Title: To Die For
Rating: G
Summary: A visit at Buckland's market has unexpected consequences.
Year: 1392

Special thanks to Slightly Tookish for her swift beta.

Author notes:
Fastred and Lily Bolger are borrowed from my German story Schicksalsjahre eines Hobbits. Also, I am no doctor and the medical treatment described in this story might not be correct.

~*~*~

The weekly market at Bucklebury was always a huge hustle and bustle. Under the cover of selling goods, goodwives and their young and not so young daughters, and sometimes even a few of their sons, exchanged the latest gossip of all Buckland, the Marish and the eastern regions of the Shire. Young children absorbed the goings on with huge, curious eyes holding tightly to their mother's hands, while some of the older ones ran around yelling and laughing in some game of chase or battle.

Berilac Brandybuck seemed unsure about which group he belonged to. Merimac could feel his son's temptation to run with the boys and yet the child clung to his arm and urged him from one stall to the other. Exclamations like "Look at that!" and "Wouldn't this look nice in my room?" accompanied his every step.

Merimac sighed inwardly. He had hoped for a pleasant afternoon looking for new straps, reins and a new pair of pony-brushes. Besides, he kept his eyes open for a little something he could give Adamanta for his birthday in two weeks. He didn't want to give her the usual mathom, after all this would be his 50th.

"Can I have them, dad?" Berilac tugged at his sleeve. "Please."

Merimac looked at the stall his son was pointing at this time and found the object of his desire: a small, green leather bag full of marbles. "Please," the child repeated with a look that promised the stars from the sky. Mac raised an eyebrow, not exactly happy with his son's constant begging. Also, he had the slight suspicion that his lad's closeness today was only due to his wish to make up for last night.

"No, Berry, not today. Perhaps another time."

"But someone will have bought them by then!" the child protested loudly.

"I said no," Mac repeated, silencing the boy with a stern glance. "You don't exactly deserve a gift, as you know full well. And," he added, locking his blue green eyes with his son's green ones, "begging and pouting won't help."

Knowing that his son would eventually follow even though the child had angrily let go of his hand, Mac moved to a stall where saddles and reins were displayed. The seller, a stout, grey-haired tanner greeted him friendly. He and Mac had done business before. Merimac was head of the Master's pony breeding and Rorimac, though he kept a close eye on his son's doing, allowed him almost every liberty.

"It's all because of that Merry!"

Merimac closed his eyes, excused himself and turned to his son, still standing near the stall with the marbles, glaring at him furiously. "Now it is that Merry again," Mac thought though he didn't doubt Berilac would speak of his Merry once more within less than two days. Until then, however life wouldn't be easy. It never was when the cousins quarrelled. "It is not," Merimac assured him, then reconsidered his words, "though the fact that you punched him in the face certainly does draw a shadow over the entire affair."

"It's his own fault. He should not have broken it," Berilac blurted out, his face flushed with anger. The child had quite a temper at times.

"He didn't do so on purpose," Merimac patiently tried to explain, but Berilac seemed unwilling to understand. The boy folded his arms in front of his chest and glared daggers at the soil and the people treading it.

Heaving a heavy sigh Mac walked over to his son and knelt to the ground before him. One hand rested on the lad's shoulder the other he placed under the child's chin, gently forcing him to look him in the face. The green eyes glittered with unshed tears of irritation while the wind softly caressed the sandy brown curls.

"He broke it," Berilac repeated remorsefully.

Merimac pulled his son into a hug, knowing how dear presents from Frodo were to him. His youngest cousin had visited them the past summer. To the delight of the young ones who often used to be in his care while Frodo still lived in Brandy Hall he had brought a carved animal for each of them. Merry and Berry had both received ponies, being very fond of them, while Merimas had got a small rabbit. Last night, during their game little Merry stepped on his son's pony by accident causing its tail to fall off and Berilac to get rough.

Combing his fingers through his son's curls Merimac breathed a kiss on the child's head. "I'm sure Cousin Frodo will make you a new one if you ask him. You can write him a letter as soon as we get home."

