It had taken every bit of courage he had for Erestor to tell Losgael how he felt. As Elrond's chief advisor, he was always busy in his office or in the library, where he dealt with the accounts or attended to the various delegations and merchants who made their way to the Elven realm. There were no songs about him, and he could hardly complain about this. Who would write a song about a capable administrator? A learned bookworm whose knowledge of the history of Middle-earth was unrivalled in five realms? A student of matters of the heart and soul, whose understanding of people and their feelings and attitudes made him useful when negotiating treaties or discussing strategies for battles? There was nothing exciting about Erestor, though he was a most remarkable Elf.

He gazed into the eyes of Losgael, Celebrían's lady-in-waiting, and attempted to gauge her response to his disclosure of his feelings for her. It was not the cold wind blowing busily around them that caused him to shiver, for being an Elf, he did not feel the cold. It was the increasing fear that Losgael would reject him.

Losgael's eyes closed for a moment, and her lips parted. She always did that when making a major decision, he had seen it over and over again.

“I had not considered you in that light, Erestor, but I see no harm in getting to know you better. I hope you will not see this as assenting to anything other than friendship,” she stated, her voice even.

“If that is the best I can hope for,” he replied, daring to believe that it could lead to better things, “it shall suffice.”

“Let us play with the children, then,” she said, and walked towards the family.

The bell rang for the evening meal just then, and they all made their way inside.

“Another time then,” said Erestor, disappointed.

“I shall be in the sewing room after dinner,” Losgael replied.

In the sewing room, Losgael sat alone, ostensibly repairing a torn tablecloth. It was usual, during the Yule festival, to spend the evenings enjoying the festivities. There were stories and songs in the Hall of Fire and games to play in the great hall. She was not even sure why she was in there, to be honest. Erestor liked her, and this was a chance to meet him and speak to him in private. It was improper for a lady to see a suitor on her own, but Losgael had somehow convinced herself that Erestor was not a suitor, so the usual rules did not apply. 'But we will be alone!' a voice cried in her head. 'If we leave the door open, people will see that there is nothing untoward going on,' she answered herself. 'Besides, it is more of a guideline than an actual rule set in stone.'

The door moved, and Erestor entered the room. “Good evening, my lady,” he said, polite and formal in his manner.

“Good evening, my lord,” she replied, matching his tone. “I thought you would be downstairs wit the others.”

“But you are up here,” he replied, “and all alone. I thought I would keep you company.”

“Thank you, my lord,” she replied. “It is good to have someone to talk to.”

Erestor remained at the door, apparently undecided. “I was expecting the lady Maerdess to be up here with you.”

“She seems happy enough to remain downstairs,” Losgael replied. “You seem uncomfortable, my lord.”

“I thought it would be improper for me to enter the room if a lady was alone in here,” he replied. He watched her carefully, as if afraid of walking into a trap.

“I considered that, my lord, but if we leave the door open, and you sat at a distance from me, we should not attract any gossip,” said Losgael.

Erestor remained where he was and asked, “Would you rather be alone, my lady?”

“No. Shall I come out, and speak with you on the balcony?”

“That would be more appropriate, I deem,” he replied with a sigh of relief.

Feeling somewhat light-headed, as if floating on a cloud, Losgael dropped what she was doing and rose from her seat. Erestor's wary expression changed as his guard dropped, and he stepped away from the door when she reached him. Noticing this, she allowed him to walk within two paces of her as they made their way to the balcony.

“I thought you would be with your lady,” Erestor said as they leaned over the rail, not making eye contact.

“I told her someone wanted to speak with me,” she replied, “and asked if I could meet him. She agreed, with the most delighted expression on her face. I have wondered if your sudden declaration of an interest in me was her idea, but now I am not sure.”

“Ah yes,” he said. He held his breath for a moment, then let it out. The lights coming from the windows above and below barely illuminated the scene, and the moon was waning. Their breath billowed thickly just in front of their mouths, showing silvery in the gloom. “Our lady Celebrían does like to interfere over-much in the affairs of others.”

