Turning Points

Chapter Five

“A Plainspoken Discussion”

“Ah, well maybe we should be taking a brief rest here. What do you say, son?” Paladin didn’t wait for Pippin to answer. He pulled the waggon over to the side of the road and hopped down.

Pippin had not been easily fooled. He knew perfectly well the errand had been a made up one after seeing just what the ‘delivery’ had been about. Now they were stopping to rest? Delivering a couple of bushels of apples to a neighboring farm had not been strenuous in the least! And what did Mr. Burrows need with apples anyway, when he had a whole orchard of his own? Pippin had noted the farmer seemed bewildered to be receiving a call from his neighbor bearing gifts of fruit in the first place.

Pippin slanted a look at his father wondering if he’d done something else to get himself in trouble. But try as he might, he couldn’t think of a single thing for once. He followed his father down the path into the meadow that bordered their farm. They walked for a time while Paladin talked about things like the weather, the crops and the harvest, his son’s pets, the upcoming celebration of Yuletide. Pippin listened but did no more than grunt out a reply to an occasional direct question. He was growing frustrated with the conversation and wished his father would simply get to the point.

At last, Paladin stopped and looked around. He gestured to a spot where some small trees offered them a place to rest out of the bright sunlight. They sat and regarded one another for a moment. “Pippin lad,” Paladin began, making himself comfortable by leaning back against a sapling and stretching out his legs, “Son, I’ve been noticing some changes in you lately, and I wondered if perhaps you’d like to talk about it.”

Pippin’s eyes widened. This wasn’t exactly what he’d expected to hear. He tugged anxiously at some tufts of grass.  “Umm,” he lowered his eyes and plucked a little harder at the greenery, “what kind of changes are you talking about?”

Paladin smiled gently. “What I’m speaking of is the kind that take place as a lad gets older. When his feelings about certain things start to mature along with his growing body. They can be very confusing. Especially when he starts to notice the lasses.”

Pippin gulped. No, I do not want to be talking about this to anyone. Please don’t be about to say what I think you are about to say.

“Boys begin to have all sorts of unexpected thoughts around your age, Pippin. That’s when everything seems to start happening very fast. Most of those feelings are good ones generally, but it may be rather alarming, especially if you don’t understand what it’s all about. Do you have a notion about what I’m trying to say, son?”

Pippin sat stiffly with his back against a tree hoping his face would not betray his true thoughts. He was certain all of the colour must have been draining from his cheeks, judging from the way his father was looking at him. He opened his mouth and tried to say something but no words came out.

“Are you all right, Pippin lad?” Paladin leaned forward in obvious concern. Pippin coughed and nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment.

Encouraged, his father continued. “Then as I was saying, these feelings, they’re all quite typical for boys of your age. Just remember that.” Paladin leaned over to give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “When a lad starts to look at lasses in a different light he’s starting to grow up.” Paladin sat back again and grinned openly. “It means that even though ‘twill be quite awhile before you reach your majority, the process is getting well under way. It’s normal and something all males have in common. Do you get my meaning?”

“Umm…” Normal? This is all normal? It would be splendid if it was, but I have some serious doubts about it. Still . . . perhaps it would be worthwhile to ask a question or two. That is, if I can do it without choking. “Uh, well . . . what, what kinds of things are going to happen?”

Instead of answering, Paladin reached for a twig lying at his feet and twirled it in his fingers. Pippin watched him with interest as he appeared to study it closely. It was apparent that his father was suddenly feeling awkward about their talk and this gave Pippin even greater pause. If his da was so uncomfortable then perhaps this topic had something more fascinating to it? His usual sense of inquisitiveness rushed to the fore. “Da?” he prompted when it looked like his father wasn’t going to say any more.

Paladin drew a deep breath and plunged ahead. “Well…what I’m trying to say is that you start to think about lasses in a different light.”

“Yes, you said that already.”