"That will take ages!" Berilac protested glumly.

Merimac grinned. "I will tell him to hurry." He winked, looking into his son's face. "He listens to me, you know."

"Are you sure?"

Merimac nodded quickly, secretly hoping a bit of persuasion would help to get the tween work quickly. Tweens could be so lazy and sluggish at times. He knew that from experience.

"Now," he said rising and stretching his back. "Why don't you play with some of the other lads while I run some errands?"

Berilac nodded and, to Mac's annoyance, rubbed his nose with his sleeve. "Dad?" the boy asked as Merimac turned to the tanner once more. "Can I have the marbles?"

Merimac shook his head and as Berry pouted he grinned and smacked the lad's bottom. "Off you go. But stay close."

An hour later Merimac had not only conversed with several traders and exchanged greetings with some of the more important families, but he had also found two new reins and the desperately needed pony-brush. The old one was hardly of use anymore. It was early evening and some of the sellers were already closing their stalls. Mac decided it was time for a little treat for himself and his son before they headed home. Purchasing two pancakes with cheese and lamb sausage he turned his attention back to looking for Berilac. He had seen him playing tag with some other lads but had somehow lost track of him in the general hubbub.

"Watch out!"

Merimac turned abruptly at the sudden outcry. Not far away the crowd was splitting in a wild tumult. Mothers grabbed their children while sellers tried to rescue some of their fragile goods. Vases shattered to the ground, apples and fruits rolled across the grass and baskets flew high into the air. The reason for all this was a pony running wild, neighing in panic. The coach it pulled clattered, its wheels flying across the soil.

Perceiving where the animal was heading to, Mac's eyes widened in sudden horror. His blood ran cold. Not too far away, Berilac was sitting in the grass in front of a cart laden with cages full of hens, rabbits and geese. He was smiling and a faraway look was in his eyes as he caressed a young rabbit sitting in his lap. Dropping everything in his hands Merimac darted across the market.

"Berry!" His outcry was choked as he bumped into an old hobbit fleeing with his pipe in hand. Not caring for the old gaffer Mac pushed him aside, ran past the opposite stall and called for his son again. This time Berilac looked up yet he did not seem to understand the severity of the situation.

"Get away!" Mac ordered harshly, stumbling past another group of hobbits, pushing his way through them. The pony was now despairingly close but Merimac, in spite of the cold claws of fear clutching at him, knew he would reach his son in time, if only, because he had to.

The clatter of hoofs moved ever closer, the rattling of the coach grew louder in his ears. Berilac had got to his feet by now, the young rabbit still in his arms. The pony neighed again, foam dropping from its widened nostrils. Merimac lunged for his son, grabbed his shoulders and pushed him to the ground just as the pony passed them by. The geese and hens were in an uproar. Fluttering and clucking wildly they pressed against the cages, causing them to jiggle.

Just at that moment the coach slammed into Merimac, knocking the breath from his lungs as his body was hurled into the rim of the animal cart. Pain shot through his every limb involuntarily bringing tears to his eyes. Cages fell to the ground and some of the animals fled in a panic, while Merimac tried in vain to catch some air.

Through a misty veil he saw Berilac kneeling on the floor, looking at him with huge, fearful eyes while his hands clutched the frightened rabbit as if it was the last thing on earth he could hold on to. Tears streamed down the child's cheeks as he reached for him with one hand yet did not dare to touch. "Father, you're…"

Feeling the knot in his chest tighten even more Mac reached for that outstretched hand but was not able to grab it. "You all right?" he pressed out between clenched teeth and while he waited for Berilac to answer darkness claimed him. He fell to the ground heavily, for a split second feeling the grass tickling his cheeks, hearing the desperate outcry of his son, then he knew no more.

~*~*~

"Here, drink that." Adamanta looked up at the young lass, Lily Bolger, daughter and apprentice of Fastred Bolger, the healer of Bucklebury and the Hall. "It's balm and a bit of valerian with honey. It will help you calm down."

Adamanta took the cup with trembling hands and nodded. Taking a careful sip she gazed to the bed where Fastred finished examining her still unconscious husband.

