Chapter 20 - “Open Mouth, Change Feet”

Penny was speechless. Dumbfounded. Horrified. She was fairly sure a large part of her brain had just imploded at the idea that Boromir thought she had the hots for him. The rest was in danger of atrophying and crawling into a corner to die slowly. This was NOT good. This was bloody insane.

‘Oh, great’, she thought, ‘We’re back to insanity again. Fantastic.’

In that moment, of course, she realised her mistake. She should have treated them all the same: either avoided them all or given Boromir the same attention she gave the others. It’s just she felt so uncomfortable round him. She had tried. She really had. Clearly, though, she had failed miserably.

Her mind was racing. There was no likelihood of him responding, was there? She hoped to God not. No, of course it was not likely. She was no whore and she was a guest of Elrond. No way, José, would he try anything even if he wanted to and she doubted he would. She sincerely hoped he would not. Added to which he was the eldest son of the Steward of Gondor, the nearest thing to a King till Aragorn would come along, so he was way out of her league.

What the bloody hell was she going to do now?

It was clear from the expressions on the faces round her that they thought the same as Boromir. She could not possibly tell them the real reason for her discomfort with him even though she suspected Gandalf might have guessed part of it. Her heart sank as she realised she only had one option open to her.

She nodded slowly at Legolas. Her stomach twisted into knots as she forced herself to speak.

“I thought I’d been more discrete. I feel really embarrassed knowing that he’s guessed.”

Grins.

Penny closed her eyes, could feel her cheeks burning, and wished to God that the ground would swallow her up then and there. Boromir thinking it was bad enough. Others knowing and thinking the same thing was going to be even worse.

“Please don’t tell anyone. Please. I beg you. I’d be mortified.”

Even wider grins.

“Have no fear, Pen-ii. Your secret is safe enough. But you must be more careful in future. I do not wish to seem rude, but Boromir is not... well... he does not know you, you are not from a noble family that he knows of. It would be out of the question.” Elrond was being as gentle and kind as he could be.

Penny nodded, feeling too sick in her stomach to fake an adequate response. She had noticed Gandalf had raised an eyebrow at her. He suspected she was lying. Thankfully he hadn’t said anything about it. He would, no doubt, understand why she had decided to accept the deception being offered to her. She had no alternative.

‘Nightmare scenario number four hundred and thirty-seven,’ she thought to herself. ‘Having to pretend you fancy someone who you know will be dead in three months and, even worse, knowing that he thinks you fancy him.’ She really was going to avoid him now.

As soon as she could she murmured an apology and fled Elrond’s study. She could hear the murmured talking even as she left the room. Wetting themselves, no doubt. She cringed with embarrassment.

There was a little while yet till dinner so she hurried to her room. She had some writing practice to finish for Erestor as it was. As she turned a corner she saw him: Boromir in conversation with one of the dwarves and two Rivendell elves at the bottom of the stairs that led to her room. She froze.

Okay, plan B: she would head to the gardens.

She turned to go in the opposite direction but not before she caught Boromir look up, see her and smile kindly at her. His look had been a mixture of kindly pity and vague amusement. Penny groaned as she walked away as fast as she could.

There had indeed been soft laughter once she had left the room but not cruel. She was young and clearly a little naive. She was certainly unused to how things were done here in that regard. It was Gandalf who was explaining.

“I do not know the full story of how things are conducted where she comes from, but I get the impression it is very different from here.”

The elves looked at him. “Well, she is married is she not?”

It was Erestor who asked. Elves can sense these things.

Gandalf looked at them. “No,” he said quietly. “She considers marriage something she is not ready for. The idea of that, even children, fills her with alarm. She considers it both amusing and strange that I think at her age should already be married. She is twenty-three. Most humans, as you well know, are married by her age. Or the females certainly are, but even many males.”

The elves nodded, murmuring their agreement quietly. Well then, what they sensed from her was not ‘marriage’ then but she was not unknown to a man. They wondered at this.

“Has she ever been married?” Elrond asked very quietly.

There was a brief pause before Gandalf said, “I do not believe she has, no.”

There was a shocked silence at the implications of this.

Gandalf continued, “I do not have anything specific from what she has said to me, and it is hardly a subject I can broach with her, but I sense that indulging in such things before marriage is not unusual where she comes from.”

The three elves exchanged appalled looks.

“You can’t be serious, Mithrandir,” Legolas was saying. “It’s unthinkable. Immoral. Disgusting! Added to which humans cannot control their conception of children as we elves can, how would such a thing be possible?”