Losgael turned to him, intrigued. “Has she interfered in your affairs, my lord?”

“Once,” he said, turning to her. “I know she has been discussing personal matters with you lately, and seeing to it that you have been given tasks that stretch your heart and mind. This has caused you to grow in wisdom and confidence. I was also impressed with the way you helped the lady Maerdess to blossom, having hidden so long in the shadows. I know that much of it has been her doing. Indeed, her desire is only to help and encourage her friends. However, she is ruled more by her head than by her heart, and this can sometimes lead her into choppy waters.”

“My lady did tell me you were instrumental in bringing her and our lord Elrond together,” said Losgael. She smiled with happiness as she remembered Celebrían's courtship.

“I was,” he replied, sharing her joy. “I still believe she is the most suitable lady for him. She complements him perfectly in every way. She is the bright moon and sparkling stars that illuminate his sky.”

“I remember her reading that to me!” Losgael cried. “Were those your words?”

“Yes.”

Losgael went quiet for a moment, and thought of the love affairs she knew about, particularly that of her lady. Did any of them spring from the desires of the people involved, or did they all require a certain level of interference?

“What are you thinking, my lady?” asked Erestor, looking away.

“Are any of the love affairs I have seen based on genuine affections, or are they the products of interference by well-meaning people?” asked Losgael. She needed to know!

“It is impossible to manufacture love, my lady,” Erestor replied, “else I would have found happiness by now. No, my lady, this is my own doing. As for my lady, all I did was tell my lord the best way to persuade her to feel the same for him as he did for her.”

“The messages you sent were so sweet, filled with the most beautiful poetry I have ever heard,” said Losgael. “Was any of it his?”

“Elrond is was in love, but afraid to speak of it,” Erestor told her, his voice soft and dreamy. “It was a long time before he did mention it, but I finally persuaded him to tell me why he often stood on this balcony, lost in thought and looking miserable. When he told me he had fallen in love, my heart leapt within me. I wanted to bring about the match if I could, and make my friend happy. I asked him often how he felt, and what he liked best about her. Using the things he told me, I asked Lindir to compose love poems and songs without telling him who they were intended for. The lady's heart was moved when she learned that an Elf-lord famed for healing, wisdom and feats of bravery was pining for her, and she wished to get to know him better. The words were his, but arranged with an expert hand and sent to her.”

“Celebrían has done everything she could to make me more attractive to Glorfindel,” said Losgael, who was as familiar about the chief members of the household as Erestor was, “but he took to Maerdess instead. She advised me to take pleasure in my friend's joy and to do everything I could to rid myself of desire for him. 'It is when you have lost him that you will find him,' she told me.”

“That is good advice, as good as I would have given you,” Erestor replied, respect in his tone. “It only failed because Glorfindel's heart is not open to you yet. Given time, he might feel drawn to you. Much has changed in a short space of time, and we Elves dislike change.”

“What is it about me that opened your heart to me?” asked Losgael, her heart moved by Erestor's love for his friends. He was more concerned for the happiness of others, and that appealed to her.

“You have shown a great capacity for selfless love, Losgael,” he said, his voice low and tender. “That, and your loyalty and patience towards others have made me see what I have been missing in my life. I never thought I would ever meet so fine a lady. I honestly believed they only dwelt in my imagination.”

“I am flattered, my lord,” Losgael replied. A blush heated her face. “But I worry that, once you get to know me better, I will fall short of your perception of me.”

“I have been watching you for a long time, my lady,” he replied with a smile, “and I know you find it hard to understand why things are not always as they appear to be. I know you have found it hard to express the pain you endured for so long, which has held you back from growing to full womanhood in your heart and mind, but I have seen how you have worked to overcome those things. It is not perfection I seek in a person, but the ability to accept and work through imperfections. I see that in you, Losgael.”

“So you see me as I am, and love me nonetheless,” Losgael said, not sure if she was happy about being watched.

“No, my lady, I see you as you are and love you for it. No-one is perfect, myself least of all,” he told her, a trace of desperation in his voice.

