Warning for all male readers: ‘feminine hygiene’ issues (i.e. concerning a woman’s monthly cycle) are dealt with in this chapter. Nothing graphic, I promise, but thought it only fair to warn you in advance.

Penny was getting anxious. It was the morning of the sixth day since Halbarad had left and she knew she had a situation on her hands.

She was feeling horrible. For the first time since her ‘arrival’ she was craving chocolate and she felt bloated, fat, and unreasonably bolshy. So much so that she had decided to keep her head down for the day because she knew that all it would take was one elf looking down their nose at her and she was likely to go off on one. Big time.

She knew what was coming. Tomorrow or the next day for definite.

She sighed. How on earth was she going to explain this and get some help? She was just thankful that she was more or less regular. She did not like to think about what might have happened otherwise. Suddenly ‘coming on’ in the woods with Halbarad, for example... NOT pleasant. It did not even bear thinking about!

She had worked out that she would need cloth. She vaguely remembered an expression she had always hated but at least now understood: ‘on the rag’. She was not sure what next, though. She had no underpants, nothing to keep cloth in place. She had considered using her PJs. She could sew up the rip and cut the legs off to make shorts. The thing was: they were baggy. No way they would keep anything stable for very long, if at all.

There was nothing else for it. She was just going to have to speak to Mireth about it. How, she had no idea, but she had no choice.

She struggled in her Sindarin lesson that morning because she was not really concentrating. Erestor clearly gave her a gentle ticking off at one point and she had to fight every instinct to not bite his head off in response. