Chapter Four: Held

Sam listened for a moment, heart breaking. Rosie wiped at the tear that traveled down his cheek. Sam turned to her, surprised to see she was awake.

Frodo moaned again, then cried out for Sam. "He’s called out for you each night," Rose said. "Go to him now."

Sam leaned over and kissed his wife’s head. "Thanks, my Rose. I’ll go and get some of that tea for him."

He was nearly out the door when Frodo cried out for him even more desperately and Sam turned back to his wife. "Do you think you could make the tea instead, Rosie dear, please?"

Rose smiled. "He doesn’t need it. All he needs is you."

Sam smiled and left to go to his brother. He hurried his steps as Frodo cried out an anguished, "No!"

"I’m here, my dear," Sam said as he entered the room. Rosie was right - the room was too warm. He moved to open the window a bit.

Frodo was sitting up, amid disheveled sheets, breathing heavily. "Sam!" he cried in relief, then "No, Sam, don’t!" when he saw what his friend was doing. "They’ll come, they’ll find me!"

Sam turned away, but left the window open a crack. From the moonlight streaming in the window, he could see the terror still in his friend’s eyes. Tears burned in Sam’s eyes as he gathered his badly trembling brother into his arms. "No, they won’t. They are all gone, me dear," he murmured. "They can’t hurt you anymore. Nothing can while your Sam is here. It’s all right. You’re safe."

Frodo clung to him desperately. "They are still going to come," he whimpered. "I know they will. They want the Ring. They can hear its call. Aragorn said they would never stop hunting me."

Sam kissed his brother’s head and began to rock him gently to try to calm his tremors. "Shhhh now, dear. The hunt is over. The Ring is gone."

"No, it’s not. I can still hear its voice inside me, Sam. I have never been free of it, all these many, many months since we first set out. Endless hatred and malice for all things, whispers of false promises, shouts and screams, taunts each time I resisted it, contempt each time I gave in...twisting me, always twisting me. And then despair, horrible, all-consuming despair, terrible betrayal and rage. It was so much a part of me by then, I felt everything it did. I burned with it, Sam. Both times. Sometimes I think I’m still burning."

Frodo looked up at his friend now and Sam could indeed imagine he saw the fires of Mordor still burning in his beloved brother’s soul. New tears began to fall from Sam’s cheeks into Frodo’s curls as he held his dearest friend tighter and continued his gentle rocking. Perhaps, he thought, if he cried enough, he could make the fires go out.

"I’m so cold, too, Sam, like when the blade first pierced me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take, Sam. Gandalf said I would be driven mad if the Ring was separated from me by force. I think that is what has happened."

"No, no, hush, dear," Sam said softly. "You are not mad. You have been hurt badly and that is what is causing you all this pain, but what caused the pain is gone."

Frodo looked up into his beloved guardian’s eyes. "How can it still torment me then? I have had such terrible dreams, Sam. I had hoped now that you were back they would stop, but they just keep getting worse."

"Then tell your Sam about them," came the gentle coax. "Maybe that would help them disappear."

There was such a long pause Sam didn’t think Frodo would answer or perhaps hadn’t even heard him, then the elder hobbit spoke. "They change every night and they are so real, I can’t even tell that it’s not truly happening again. Weathertop. Osgiliath. The tower. The fire. And there are changes to it sometimes. Things that didn’t happen but could have. Once I saw the orcs with the Ring and it drove me mad to see them have it and not me." Frodo looked up at his friend with tormented eyes. "I dreamed once that I killed you."

Sam’s eyes filled with fresh tears. He held his beloved brother tighter as Frodo began to cry.

"Why is this happening, Sam? Why can’t I just let it all go? It’s not even near the 6^th or the 13^th."

The torment in Frodo’s eyes and voice begged for relief, relief Sam would have given anything for, but wasn’t sure how he could. He returned the gaze through tear-filled eyes, then pulled his dear one closer and stroked his curls. "’Tis just a memory you are hearing of the Ring, dear, and it’s frightening you into these dreams, but it’s only a bad memory and memories fade."

Could it be? "I want so much to believe you, Sam."

"Then do, dear."

Frodo almost smiled. Dear, trusting, ever-optimistic Sam. He was so glad that his friend had remained untainted by the Ring. Could he wish one day he wouldn’t be as well?

He continued to tremble badly. "I’m so cold, Sam."

Sam partially let go of his brother and with one hand brought another blanket around him, on top of the three that already covered him and still weren’t adequate. At last, the sound of Sam’s voice and his steady, soothing heartbeat reached Frodo and he stopped shaking. "I’m sorry I woke you," he said. "You should be with Rose..."

Sam smiled. "I’m where I need to be right now," he said, but then his smile faded. "I’m sorry I wasn’t before. I should have never left. Maybe your dreams wouldn’t have come back."

"Don’t blame yourself, Sam. They may have returned anyway. I just wish I could get better."

"I wish that more than anything, my dear," Sam said. He wiped at the last of Frodo’s tears and smiled again. "Why don’t you try to get back to sleep? Nothing’s going hurt you while your Sam is here guarding you. Do you want me to get you some of that tea?"

Frodo looked into his beloved guardian's loving eyes. "No, thank you, just stay with me, please, will you, Sam?"

Sam smiled wider and his heart rejoiced to see Frodo return it, if only faintly. He kissed his brother’s head. "I’m not going to leave you."

"Rose said you were having nightmares, too, sometimes, Sam," Frodo said as he lay his head back down on his brother’s shoulder. "I’m so sorry. I didn’t know."

