Chapter Forty-two

"Goodness, Elanor, do you smell what Mummy smells?"

"Oooo ah?"

"I was thinking it smells like burnt tea. I guess your Auntie Linwe is already up." Rosie walked towards the kitchen, carrying a happy Elanor in her arms. Rosie entered the kitchen to find that the air was filled with smoke. The table was covered with stacks of dishes and jars. Linwe stood on a stool scrubbing a shelf. "Linwe, Has it escaped your notice that the tea has boiled to nothing?"

Linwe glanced over her shoulder, "Oh, I am sorry about that," then went back to her scrubbing.

"Linwe, what are you doing?"

"Cleaning the shelves, they need it."

"We just cleaned them a month ago."

"They need it again. Then I plan to scrub every wall in the hole."

Rosie watched Linwe’s back as she continued her efforts. Linwe was scrubbing so furiously Rosie could just about believe that Linwe would scrub through the thick piece of oak that was the shelf. "Linwe, please come down from there."

"I need to get this done."

"Linwe, come down from there this instant!"

Linwe ignored Rosie.

Rosie set Elanor down in her high chair then handed her a wooden spoon. When Elanor was safely stowed away, Rosie picked up a towel to move the hot kettle away from the fire, opened a window, then turned back toward her friend. "Linwe, what is the matter?"

Linwe said nothing.

"Dearest, you are obviously upset. Will you not tell me what is the matter?"

Linwe only started scrubbing faster and harder.

"Is this because Frodo has left? I know you will miss him, but the weeks will pass quickly. Before you know the time has past he will be home again."

Linwe suddenly froze.

To Rosie it looked as though every muscle in Linwe’s body must be stone ridged. Rosie reached out to lay her hand on Linwe’s arm. "Linwe, please talk to me. You are starting to scare me."

Linwe slowly turned to look down at Rosie. Tears spilled down Linwe’s face.

"He’s.... He’s..."

"Linwe, you must calm down." The tension left Linwe’s body all at once. Rosie managed to get hold of Linwe and keep her from falling off the stool. It was only with Rosie’s support that Linwe managed to remain standing when her feet were once again on the floor. Rosie kept her arms around Linwe, while at the same time trying to keep enough distance so that she could see Linwe’s face.

"He’s..."

"He who? Is there something the matter with Frodo?"

Linwe only nodded her head. Her breath was starting to come in great heaving sobs

"What is it? What is wrong with Frodo?"

"He’s... He’s..." That harder Linwe fought to surpress the sobs the stronger they seemed to become.

"Linwe, what ever is the matter? Do you need me to have someone go after Frodo? Dear heart, if something is wrong then we can send a rider after him. He can not be far down the road."

Linwe could not answer. She could barely breath. She felt as though her heart had been ripped from her. She hurt so much. How was it possible to still be alive with such complete heart break? How would she endure it to the next moment.

Rosie felt her own emotions starting to become frantic as she took in Linwe’s apparent battle with utter despair. What ever could be hurting her so? What aside from Frodo’s death could have this effect on her. "Linwe, I have to run down to New Row. I am going to have one of my brothers ride out after Frodo and Sam. We can have them back here in just a couple of hours.

Linwe reached up to take a tight hold on Rosie’s arms and started to shake her head furiously. "N-no... NO!"

"Linwe, you are not well, Frodo will want to be here. Now please calm down, I will be right back."

"NO!"

"Linwe, I have to!"

"He’s... He’s... He’s..."

"He’s what? I do not understand?"

"He’s..." Linwe heaved one last time. Forcing herself to take slow deep breaths, she calmed herself enough to speak, "Gone! Rosie, he’s gone!"

"Yes, darling, I know. But he will not be gone that long. In fact he can be back today. I am sure Frodo will not mind."

"You don’t understand!" sobbed Linwe.

"What do I not understand? I can’t know if you don’t tell me."

"He’s gone. Frodo’s gone. He’s... not ... ever ... coming ... BACK!" Linwe fought to suppress the sobs that were threatening to overcome her again.

"Of course he is coming back. Linwe, Frodo will be fine, he will make it to Rivendell then home again just fine. You know the Elves will not let anything happen to him."

Linwe sobbed for several long moments before getting some control over herself, "He isn’t going to Rivendell. He is going to the Grey Havens. Rosie, Frodo is leaving with the Elves!"