"He'll be all right, Mrs Adamanta," the healer told her with a slight smile. "No ribs broken. The collision took his breath away but I don't doubt he will wake up soon. He breathes evenly now, though it will cause him some pain for a while." Turning his attention to Lily he said in a low voice: "Could you prepare him some willow-bark tea, a bath of arnica to keep the bruises at a minimum and some balm ointment later on."

Lily nodded and hurried out of the room, giving Adamanta the opportunity to have a seat next to the healer and take her husband's hand into hers. Fastred noted the paleness of her face with concern but hoped the tea his daughter had made would ease her worry. He smiled again, putting his tools into his pouch. "Your husband suffered some bad bruises but the ointment Lily is preparing will help him heal quickly. The scratch on his chest isn't very deep either. I have removed the splinters and the arnica bath will disinfect as well as ease the bruising of his other injuries."

Adamanta nodded again, not taking her eyes from Merimac's pallid face. Fastred laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Don't you worry. I have seen Mac harmed far worse than that and he has always made it. He's a stout fellow."

She actually managed to smile at that. Fastred had known her husband for almost thirty years and had been at his side - either as apprentice or fully learned healer - after several painful accidents involving either ponies, exceptionally high trees or whatever his tweenish foolishness had got him into. Once it had been a broken leg but most of the time Mac had got away with bruises and a fright that should have made him wiser than he eventually managed to be. Sometimes she still wondered what had attracted her to him when she had first seen him showing off at the river. Perhaps it was all little Frodo's fault, admiring his cousin as he did. Whatever the reason was, falling in love with Mac had been the best thing to happen to her - and to him no less. She still remembered the first time she met the Master, the relief and joy on his face as he embraced her while exclaiming: "So you are the lass who has stolen my boy's heart and put him in his place. Welcome, and may you never leave again." And she hadn't and never would.

Low moaning from the bed made her forget the fond memories. Merimac was waking. Bleary eyes opened slowly, found hers and focused on them. "Mantha…" It was but a whisper but one that filled her heart with such joy that tears sprang to her eyes.

"Welcome back, love," she murmured in a low voice and kissed his hand. "How are you feeling?"

Mac furrowed his brow in confusion. "What…? Where…?" Then, perceiving the healer, he winced. "Fastred?"

Fastred smiled. "Not happy to see me, are you? Perhaps next time I should prepare the tea and leave you to Lily's care?" He winked but as Merimac tried to voice protest he cut him short. "You got in the way of a pony and coach and were squashed between that and another cart. Who would have thought I would ever have to patch you up again because of somebody else's thoughtlessness besides your own? Though I don't think Berilac is to blame for this either."

Mac's eyes widened. "Berry!" Gripped by sudden fear he tried to sit up. "How - ow!"

Clutching at his chest Merimac sank onto the pillows with a yelp and closed his eyes in pain, taking shallow gasping breaths.

"Still as sensitive to pain as ever," Fastred observed shaking his head good-naturedly. "One should think you would get used to it eventually. Lie still now. Lily will be back any moment and then we shall ease your hurts."

"Berry is fine," Adamanta quickly assured at her husband's fearful look. "He is with Esme and Merry at the moment."

Mac quirked an eyebrow. "Merry?"

Adamanta smiled. "They forgot their dispute as soon as Merry perceived Berilac was in need of some reassurance."

"A lot of that, I shall think," Fastred observed turning his kind, brown eyes on Merimac. "He got away without as much as a scratch but you gave him quite a fright. He should see you as soon as Lily and I are off so he can convince himself that you are all right and that he is not to blame."

Merimac nodded, not questioning the healer's remark. Since the day he had first heard of Fastred Bolger tales spread all over Buckland. The healer saw more than any other. He looked into the hearts of his patients perceiving whatever worry that lies there in secret. The healer had a way of implying comfort simply by his presence. It was rumoured that his youngest daughter possessed a similar gift.

A knock at the door announced that said daughter had finished her work. Lily entered with a tray laden with a steaming teapot, a cup, a small basin filled with water, some cloths, and a jar

Mac winced recognising one of the different smells. "Willow-bark?