Sam looked uncomfortable for a moment, then his features smoothed out. "It’s nothing for you to worry over," he said and looked down, though he knew his brother was not going to be dismissed that easily, much as he would have liked it.

"I would worry more if you didn’t tell me," he said softly.

When Sam still didn’t respond, Frodo raised his head and his features quirked into a smile.
"Come on, Sam," the elder hobbit cajoled. "Fair is fair. I told you my dreams. You have to tell me yours."

"Stubborn Baggins," Sam muttered.

Frodo laughed suddenly, a clear, rich laugh and Sam’s heart skipped a beat to hear such a beautiful sound so unexpectedly. "Stubborn Gamgee," Frodo teased back. "Now out with it, dearest hobbit."

Sam looked up now and Frodo was surprised and worried to see tears in his beloved friend’s eyes. His smile disappeared, the light that shone for a moment vanishing. Sam bit his lip, knowing he was responsible for that.

"Sam, please tell me."

"I dream about the same things you do, I suppose, in some way," Sam started slowly. "Weathertop, the tower - the times I failed to protect you as I should have."

Frodo tightened his grip around his friend. "Sam, please don’t blame yourself for those things. I beg you. None of it is your fault."

Sam looked at his brother full in the eyes, tears brimming over and beginning to fall down his cheeks. "But you nearly died before we could get you to Rivendell and even there, we weren’t sure if you would survive and I don’t even want to think of what those orcs did to you. It was horrible, wasn’t it?"

A terrible, sharp pain stabbed Frodo’s eyes. "Yes, but then you came and rescued me."

He held Sam tighter, the one in need of comfort now turning comforter. He stroked his friend’s sandy curls while Sam cried and began to softly sing.

"The night has come, long, dark, and dreary.

The road is long, and we are weary.

Alone we are, in land of dire despair;

Hope seems beyond our reach, yet she is there.

"There waiting patient in the shadows,

She whispers of the woods and meadows

That yet remain, untouched by deepening gloom;

She strengthens, heedless of the voice of doom.

"One lonely star, her light undying,

She burns so bright, all fear defying,

Amidst the clouds in dark and gloomy skies.

Oh hark, dear heart, to her soft battle cry:

""Be not weighed down by care and sorrow;

Press on, brave heart, unto the morrow.

Though all is dark and shadows hide the sun,

This too shall pass, the battle will be won."

"It’s so wonderful to hear you sing," Sam murmured. "You have always had such a lovely voice."

Frodo kissed his beloved brother's head. "Do you remember when you sang that to me after seeing that star in Mordor, my Sam? You have no idea how much that helped me. There is light still in the world. You proved that to me. I will not stop searching for it."

They held each other silently for a long while, then Frodo pulled back and wiped the last of the tears off his Sam's cheeks. "Don’t blame yourself for anything bad that happened, dear Sam. None of it is your fault." He smiled. "Now say, ‘You’re right, dear.’"

Sam sniffled, then returned his treasure’s smile. "You’re right, dear," he repeated obediently and Frodo smiled wider, then let him go and held him by the arms.

"Thank you for telling me of your dreams, Sam. I’m glad you did. I hope they stop, now that you know you are not to blame. I’ll tell you what you should be feeling instead. You have been nothing but my hope, my light, my strength, everything I couldn’t be and can’t be by myself. You have blessed me with your support and your friendship and your love and I know that I am not only the luckiest hobbit in all Middle-earth because of it, but the luckiest creature period."

Sam looked to be on the verge of tears again with such praise. Frodo smiled, squeezed his arms, then let go of his friend, reached in a drawer for a handkerchief and handed it to Sam. "Now blow, dearest."

Sam looked askance at the proffered hankie.

Frodo grinned mischievously. "I know what you are thinking, that it’s too good for your nose. Don’t even start. I have no doubt it would be honored to be used by so fine a nose as yours."

Sam looked up with no little horror, then saw Frodo’s smile widen, his eyes not only filled with light, but sparkling. The elder hobbit giggled. Giggled! Sam thought his heart would burst from the bliss of hearing that. He could do nothing but stare in wonder at such a wonderful sight and sound.

Frodo frowned then. "What is it, Sam?" he asked. "Have I grown a third eye or something?"

Sam didn’t tear his gaze away, but found his voice. "No, but the two you have, they are so beautiful. They are dancing, like they always used to."

Frodo’s smile returned. "I have you to thank for that, dearheart."

And then Sam laughed. It started deep in his heart, then bubbled up his throat until it emerged full and rich and he hugged his beloved brother, tears again streaming down his cheeks, unnoticed, but tears of joy this time as Frodo held him tightly and cried tears of his own.

"I think I can go back to sleep now, Sam," Frodo said after a long while and let go of his guardian. "But could you stay until I do?"

"Of course I will, dear."

Frodo laid back down and Sam brought the blankets up to his chin. The elder hobbit put his right hand out over the coverings and held it out for his Sam to take. "Goodnight, Sam," he said. "Thank you for everything."

He dropped back into a deep, untroubled sleep as Sam held his hand. When Sam was sure his brother had gone back to sleep, he gave his head a kiss before he quietly left the room. "Sleep well, my dear," he murmured. "I love you. Thank you for everything."

The next night, the nightmares returned with even greater ferocity and Sam held his brother all night. He cradled Frodo’s head against his heart knowing it soothed his friend and cried silently at how much suffering such a gentle being had already suffered and continued to suffer, but he held out as a light against such darkness, the memory of the teasing joy they had shared the night before. He marveled also at the light that continued to shine softly in his dear one. He could see it surround him as though he was not the only one embracing him.

A/N: Need I say that song was another masterpiece of Galadriel’s? I didn’t think so. :)