"I don’t understand," said Rosie in a shocked quiet voice, "Linwe, I thought the Elves were leaving, never to return to Middle Earth."

"And so is Frodo!"

Rosie was silent as she absorbed what she had just been told. "But why?"

"He... He still hurts," Linwe fought to keep her breathing slow and even, "The wounds never fully healed. The longer he stays in Middle Earth the worse it gets. He feared hurting me. Oh, Rosie! He is hurting so much!" Linwe lost her battle with her emotions. Just before she crumpled to the floor overcome by her grief, Rosie was at Linwe’s side guiding her to a chair. Linwe sat sobbing. Rosie bustled about the kitchen, first getting Linwe a cold mug of water, then putting a fresh kettle of water on for tea. Taking a cold damp cloth, Rosie went back to Linwe’s side and pressed the cloth to her forehead. Linwe turned and wrapped her arms around Rosie. With her face buried in Rosie’s apron Linwe cried.

When Linwe’s sobs finally subsided Rosie pulled back, wiped Linwe’s face with the cloth, "Do you think you can tell me everything, while I fix you some tea?"

Linwe nodded, "Yes, I think so."

"Sam told me that Frodo had been invited to leave with the Elves while they were still in Minis Tirith. He and I both assumed that when you two decided to get married that Frodo was well enough to stay."

Linwe sniffed, "Frodo and I thought the same ourselves."

"Very well then, Frodo’s wounds are too deep to allow him to stay, but why have you not gone with him?"

"Because Lord Elrond forbids it," Linwe said quietly.

Rosie kept struggled to keep the sudden flare of anger she felt for the Elf Lord from showing itself in the tone of her voice. "Lord Elrond forbids it. When were you informed of this?"

"Do you remember meeting Merenwen on our way to Buckland for our wedding?"

"Yes"

"She took us aside to speak with us alone."

"Yes, I remember that, when you and Frodo came back you both seemed a bit upset. Frodo more than you, I think."

"That was because she had just told us that if we were to marry then Frodo decided that he must go with the Elves, I would not be permitted to go. Lord Elrond himself has said this would not be permitted."

"I don’t understand. How did Lord Elrond know about you? How did he know that you and Frodo might marry when the two of you had only come to the decision a few days ago yourself? You were only aware of the possibility for a few days."

"Merenwen told him."

"Why did she tell him? Why would Merenwen think to tell him to begin with? It isn’t as though he knows you. Did he even know you existed?"

"Yes, he knew I existed. Lord Elrond learned of my presence in the world shortly after I was born. Merenwen felt, and rightfully so, that she was duty bound to tell Lord Elrond of her efforts to help my mother have a baby. Lord Elrond was not pleased by this but Merenwen refused to take her help and friendship from my mother and father. Lord Elrond asked that she tell him if her efforts were a success. Merenwen did, once in a while after, he would inquire as to how I was fairing but for the most part ignored my existence."

"If he barely ever asked about you then why did Merenwen feel the need to talk to him of the possibility of your marrying Frodo? When she talked to him the possibility still had to be quite remote."

"Oh Rosie, this is such a long, complex story."

"I am sorry to say this dear, but it would seem that we have time. You have apparently been keeping many secrets to yourself. I think perhaps that it is time you start telling those secrets."

"Perhaps, but there is so much to tell. So many things are tied to other things, to explain one I have to explain something else first and still something else before that."

Rosie’s eyes narrowed slightly with a sudden insight, "Linwe would any of this have anything to do with those scars that you have that happen to match Frodo’s own?"

Linwe stared at Rosie in shock and surprise, "How do you know of those?"

