Title: Confusion

Author: Anso the Hobbit

Characters: Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry

Timeline: Bag End, SR 1416 so Frodo is 48, Sam 36, Pippin 26 and Merry 34

Summary: A walking trip, unexpected rain, gathering of food and a confused cousin. 

Author's notes: Not betaed

Disclaimer: Sadly not mine. They just own me.

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“Mer?”

The tight and raspy voice that Merry reluctantly enter the world of consciousness whispered. His first sensation upon waking was a hand in his and the feeling of being cold to the very core of his bones. He shivered violently and huddled down between his blankets trying to will his body to warm up and curling up into a tight ball. Why was he so very cold?

“Merry? Meriadoc, are you with me?” the raspy voice insisted. Apparently he was not going to get the sleep he so much needed, at least not until he had managed to communicate with this persistent person. Why wouldn’t he understand that Merry just wanted to rest for a bit?

The voice sounded familiar to him. Almost like Pippin, but with a shock that took his very breath away Merry remembered that Pippin was dead. It couldn’t be him! This had to be a dream, a wish to hear and feel his cousin’s presence. Tears welled up in Merry’s eyes at the thought of his dearest cousin and friend and he choked. His foggy mind wanted to wake up properly to see if he actually was dreaming but he couldn’t gather the energy to open his eyes to connect a face to the voice calling his name and the touch of the hand holding his. Where was he? What had happened? Thinking was becoming increasingly difficult and Merry slipped away into an exhausted sleep.

*****

When he woke next Merry immediately felt the hand that still held his squeeze. He tried to turn his head to find out who was at his side but the very thought of moving exhausted him. His throat felt tight and sore and his head hurt so bad he could feel the thump beating along with his heart. He tried to cough to clear his throat so he could speak but the only sound he managed to make was a moan. In response to his lack of ability to communicate Merry whimpered and shifted restlessly around. Trying to gather his wits about him Merry decided to take stock of what he actually did know. He could feel that he was lying in a soft and comfortable bed, but his confused mind could not piece together how he had ended up there and where the bed was. He only hoped it was somewhere familiar.  

Merry opted for using his nose to find out where he was but the clogged up appendage was not of much help and he abandoned the thought of smelling his way into knowledge. Gathering courage Merry very considered trying to open his eyes but the light seeping through his lids told him it was much to bright to attempt such actions yet and he closed his eyes tightly, reflexively turning his head away. The hand squeezed his encouragingly, and Merry squeezed back as best as he could, trying to communicate what he was attempting.

“That’s it Merry. Just take it slow and easy.” The voice said hoarsely. Merry grunted in frustration. It sounded so much like Pippin but it couldn’t be. His cousin had died, Merry had seen it himself. Or hadn’t he? Suddenly the outrageous thought struck the befuddled hobbit and Merry reached out in his mind for knowledge but every time he thought he had found what he was looking for it slipped away.

Pippin? Merry whimpered again, wondering if perhaps his cousin had come back to haunt him? There was a sound of the rustle of cloth and shuffling before Merry heard someone draw something he supposed was curtains shut. A new sensation entered his world of pain and disorientation. This new hand touched his cheek gently with the back of it’s palm and fingers before it went away for a split second to return to brush calmingly over his forehead and through his curls, gently releasing the knots and massaging his scalp in the process.

“Welcome back,” the voice belonging to the hand on his head said. Frodo! Merry immediately knew the touch and voice and leaned into the cool hand on his face trying to answer but his mouth was too dry and his throat too tight.

Why did he recognise Frodo and not the person holding his hand? Did he wish this person to be Pippin so much that he couldn’t think it to be anyone else?

“I’m here Merry. Just relax. You’re going to be fine.” Frodo’s voice said softly.

Merry opened his mouth to speak again but no sound came.

“Here,” Frodo’s hand disappeared from his curls but reappeared shortly after at his neck, lifting his head slightly and guiding a cup to his lips. Instinctively opening his mouth tea laced with lemon and honey trickled into his mouth. The cold sensation of the drink surprised him and he panicked for a second before. Frodo pulled away for a moment, letting him get used to the coolness of the liquid before putting the cup back in place at Merry’s lips. “Drink.”

Not managing to voice his protest, Merry let the iced tea soothe his throat. He managed several small sips before he started to feel his stomach rebel and he moved his head away from the cup.

“There’s a good lad,” Frodo’s voice said as if talking to a child. Merry frowned. Something had to be horribly wrong for Frodo to talk to him in that way. Trying to open his eyes again Merry scrunched his face up in concentration and relaxed his eyes. Opening them very carefully the first thing Merry saw was a set of blue eyes filled with sadness mixed with love. Merry’s own eyes started tearing up in response to the welcome and love he saw in Frodo’s and again he choked on his feelings. Quickly squeezing his eyes shut again he grasped the hand in his tighter and opened his eyes one more time. Frodo smiled sadly at him this time and Merry could see tears matching the ones falling down his own cheeks in his older cousin’s eyes. He supposed Frodo was crying over the loss of Pippin too. Merry turned his head towards his right side towards the person holding his hand.

What he saw made Merry whimper, his heart skipping a beat and the tears started falling anew. Beside the bed he himself laid heavily wrapped up in, was another hobbit wrapped up in just as many blankets. Pippin! There was no mistake. It was Pippin! His cousin looked pale except for the red spots on his cheeks and listening Merry could clearly hear his laboured breathing. Pippin wasn’t dead? Or were they all dead since he was with them? Pippin was about to fall out of the bed as he never let go of the link between his and Merry’s hands. Turning back to Frodo Merry watched as he smiled fondly at the both of them, his hand once again combing through Merry’s curls.

Merry thought Pippin must have felt his gaze upon him as Pippin turned woke and turned towards Merry. The green eyes that met his bore an expression similar to Frodo’s and Merry poured his own heart into his own eyes as they looked at each other. “Merry.” Pippin’s voice was shaky.

Merry smiled back and squeezed Pippin’s hand. “Pip? What happened,” Merry managed, turning to look at Frodo again. “Pip’s dead?”

“No, Merry, Pippin isn’t dead. You saved Pippin’s life,” came Frodo’s quiet answer.

Merry just stared in surprise at his cousins and shook his head slightly, immediately regretting it when the headache reminded him quite forcefully that it was there by intensifying the thumping. He moaned and opened his mouth to voice the next question on his mind: How had he come to save Pippin’s life?

“Sssh,” Pippin said in a voice full of emotions from beside him. “I’m alive and so are you. Sleep now.”

Merry found the struggle to stay awake growing increasingly hard and closed his eyes again. He was asleep before he could settle back in the bed.   