Fastred nodded with a smile knowing very well that the youngest of the Master's sons had developed an early dislike against this kind of tea.

"Tormentor," Mac breathed out between clenched teeth as the healer helped him sit up.

"Merimac Brandybuck, you're worse than any child," the healer told him sternly but with a smile on his face. Being well acquainted with Mac since the latter's early tweens Fastred was on amicable terms with the Master's son and knew some friendly teasing was always welcomed. "Now, drink."

Merimac drank without complaint and even did without the usual grimacing he gifted Fastred with since he had first coaxed him to swallow willow-bark tea. The healer quickly realised that his patient's bruises were to blame. The ones on his back were already taking on an ugly shade of blue and red. This time, luck had indeed been on Merimac's side, and Fastred still wondered how he had got away without any broken ribs.

Taking the empty cup from him, Fastred gently eased Merimac onto the pillows and began bathing his patient's bruised chest with arnica. The spicy smell of the flower filled the room and before long Mac's breathing became easier. Being done Fastred turned Merimac on his stomach and washed the swelling skin. A long red, swollen line went from his right shoulder blade to the small of his back, revealing where the rim of the cart was driven into his body. Merimac flinched as Fastred dabbed the cloth over it but did not utter a single word during the entire process.

Having finished the healer reached for the wooden jar. Carefully he opened the lid, dipped his fingers into the ointment and began rubbing it onto his patient's back. The sweet fragrance of balm filled their nostrils and Merimac murmured sleepily that this wasn't so bad.

By the time Fastred had finished his work and lightly bandaged the bruised chest and back, Merimac was almost asleep. The healer quirked an eyebrow at his daughter. "Quite a strong tea, wasn't it?"

Lily shrugged, gathering everything up again. "You said Master Mac needed force to stay in bed so I added a little more."

Adamanta, who had closely followed the entire procedure in silence, stared at her in disbelief but Fastred chuckled. "Clever girl." Heaving a sigh he got to his feet and handed the jar to Adamanta. "Rub this on his bruises trice a day and he should be better soon. See to it that he stays in bed for a while and rests. I doubt he will be up for much anyway. I shall check on him again in a week."

"Thank you," Adamanta replied quietly, her face still pale but more hopeful than before. "I will take care of him."

~*~*~

With his mother leaving the bed Berilac finally got a chance to creep closer to his father. He had spent the greater part of the night in his parents' bed and was relieved to find his father's face less pale than it had been the night before. The open fire's soft, golden glow illuminated his sleeping form and Berilac gently combed his fingers through his father's dark brown curls listening sadly to the slightly laboured breathing.

At the sound of the door being shut Berilac nestled even closer, his nose almost touching his father's cheek. Even though it was a bit awkward the young hobbit stroked Merimac's curls back from his brow the way his father would were he the one being hurt. A tight knot was forming in his throat and Berilac swallowed the sobs that threatened to escape him but could not hinder several tears sliding down his cheeks and ear.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into his father's warm skin. "I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to be angry with you because of the marbles, and I didn't want…" he trailed off snivelling loudly, his breath hitching. "Please, wake up again."

Merimac was wakened by the soft tickling of breath close to his ear accompanied by a silent whimper. Frowning he turned to the source of the noise but hissed in pain at the tightness of his chest.

"Father?" Berilac's teary eyes were on him and the concern and worry in those green opals immediately forced his mind back to the events on the market. Merimac winced at the memory but held his expressions under control. With a loving smile he turned his head.

"Tears so early in the morning?" he asked gently and lifted his hand to brush away one of the wet lines on his son's cheeks. "Whatever for?"

Berilac looked at him for a very long moment, his face flushed, his lips trembling. The light of the fire was reflecting in his eyes. "Dad!" he blurted out and flinging his small arms around his neck the child buried his face in Merimac's shoulders and wept noisily. "I'm so sorry, father, so sorry."