"I found out after you became sick last winter, as did Esmeralda, Merry, Pippin, and Sam. When you were sick, Frodo refused to sleep. He just stayed at your bedside day and night. By the time Esmeralda, Merry, and Pippin arrived, Frodo was exhausted and filthy from not having bathed for several days. He was sent to the kitchen for a proper meal while Esmeralda looked you over. When Esmeralda came to the kitchen later, it was with the news that you had been pregnant and had suffered a miscarriage. I remember Frodo could only sit there in stunned silence, at first. He then went to the hearth here, took hold of the mantle, leaning against it for a moment, then he suddenly cried out in so much rage and pain as he swept all the dishes from the mantle. He started to move towards the corner cupboard but Merry got to him first. Frodo collapsed in Merry’s arms. Esmeralda forced Frodo to take a strong sleeping drought. After that, Merry carried Frodo back to your room. Merry had just finished with undressing Frodo and cleaning him up a bit when Esme came into the room to check on both of you. When she was looking Frodo over she noticed one of his scars. She thought it looked familiar but could not remember where she had seen it. A few minutes later as she was about to leave the room, she turned to take one last glance at you and Frodo. It was then she noticed that the two of you were lying in nearly the exact same position. She kept looking at you, she thinks she saw the two of you move your heads in the same way at the same time, but the movement was so subtle that she was not sure. Esme said that all of a sudden she found herself thinking of the night you collapsed at Brandy Hall just days after arriving there with your parents. Esme went to your side, pulled aside your gown to reveal the scar on your shoulder, then called Merry over to look at it. Esme asked Merry if Frodo had other scars from the quest and so it was they and then the rest of us came to know that you had scars that matched Frodo’s. I don’t remember which of the lads it was that immediately came up with the idea that you had some how shared in part some of what Frodo had been through on the quest."

Linwe blinked several times her eyes reflecting her disbelief, "I see, Frodo and I have not been the only one to keep secrets."

"No, dearest, you were not the only ones. The others, Merry especially, wanted to ask you and Frodo about the scars but Esmeralda and I forbid them to. We felt that it was a personal matter that the two of you wished to keep between yourselves, still, I wondered myself, I wanted to ask so often," Rosie paused, glanced out the window and sighed, "I have so often felt that there was this secret part of you. It seemed the more I got to know you, the closer we became, the more it became clear that there was a part of yourself that you were keeping carefully hidden. I wanted so much to understand what that was but I knew I could not ask, that is I could not until now. Linwe, don’t you think it is time you tell me everything?"

Linwe spent the better part of that day telling all that she had with held from Rosie over the last couple of years. Of the ‘Lost Spells’, the truth of the seeming illnesses suffered at Brandy Hall, and of Merenwen going back to tell Lord Elrond of it all, "It was because of this bond between us that I woke one night and went to his room," said Linwe remembering the fateful night, "He was having a night mare. I could feel his terror. I went to his room and found him sitting in his chair by the fire. I went to him. Put my hand on his shoulder to wake him. His eyes flew open and were filled with a burning fury. With an angry growl he reached up and threw me across the room. I fell against the small cabinet that is near his bed. I think I hit my head on the wall. I fell to the floor. I know I hit my head on there. The vase that sat on the cabinet was knocked over so that it went crashing to the floor. Frodo said it was the shattering of the vase that woke him up. He awoke to find me lying there, unconscious. When I awoke, I sat up, the neck of my gown had slipped off my left shoulder. It was not but a few moments later that Frodo saw my scar there. I had no choice but to tell him everything. I didn’t want to. I knew it would hurt him and it did."

"But it was obviously for the best," Rosie said quietly, "apparently in telling him the truth the two of you were able to come to an understanding. You were finally able to share your true feelings with one another. I was so glad that you did. It was a good thing, wasn’t it?"

"Yes," Linwe said sadly, "it was. Even now, I believe it was, though this all hurts so much."

Rosie squeezed Linwe’s hand, "When did you learn that Frodo might one day need to leave with the Elves?"

"When he proposed to me properly. He told me that he had been invited to leave with them. He said that he wanted to marry me and take me with him if I was so willing. I, of course, agreed. Neither of us had any notion that for some reason that this would not be permitted. I was not aware that Merenwen had long suspected that Frodo and I would come to the point of marrying. I did not know that Lord Elrond had required that she keep him informed of how our relationship unfolded. When Merenwen told him that she believed Frodo and I to be deeply in love, and that it was possible that in time Frodo would accept that and that we would then marry, Lord Elrond for saw that Frodo would likely still choose to go on the ship west and expect me to be able to go with him. Lord Elrond made his suspicions clear to Merenwen and told her that my leaving was not possible. He said that in the event Frodo and I decided to marry it would be her duty to tell us of this one condition. Which she did."

"Was there any explanation of why you were forbidden?"

"No, there was not. I remember when Merenwen told us this, Frodo had asked why. Merenwen said that she could not tell us, but then went on to say that Frodo’s greatest chance at true peace was in staying here if he could."