*****

Water. His world was made of icy cold water. I’m drowning, Merry thought, fighting against the strong current that whirled around him and tried to drag him under. Beating his legs strongly, Merry returned to the surface, gasping for air and pulling against the current. He had to find Pippin! Whirling around in the frothing masses of water Merry desperately looked for his cousin. Had he drowned? Where was he? Merry tried to yell out for him but his mouth instantly filled with water and he swallowed, not managing to say anything.  There! He could see Pippin’s auburn curls not far ahead. Merry gathered all his strength and swam as hard as he could toward his cousin. It didn’t look like Pippin was moving on his own and Merry swam on, hoping to get there in time. Pippin’s head disappeared beneath the water and using the last of his strength Merry swam with long strokes reaching as far as he could with each stroke. The current was getting stronger and Merry was dragged under again, the breath rushed out of him as his body was forced under. Fighting to regain breath he reached the surface. Merry could see Pippin now. His cousin was just a few feet away and Merry could clearly see his pale face. Someone was shouting on the shore. As he was about to reach out for Pippin’s leg the current twisted and he was dragged under again.

*****

The next time he awoke Pippin’s hand was gone. Instinctively searching for it on the sheet where his own hand lay he could hear someone breathe laboriously. There was no piercing light in the room now and he opened his eyes carefully. The headache hadn’t subsided a bit and his stomach was churning mercilessly, not very happy about the tea he’d had earlier. Trying to take a deep breath to calm his upset stomach Merry shot up in bed, coughing hard. The laboured breathing had not stopped and as the fit ended, Merry realised that it was his own breathing he had heard.

As he came round from the coughing Merry felt Pippin beside him rubbing at his chest and holding him upright. Sweat poured out of every pore on his skin and Merry no longer felt bone-chillingly cold. Instead he was so hot he thought he’d burn up.

There was a sound of running feet and more people poured into the room. Merry leaned against his cousin, fighting for control over his breath and rebelling insides. As soon as he was able to draw some air into his hurting lungs again he expelled what little there was in his belly onto the sheets, his nightshirt and by the sound of Pippin’s surprised gasp onto him too.

“Hullo,” Merry heard Frodo say as if from afar. Seconds later his hands were on Merry’s face, soothing and cooling his hot skin.

“’lo,” Merry managed to croak but the feeling of exhaustion was too much for him and Merry was asleep again within, not feeling the hands that changed the soiled clothes and bedding or hearing that both Sam and the local healer talking, helping him as best they could.

*****

“The weather’s too nice to sit inside,” Pippin said during first breakfast a few days into their visit with Frodo. Merry agreed and looked out on the sunny day.

 “Yes, why don’t we take a walk and enjoy what is left of autumn before we get cooped up inside for the winter.” Frodo suggested eagerly. Merry smiled to himself, noting that Frodo was growing more and more fond of the walking trips as he grow older, the walks seemed to have increased rapidly the last few years. For his own part they had become less frequent now that he was of age but Merry loved traipsing through the Shire with his cousins and would gladly go with them on another walk after having worked hard for a long time. Pippin was about to bounce off the walls so Merry suspected he already had packed his backpack, ready to go.

“I’d love to. Where shall we go?”

*****

Extreme heat and cool relief woke Merry up. A hand holding a soothingly wet cloth hovered just above his face and he whimpered in need of the cooling he knew it provided. His face felt like it was on the verge of burning up.

“Sssh. Relax,” Frodo’s voice came from beside him. Merry turned his head a little and Frodo smiled. “Good morning sleepyhead.” Frodo applied the cloth to his face again and Merry sighed in blissful relief, leaning into the sensation while trying to think.

Was it morning already? When he last was awake the room had been dark, but now he could once again see bright light shining on the closed curtains.

 “How are you feeling?” Frodo asked, lifting the cloth away and opened the buttons on Merry’s nightshirt. “Can you sit up for a second?”

Merry nodded, not trusting his voice to sound. He felt terribly weak and achy and his head hurt still. Frodo reached behind him and helped him sit up, tugging the nightshirt up from underneath him. Lifting his arms was a task Merry was not sure he was able of doing but he tried and Frodo pulled the shirt over his head. Merry closed his eyes again and let Frodo put his head down on his shoulder while washing his back. Merry knew he should be embarrassed of being so frail and unable to do this simplest of tasks, but he couldn’t muster the energy to do so and concentrated on relishing the feeling of water cooling his too-hot skin.

Presently Frodo pushed him back down into the cool, fresh sheets, wringing out the cloth again and tracing it over Merry’s arms and chest. “Are you still with me, Mer?” Frodo asked softly.

Merry nodded and tried to clear his throat. “Here,” the cloth disappeared and he felt his head being lifted and cold water trickling into his mouth.

“Pip?” Merry croaked, turning towards where he knew Pippin’s bed was. Frodo was sitting on the side of his bed, but he could see Pippin in the other bed, his head turned towards Merry, his face lax in sleep. There were still red spots on his cheeks and Pippin was snoring, his mouth slightly open. Pippin looked sick and Merry frowned, trying to access the knowledge he knew had to be inside his foggy brain somewhere. “Sick?” Merry asked.

“Yes, but he’s not half as bad off as you. He’s sleeping. He’s just fine. He has a bit of a head cold. I’m guessing he’ll be up and about tomorrow again. I’m just taking precautions keeping him in bed since you got so very sick and we both know how the slightest of chills can send him off to bed for weeks.”

“Better?” Merry asked, feeling a little stupid that the information he received didn’t stick.

“Yes he is, but I don’t want to take any risks.” Frodo repeated patiently and traced the cloth over Merry’s belly before tucking the blankets up around him again.

“You?”

“What do you mean, Merry-lad?” Frodo asked gently, brushing a hand through Merry’s curls.

Speaking was becoming difficult again and Merry swallowed and licked his lips. His throat was still very sore and he felt horribly hot and excruciatingly cold. “Hurt?”

“No Merry, I’m not hurt.” Frodo laughed softly for a moment before he turned serious again. “You were hurt.”

Merry knew he should be embarrassed over asking these silly questions and looked at him blankly. “How?” he managed.

“You saved Pippin, remember?”

Merry shook his head slightly.

“We were fishing and,” Frodo turned to look lovingly at their younger cousin, before shaking his head smiling. “Had you not seen him in the water and gone in after him...” Frodo stopped suddenly giving Merry an apologetic look.

Merry, knowing what his cousin was thinking of snaked his arms out from beneath the covers and reached up to let Frodo know he wasn’t so bad off that he couldn’t give him a hug even if Frodo was the one who had to do all the hugging. Lifting his arms was tiring and Merry was grateful when Frodo helped him sink back into the pillows. He had so many more questions he wanted to ask, things he wanted to say but he was so very tired and everything hurt too much for him to try to think straight enough to voice them now. The rhythmic sound of Pippin’s soft snores and the soothing feeling of the wet cloth on his forehead and eyes soon had Merry sleeping again.

*****

Someone was calling his name as he once again tried to call out to Pippin. Merry gasped for air as he hit the surface once again, Pippin’s leg just out of reach. He surged forward and clasped his hands around something – Pippin’s arm. The strong current caused by the unexpected rain the previous day had turned him around in the water and Pippin suddenly lay on his stomach. If Merry knew anything about rescuing someone from water it was that it was a very bad sign if someone lay front down.

