Chapter 64. Into the Darkness

Frodo waited until Budgie and Viola left the room before he spoke. ‘Are you well, cousin?’ he said.

’As well as can be expected,’ Freddy answered. He was comfortably propped in his chair again, his feet up on the bed, and feeling a little sleepy from the draught. ‘How about you?’ he asked with a feeling of absurdity.

Frodo threw back his head and laughed, the old laugh that Freddy had missed these many months. ‘Look at the two of us!’ he said. ‘Don’t we make a pair!’ His laugh was infectious, and Freddy found himself chuckling as well.

’You’ll be the death of me yet, cousin,’ he answered, and Frodo sobered abruptly.

’I certainly hope not,’ he said. Leaning forward, he said, ‘I want you to make me a solemn promise.’

’I do not think I like the sound of this,’ Freddy said. ‘I won’t do it, if you are going to ask me to let you walk this road alone.’

’Ah, Freddy,’ Frodo said. He poured himself another cup of tea and spent a long time stirring the sugar in until he was satisfied that it had fully dissolved. Finally he looked up. ‘I am afraid to let you walk with me, Freddy,’ he said. ‘You’re not strong as it is.’

’I will be as strong as need be,’ Freddy said. ‘Why won’t you let Merry and Pippin help you? Why not Sam? Why walk alone into the dark? It’s not our way, Frodo, not the way hobbits do things. Is this what Men have taught you? I don’t think much of their ways, if it is so.’

’No, no of course not!’ Frodo said. ‘The best Man I know sat by my side for many hours, holding my hand, when my recovery was in doubt—that is, when Merry could not be with me, and with Sam, because he had to be with Pippin part of the time. Ah, Merry! It was difficult for him to be the only one of us on his feet... The King took his place some of the time, in Cormallen.’

’The King!’ Freddy exclaimed. ‘You had a King walking with you in the darkness?’ Frodo had not written of the days of healing in Cormallen. His account jumped abruptly from Pippin’s thoughts beneath the troll, to Gandalf’s rescue of the hobbits on the side of Mount Doom, to Sam’s wakening a fortnight later. Freddy had pressed him for details, but Frodo had put his cousin off, saying he’d come back to that part later. Now Freddy wondered if “later” would never come.

’And a fine job he did of it, too,’ Frodo said stoutly. ‘I’m told he sang songs and told stories as well as any hobbit would have.’

Freddy brought him back to the subject at hand. ‘Why not Merry now? He’d gladly give his all for you...’

’He has given enough,’ Frodo said. ‘Pippin, too. And Sam—how can I ask him to watch the darkness take me? How can I ask it of any of them? The Shadow has brushed each of them, and I would not have them see it claim me at last.’

’What about...’ Freddy said, and stopped.

’Yes, Freddy?’ Frodo prompted.

’What about Arwen’s offer? Her place on the Ship? She said you could be healed of your hurts...’

’Did you know, I looked for Bilbo in the woods, last Autumn?’ Frodo said absently. ‘I was torn between going with him to see him off, and going with him to board the Ship. Ah, ‘twas difficult, the choice that I anticipated. Much as I love Bilbo, I wanted to stay here. The Shire is my home, and more beautiful than it ever was for the price I paid to keep it as it is.’

’And so you stayed?’ Freddy said soberly. That option was closed, then.

’I never saw him,’ Frodo said. ‘Did I miss him, somehow? Elves can travel so quietly that they seem to be but a swift shimmer under the trees. Or is it that I mistook Elrond’s meaning, and they haven’t left yet? I haven’t the strength to travel to Rivendell, to see if any remain there, and who would take a message such a long way?’ He sighed. ‘And now my time is running out, and I suppose I shall never know...’

’Merry would go for you, were you only to ask him,’ Freddy said, but Frodo held up a hand.

’But then he’d have to know why,’ he said. As Freddy hesitated, Frodo’s expression grew stern. ‘You are not to tell anyone,’ he said. ‘Not Merry, not Pippin, not even my faithful Samwise.’

’But Frodo!’ Freddy protested.

’No,’ Frodo said stubbornly. ‘I won’t have them hovering about, dreading the end, haunted by Shadow. I’d rather ride off without a word to anyone, my fate a mystery forevermore, than to torment those that I love.’

’Torment?’ Freddy said. ‘You think not knowing would not be a torment?’

’Freddy,’ Frodo said intensely, putting a hand on his cousin’s. ‘You have seen only the smallest sliver of Shadow, the echo of darkness in Saruman, yet it haunts you still. Think on what Merry, Pippin and Sam have been through! You’ve read the accounts, but they don’t begin to describe their suffering!’

’So Merry wished it,’ Freddy said low.

’And Merry was right,’ Frodo said more gently. ‘There’s no need to darken the hearts and minds of hobbits with more than the details I’ve already written.’ He met Freddy’s eyes with his own, his gaze demanding attention. ‘I will not put my cousins through it,’ he said. ‘Do you understand me, Freddy?’

Freddy met his gaze for several breaths. ‘I understand,’ he said at last, ‘but do not expect me to abandon you. I will keep your secret, but I will not let you walk alone.’