Gandalf shrugged. “I may be wrong, I do not know. She is from a time very different and very distant from our own. Things change. Customs change. It may be that has changed also.”

“Perhaps, then, she thought Boromir and she...?”

Gandalf cut off Erestor before he could finish. “No. I do not think so. Of that much I am certain.” The others looked at him but he would say no more.

Legolas, draining his cup, stood. “Well, I thank you for your frankness, Lord Elrond. I understand completely, though I must confess I am a little shocked and bewildered by what I have learnt. If you will forgive me I think I need a little air. Time to reflect on this and allow myself to grow accustomed to this most unexpected news.”

“But of course, Lord Legolas. I know I do not need to press upon you the importance that this must be divulged to no one and in particular those who are to travel with you and Maura. I think it may be best to not even talk of it with those who already know of it. The less discussion and speculation on what she may or may not know the better, I feel.”

Legolas nodded, “But of course, Lord Elrond. I understand completely and wholeheartedly agree. You have my word no one shall learn of this from me.” So saying he bowed to them and left.

Erestor left soon afterwards but Gandalf did not do so. He turned to Elrond who had returned to his wine and his seat beside the fire. “I do not think she told us the truth just now. She knows something about Boromir, though what I do not know. She has not told me, but I sensed it from her and I offered to try and keep her away from him as best I could. She thanked me and seemed relieved for my offer. Something else is the reason behind her behaviour with him. I think I can guess what it might be, but I think it is better we do not know. It is also probably best Boromir continues to think it is because she finds him attractive.”

Elrond nodded. “But of course, Mithrandir. What do you think it may be she knows?”

“It is best not to speculate. It may not be anything ‘bad’ as such. It may be knowledge of his death. It may be many things. Whatever it is it is enough that she does not wish to get to know him too well while he is here. We should respect her wishes and not push her as to the reasons why. We may well regret it if we were to discover the truth. It may be that she will tell you more once we have left Rivendell with the Ring. I do not know.”

They both fell quiet then, lost in their own thoughts.

So for the following month till the Fellowship left she had to put up with Boromir. He was very gentlemanly about it all. She had to give credit where credit was due: he behaved impeccably with her. He went out of his way to not make her feel ill at ease, though she noticed there were no more solo painting admiration trips in the corridors. For that, at least, she was very grateful. If they met while they were alone he was pleasant and courteous but left as politely and as quickly as he could. Again, in some senses it couldn’t have been better.

The only bad thing from all this was that his behaviour raised him even higher in her estimation of him. It made her feel even more keenly how much of a blow and loss his death would be. As the time for the Fellowship leaving drew nearer she would lie awake at night thinking of what was to come and would wet her pillow with her tears.

For now, though, it was early December and, though, it was getting colder and there was little to do in the garden these days, there was still work she could help with. Her sewing was improving, though it needed a lot of work still. She had managed to make a small wicker basket for herself and was now trying to make a lid that would fit it. She would keep larger sewing projects in it. She had nearly managed a vase on the potter’s wheel... before it had collapsed on her, but she was definitely improving.

In her riding she had progressed to a trot and was struggling to master the ‘rise and fall’ that the rider needed to go with it: so you lift yourself out of the saddle in time to the horse’s movement so stopping yourself from just slamming into the saddle uncontrollably. It was very difficult to do sideways on, or so Penny found, and she wished she could sit astride the animal like Halbarad had done.

Her Sindarin was improving, if very slowly. She now had quite a bit of vocabulary, had identified a negative and had several basic questions and phrases both from what she had picked up and guessed the meaning of as well as that which Erestor had taught her. She was learning verbs, though how to conjugate them would be her next big struggle with Erestor. He started with those she knew already such as ‘sewing’, ‘gardening’, ‘riding’, ‘writing’, ‘reading’, or ‘eating’. Soon she had the endings for each person and could say ‘I ride’ or ‘he rides’.

It was a slow process though and there was a lot to take in. She was finding she was forgetting words she knew previously and Erestor now started giving her spelling tests. He had also given her a book. Or rather, a bundle of pages bound together with raffia. He made it clear this was for her to collect the words she was using and to write a vocabulary list of her own language. Her lesson was extended to an hour each morning and she now was trying to teach Erestor English. She wasn’t terribly good at it.

“Pen-ii, I have no idea how your language works. Every time you tell me a letter is pronounced a certain way you then write down something that is pronounced completely differently. It has no rhyme or reason to it. How can that,” he pointed to ‘bow’ which she had written on the board, “be pronounced bau as well as bou.”