Pushing and pulling on the still body, Merry managed to turn Pippin slightly upwards so his head came properly above the water level again. He fought to find somewhere to put his feet or shift his own position but the current was dragging them constantly downstream.

Holding as tightly as he could on to Pippin Merry swam them to a calmer part of the frothing stream. Seeing a blur on the bank not far from them, he managed to get his feet under him and with great effort he turned Pippin around onto his back and started for the bank. They weren’t alone! Someone was on the shore waiting for them.

On the shore Frodo was reaching out for them, Merry could see his outstretched arms and the desperate look on his white face. The knowledge of rescue in sight gave him an extra surge of energy and he pushed off with his feet. Merry could see other people now. Frodo was calling out to them, saying something Merry didn’t catch, when suddenly the current shifted and Pippin disappeared from his clutching hands.

*****

Waking up was easier with each try and this time Merry immediately opened his eyes. Something was tickling his chin and he moved his hand to rub at it when he looked down and saw a crown of sandy curls mixed with grey just below his face. The colour of the hair was similar to Sam’s but Sam had not started sporting grey hair yet. Who was this?

The head moved as Merry shifted and the body connected to the sandy curls raised itself up and turned so that Merry could see the rest of the hobbit. Immediately he recognised him as the Hobbiton healer, Mr. Burrows.*

“Hullo there young master Brandybuck,” the healer said smiling. “It is a rare case to have you as a patient but I am glad to see that you are with us and awake. How do you feel?”

Merry remembered vaguely that Frodo had asked him that earlier and that he hadn’t answered. “I’m fine, just very tired and achy.” Merry said in a raspy voice. Talking still hurt and he looked at Frodo who now was standing beside the healer, coming from the other side of Pippin’s bed where he’d been quietly talking with Pippin. Pippin swung his legs off the bed and rose to reach for the mug of tea standing on the nightstand between the beds. Merry lifted his head and Pippin placed the mug in his hands, steadying it. “Here you go.” Merry smiled in thanks and drank deeply from the vessel, choking and coughing when he drank to fast.

“Easy, easy, Merry.” Pippin took the mug away and several sets of hands helped Merry sit up, steadying him as he coughed and coughed and coughed.

“Steady, steady. Not so fast.” Frodo rubbed his back soothingly. “I know you are very thirsty but you need to slow down.”

Merry nodded in understanding. He knew that. He was just so very thirsty. The coughing made Merry tired again and he lay back wearily letting his cousins and the healer do what they wanted with him as he fell asleep again just to wake up to a new coughing fit what felt like moments later. Merry started feeling this was getting old. He was tired of coughing now and the fever he felt raging through his body was more than what he could handle at the moment. Squirming around in the bed to find relief from his discomfort Merry felt his hand being squeezed again and he turned his head to see Pippin sitting on a chair beside his bed, wrapped in a blanket. His head was covered with mussed curls, apparently after dozing while watching Merry sleep. The other bed in the room was gone.

“Hullo,” Pippin said, smiling. The now-familiar mug of soothing liquid was placed by his lips and Merry drank thirstily of the water, remembering not to take too deep swallows this time. “The healer was in earlier, remember? You fell asleep before he was able to ask you anything. He’s in the kitchen with Frodo at the moment. I’ll go get them in a second.” A moment later Pippin was sitting beside him on the bed taking Merry into his arms and hugging him. “I’m so glad you didn’t die Merry! I’m so glad you’re back with us.”

Merry relished the hug and hugged back as best he could, more happy than he was able to put into words that Pippin was alive and well, but Pippin held on much too tight and long for what he could manage at the moment and he whimpered and raised a hand to pat Pippin on the back. Seeing the immediately contrite look on Pippin’s face Merry opted for a smile but was too tired to make it a proper one. By the soft smile he got in return, Merry knew Pippin understood.

“Merry,” Pippin said, tears forming in his eyes. Merry watched as he looked down for a moment and reached for his hands, hoping to bring comfort. “I… you saved me but you wouldn’t wake up. I thought I had killed you.”

“How can you say that?” Merry managed, frowning.

“Because I went fishing, and…” Pippin was crying in earnest now and Merry squeezed Pippin’s hands in sympathy. He’d hug Pippin just as hard as he had hugged him just now but he wasn’t able to lift his arms, let alone sit up. “I wasn’t thinking and I… Merry, I’m so sorry.”

“Sssh,” Merry croaked, hoping Pippin at least take comfort from his words. “Tired. Talk later.”

“I’m sorry, Merry. Poor you. Here I am bawling my eyes out while you are too sick to even move about.”

“Don’t worry, Pip.” Merry said with his eyes, his throat too sore to form words any more.

“Sssh, it’s all right.” Pippin’s hand stroked his face.

Merry shifted his gaze to the water on the nightstand again and Pippin helped him take another sip. “Frodo?” Merry whispered.

Just as Merry voiced his Cousin’s name Frodo and the healer entered.

“Look who’s finally awake and even talking,” Frodo said, smiling broadly. “I’m glad to see you up Merry.”

Merry smiled back but Pippin shook his head at him.

“Don’t even try to say what I’m sure you just were thinking Merry. You’re still awfully sick and we’ve been horribly worried for you. Hadn’t Frodo got you out in time you’d probably been dead now.” Pippin lowered his voice.

“Sorry.” Merry said, hoping to sound as contrite as he felt. Looking at Frodo he saw that the apology was accepted by how Frodo frowned then shook his head and smiled. He really should have known better than to try to fool those who loved him best. “What would have happened?” Merry asked.

“You would have drowned,” Frodo finally said and Merry turned his face away in shame. He shouldn’t have forced Frodo to say that word, knowing how hard it sometimes still was for him to talk about what happened to his parents, and how tough that must be now when Pippin, and apparently himself, almost had shared their fate.

“Look, the both of you, this is not the time or place to talk of this. We’re all alive, Pippin is almost back to his old self bouncing off the walls as he is and Merry you are getting better each day. Let’s concentrate on that for now, all right?” Merry marvelled how Frodo managed to pick up on his resolve to stay focused and concentrated and nodded shamefacedly. It didn’t matter how badly he wanted to know what happened, the most important thing was for him to focus on getting well and knowing that they all were safe and together.

Merry looked to Pippin to see him nod too, albeit more reluctant than Merry had. “It’s been days?” he croaked, almost falling asleep again.

“Yes,” Mr. Burrows said from the door opening. “Today is the second day after they brought you back from your walking trip.” Merry had felt the healer’s eyes on him for some time now and guessed that the healer probably took the opportunity to look him over. Having sat by Pippin’s sick-bed many times Merry could guess what he might look like.

“How?” Shifting a little again he discovered that he had to pee. Moaning at the prospect of having to get up to do his business Merry looked at the others for help.