Merimac's breath was taken away but his son's distress kept him from reminding the lad to be careful. His heart broke at the worry he had already caused little Berilac. Remembering his own fear he held the child even tighter and breathed a kiss on the tousled curls. Berilac was safe and so was he. "There's nothing to be sorry for, child. It wasn't your fault."

"But you…" Berilac wanted to protest but was silenced by his father.

"I'm going to be fine," Merimac assured and allowed the lad to rest his head on his shoulder. Gently and with some effort he caressed the child's wet cheek while relief, and love for this little one made him smile.

Berilac's tears ceased and soon father and son's breathing were the only sounds besides the silent crackling and hissing in the fireside. In spite of being stiff and sore, Merimac sighed contently, feeling a deep peace taking hold of him. He closed his eyes when unexpectedly Berilac kissed him on the cheek, something he had rarely done of late. "I'm glad you're awake again."

A knock at the door made them look up. "Yes," Merimac called while Berry sat up to see who was coming.

"You're up again! What a relief!" Menegilda hurried into the room with a bustle of skirts to shower her son's face with kisses like she had done since he was a little lad. Merimac, even had he not been in pain, wouldn't have had a chance to get away.

"Mother, I…" he peevishly tried to explain. Berilac giggled into his ear just as he became victim of one of his grandmother's kisses as well.

"Oh, you're a dunce, Merimac Brandybuck, giving us such a fright!" Gilda scolded, planting herself on the bed's edge. "I was worried sick about you seeing you all pale and bandaged."

"It was my fault, grandmother, really," Berilac piped in, hanging his head guiltily.

"Nonsense!" Merimac told him and turning to his mother he added, "It was an accident."

"I know what it was," Gilda said sternly but her features softened and turned into a fond smile. "And I'm very proud of you but that doesn't reduce my worry, as you doubtless know."

Merimac quirked an eyebrow, then with a sideways glance to Berilac, he lowered his eyes and nodded, feeling the remembrance of a cold fear hovering above him. "I do and I'm sorry."

Menegilda's fond smile didn't waver as she kissed him on the cheek and whispered so that only he could hear it: "This is the first time I am convinced you understand and I am glad."

Feeling a pang at that, Merimac said no more remembering all the times he had got himself into trouble - thoughtlessly or not - and for the first time fully comprehended the worry he had caused his parents. As Berilac nestled into the hollow of his arm again, Mac held his son close and glanced at his mother, returning her smile although he felt slightly at a loss.

Suddenly the door opened and Adamanta entered carrying a tray with tea. She had been a little beside herself when her husband had been brought home unconscious last night. Today, however, she felt a lot better, and seeing him in the bed with their son in his arms and a smile on his face, she felt even more like herself. "Good morning, love," she called joyfully and nodding at the Mistress added with a nod of her head, "Menegilda."

Gilda returned the greeting and staggered to her feet, silently cursing the moment she had decided to sit down on the bed. She wasn't as young as she used to be and getting up from a soft seat wasn't easy anymore. As she stretched her joints cracked but she did not bother and instead waved her grandchild to her side. "Come, Berry, leave your parents alone for a moment."

Berilac obediently climbed out of the bed and waved goodbye while Menegilda told her son that the Master and Saradoc would check on him later. Merimac simply nodded and smiled after her as she closed the door.

"So?" Adamanta asked, taking the Misteress' place and kissing her husband in greeting.

"Better," Merimac replied with a smirk and propped himself up with some hissing and wincing. Sniffing curiously towards the teapot he grimaced. "Instead of breakfast I get willow-bark?"

Adamanta nodded. "With best wishes from Fastred and Lily Bolger."

"Don't say they've corrupted you too?" he exclaimed.

Adamanta shrugged mischievously and loosened the bandages. The swelling had gone down a great deal but chest and back were still painted in ugly colours, especially where the rim of the cart had been driven into her husband's torso. Knowing what he had suffered this pain for she kissed him gently on the shoulder, before dipping her fingers into the balm ointment to massage it gently onto the bruised skin. As she carefully traced her finger along the dark red line Merimac flinched. Concerned she drew her hand back. "Does it hurt badly?"