Penny couldn’t help but giggle at his pronunciation. “‘Bow’ and ‘bow’, Erestor.”

He repeated them dutifully but still looked utterly baffled by it all. Penny sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “What do you want me to say, Erestor? It’s a mad language! Perhaps Mithrandir should be here with us.” She said in Sindarin, “Mithrandir. Here. Us. Lesson.”

Erestor nodded. He had guessed her meaning as it was. “Perhaps, Pen-ii, perhaps. I do not see that he will find it any less confusing than I, though. Anyway, that is enough for today. I shall study this further and see if I can find any sense of it. The ‘e’ at the end of a word I can understand well enough, but as for the rest...! Elbereth, it is the most bizarre language I think I have ever come across.”

She was learning more about social mores all the time, as well. While most skills were not delineated according to sex there were still boundaries. The dress of elvish women was no more revealing or sensual than the ladies or hobbit-females she’d seen in Bree. Contact was kept polite and friendly but there was little physical contact unless between husband and wife, betrothed or siblings and families. The male elves were clearly unaware, or pretended to be, of the effect they could have on female humans. Penny was slowly getting used to it, but still had to catch her breath if she was surrounded by too many at once.

She had had an unfortunate incident the day after Legolas had discovered her story. Mireth wasn’t about and Penny had a dress and two undershifts to wash. She decided to take herself off to the river without hunting about to see if Mireth wanted to come with her. So far they had fallen into a pattern of going once a week together, but since she had washing that needed doing and she had a few hours spare, Penny thought ‘why not’ and headed off.

Big mistake.

The path that led to the washing stoop on the river, wound through trees, so the river was near enough completely screened till you were nearly at the stoop itself. It meant that when Penny arrived she was left in little doubt as to the foolishness of her decision. She discovered that there were in fact male and female clothes washing days. Today was a male washing day.

They were very good about it. They had all heard her coming. It had to be her because no elf or hobbit would have made that much noise and, with only two humans currently staying in Rivendell, Boromir would not have run away immediately on seeing them. In fact Boromir would possibly even now be on his way with washing of his own. So it could only have been Pen-ii. They carried on, not even looking up. Only once they heard her running as fast as she could in the opposite direction did several look up and exchange grins.

Bloody hell! THAT was going to be a scene burned into her memory for life! Half a dozen male elves, or more, tunic-less and with their leggings rolled up to the knees bashing the crap out of their washing. Well, she certainly knew for a fact, now, how well toned and muscular they were. Bare chested, sweaty male elves. Bare-chested, sweaty, WET male elves. Penny stumbled as she ran just at the thought. She was fairly sure there had been at least one golden-haired elf there. Please God let it not have been Legolas. It was bad enough that she had recognised Lindir in amongst them all and she wasn’t sure but another one might have been Erestor. She could feel her cheeks burning. Oh, shit. Oh, shit! How did she keep doing this to herself? It was going to get to the point that she would be too embarrassed to come out of her room. Ever!

She ran all the way to her chambers and stayed there for the rest of the afternoon. From her balcony she could see a little of the garden and the beginning of the path that led to the gates and so down to the river. She could hear laughing and talking of males voices after an hour or so and stood, to one side of her window, to see. Yup, it was some of the washers, now fully dressed, and carrying wet clothes in baskets. Lindir was not there but Erestor was in conversation with a Mirkwood elf (not Legolas she was relieved to note, though he might have been there as well and she had just not see him). She groaned. Well that was going to be an interesting Sindarin lesson tomorrow. She made a mental note to not stay in the company after dinner but just come back to her room and get an early night.

She busied herself with some sewing, sitting at her window. After a little while, though, there was a faint knock at her door. She told whoever it was to come in (having finally learnt the phrase that Erestor said to her nearly every day) and Mireth and Eleniel entered, both in a fit of giggles. Penny smiled, wondering what on earth had happened that was so hilarious.

As the two elleths, near enough talking at once and finishing each other’s sentences, told her, though, her heart sank. Her name, ‘river’, ‘washing’ and ‘ellyn’ made it clear enough what was so funny.

Penny groaned out loud and let her head fall to her hands.“I don’t believe this! How did you know?” She tried her Sindarin, “Who he speak you two?”

