Not So Happy Returns

by Soledad

Disclaimer: see in the Foreword.

Author’s note: This scene takes place immediately after the Fall of Gondolin, hence the many “new arrivals” in the Halls.

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December 14 – Darkness

The worst thing in the Halls was the darkness. It was like Nan Elmoth all over again: she knew that light existed, she could even glimpse faint reflections of it in a great distance, but it never quite reached the place where she was kept. Making her yearn for the light and glory she could never reach.

It was rather oppressing, really. Why did the cursed Halls have to be so dark?

“They are not,” a voice said and, turning around, she saw a tall, slender figure standing just beyond arm’s reach.

He looked like an Elf – like a Noldo, in fact, with a pale, angular face and artfully braided dark hair, but she could feel that he was more than that. A Maia, most likely, though not one she had met before.

“The Halls are not dark,” he repeated. “What you perceive is the very darkness you have brought here with you.”

She gave him an unfriendly glare. “Who are you and what are you talking about?”

The… person inclined his head. “I am called Nornorë, and I am currently helping out in the Halls. We had many new arrivals lately, and my brethren have asked for help. And I merely said that you have brought your own darkness here. You shan’t be able to see aught else ‘til you undergo Judgement. Then you shall rest ‘til your hröa is ready to be reborn into a new body and return to Life.”

“I do not want to be reborn,” she hissed. “If the Valar think they can force me to go back to my murderer, they are sorely mistaken!”

The Maia sighed. “The Valar do not intend to force you to do anything, child; you or anyone else. And you need not to worry about returning to Endero. He refused to come to the Halls and chose to continue his existence as a disembodied spirit.”

Aredhel could not suppress a little evil satisfaction.

“Good,” she said. “Becoming a wraith will suit him; and it is no more than what he deserves.”

“He did it to set you free,” said Nornorë gravely. “He told Lord Námo that this was his atonement for killing you, however unintentionally.”

“And now I am supposed to be grateful?” demanded Aredhel. “After he had held me imprisoned in that gloomy forest of his, making me live in a peasant’s hut, and then tried to murder my son?”

“Much pain may have been spared Endórë, had he succeeded,” replied the Maia darkly. “But that is neither here nor there. What you are supposed to do is to forgive him. And, more importantly, to forgive yourself for falling under his enchantment. For as long as you cannot forgive yourself, you shan’t be able to accept Forgiveness, either; and without that, you shall never find your way out of this darkness. Think about it, Lady Ar-Feiniel. Think about it very carefully.”

~Fin~