"I don't mind," Mac said. He had shifted towards the bed's foot so that Adamanta could sit behind him and take care of his back. "It's a sacrifice worth bringing." Noticing that she had stopped, Merimac turned his head to find her looking at him. He smiled. "Berilac is all right and that is all that matters."

Feeling her love for this hobbit overflowing Adamanta kissed him and whispered lovingly, "It's because of you, my love." Gently she stroked his sore skin and leaned her cheek against his. "It breaks my hart to see your bruises but I am glad you did what you have done."

Suddenly glad for her closeness, the feel of her skin against his and the smell of her hair in his nostrils, Merimac closed his eyes and leaned his face against hers. Not for a single moment had he thought of her or himself. He had only seen Berilac, knowing that he would do whatever it would take him to save the boy. His child, hers, theirs. Taking a deep, shaky breath, he shook his head. "I have experienced many things in my life and I know I have been mostly careless until I got you and Berry. I have been his father for twelve years and he has had a great many illnesses and little hurts that caused me to worry. Yet, I never have felt so cold a fear as when I saw that pony racing towards him."

He leaned into her embrace, listened to her breathing at his neck and the crackling of the fire without really noticing it. "I could have lost him." His voice was shaky now and he swallowed hard to keep his emotions at bay. Turning his head he looked deeply into Adamanta's dark eyes, realised he could not bear the feeling that was showing there and instead turned to his hands which lay folded in his lap. He studied them for a while, the hands that had pushed Berilac out of harm's way. "Is that the nature of a father? To save his child from any danger no matter how high the price he pays might be?" He frowned. "Yesterday I understood that I would die for him if I had to."

Turning around he held Adamanta's loving, concerned glance once more, knowing that she understood him as much as he did his mother earlier. Shrugging off the gloomy thoughts he pulled her close and kissed her firmly on the lips. "I'm glad to have you and Berry," he breathed with a smile. "Glad to have you a little longer." And as he kissed her again, this time more thorough, he tasted the fear she had suffered, felt her worry as well as her relief. He pulled her even closer and when their kiss finally broke he held her gaze as if to reassure that everything was well again. Perceiving no more shadows, a mischievous glint appeared in his eyes and he smirked. "You might want to continue applying this ointment of Fastred's. I quite enjoy you doing that."

Adamanata smiled and shook her head. "Oaf," she whispered into his mouth but obediently began rubbing the ointment on his chest with gentle movements. A smug grin lit up Merimac's face but it immediately faded when Mantha dutifully re-bandaged his torso and with a grin of her own offered him a cup of willow-bark tea.

"Traitor," Merimac grumbled giving her a stern glance. He hesitated for a moment, took a small sip of the tea and grimaced. "One day I will avenge myself."

"I don't doubt you will," Mantha said with a smile and, after he had drunk almost half of his medicine, relieved him of the cup and helped him lie down again.

Merimac snorted at the silliness of her tucking him in. Nonetheless he sighed contently and an impish smirk lit up his face. "I might get used to this, you know."

"I fear so," she said sitting down on the edge of the bed and stealing the grin from his lips. "Unfortunately I cannot offer you such service every day."

"Then, I will savour it as long as I can," Merimac said and grinned at the sideways glance Adamanta was giving him. The firelight played with her gentle features illuminating only one half of her face and casting a soft glow on her sandy hair. Gently he laid his hand on hers feeling only contentment and boundless love, as she smiled down at him and brushed a stray curl from his brow.

"Rest a while, love," Adamanta said with a fond smile. "I will get you some breakfast later."

"Breakfast?" Merimac hadn't realised he had closed his eyes until they snapped open. "I think I'm quite ready for that," he declared and tried to get up again, but his wife stopped him with a gentle push on the shoulders.

"You rest," she told him shaking her head, "and I shall see what I can bring you."

With that and a last, swift kiss, Mantha hurried out of the room leaving him alone with the smell of willow-bark, balm, apple wood and a lingering fragrance that was hers. Despite himself Merimac sighed heavily and closed his eyes again. If Berilac was worth dying for, these were the moments worth living.

~THE END~