“Aye, so I did. Well...what I mean is that you want to be around them more, and at the same time you start to be concerned with what they’re thinking about you. It’s confusing because you haven’t felt that way before. A part of you might be saying to yourself, ‘Well, and just why do I care about what so and so thinks of me’? But the next thing you know, you’re trying anything you can think of to get her to notice you.” Paladin coughed, the colour rising in his cheeks. “Umm…and that’s a whole other thing because a lad can really get himself into hot water if he’s not careful.”

This declaration caused Pippin to grin knowingly. “What kind of trouble did you get yourself into, Da? Was it because of Mum?”

Paladin eyed his son for a moment before a sheepish smirk crept over his face. “Aye, well lads sometimes go to great lengths to get a lass’s attention, and his actions might not be very well thought out. If you get my meaning.” He winked, joining his son in laughter.

“What happened?”

“Ah…well…I don’t want to be giving you any bad ideas so perhaps we should save that story for another day.”

“You mean you don’t want to tell me what you did because you’re embarrassed about what happened. Right Da?” Pippin’s eyes twinkled obviously delighted with his father’s discomfort and the unexpected turn the conversation had taken.

“And just when did you get so perceptive?”

Pippin shrugged then raised one eyebrow expectantly. Paladin sighed. “So I’ve painted myself into a corner and you won’t let me out again, eh? All right, but don’t you be getting any notions yourself. Aye?” Pippin pursed his lips and didn’t answer. Paladin shook a finger at him. “Oh no you don’t, m’lad. If I tell you what I did you have to promise me you won’t try doing the same thing. ‘Twas an ill-considered stunt, after all, and I’ll warm the seat of your britches if I find out you’ve tried it.”

Pippin grinned with all the satisfaction of a youngster who has managed to fluster an adult and get his own way at the same time. “Did Granda warm the seat of your britches?”

Paladin shook his head with a snort of exasperation. “Well, what do you think?”

Pippin chuckled and settled back to hear the story.

“We were at the Free Faire in Tuckborough with our families. Me and Milo Chubb, Togo Burrows, and Olo Proudfoot, although Olo was just a youngster and we allowed him to tag along. We met up with a few other lads of similar age, and the lot of us were looking for something to do when we noticed a small group of lasses keeping an eye on us at every turn.” Paladin smiled at the long ago memory. “Your mother was so lovely with her long crimson curls and big blue gray eyes and I’d already taken notice of her not long before that day. Quite honestly, I went rather weak in the knees whenever I laid eyes on her. So naturally I got thinking that here was the perfect opportunity to impress her with some of my finer abilities and perhaps show up the other lads whilst I was at it. Two birds with one stone, so to speak.” Paladin laughed. “It didn’t help my cause any that Esmie had joined the group of lasses, but I thought it too good of an opportunity to pass up.”

“What did Aunt Esmie do?”

“Ah, your aunt has always made a habit of doing things to embarrass me, so it was seldom a good thing whenever she was spying on me, and most certainly not when I was with the other lads or if lasses were involved.”

“Just like Vinca picks on me.”

“True enough,” Paladin chuckled. “I remember the time Esmie slipped a raw egg down the back of my britches just as I was sitting down to breakfast. We had company visiting at the time and I was so humiliated. Oh, mercy, did she run when I yelled and went chasing after her! I never saw her for the rest of that day. Little sisters can be the bane of a lad’s existence.”

“Hmph, so can older sisters.”

“I suppose you’re right about that, too. Anyway, we'd spied the way a series of thick ropes had been strung across the way in several places throughout the faire grounds – you know, to hang the banners off of? And we got to jesting about how daring we’d look to the lasses if we were to walk all the way across one of them.” Paladin stopped to clear his throat. “Even though they were about fifteen or twenty feet off the ground.”

“What?” Pippin’s eyes got big. “You mean you actually. . .?”