“Ah, I believe that is a tale for another time. It appears our patient would like some privacy,” the healer said. He came forward and Merry watched as Pippin and Frodo left the room, lightening the mood considerably by talking about scones and if Frodo maybe had some raspberry jam left. As they turned a curve in the hallway Merry heard Pippin asking if there would be mushrooms for supper and smiled.

Mr. Burrows helped Merry do his business by a fancy little bottle Merry never had seen the likes of before. Once finished with that, Merry lay back wearily, closing his eyes.

“I’m afraid I have some questions for you Master Merry, if you are up to it?”

Merry opened his eyes again and nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll try not to fall asleep on you.”

Not long after, as the healer opened the door to the hallway again, the smell of mushrooms and chicken was wafting throughout Bag End towards Merry’s nostrils. Only then did Merry realise that he probably hadn’t eaten after they came back and that he even might be slightly hungry.

Merry heard the healer talk to Frodo in the kitchen and although he could not hear exactly what was said he had a good idea. He was suffering from a high fever, exhaustion caused by long exposure to cold water that again resulted in a very bad combined case of head and chest cold that he could only praise himself lucky for not being the Winter Sickness**. Merry berated himself as he listed up his hurt to himself. The healer hadn’t had to tell him what was wrong with him. Merry had seen Pippin suffer through the same or worse on several occasions.

Straining his mind tot try and remember more details about how Pippin had come to be in the water in the first place and how he himself had come to be there.

Moments after, as he was about to drift off to sleep again, Merry heard someone walk towards his room with a heavily laden tray. Fighting to stay awake long enough for them to get her but feeling too weak to even attempt sitting up, he waited for his cousins, knowing they would help him.

*****

They were enjoying a nice tea in a little clearing just outside a copse of trees at the foot of a steep and rocky hill when clouds rolled in and it started raining. Gathering up their packs the cousins looked around for shelter.

“There!” Frodo said and pointed. “A cave. See, just where that stream curves.”

They climbed up by crossing the stream that ran down from the mountains and into the Brandywine somewhere to the south and east. Merry had studied a map of the North Farthing before they left but as he was struggling up to reach what he hoped was a dry cave, he could not remember what it was called.

“There’s more dry wood in my pack,” Merry said and started building a small fire just at the entrance of the cave. To their relief it was dry and spacious enough for the three of them to move about easily.

“Fish,” Pippin suddenly said when the rain was drying up and they looked out on the wet world, assessing if they were able to continue on that evening or would have to camp in the cave. It was very wet out still as the downpour had been rather heavy. It had to be the cave then.

“Fish?” Frodo and Merry chorused looking at each other and thinking this had to be one of Pippin’s special logics and that they somehow had missed the rest of what he was saying.

“Yes, fish. It has been raining, there is a large stream just by and I thought we could have fish for breakfast tomorrow,” Pippin said rather irritably. “Have the both of you gone daft?”

“Of course!” Merry said and was not thinking about Pippin’s statement about him and Frodo going daft. He slapped his forehead.” The stream is much bigger now after the heavy downpour and there is probably lots of fish.”

“Thank you,” Pippin said and slapped Merry on the back.

Merry couldn’t help but laugh at that and slapped Pippin back. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

As they lay down to sleep Merry watched Frodo shaking his head and smiling. Perhaps Frodo was going daft after all?

*****

“Soup, Merry? It’s one of Sam’s famous recipes. He made it just for you.” Oh. Merry blinked his eyes open and looked at the steaming bowl that stood on the nightstand beside him. He’d fallen asleep again then. In addition to the soup there was also what looked like a nice loaf of freshly baked rye bread on the tray beside the soup. Attempting to sit up Merry found to his annoyance that he couldn’t lift himself upright yet. He sighed and reached out his arms for one of his cousins to help him. They both obliged and soon Merry sat up against freshly fluffed pillows, a bed-tray of food standing before him.

“Are you able to wheedle a spoon on your own?” Frodo asked. Merry felt his concerned gaze and nodded.

“Water?” Taking small sips of the glass Pippin held for him Merry trusted his voice to sound again. “I think so.”

This response earned him a smile from both cousins and he grabbed the spoon. The soup was just right and not too hot or too cold to his abused throat. Merry managed to guide the spoon to his mouth several times before the action tired him too much and he let it fall into the bowl again.

“Here, let me,” Pippin said, taking the spoon and filling it. “You’ve fed me on more than enough occasions. It’s time I got to feed you.” He smiled and said brightly: “Open.”

Merry smiled back and obeyed. When Pippin fed him Merry could manage a few more spoonfuls.

“Thank you, Pip, Frodo, but I can’t get down another bite.” Merry said.

Pippin cocked his head inquiringly and lifted the bowl and waved it enticingly in front of Merry. The few spoonfuls he’d taken left the bowl more than half-full still.

“Not unless you want me to get sick,” Merry said. “But thanks for the offer.” He knew all too well how hard it was to get someone not feeling well to eat and Pippin probably remembered the tricks Merry had used on him to get him to eat when he was ill.

“Fair enough,” Frodo said, but Merry did not miss the frown between his brows. He too was not happy with how little he’d managed to eat. “Sleep then, or do you want to talk?” Frodo admonished, sounding for a moment like an old auntie. Merry tried to laugh, earning him a bright smile from both cousins.

“Playing mother hen are we?” Pippin teased.

Frodo blushed. “Well…”

“It’s all right,” Pippin added reaching over to give Frodo a quick hug. “So, Mer, what will it be?”

“Talk,” Merry said as his eyes closed in sleep.

*****

He couldn’t find Pippin! A moment ago his cousin was wrapped safely in his arms and now he was gone. Merry threaded the water, looking around for him, but there was no one else to see in the water. 

“Merry, can you get out?” Frodo was shouting at him from the shore and Merry turned his head in the direction of his Cousin’s voice.

“Yes, I’ll try!” His voice sounded weak even to his own ears and he doubted Frodo had heard him.

Merry moved forward in the water again, looking closely at the shore to find a place where it would be easy to get out of the water. He felt his arms and legs grow heavier for each second that passed. Steeling his resolve and clenching his teeth in determination Merry swam towards the shore where Frodo was standing, Pippin lying still beside him but being tended to by a farmer that Merry never had seen before. As he closed in on the bank he saw Pippin throw up the water he had swallowed and even from here he could see Pippin shiver profusely. The poor lad was going to be dreadfully sick.

Merry tried to hurry, but each movement became more and more of a struggle and he felt unconsciousness sneaking upon him threatening to drag him under if he didn’t mange to get to the shore. Frodo was yelling at the top of his lungs now, encouraging him.

“I don’t think he’ll make it,” the farmer said. “We need to throw a rope at him and haul him ashore.”

He was almost there now! He could feel the ground under him come closer. There were some rocks just ahead that he could hang onto until his strength came back or they managed to throw a rope at him. Using up what was left of his strength Merry reached for the nearest rock and held on tight.