"So Merenwen neatly diverted your attention."

"Yes, I suppose she did. She always was good at that."

"What I want to know is why? Why aren’t you permitted to go? What reason does this Lord Elrond have for forbidding you? What authority does he have?" Rosie demanded in exasperation.

"Frodo and I must look terribly foolish to you now," Linwe said sadly.

"No, dearest, I am so sorry. I did not mean for all that to come out that way."

"You might as well have, it is true. Frodo and I never really questioned why I was not allowed. Whenever we asked Merenwen she would say little then change the subject. We should have demanded answers. But it is too late now. Frodo is gone. I will never see him again."

~~~~~

Linwe, set her cup down on the table next to the bed then snuggled down beneath the quilts. It had been a long day. She spent most of it telling Rosie all that had been kept silent for so long. It had felt good to finally share the burden. Now Linwe felt exhausted and empty. At Rosie’s insistence, Linwe had fixed herself a cup of tea that would be sure to ease her into sleep. Linwe had been most willing, she wanted to escape into sleep. Escape the pain of waking. Linwe rolled over turning her back on the table and the now empty tea cup. She ignored the candle that still burned there. She knew that Rosie would be in to check on her later. Rosie could blow it out then. Linwe let it burn, not wishing to be alone in the dark.

With one hand she reached out to gently caress Frodo’s pillow, then she pulled it near her burying her nose in it, she inhaled deeply. Autumn, it smelled like autumn, it smelled like him, it smelled like drying fallen leaves. As she inhaled the fragrance she could hear the sound of rustling leaves. She closed her eyes, then breathed deeper still. He was there before her. He held his hand out to her. His maimed hand. He smiled at her. Linwe could see peace in his smile. A peace as she had never seen there before. A soft breeze blew by her, tugging at her skirts then ruffling Frodo’s hair. She heard the sound of dry leaves rustling in the air. She smelled their mildly spicy sent. A mist started to rise up, tendrils snaking around herself and Frodo. Linwe could only stand motionless and watch the mist rise, gradually obscuring her view of Frodo. She looked beyond him and to either side of her, coming to the realization that she was surrounded be a gray landscape. It was as though she were surrounded by fog. Dim shapes could be seen, she wondered were they trees? She looked back to Frodo, he smiled at her then turned and walked away into the fog and rising mist.

"Frodo?" she said. Her voice fell flat as though it went no further than her thought and lips. Frodo continued to walk on. Linwe could only watch helpless stillness as she watched him disappear into thickening fog and mist, followed by the restless stirring of autumn leaves in his tracks.

"Frodo!" she called again. Again her voice seemed to not carry. "Frodo, come back!" her call was only answered by the swirling damp fog. A soft whimper escaped her lips as cold despair filled her. She hugged herself and shifted her feet. She realized she could move. She wondered why she had not before. Had she tried? She took a step then another. She started to walk. Dark shadows in the missed loomed all around her. Trees, they were definitely trees. She continued walking forward, expecting to have her way blocked by a tree at any moment but the path remained clear.

"Frodo!" she called out once more into the lifeless air, "Frodo, where are you? I can’t see you. Come back to me!" There was no answer. Linwe’s footsteps quickened. Soon she was running. The trees kept there distance, never blocking her way, but the fog remained endless. Linwe ran without awareness of time. She called out again and again but still Frodo did not answer. He did not come back to her. She started to cry. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she kept on running and calling out to him. It was too much, it was hopeless. "Frodo!" she sobbed as she finally stopped. "Frodo" she said again as her legs gave out from beneath her. "Frodo," she cried over and over again wearily, having no more strength but for that and tears.

How much time passed in this timeless place, Linwe did not know. A sound came to her came to her, a chime that sounded of gentle sadness carried on the swirling mists. Linwe paid no heed. "Frodo," she whispered over and over again. Her eyes closed, her mind and heart sunk into deep despair, she did not see the light coming towards her, she did not hear the footsteps stirring of the leaves. She was not aware of the presence of another until a warm hand came to rest gently on her brow and she heard a voice say, "Be at peace my little one. All is not as it would seem." Linwe opened her eyes, the first rays of a newly risen sun filled her room, the room she had shared with Frodo. She turned to see a face as dear as it was familiar, "Merenwen, why are you here?"