Paladin nodded enthusiastically, warming to his story. “Oh, aye. And now you can already see what a foolish prank it was, eh? And why you wouldn’t ever want to try it?” Paladin leaned back with a shake of his head. “Oh, the unwise thoughts some lads get, especially when they see lasses and they’re bound to show off how smart they are. We located one area where the wind had twisted up the banner on the highest rope so it was out of the way, making it a perfect handhold for lads who were silly enough to stand on the lower rope and try inching across it. All in order to impress some lasses,” Paladin grunted, his eyes distant as he recalled that long ago day.

“There’d been a big rainstorm the night before and our feet were slippery with mud, but we paid no mind to that and climbed up one of the trees the ropes were tied to. Of course we dared one another to see who’d be bold enough to go first. But we refused to let Olo follow us up the tree, although he begged us to let him and tried to follow us anyway. That was at least the one good thing we did, because he was just a wee lad at the time. Well, Togo froze and couldn’t bring himself to do it and the rest of us laughed at him. But then Milo started to think twice about it and he wanted me to go first. I couldn’t let anyone think I was afraid, and besides, I was quite certain I could do it. I’d always been agile and sure footed, after all--”

“Just like me, right Da?” Pippin laughed.

Paladin frowned at him. “Aye, just like you and I’m where you get it from, without a doubt. And just to be reminding you, you are not going to try this because you won’t forget you promised me, will you now?”

Pippin rolled his eyes. “No, I said I wouldn’t. Remember?”

“Just see that you don’t forget. Anyway, I managed to inch my way across the rope, sometimes not even holding on to the one above as I balanced real careful like. The lasses were all suitably impressed, of course, and I could hear them giggling and saying things about me. I got inspired and a little too overconfident I suppose, and started to make my way back, planning to do an even better job.” Paladin laughed again. “I looked down and I could see your mother, her eyes as big as saucers at my daring. And I let those pretty eyes of hers distract me and that was my downfall. My feet were very muddy and a little slippery, and that’s all it took to make me lose my balance and set me to sliding off that rope, and no one more surprised than I was.” Paladin threw his head back and his chuckle became a groan. “Ah me, and there I was all of a sudden, just a dangling there and hanging onto that blasted rope for dear life!”

“Oh no! How did you get down?”

“I tried to move hand over hand to get back to where I’d started, but the rope was slick with the mud from my feet and I almost lost my grip. I can tell you my heart was pounding a mile a minute in my chest! I was certain I was going to fall at any second and break both my legs, and worse. Oh! I didn’t want to yell for help in the worst way, but it didn’t really matter because the lasses were shrieking to beat all by then. And the last thing I wanted was for my parents to find out just what I’d been up to. But your aunt Esmie went running off to find them, of course. Och!” Paladin winced at the memory. “The next thing I knew my da was there and I remember thinking I’d be much better off just to keep hanging onto that rope for the rest of my life rather than have to come down and face him.”

“I can understand why.” Pippin grimaced at the imagined scene.

Paladin put his arm around Pippin's shoulders. “I frightened the life out of them, son. Not to mention myself and everyone else. But it was a good lesson and I didn’t try anything quite so rash again for a long time. Someone had already rushed to find a ladder and they helped me down. I was shaking all over, and oh! I was so afraid to let go of that rope at first." He shuddered. "Now do you see what I mean when I say showing off for the lasses can get you into huge trouble?” Paladin sighed. “And there’s nothing a’tall quite as humiliating as being hauled off by the ear in front of the one you were trying to impress, and scolded all the way for good measure.” Paladin chuckled ruefully. “Your mother still enjoys reminding me of that story every now and then when she thinks I’m being too single-minded or stubborn about something instead of listening to her. As for me, it’s always been something I’d much rather forget. So, now you know that your father was able to get himself into a goodly amount of mischief without much effort.”

Pippin eyed his father sceptically. “You did all that just to get Mum’s attention?”

“Don’t look so surprised, lad. I’ll wager you know exactly what I’m talking about but you don’t want to admit it.” Paladin slanted a mock look of disapproval at his son and was rewarded with a delighted laugh.

“Now, if we may get back to the more serious portion of our talk.”

“But I was enjoying hearing about your mischief. How about another tale?”