*****

Snores. The rhythmic sound of snores teased Merry from sleep to wakefulness. At first he thought it was he who had been waking himself up by snoring but opening his eyes to look around he found Frodo asleep in the chair beside the bed, head thrown back and a book lying discarded in his lap. Pippin was nowhere to be seen.

It must be the middle of the night then, Merry mused. Squirming about a bit to find a more comfortable position Merry closed his eyes again, hoping for more sleep. The fever made his sleep light and he remembered almost-waking on several occasions when someone came into the room or talked softly or changed his linens or nightshirt. Lifting a hand to the said item Merry found the fabric sweaty and uncomfortable against his hot skin. He needed a bath and a change of clothes but knew that he would not be able to do so by himself. Clearing his throat he called for Frodo.

“I’m sorry,” Merry said as he saw Frodo start awake, the book falling from his lap and his cousin standing by his bedside within the fraction of a second. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s all right Merry. What is it? How do you feel?” Merry felt Frodo’s hands on his face, stroking through his hair.

“Hot. Could you help me change?” Merry tried to scoot up in the bed so that he could sit and at least do some of the job for Frodo.

“Of course, Merry. You’re fever is still very high, but I think it is going down a bit.” Frodo reached under Merry’s arms and hitched him even higher in the bed. “Lift,” he ordered and Merry lifted his arms, tugging the soaked nightshirt up and away. Frodo found a cloth and poured fresh water into a bowl, handing both items to Merry. “Do you think you can manage?”

Merry nodded and started washing. Soon after he was dressed in a clean nightshirt, sitting in the chair beside the bed as Frodo changed the linens. Merry wrapped the blanket Frodo just had discarded more tightly around himself watching his cousin work and thinking about all the times he’d done the same for Pippin and even for Frodo on occasion.

“Thanks,” Merry said as Frodo helped him back to bed.

“You’re welcome.” Frodo sat down on Merry’s bedside and Merry fell asleep to his soothing stroking of his arm and hand.

*****

”We don’t have any fishing poles,” Merry muttered as he looked through the cave for a piece of wood that could be used as a fishing pole or spear.

“Cheer up, Cousin,” Pippin said. “We can catch them by our own hands. They are probably popping up every now and then, just happy to have a bulging stream to swim around in. We’ll just take one as it breaks the surface.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Frodo asked. “The stream was difficult enough to cross as it was before the rain came. The stones we stepped on then will be submerged in water now, not to speak of the current that probably has picked up quite a bit.”

“I’m sure we’ll find a rock to stand on,” Pippin said optimistically. “There has to be some larger rocks out there, and besides, we have to cross the stream again at some point unless you want to crawl over the hills on your way home.”

“Yes we do, but I saw a place further down where the crossing should be easier now. It wouldn’t have made for an easy crossing when the water was as low as it was yesterday but because of the height the water is now it would be easier to cross there now.”

Merry looked out at what the day before had been a decent stream. Now it almost looked like a river, flowing over with the added rainwater.

“There’s no use in arguing, lads,” Frodo said. “Let’s see about that fish for breakfast. All this talking about food has made me hungry so you’d better find something quick, Pippin.”

*****

Breakfast. Merry’s nostrils detected a smell he hadn’t smelled for what felt like an eternity. Drawing breath through his nose he sneezed hard and coughed but neither sneeze nor cough was hard enough to have him use up every ounce of energy in his body. He was getting better! Smiling to himself in satisfaction, Merry sat up and fluffed his pillows. He still felt feverish and could feel the lethargy and soreness of his muscles but the headache was better and he could breathe again. He tried to take a deep breath but was rewarded with a heavy bout of coughing that had Pippin and Sam come running into his room almost crashing into each other in their haste.

“Mr. Merry!” Sam exclaimed a second before Pippin shouted: “Merry!”

Merry waved at them with one hand, holding the other to his chest rubbing at it and waiting the fit out. “’s all right. I’m just trying to breathe.”

“Yes, well, perhaps you should not try so hard if you know what I’m saying?” Sam said. Merry felt his gaze upon him and smiled. Sam smiled back. “Oh, but it is good to see you awake and alert Mr. Merry. Everyone’s been so afraid for you.”

“I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean to scare anyone,” Merry said.

“We know, Merry,” Pippin said. “Are you up for any breakfast? Frodo has boiled eggs and there is ham and some fresh cheese too.”

“That sounds lovely, Pip.” Merry heard his voice wasn’t quite as it should yet, but at least it sounded like his own voice.

“Coming right up!” Sam rose from where he’d been sitting in the chair beside the bed and Pippin followed him, bouncing and humming as he went.

Merry thanked them and leaned back against the pillows. He’d love to join them in the kitchen but he knew he was far from up to that walk yet.

Merry surprised himself by managing to eat both toast with ham and some of the cheese before he had to stop. Frodo and Pippin seemed pleased with his efforts and he lay back wearily, sipping his tea as they finished their meal in silence.

“So,” Frodo said, as they all had finished eating and Pippin had taken the tray back to the kitchen. “Are you going to stay awake for a few minutes or do you want to go back to sleep again?”

“No, I think I can stay awake now. Please, tell me what happened. I’ve been dreaming about rescuing Pippin from water and about a walking trip. I suppose the two things are connected to each other but I can’t seem to manage to get all the details right.”

“You’re right. You’re ill because you rescued Pippin from a stream that because of heavy rain turned into being almost twice as big as its original size. Remember the cave we hid in when it started raining?”

Merry nodded. “Yes. I also remember Pippin wanted to go fishing and that we didn’t have any poles.”

“Yes,” Frodo said, drinking more of his tea. “We walked down to the stream and looked for a place where we could easily catch fish with our hands. I wanted to fish just as badly as Pippin did, so I let you look for somewhere to catch it while I looked on the shore for any possible sticks we could make spears of.”

“You didn’t find any,” Merry stated, wringing his brain, trying to remember. “Why don’t I remember this Frodo?”

“I think perhaps you knocked your head too, but I’m not sure. There was no evidence of that happening when we got you out of the water.”

“I’ve had a rather nasty headache these days but I should know if I had knocked my head, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” Frodo agreed. “You’re confused but I suppose that is just as much due to the fever than to anything else.”

“Right, then what happened?”

“I joined you and Pippin on the bank when I didn’t find any sticks.”

“And then Pippin waded into that frigidly cold water to get the fish?”

Again Frodo nodded, smiling fondly but a little sadly at their younger cousin’s actions. “He was that desperate.”

“I’d rather say he was that determined but when it comes to Pip those two things can easily be mixed up. When that lad has set his mind to something…”

“He can be as single-minded as another cousin of mine who’s in bed now for his actions,” Frodo finished.

“What did I do?” Merry asked defensively, trying to sound innocent. “Did I wade into the stream too?”