She recognised that feeling. The fear that the efforts made had been wasted, like a thread on a beautiful garment that, when pulled, unravelled so completely that only a wrinkled thread was left of a fine shirt.

Glorfindel had not yet worn the shirt she had made him.

A wasted effort? Perhaps he thought that wearing it was a sign that he accepted her and was going to court her. She could understand how he felt at this point, since although she was flattered by Erestor's attentions, she did not feel a great rush of love for him, or a desire to leap into his arms and declare her undying love for him. Was that why she had told him where to find her? To find out if she would feel like that if she gave him a chance to discuss his feelings further with her? She felt grubby for having led him on, but she reasoned that she had not made any promises. She was, however, beginning to feel the same way as he did where certain things were concerned.

A lady's voice broke the silence. “Losgael. Erestor. Am I interrupting something?”

They turned to face her.

“I am sorry,” said Celebrían. “I shall go now.”

“If you need me,” Losgael began.

“I just wanted to know where you were,” Celebrían replied. “You are my friend, and I was...”

“I am well,” Losgael replied. “Lord Erestor and I were discussing the effects of well-meaning interference in matters of love.”

“Are you annoyed with me?” she asked quietly.

When she saw the look on her lady's face, Losgael realised that she had put some heat into her voice when she had spoken of her conversation with Erestor. Was she annoyed with her lady? A little, though she had much to be grateful for. Thoughts and feelings tumbled inside her like rocks falling down a mountainside, and she felt overwhelmed. “I am confused,” she replied at length.

“I should go, and leave you to discuss this in private,” said Erestor. He made to leave. “Goodnight, ladies.”

“Goodnight, Lord Erestor,” said Losgael.

“Goodnight,” Celebrían echoed.

When he was gone, Losgael said, “I am confused, my lady. He came to me and said he is in love with me. I do not feel the same way because it never occurred to me to think of anyone else the way I do of Glorfindel. What shall I do?”

Celebrían stood there, aghast. “That was not what I intended,” she replied after a while. “I invited him to play with us, but that is all. The truth is, I thought he would make a good match for Lothwen, but he has not yet taken an interest.”

“He did say you have interfered in his life,” said Losgael.

“I hoped that putting him and Lothwen together in different circumstances might cause him to consider her. When that did not work, I made it more obvious that I thought they would make a happy couple. Finally, he asked my husband to tell me to stop interfering,” she said. “It has been a while since then, and when I invited him to join us, I told him Elrond and Glorfindel would be there. He agreed to come if they were there.”

“Are you still trying to bring them together?”

“Well... yes. Although neither of them shows an interest in the other,” Celebrían told her.

Losgael laughed. “I wonder what you make of this.”

“I am surprised,” Celebrían replied. “But if you feel the same way as he does...”

“I do not, though that may change. I am confused, my lady,” Losgael replied. “In truth, I want to find out more about love, to let Erestor see what it is like to be with the lady he loves, to see if I am what he hopes I am. I want to know if this will cause me to fall in love with him. My heart does not leap when I see him, but that does not mean I cannot love him, does it? What is love, anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?”

Celebrían smiled. “Elrond loves me whether I love him or not, and at those times he thinks I doubt his love for me, he does not mind. In truth, I do not believe it is possible to love anyone so much that they will never be afraid, worry or be sad. Though it is hard, you must let people do what they will, and not try to make them do what you want.”

“But you interfere...”

“A little,” Celebrían replied, “but really, all I do is put people together in circumstances that might unlock their hearts and draw them close to each other.”

“My heart is locked, then,” said Losgael.

“Maybe you should stop doubting and let love do what it will,” said Celebrían. “I may well have been wrong about you and Glorfindel.”

“I shall consider it,” Losgael told her.

“No. Just let whatever happens happen,” Celebrían insisted. “The more you think about it, the more doubts you will have, and they will only make you unhappy.”

“I wish it was that simple.”

“Perhaps it is,” Celebrían said. “Goodnight, Losgael.”

TBC...