’Freddy, you’re not well...’ Frodo began.

Freddy, incongruously, laughed. ‘So what is the worst that can happen? We die together, and walk into the darkness hand-in-hand,’ he said. ‘I’m not afraid!’ He took Frodo’s hand in a firm grip. ‘And if I survive, at least I can hold my head up, knowing I did not let you walk alone.’

’And you say you stayed behind at Crickhollow because you hadn’t enough courage,’ Frodo said, shaking his head. ‘Ah, cousin, you’ve enough courage for two.’

***

Frodo stayed another week, until the heat broke. Freddy spent the time scrupulously following Budgie’s orders: eating well, sleeping long, taking light exercise, talking and laughing much, now that all secrets were behind them. Thus it was when a day of cool rain came, Budgie allowed that he was strong enough to ride in the coach to Hobbiton, to see his cousin home.

They made an easy three-day journey, travelling slowly, the curtains rolled up that they might watch the countryside passing. Frodo drank in all the sights, ever thirsty for more of his beloved Shire. He especially enjoyed pointing out Sam’s trees, but found pleasure in many other things as well: children splashing in the puddles left by the rain, a brilliant rainbow in the sky, waves of wind sweeping over a sea of wheat, the good-natured laughter in the common room of an inn while savoury smells filled the air.

They reached Bag End near suppertime of the third day. ‘Home!’ Frodo exclaimed. ‘There’s something about it—no place else in the world could ever be so grand, not even Imladris or Lothlorien!’

’I dunno,’ Sam said, smiling to greet them and help them from the coach. ‘Lothlorien is awfully grand.’ He welcomed Freddy and Budgie, told Frodo he was looking much better, and said, ‘Supper is about ready, if you’d like to freshen up beforehand. Would you like to lie down, Mr Freddy?’

’I am well,’ Freddy said. ‘It was a restful journey, Sammy. With Budgie along how could it be otherwise?’ Changing the subject firmly, he said, ‘Now where’s that wondrous babe? Is it true that her hair is the colour of spun gold?’

’It grows brighter each day,’ Sam said. ‘I sometimes wonder if a wandering Elf mislaid some grace hereabouts and it ended up in our cradle! She’s a beauty.’

’Every father thinks so,’ Freddy laughed, but he had to admit that little Elanor was a beautiful baby in truth when he saw her. ‘May I?’ he asked a smiling Rose.

’Sit yourself down,’ she said, indicating the rocking chair in the kitchen. ‘You can cuddle her whilst I’m putting the finishing touches on our supper.’ Freddy sat obediently, and she settled the wee babe in his arms. Elanor looked up at him in surprise, and he found himself cooing, to Frodo’s great amusement.

’You’ll have to make him an honorary uncle, Rose,’ he chuckled. ‘Ellie’s got him eating out of her hand already.’

’Indeed,’ Freddy said, tenderly kissing the little fingers that explored his face. ‘Absolutely delicious, I must say. Supper pales by comparison.’ He felt a pang as little Ellie smiled and sang him a baby’s song. Melilot Brandybuck remained unmarried; if somehow he were to survive Frodo’s coming crisis, would it be possible to return to the plans of a lifetime ago? Could someday a little one of his own rest in his arms, thus?

’She grows heavier each day,’ Rose said. ‘You must eat something of more substance if you wish to keep yourself strong enough to hold her!’ She turned back to open the oven, removing a pie that was a wonder to behold.

’Mushrooms?’ Freddy asked, taking a deep whiff.

’Rosie’s famous meat and mushroom pie,’ Sam said.

’Ah, the one Merry nearly married her for,’ Freddy said. ‘Aren’t you glad things worked out as they did, Frodo? I cannot imagine a Bag End without a Rose and an Elanor.’

’Nor can I,’ Frodo said, ‘but it’s my turn to hold her.’

’You get to hold her all the time!’ Freddy protested.

’You’ll have to make a long visit if you want more time with the baby,’ Frodo said, lifting Ellie from Freddy’s arms. ‘Who’s my little apple dumpling, then?’ he crooned. ‘Who’s my little ray of sunshine?’ The baby’s eyes lit up and she smiled winningly.

’She missed you, I think,’ Rose said as she carried the pie out of the kitchen. ‘We’re all that glad to have you back, Mr Frodo. Somehow the smial’s just not the same without you.’

’Yes,’ Frodo said to Ellie in a silly voice. ‘We must tiptoe about and never make a fuss, or “Uncle Fro” cannot get his writing done!’ He shifted Ellie to one arm and began to dance slowly about the kitchen, singing a Springle-ring song.

’It’s good to see you looking so well, Mr Frodo,’ Sam said as he pulled the cork of a wine bottle. ‘You must have had a very restful time at Midge Hall.’

’Ah yes,’ Frodo said brightly. ‘With Freddy’s resident healer hovering about, I had little choice in the matter.’

’As Freddy’s resident healer hovering about, I must insist that you hand over that babe to me and sit yourself down in the dining room,’ Budgie said with mock seriousness.