“No,” Pippin’s voice suddenly said from the doorway, coming back from depositing their breakfast in the kitchen, bringing another tray with a fresh pot of tea and something that looked like phial of tonic and a sack of herbs. “You didn’t join me before I couldn’t get out myself. At first I tried catching the fish from the shore but as any sensible hobbit knows,” he looked at both cousins, cocking an eyebrow meaningfully as if thinking the both of them were daft, “you can’t catch fish with your hands if you stay on the shore. Instead I waded out to a large, flat rock that served very nicely as a platform to kneel on to better catch the fish.”

Yes, Merry thought. That must have been one of the rocks he remembered talking about as a potential stepping stone for them when the water was that high. “Only it didn’t?” Merry asked. “I don’t understand why I don’t remember this,” he fretted, shifting about looking for a more comfortable position. The talk was tiring him but he needed to find out what exactly had happened to make him save Pippin from drowning.

“No, it didn’t,” Pippin explained. “I slid off and fell face first into the stream just as a wave hit the rock. The fall knocked the breath out of me and I think I fainted. The next thing I remember is lying on the shore throwing up water.” Pippin reached behind Merry and adjusted his pillows, and straightening the sheets.

“You went in because Pippin couldn’t get out by himself,” Frodo said.

“Oh? I see,” Merry looked from Pippin to Frodo for a moment, frowning in frustration over not remembering this. “I really don’t know what to say. I can’t remember properly. I remember finding Pippin and bringing him to the shore but I suppose I acted so quickly that I didn’t even think before going in after you?”

“Exactly,” Pippin and Frodo said simultaneously, both their voices full of emotion. Frodo looked at him with eyes full of sadness but also a hint of anger and Pippin was about to start crying.

“Merry…” Pippin began but stopped. Merry watched worriedly as Pippin looked down at his feet for a moment before shaking his head hard. Was he angry at Merry too? Merry started tearing up at the very thought of angering his cousins and quickly raised a hand to dry his tears, stopping mid-movement at Pippin’s next words.

“Thank you. Thank you for finding me, for saving me.” Pippin’s voice was once again thick with emotions and Merry reached out for him, for the moment not managing to take in any more. A split second later Pippin was in his arms, hugging Merry tightly. Merry opened his other arm and Frodo joined their embrace.

“Now then, what’s all this?” Merry said as they dried their tears and the hug ended. He looked curiously at the tray Pippin had brought with him back from the kitchen.

“Your medicine of course,” Pippin grinned. “This time it’s your turn to swallow the concoctions and you’re not going to complain about it.”

“Of course I won’t,” Merry said feeling the emotions still filling their conversation, but he knew that he had better take the medication without complaint. If what he remembered through his dreams really had happened and if what he’d just been told and he actually had saved Pippin’s life he had nothing better to do than do all he could to get well again so he could look after his cousin even better and hopefully prevent something like this to happen again.

Merry couldn’t help but smile at the obvious pleasure Pippin had in preparing his medicine. He measured out herbs from the sack and poured them into the teapot, stirring occasionally. As the tea seeped Frodo handed Merry the phial of tonic. “What is it? I can’t remember taking it earlier.” Merry asked.

“No, I suppose you don’t. Mr. Burrows managed to administer it to you without waking you and has been feeding it to you several times a day. It’s for your chest so you can breathe more easily. The herbs in the pot are willow-bark tea.” Frodo said.

“Oh,” Merry took the proffed phial and drank the whole contents without making a face. He couldn’t help but suppress a shudder but Pippin was focused on pouring tea into a mug just then so Merry thought he hadn’t seen it. Reaching for a glass of water Merry quickly swallowed, trying to rid himself of the taste of tonic. Not that it would be much help in that as he knew that the willow-bark would fill his mouth with another bad taste, but that one he knew and could prepare himself more easily for.

“Here,” Merry obediently took the healing tea Pippin handed him and blew at the hot liquid before slowly drinking it. Pippin had poured honey in the tea, knowing full well that Merry didn’t like that unless he was sick and needed the soothing produce of the bees for his sore throat. Merry guessed that how he felt now still qualified for being sick so he didn’t complain.

“There’s a good lad,” Pippin said mockingly but not without a hint of seriousness, and they all laughed. Pippin would never say such a thing and the fact that he did showed that his spirit was back and that he was feeling just fine, Merry thought, not omitting the fact that he himself was on the mend and that was a relief to all of them.

The tonic and the tea were starting to take affect and Merry felt drowsy again. He didn’t want to go back to sleep but he couldn’t resist the pull sleep made on him and reluctantly he lay down again, pulling the covers up.

“Guess it’s time for a nap,” Frodo whispered. He smoothed Merry’s blankets and blew out the lamp on the nightstand.

*****

It was too far. He saw the farmer throw a rope out at him but he couldn’t reach it. Merry let go of the rock he was clinging to and swam towards the rope bobbing up and down in the water just out of reach. Oh, but he was tired. Pippin was safe but he needed to get back to the shore to check on him. Uncle Paladin and Aunt Tina would be furious when they found out that he’d allowed Pippin to get into the icy water.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Merry managed to grab hold of the rope, his lifeline, and held on as tight as he could, letting himself being dragged to the shore, to safety.

As he was pulled out of the icy grip of the stream and lain down beside Pippin, Merry finally relaxed his exhausted muscles and slipped into unconsciousness.

*****

Thirst awoke him and Merry coughed. He had been dreaming about the stream again. Shivering at the thought of what had almost happened Merry turned over and sat up. There was a glass and a pitcher on the nightstand and he poured himself some water, drinking the whole glass and pouring out half a glass more. He sipped at the water while listening for sounds from the smial. Bag End appeared quiet and he wondered if Frodo and Pippin was out to get some fresh air. They both probably needed it after being cooped up inside with him for three – or was it four – days now? Merry wasn’t quite sure of how much time had passed. As he was about to set the glass back down and take another nap, someone knocked at the door and he heard Pippin running to answer it, cheerily greeting the guests. Thankfully it wasn’t the Sackwille-Bagginses. Merry would not have liked to be confronted with them just now. He could easily imagine how they would have chastised Frodo for how he treated his younger cousins while being sick, no matter how well Frodo did it. That really wasn’t the point. As long as they could pick on something they would and Frodo just got the brunt of their criticism. Merry had heard how Frodo had been yelled at earlier when Pippin had caught some but and was cooped up in bed for a week. Merry had tried arguing Frodo’s case but the sheer fact that he was a Brandybuck voted against him and Lobelia had just yelled even harder at Frodo, smacking him with her umbrella and threatening to report him to the Thain. Frodo of course, had taken that calmly and quickly shut the door behind her.

 Now Merry heard footsteps coming towards his room and he quickly set the glass back down on the nightstand, ready to great whoever it was that came calling and hoping it was someone he wanted to see.

“Merry?” A female voice asked quietly. The door opened slowly and Merry’s beloved Aunt Eglantine peered in.