“Uh, no. Another time perhaps.” The pair fell silent for a few moments. Finally Paladin asked, “You’ve surely noticed the way your cousin likes to be with Estella Bolger every moment of his free time these days?”

Pippin nodded. More than you can even know Da. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“He holds her hand, and enjoys strolling with her, just the two of them. He steals a kiss every now and then when she allows him to, and when he thinks no one is looking, I’ll wager.”

“Yes, and he likes to leave me behind,” Pippin grumbled.

“Well now, soon you’ll have the same kind of feelings, if you don’t already. And then there’s the way your body begins to react when you look at a lass. Well, that’s common too, and to be expected.” Paladin peered at him. “Is any of this making sense to you?”

Pippin nodded again and felt his cheeks getting warm.

“Well, when that starts happening then it means other things will as well. You may notice something different about your dreams. They may become very vivid and be just about lasses and nothing else.” Pippin’s eyes widened and Paladin smiled, considering for a moment before he continued.

“I'm sure you’ll wake up to find your bed a bit soggy on occasion, especially after one of those dreams. Those are the times when it’s a great deal easier to change the linens yourself, rather than letting your mum do it.” He winked, and Pippin found himself nodding in agreement. Paladin was quiet for a moment, finally asking, “Umm, have you started getting hard yet, you know, down there, when you think about a particular lass?”

Pippin choked at the unexpected query. He could barely stand to think about some of these things himself, in his ownhead, and now his father was asking him if he ever got hard? His back stiffened and he stared straight ahead, face flaming, uncertain how to reply.

Paladin’s expression softened. “Don’t be embarrassed, lad. It’s natural. It happens to all male hobbits. And it’s a good feeling so there’s not a thing unusual about enjoying it, or about wanting it to happen all the more.” Paladin chuckled. “Mark my word, there’ll be many times when, try as you may, you simply won’t be able to get your mind on anything else!”

Well, that part sounded true enough, at least. Pippin began to relax a little.

“So when you study the lasses up close, if you know what I mean,” at this Paladin winked again, “you’ll. . .” he stopped and considered, “Well, you’ll find that there’s another part of you that seems to. . . ahem. . . be developing a will of it’s own and almost acts separately from the rest of your sensibilities. Sort of like having a. . . umm. . . a second brain!” Paladin chuckled awkwardly at his jest and his face reddened, but he pressed on. “Those are the times when taking a cool bath can help quite a lot.”

“Really?” Pippin looked at his father askance.

“Aye.” Paladin nodded firmly. “So when this part of you gets in the habit of taking up all your attention you’re likely to feel you’ve simply got to find a release. Now, there are things you can be doing about this and things you can’t, and it’s very important that you understand the difference so you don’t get yourself, or a lass for that matter, into any sort of trouble. Do you understand a little of what I’m trying to say, lad?”

Pippin nodded uneasily, his mind chattering incessant questions that he was afraid to voice. No, I don’t think I really understand what you’re saying at all. Sweet Eru’s ghost! I think I liked it better when you were having a hard time talking about all this. And just how do I get a lass in trouble or keep her out of it? What about me? I have enough problems staying out of trouble all on my own, thank you very much!

“Good! Why don’t you ask me some questions?” Pippin shook his head slowly from side to side. Paladin looked at him with a puzzled frown. “You must have some questions, son. Don’t be afraid to ask me anything.”

I’d like to ask you when this discussion is going to be over, but that’s all. Pippin darted his eyes around, looking everywhere but at his father.

“Well, I realise I haven’t explained certain things all that well yet. Let me see if I can make what I said a little plainer for you. Then perhaps you’ll have questions. Now, as I mentioned, there are some things that can help and are perfectly all right to do, and they don’t necessarily involve cool baths or extra chores…”

Pippin blushed furiously while his father continued speaking in a calm and soothing voice, but soon found himself listening with interest. He was finally on the verge of asking a hesitant question when a piercing shriek filled the air. Father and son were on their feet in an instant racing towards the waggon as the cry for help came again, louder still.