They made a merry meal and went early to bed, as early as baby Ellie, as a matter of fact. ‘Not much reason to stay up, once the sunshine’s gone,’ Frodo said as Rose made to carry the baby off.

’It’s just as well,’ Budgie said. ‘Even a slow journey is tiring, and you’re not long over your heat sickness, Mr Baggins.’ To Sam, he said, ‘Your master will have to take it easy the rest of the summer. Once you have heat sickness, you’re more likely to have it again if you overdo in the hot weather.’

’I see,’ Sam said, and Budgie nodded in satisfaction at having headed off anxiety over more serious matters on Sam’s part. He understood Frodo’s not wanting to worry Sam over his condition; his father had told him of many slowly dying patients who wanted life to continue as usual, for as long as possible. Each day was a golden coin in the treasure box of memory—better to build good memories than to fill the days with dread of what the future held. There would be a time for Sam to grieve, but not yet. Not yet, the healer repeated to himself. Not for some weeks, yet. Frodo was refreshed by the recent respite, and with care might continue as he was now for the rest of the summer, at least until the sixth of October.

The next morning, Freddy surprised Frodo by rising when he heard the teakettle’s whistle. ‘Going for your usual walk?’ he said. ‘Mind if I come along?’

’Freddy, I’m touched,’ Frodo answered. ‘I didn’t think you ever arose before second breakfast.’

’Even a wastrel can make an exception,’ Freddy said. ‘I thought I’d come and see what your fascination with the early morn is all about.’ He downed a cup of tea, smiled at Ellie, sleeping in a basket in the corner of the kitchen, and took his walking stick from the stand. ‘I’m ready when you are,’ he said.

Frodo finished his own tea. ‘Right-o!’ he said. ‘I’ll show you my favourite walk.’ To Rose he said, ‘We’ll be back in time for second breakfast!’

’Have a lovely walk,’ Rose said, kneading the bread dough she’d set to rise overnight. It’d have a delightfully sour taste to complement the shirred eggs and fried ham, the cheese-laced potatoes and herb-and-breadcrumb-stuffed baked tomatoes fresh from the garden.

’We shall,’ Freddy said, and with that they were gone. Budgie had already left on an early-morning walk of his own, down the Hill to visit the Cottons. He figured, and rightly so, that the cousins would have much to talk about, and wisely took himself out of the way. He knew Frodo would not let Freddy overdo.

The cousins walked slowly up the road leading to Overhill, pausing often to rest. ‘I’m afraid I’m not much for climbing hills,’ Freddy confessed.

’You’ll have to stay out of the Green Hill country, then,’ Frodo said.

’Not to mention the Hills of Scary,’ Freddy said. ‘Still,’ he said, looking about him, ‘it’s worth all the huffing and puffing.’

They had reached the summit. The road ran along the crest of the Hill and then dipped sharply on its way to the little community of Overhill. Frodo indicated a large, flat stone a little ways off the road. ‘Come,’ he said. ‘I often like to sit here and catch my breath before turning back to hole, hearth and breakfast.’

The cousins sat down and viewed in silence the panorama that spread out on all sides. Well-ordered fields made a patchwork below, outlined with stone walls. Here and there were little clumps of trees, promising shade and rest as the day grew warm. Smoke arose from stove-pipes and chimneys, telling of breakfast in the making. Some hard-working hobbit mums had already hung out wash for the day, though they must have been up betimes to do so. The bright colours added a festive air to the green landscape. The Water sparkled silvery blue far below, running on its course to the Brandywine.

’Beautiful,’ Freddy sighed.

’Isn’t it, though?’ Frodo agreed. ‘I’d like to be buried on this spot. O I know I won’t be able to see it, then, isn’t that silly? But any who care to remember me could always come here, sit on the rock, have a quiet smoke and think of me kindly, I hope.’

Freddy nodded without speaking. A sudden lump had come into his throat.

’Isn’t it odd?’ Frodo mused aloud.

Freddy found his voice. ‘What’s odd?’ he asked.

’Nearly a year ago, before I knew I was ill, I used to come up here and muse,’ Frodo said. ‘I decided I’d rather live and die here in the Shire than see the most beautiful places the world has to offer. I was glad, as a matter of fact, that Bilbo had passed me by...’

’And now?’ Freddy said.

’I’m resigned,’ Frodo said. ‘No, that’s not right. That sounds sad, somehow. I’ve seen so much of Middle-earth, cousin! Not just horrors, but the most beautiful places in Middle-earth, as well, and yet—I am content. The Shire is where I was born, it is the place I love best in all the world, and it seems fitting that here is the place where I’ll be buried.’ He took a deep breath and repeated softly, ‘I am content.’

’What if you could stay?’ Freddy said.

’Eh? What’s that, cousin? I don’t follow you,’ Frodo said.

’What if you could fight this, and keep on?’ Freddy said.

’O Freddy,’ Frodo sighed. ‘I’ve never stopped fighting. Every day is a new battle. I promise to keep on with the fight, as long as any strength is left to me.’ He held out a hand, and Freddy gripped it tightly, but looking down at the slender fingers, so like his own, he had the feeling that Frodo was already slipping away.