“Hullo, Auntie!” Merry said hoping to sound cheerful. He was happy to see her but was afraid of the scolding his still somewhat foggy brain thought was sure would come for not taking good enough care of Pippin and allowing him to become sick. He certainly deserved it even if he deep down knew his Aunt would be more worried than angry. At the moment he didn’t have the courage to meet her eyes and after looking everywhere else than at her he closed his eyes, sliding down in the bed.

“My poor lad,” Eglantine said and came rushing over, sitting down at his bedside and hugging Merry tightly. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m all right,” Merry said as he allowed her to tuck him in as if he was a wee child. She was after all his favourite aunt, no matter how angry she might be at him.

“How did you know I was sick?” Merry asked as she combed her hand through his hair with one hand and straightened the covers with the other.

“Frodo wrote both to us and your parents. We came as soon as we could. Frodo just told me your parents are on the way and will be here tomorrow. He asked all of us to come at once as he didn’t know how ill you and Pippin would be.”

“Pip’s just fine,” Merry said, not quite feeling the relief he should at the fact that his younger cousin had come out of this with a minor cold. He was worried he’d never be charged with the responsibility of looking out for Pippin again as it now was evident that he couldn’t even look out for himself.

“Yes, and I am very grateful of that.” She trailed off and Merry felt her gaze scrutinizing him. “Merry, what’s wrong? Are you worse? Are you in pain?” She brushed her fingers over his forehead. “You’re feverish. Do you need something? Do you want me to get the healer again? He’ll be looking in on you tonight but I’ sure he can come now if you want to.” She reached for the water on the nightstand, pouring out some in the glass and handing it to him.

“No, no. I’ll be fine, Auntie.” Merry pushed the glass away. He needed to get this said now before his courage disappeared. “I just feel very tired still.” Merry said, turning away, shameful.

“I’m confident you will, my lad. But something is bothering you. Won’t you tell me what it is?” Eglantine turned his face towards her and the gaze that locked on Merry’s was so full of love and patience and understanding that he couldn’t bear not telling her any more.

“I’m sorry,” he choked, the words almost impossible to say, his voice thick with regret. He felt his Aunt hold his face in her hands, stroking his cheek with her thumb, brushing the tears away as they fell from Merry’s eyes and waiting for him to continue. “’M sorry for not taking better care of Pippin, I’m sorry he almost drowned and that I couldn’t prevent him from going into the stream.”

“Merry.” Merry was about to continue his tirade of apologies when a finger on his lips stopped him from speaking. “Stop it. It is not your fault. If anything it is Pippin’s for not thinking things through before doing them or, rather, mine and Paladin’s for not getting that through to him properly in the first place. No one is to blame for this, Merry. Not you, not Frodo and not Pippin. Do you understand? You have always done a remarkable job at looking out for Pip and you did just as fine a job now and for that we’re very grateful. He’s growing up, he should be able to think for himself and not let you or Frodo take responsibility for his actions. I am sure he has learned his lesson now.”

After a moment’s consideration Merry nodded. He was so used to looking out for Pippin, preventing him from harm and danger that he hadn’t properly thought through lately that he was making Pippin’s decisions for him by constantly protecting him. Pippin was probably beside himself with worry and contrition for what had happened if what Merry himself felt the times he’d sat by Pippin’s bedside watching him fight an illness, was anything to go by. Merry always berated himself for his stupidity and promised himself never to let anything dangerous happen to his little cousin again. “I’m sure he has.” Merry stifled a yawn and tried not falling asleep again. “Could you get him for me?”

“I think you should sleep a while first, Merry. You can talk to him after lunch if you want to. You have to rest and keep your strength up. You’re far from well yet.”

Merry wanted to protest but his eyes closed again and soon he was sleeping soundly.

*****

Merry shivered. He was so cold that his teeth clattered. The blanket above him and the fire burning brightly beside where he lay did not help the very least. He could see Pippin lying swaddled up just beside him, sleeping peacefully.

“Hullo,” Frodo said.

“’lo.” Merry managed, shivering too violently to form proper words yet.

“I’m glad you’re with us. You had us worried there for a moment when we couldn’t wake you. Do you think anything’s broken? Can you stand? We need to get the both of you home and dried up as fast as possible”

“’M… all right,” Merry said, his voice sounding strange as if his ears were full of water. Attempting to raise a hand to rub the water away Merry frowned as his arm lay completely still beside him. He willed the appendage to move but there was no strength in him to do so. “Sorry, Fro… Can’t move… yet… C-c-cold…Pip?”

Frodo sat down beside him and lifted Merry’s head and shoulders onto his lap. “Pip’s sleeping. He’ll be fine. At the moment I’m more worried about you.”

“D-don’t,... Need t-to… get warm...” Merry huddled under his blanket for a moment before he lifted his head from Frodo’s lap and looked around, shifting his gaze curiously to the farmer who sat by Pippin’s side wrapping another blanket around their cousin and feeding more wood on the fire. Frodo followed his gaze and nodded.

“I’d say that is your rescuer, Merry. Hadn’t he had the same idea as Pippin, I don’t know what would have happened.”

“W-what happened?” Merry asked finding it harder and harder to stay awake any longer.

“Don’t worry about that now. You saved Pip and we’re taking you home. That’s all that matters now” Frodo said as Merry’s eyes drifted shut and his breath evened out. “Go back to sleep.”

*****

Heat. Merry thought he had never in his life felt so hot before, thinking he’d drown in his own sweat. Shifting restlessly he tried to move his blankets up and away from his burning body. Moaning in distress he turned onto his side and kicked at the blankets again but they wouldn’t budge.

“Sssh. Don’t fret so.” Paladin Took rumbled softly. A cool hand rested on his shoulder and turned him to lie on his back again. A cloth dripping with cold water was traced over his face before it lay still on his forehead and Merry drifted back to restless dreams.

*****

Something was moving and there was another body tucked up snug beside him. Merry reached out for something to steady himself with and found Pippin’s hand beside his own. Grasping it he tried to come awake so he could find out what was happening.

“Calm down, Merry,” Frodo said. “We’re in a wagon. Mr. Tunnely has been kind enough to let us drive in his wagon back to Bag End. It’s not far now.”

Frodo’s hands tucked a blanket more securely in about him, the jostling of the wagon sending Merry off to sleep again.  

*****

“His fever has risen again and he’s restless. Father checked on him a few hours ago and it’s been like this ever since. I’ve tried to lower it but he seems very uncomfortable still. What do we do, Frodo?” Merry heard Pippin ask in distress. The heat in his body had not abated.

“We need to get him into a cold bath. Will you stay with him while I get everything ready?”

A moment after Merry felt the mattress dip beside him and Pippin’s hands cupping his face and preventing him from thrashing about. “Sssh, Merry. Lie still. It’s all right. You’re going to be all right. Frodo’s preparing a bath and then you’ll feel much better. Do you want me to tell you a story?”

Merry nodded. A story sounded good. Listening to Pippin’s voice was soothing and Merry was asleep again before the second group of dwarves had arrived at Bilbo’s unexpected party.

