Stories of Arda Home Page
About Us News Resources Login Become a member Help Search

Shire: Beginnings  by Lindelea 4 Review(s)
DanaReviewed Chapter: 2 on 1/6/2005
Ack. How terribly ominous. And poor Pick -- poor Pick's mum, too, and his brothers and his sisters. What an awful thing to have happened to the Leaf family, as well.

And this:
'Aye,' his mother said. 'And there's somewhat wrong with the stream, as well, the water's fouled somehow, black and unwholesome. 'Tis a good thing we get our water from a spring, but your da wonders if that water will go off, next?'

'Is that why the pig drinks the first bucketful every morning?' Black asked in astonishment.

His mother nodded slowly. 'If the water goes off, he'd rather lose a pig than a hobbit.'

Made my heart hurt, it did.

LindorienReviewed Chapter: 2 on 1/7/2004
Dear Ms. Lindelea:

The whole chapter was very good. Something very scary is happening in it. They thought something was blood but it is really berry stains. It's a little short for a chapter, but good. We think that the rescuer scared the goblins away, if they were goblins and left Pickthorn to rest. We want to hear the next chapter.

Thanks, Lindorien's children

Tim the EnchanterReviewed Chapter: 2 on 11/26/2003
The story of the Leaf family is chilling. This chapter is considerably darker than the previous one.

Author Reply: Quite a bit; that's why there's a PG rating. I find orcs and ruffians to be darkening influences on a story...

Author Reply: Have to add, it won't get much darker. I don't go in for writing descriptions of things such as what the orcs did to the hobbits they captured. Imagination is quite enough.

MarillaReviewed Chapter: 2 on 11/26/2003
Hmm, I don't know that I've seen one of these before. I like the addition of the prologue - it IS helpful. Are they called the Thorn family because all of their names end in "-thorn?" I'm assuming that the reference to the black squirrels and water are too get across that they're living in the part of Greenwood that is near Dol Gulder (or where it will be - I'm not really sure where its building fits on the timeline in relation to this story)? Also, having Holly "call" the neighbors is a little confusing - to my extremely modern mind in brings up an image of a little hobbit girl on a telephone, which although it is a cute image isn't what I think you're trying to get across. Maybe you could phrase it differently, or make there seem like enough time for her to have run to a few holes?

I'm interested in this story, and I will be watching its progress and anxiously awaiting the updates.

Author Reply: Thanks for the comments. I will look at that part again, perhaps change "call" to "fetch". I did envision the hobbit community living within a fairly close distance of each other since they are not farming... and even if they were farming (I don't know how it is in England, but in Germany it is this way), often you have a cluster of farmers living together and farming the fields surrounding their little community. However, I might've let too little time elapse for Holly to finish "fetching" the neighbours!

In the timeline I have (Appendix B) chronology it says that a shadow falls on Greenwood in 1050 (and the Harfoots come to Eriador), that the Wise discover the stronghold in Dol Guldur in 1100, and in 1150 the Fallohides enter Eriador, while the Stoors come over the Redhorn Pass. So those are the dates I'm working from.

They're actually about halfway between Dol Guldur and the Old Forest Road when the story starts.

Thanks for the encouragement. I hope to post a chapter a day as I get the already-written stuff formatted, and then keep posting as new chapters are written. Comments are always welcome, especially when they point out flaws that are correctable. (Fatal flaws? Ummm, don't quite know what to say...)

Author Reply: There, I changed the wording a bit so that Holly ends up "whistling up" her brothers nad sisters, which fits; whistled signals would carry farther than voice, I think. I also changed "call" to "call to", and hope it no longer conjurs up images of telephones...

We hardly ever use our telephone. The phone line serves more as a link to the internet than anything else. I must admit, to me, "to call" is to lift up one's voice rather than a telephone receiver.

Return to Chapter List