“Lindir told us, but they all heard you and one or two saw you too, I think. Do you realise Lord Erestor was there as well? Oh, Pen-ii, it’s too funny! What WERE you thinking? I am sure I tried to explain to you there were separate washing days for men and women but you clearly didn’t understand me. I am sorry Pen-ii. I feel like this is my fault. Even so..” Mireth exchanged a grin with Eleniel and the two collapsed into another fit of hysterics, “I would have given anything to see their faces. And yours! Oh Pen-ii, I’m sorry. I can’t help it.” She had thrown her arms about Penny who they could see what mortified by what had happened.

Eleniel was grinning at her, holding her hand. “Pen-ii, do not worry. They are not upset. It is just funny. They all think so. You must not feel embarrassed. It was an honest mistake. Easily done, and not the first time by a guest I am sure. Everyone will be very polite and not mention it.” Her face split into an even wider grin as she added, “Still I can think of at least one elf I would not mind seeing in just his leggings.”

Mireth gasped, “Eleniel!” Then she roared with laughter.

Penny hadn’t understood but, having heard ‘leggings’ and ‘seeing’ with an ‘I’ ending in there somewhere she could guess. She shook her head, pink with embarrassment, but couldn’t help a smile. “Not I look,” she confessed in her fractured elvish. Which she had not. She had seen, but she had not dared stare or look properly. She had seen, realised and fled as fast as she could. She was now explaining this in fractured Sindarin and hand gestures to the two elleths.

That just made Mireth and Eleniel laugh even louder.

Penny was now worried this would have spread round the entirety of Rivendell. She tried asking Mireth and Eleniel but she couldn’t make herself understood. In fact, she was about to find out just how gossipy elves can be. Something like this would have been known round the entirety of Imladris within about ten minutes of the first ellon coming back from the river.

She was dreading heading down for dinner.

When the bell rang and the two elleths beckoned her to get to her feet and come with them she shook her head. “No. Everyone will know, I am sure of it. I can’t bear it.” They just grinned and, grabbing hold of her hands, pulled her to her feet.

“Don’t worry, Pen-ii,” said Eleniel. “We are with you. They wouldn’t dare say anything with us around. We’ll make sure nothing happens.”

There was no whispering. No giggling. Not even nudges or smirks. But she knew they all knew and by ‘they’ she meant ‘absolutely everyone including the hounds’. As soon as the three had entered the dining hall and made their way to a table and sat down she had realised. Something in Gandalf’s greeting to her: his smile was a little broader than usual, his eyes sparkling with amusement. Boromir too was near grinning. She found herself sitting not too distant from Lindir who flashed a smile at her, a far more friendly one than normal. As he did so she desperately tried to get rid of the image of his half naked torso out of her head. She wouldn’t think about it. She would NOT think about it. She was in serious danger of ‘beauty overload’ just at the idea.

She was grateful no one said anything or made anything out of it. It was utterly mortifying to know everyone knew, though. From now on she would not go near that bloody river unless she had Mireth or Eleniel with her. She had learned her lesson the hard way.

After dinner she would not be persuaded to stay with the company either in one of the antechambers or the Hall of Fire. As she was gently saying ‘no’ to Mireth and Eleniel in the corridor outside the dining hall, Arwen approached her. “Pen-ii. I heard about what happened today at the river. It must have been very embarrassing for you. Rest assured no one blames you or laughs at your expense. We have all done embarrassing things by mistake at times.”

Penny didn’t understand her but could sense the sympathy and kindness in her tone. She had understood ‘river’ so knew what it was in relation to. “Le hannon, hiril nin,” she murmured.

Gandalf approached. “Pen-ii. You surpassed yourself today, I understand. Lords Elrond and Erestor are most amused.”

Penny flushed scarlet.

Gandalf laughed, “Oh, do not be embarrassed, Pen-ii. You were not to know. No harm done. None at all.”

“No indeed,” agreed Arwen. Gandalf translated for her as she continued, “You must not worry about it in the least, Pen-ii. And if Lindir tries to make fun of you, remind him of the time he got roaring drunk one night, went swimming in the river and I and my ladies-in-waiting found him sleeping and completely naked on the river bank the next morning.”

Penny spluttered, her eyes wide. “I’m sorry... What!” She started laughing.

Arwen winked with a grin and wandered off to the Hall of Fire as she said, “As I say, Pen-ii, we have all done our fair share of ridiculous or amusing things. Do not feel ashamed for an honest mistake.”

Gandalf offered Penny his arm. “Will you join me, Lady Pen-ii?”

Penny hesitated, considering. Oh, what the hell! If Lindir could be found starkers on a riverbank by Elrond’s daughter and live to tell the tale, she could face this down. She took his arm and headed off with him to listen to the songs already sailing down the corridor towards them.