*****

The cold bath, a newly washed, cool nightshirt, fresh linens and snug blankets made a world of difference to Merry. He’d woken up as they carried him to the bath and had become more and more awake as the bath cooled his overheated body down. Now he was lying warm and snugly wrapped up in bed again, reclining against the pillows and drinking tea.

“Hullo, Sam,” Merry said feeling almost cheerful now that the raging fever was almost down to normal.

“Hullo yourself Mr. Merry,” Sam said with a broad smile and came over to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Getting there,” Merry smiled. “Were you here when we came back from the walking trip?”

“Aye, I was. I saw you from the garden and knew something was amiss when Mr. Frodo come riding in an unfamiliar wagon white-faced and tense sitting beside a farmer from up north. As soon as we had you and Master Pip tucked up in here I ran for the healer and it wasn’t long after he left that you woke the first time I reckon.”

“Mmm. I thought as much. I’ve been dreaming about what happen and it’s been rather confusing but now I think I’ve got the full picture of what happened.”

“Yes, I can imagine you must have been confused, one moment rescuing Pippin out of that stream and the next waking up here.”

“Yes, but I do remember bits and pieces of what happened before and in between also now.”

“That is very good Mr. Merry.” Sam turned to gather the empty mugs and straighten out a few things around the room when Merry spoke again.

“Thank you, Sam.” Merry said.

“What’s that?” Sam came back to Merry’s side and Merry felt his curious gaze upon him.

“Oh, nothing special really, I’m just glad you’re here and helping out.”

“Ah. But you know that is my job, Mr Merry and I’m glad to do it.” Sam blushed.

“Yes, of course I do but you always do so much more than your job and I just wanted to say thanks, even if I know Frodo does that often and I know he always mean it.”

“Thank you.” If it was possible Sam blushed harder and smiled shyly.

“You’re very welcome,” Merry said and smiled back. “So, where’s that rascal of my cousin Pippin, do you know? I’d like to talk to him. I’d rather go look for him myself but I’m afraid I won’t make it far and someone would have to come pick me up from the hallway floor.”

“I think he’s in the parlour with his parents but I’ll get him for you if you’d like.”

“Thanks, Sam. But don’t rush it. Just tell him to come when he’s finished with whatever he’s doing.”

“All right, Mr. Merry. Anything you need?”

Merry thought for a moment. He was tired but not as exhausted as he had been and he felt that he would be able to be up for a while now. “Maybe a book. Just take something lying about somewhere or I can ask Frodo later. I don’t think I’ll have the concentration or energy to do any proper reading, although it would be nice to have something to do.”

*****

“So, Merry!” Pippin said, bouncing into the bedroom and plopping down on Merry’s bedside. “I hear you’re awake and talking. That is very good news. How are you feeling?” Merry felt his scrutinizing gaze and met Pippin’s look with a determined one of his own.

“I’m feeling….” Merry was about to say “just fine” but thought better of it. “Better.”

“You look better too, Merry,” Pippin said. “Fever’s down at the very least and your breathing’s better.”

“Pip.”

“I’d even say you’ve got some energy back too. What’s that you’re reading?”

Pip!”

“What?”

“I…. I’m sorry. I…” Merry ducked his head and folded his hands on the top of his sheets. Everyone had told him he’d saved Pippin during that fishing trip but Merry wasn’t so sure. He’d lost hold of him when they were almost at the shore and Merry could never forgive himself for that. Everything came back to him properly now. The walking trip, the sudden rain, the wild idea to go fishing without poles or spears, how he’d struggled to find Pippin in the stream and almost managed to save him and how he’d thought Pippin dead. “I know you say I saved you, but how? I managed to grab you but then I lost you again.”

“Merry!” Pippin exclaimed, his voice full of surprise and anger. “How can you say such a thing? You did save me!”

“But-“

“Merry. Listen to me. I was dragged under the water after I fell off that rock and somehow hit my head, although I didn’t feel any after affects but the healer found a bump on my skull, and was knocked unconscious and turned face down. I would have drowned had it not been for you! You jumped in, you remember that don’t you?”

“Yes,” Merry wanted to say that he wasn’t the one being hit on the head so of course he wasn’t daft but he had forgot so many details and the situation was much to serious for such nonsense.

“You also remember grabbing me and from what Frodo has told you swam with me to a large rock, and almost reached shore before the current changed, right?”

Merry nodded, battling too many emotions at once to trust his voice at the moment.

“When you think you lost me Mr. Tunnely grabbed one arm and Frodo the other and they got me out of the stream. Since I was unconscious they had to get me out first and besides, I was lying on top of you so the two of them had no other choice than to do what they did. When they got me on the shore you were too weak to swim against the current yourself so they-“

“They threw a rope out to me.” Merry finished.

“Yes. So you see you did save me, it was only your mind that mixed things up a little.” Pippin looked at Merry with eyes brimming with love that Merry couldn’t help but cry and Pippin instantly gathered him in his arms. “Thank you Merry, do you hear that? Thank you for saving my life.”

Merry snuggled into Pippin’s shoulder, wetting his shirt with his tears but at the moment Merry couldn’t care less. “You’re welcome. I’m so glad you survived and that you didn’t get really sick.”

“Well,” Pippin said against Merry’s neck. “You sort of got that part, didn’t you?”

“I suppose. But I’m better now,” Merry answered.

“Yes you are, but let the healer be the judge of that, will you? And I do not want to see you padding about these hallways before he says you can.”

“I won’t.”

“Good.” Pippin pulled away a little but held Merry by the shoulders. “You’ve got to spend at least some time in bed – about a week if I understood Mr. Burrows correctly this morning – so we’ve plenty of time to discuss what we shall do for the rest of the visit.”

“Fine. Want to go fishing?” Merry asked, hoping that the joke wasn’t too far off.

“Just as long as you bring the poles,” Pippin said and they both laughed. “Now, sleep for you young master Brandybuck, then supper if you’re a good lad and tomorrow your parents will be here to check in on you so you’d better do your best to get well so they don’t worry too much.”

“Yes, Pip,” Merry said and meant it. “Tuck me in?” Merry couldn’t help but add the last comment as Pippin had put on his stern cousin mode, the mode Merry usually used with Pippin and not the other way around. But then, Merry thought lazily as Pippin tucked the blankets snugly in under his chin and saw to that his pillows were just so, nothing about this had been as it used to be.

“Love you Pip,” Merry mumbled as sleep claimed him.

“Love you too Merry.” Pippin doused the candle and saw to that there was wood on the fire before quietly stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him. Merry would be well and so was he. Smiling to himself and humming Pippin went to the kitchen to see if there was something he could scrounge up for a late tea.

 END

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A/N: * The Hobbiton healer,  Mr. Burrows, is my invention, brand new for the sake of this story.

** The Winter Sickness is Marigold and Baylor’s term, I’m just borrowing it.