)
Janice P.Reviewed Chapter: 5 on 12/3/2003
I love all of your stories, but I really like the way this one is developing. There have been references to the previous Thain's nasty mother in your (and I think other) stories. It looks like we are going to get a good, first hand look. I like the 'tude your Tooks show. I enjoy how you weave your stories together so carefully, picking up details from one to fit another.

Your language and grammar are carefully constructed, making reading your stories an enjoyable experience. The research you have put into what Tolkien provided gives a good base. The stories you have created for minor characters, making them major characters, are wonderful! There is a richness to the "world" you have appended onto JRR's that is an honest tribute to the books we know and love.

Thank you, and keep writing!

FantasyFanReviewed Chapter: 5 on 12/3/2003
I'm a little geographically challenged. Where is Paladin's farm, anyway? On my map, Whitwell and Tuckborough are pretty close together, and connected. And I thought there was a road between Bywater and Tuckborough - or is it just that it hasn't been built yet? To go around via Frogmorton and Stock seems a mighty long way out of the way indeed. Maybe I'll try to find a better map.

A few random thoughts: Why did you change the rating to PG? is Lalia really going to be that nasty? In the other chapter, I noticed Paladin edited the story of how Ferdi's mother died when he told it to his family - speak no ill of the dead indeed. I like the way Vinca is just a bit less sympathetic than Pearl or Nell: just the same as when they've grown up. And I like that little Pip is so focused on what he's doing right now that he has no idea what is going on next week. He's so open and innocent here, and I've always thought he was the most softhearted hobbit. Why did Frodo tell Will tea was on in the parlor, then direct him to the kitchen? The tea in the parlor remark was intended for Paladin and company, but they're still in the coach at the time? I'm happy Frodo's appreciative of the way Pearl's 'cleaned up' so to speak. He's just come of age, so he ought to notice a pretty girl, even if she is his second cousin once removed on his mother's side (and especially when there aren't any old aunties around ready to try matchmaking).

I'm not really fond of the way this paragraph reads:
Pippin perked up at once, causing her to congratulate herself on her healing skills, though of course, anyone, even a dying old gaffer, would have perked up after a dose of that horrid stuff. I’m sure you remember it from your own younger days, don’t you?

Having the last sentence adressed directly to the reader is jarring to me. I'd rather see Elegantine congratulating herself on her healing skills, and Pippin congratulating himself on having the wits to avoid another dose. Or something.

Last comment. Elegantine seems to have a bad feeling about this, but I don't think poor Pearl has any idea what she's getting into. We'll see what happens tomorrow!


Author Reply: Thanks for the review! I am using the map from "The Atlas of Middle Earth". If you are travelling from Bywater to Michel Delving, there is a road that branches southwards from Waymeet, I think (am doing this from memory, book is not at hand--it was a library book and I am on the wait list again). Whitwell is on that road, about on a line with Tookbank and Tuckborough. From Whitwell you can take a road east to Tookbank but the road ends there.

I don't know why Tolkien didn't put a road between Bywater and Tuckborough, but he didn't. I did, as an innovation got up between Thain Pippin and Mayor Sam, and probably other fanfic writers have as well.

If you look at the map of "A Part of the Shire" in Volume I--in my book it is just before Book 1--you will see a bit more clearly perhaps. The little clump of dwellings that is unlabelled on this map, at the juncture of the road going south to Longbottom and Sarn Ford and the road going east to Tookbank, anyhow, this little clump of dwellings is labelled "Whitwell" in the Atlas of ME.

The rating change reflects my own uneasiness at the thought of my 7yo reading about a mother trying to drown her own children, what a horrid thought to put in a little one's head! ...as the "true story" of the death of Ferdi and Rosemary's mother will come out in a later chapter. There is also a bit of suggestive stuff later on in the rough draft (not sure if it will make it to the final, depends on how the plot flows), involving Ferumbras, mild by today's standards I'm sure, but not something I would necessarily let my 7yo read (her idea of sex is the kiss between Cindrella and the Prince, and that's fine for now. She is not often in the position of having to worry about sexual harassment quite yet, and even when she plays with neighbour boys her big sis or her mom watches over the play, and she has had the standard "good touch" / "bad touch" lecture just to be sure--sad, ain't it?).

Was not happy about the "tonic" paragraph myself and am hoping my editor will help me smooth it out.

'Tea's just on in the parlour' was directed to the visitors who were peering out of the windows of the coach preparatory to exiting, and they would have expected the driver to have his tea in the kitchen with the rest of the hired help. Will would have understood this and not been offended. Perhaps I'll re-write Frodo's greeting anyhow if it's not clear.

Lyta PadfootReviewed Chapter: 5 on 12/2/2003
If I may suggest a title for this chapter, I'd call it "Transitions" as all the characters seem to be doing just that - Pearl, Pippin, Frodo, even the Brandybucks are transitioning from life travelling to being guests again. Poor Pippin, Pearl seems the sister closest to him in terms of personality. The bit about Bilbo throwing Frodo to the Tooks while he escaped made me fall off my chair! Pearl didn't seem as nervous as I might expect, but then I doubt it has really sunk in yet that she's going to be there for more than a visit. You are setting up Lalia well, can't wait to finally meet her as I suspect Pearl will find her more trying than any cow. Cows don't talk.

Author Reply: Thank you! "Transitions" just might suit.

Pearl isn't too nervous yet, but then she hasn't heard much about Lalia. I believe her parents don't engage much in the national pastime of Tookland--gossip. As a matter of fact, it will come out later that Paladin Took told a deliberate falsehood about the end of Ferdibrand's mother, knowing that it would spread as gossip and then be more or less forgotten as one of those sad events in life, whereas the real scandal would have been whispered about for years...

The Brandybucks didn't want to fill her head full of fears and fancies and so were very careful in what they told her.

You ought to be meeting Lalia in the next chapter, I think I've done all the filling in of details that the rough draft left out at this point in the story.

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