The following morning Erestor merely raised his eyebrow at her slightly when she entered his study for her lesson, but otherwise he didn’t mention it. He did not refer to it once. Penny did notice, though, that if he caught her eye his smile was a little cheekier than she had ever seen it before. Each time it happened she caught herself blushing and looking down. Once she could have sworn she heard him chuckle at her reaction, but when she looked up at him his face was impassive.

She wondered if it was a coincidence that today’s lesson was on days of the week? ‘Highly unlikely’, she thought.

After her Sindarin lesson, though, she had to face Lindir: the same Lindir who had smirked at her through most of yesterday’s evening meal, had told both Mireth and Eleniel, and who Arwen had suspected may try and tease her about it. She was not looking forward to being alone with him given those facts.

Sure enough, as she approached the stables she could see him already standing beside the mare waiting for her with a silly grin plastered all over his face. She gritted her teeth and muttered under her breath, “One comment. Just one bloody comment, my boy, and I’ll... I’ll...” She trailed off, realising she did not know the Sindarin for ‘drunk’ or ‘naked’ but she was pretty sure she could get the message across despite that if she needed to. Just let him try it. Bring it on!

Scowling she met his gaze, his eyes glinting with amusement, as she mounted the animal and started it moving. Lindir, quickly leaping onto his stallion to follow her, came alongside her, throwing glances at her every now and then and still grinning his head off.

As they neared the paddock, Penny stopped her horse and turned to him. “What? What is it, Lindir? I realise I made a complete arse of myself yesterday, but it was an honest mistake, alright? It wasn’t my fault and everyone else has had the common decency to not mention it, make light of it, or else reassure me that it’s fine. So what the bloody hell are you grinning at?”

Lindir looked a little surprised at her tone, grinned once more and then burst out laughing. He held up his hands as if in apology and did a fair attempt at looking suitably chastened. He failed miserably given he was still giggling. Penny scowled at him and moved her horse forward once more and into the paddock.

She heard a voice behind her. She did not know exactly what he had said, but it was something about ‘riding’, ‘horses’, ‘tomorrow’ and ‘river’. She was fairly sure he was suggesting they go riding there tomorrow. Given she knew perfectly well now that it would another male washing day, she knew he was just ripping the piss at her expense.

She decided to ignore him.

Lindir just grinned. He was going to enjoy today’s lesson enormously. “You are quite sure you do not want to ride past the river tomorrow? I am pretty sure Erestor might be there again. Who knows, I think I have a pair of leggings that need washing as well. I could get as many of us as possible there, if you like, all stripped to the waist.”

She couldn’t understand a lot of it but it was fairly obvious he was baiting her. She threw a glance over her shoulder at him and said pleasantly, “I’d be careful if I were you, Lindir. I know something about you.”

He was surprised to see, not a scowl, but a smirk. There was a mischievous glint in her eye as well. What was she up to? What had she just said?

She was speaking Sindarin now, “No you talk Pen-ii ‘river’ and ‘male elves’. I listen story. Your story.”

Lindir raised an eyebrow at her as he brought his horse alongside hers. Her tone had been firm, yet with a hint of laughter. What did she mean by ‘his story’? Was she playing along in return? If so this would be no fun at all.

“You ran away too quickly yesterday. You cannot have seen much. I think you need a second look. Let’s ride by the river tomorrow, hmm, Pen-ii? What do you think?”

“Lindir, Lady Arwen spoke to me, you know.”

Lindir froze as he heard Penny mention Lady Arwen’s name. He turned to her, feeling a little worried now.

“Arwen she talk me. You and river. Wine. Big wine. Arwen she look. No your clothes, Lindir. Lindir no you talk Pen-ii ‘river’ and ‘male elves’. You understand?” This last she had picked up with her lessons with Erestor.

Penny watched as Lindir’s eyes grew wide with astonishment. A flush immediately came to his cheeks and slowly spread to his entire face and even to his ears. She felt cruel, but... well... she HAD been told to do this by Arwen herself if he said anything and he had said something. Several times. It was his own fault.

He was not looking at her now but was clearing his throat and then talking matter-of-factly as if trying to regain some authority on the situation. “Umm, yes, well Pen-ii. I think we can keep things simple today. Walk. In a circle, please.”

He waved his arm in a vague manner ahead of him, still not looking at her in the eye and Penny, smirking her head off, moved the horse forward and then started walking in a large circle round the edge of the paddock as usual.

She didn’t get another peep out of him for the rest of the lesson.

Ellyn - male elves (plural of ‘ellon’)