Title: Bittersweet

Summary: Gilraen reflects on life on Estel's birthday. This was written for the ME express prompt #35: Birthday.

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the characters. They're all the property of Tolkien and his estate.

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A smile crossed Gilraen's face as a shriek of childish laughter split the air. She watched as Elladan swung the small child up to sit atop his shoulders. Aragorn…no, Estel had turned five years old today, and his brothers, the sons of Elrond, had just finished giving him his birthday gifts; an assortment of books, toys and clothes. She glanced aside and found Elrond watching his sons playing with Estel, a paternal smile on his lips.

The smile faded from her face as she realized that he counted her son as one of his children. Truly, she was grateful to the elven lord for taking them in and treating Estel as if he were his own son, but he was not Elrond's son. Aragorn, son of Arathorn, did not know who his true father was, did not even know his name, his father's or his own for that matter.

Her feelings on this matter were mixed, at best. Elrond and his sons had done their best to give her son an ideal childhood, a place of safety, and the love of a family. They truly did consider her son, and by extension, her, part of their family. She loved them for that, but at the same time, she could not help but resent that they had taken Arathorn's place in the life of her child. Aragorn should have grown up as the son of the Chieftain of the Dúnedain with her and Arathorn. Her husband had been taken from them far too soon.

He had been riding with Elladan and Elrohir against the orcs when he fell. At times, she hated them for that, for surviving when her husband was gone. But then she would watch them with Estel and feel shame for her thoughts.

As idyllic as their life seemed here, she could not help but long for a simpler home. All the beauty of Imladris did not compare to the home she had once had, a home with her husband and child, one filled with love and laughter. Estel had love and laughter here, but she did not. Every time she heard her son call Elrond 'Ada', it only served to remind her that his real father was not here.

Sighing, she tried to break out of her melancholy mood. She did not normally dwell on such thoughts, usually able to shake them off when they occurred. Each year, on Estel's birthday, however, she was reminded that her husband was not here to see his son growing up. But she would not have her melancholy mood ruin her son's birthday.

"Nana!" Estel cried from where he now sat in Elrond's lap. "Come see what Ada gave me!" He waved a small, intricately carved animal in each hand, and she smiled at him as she crossed the room to praise his gifts, hiding her pain away for another day. Today was about Estel, his happiness, and his family. Birthdays should always be a time of joy, not sorrow.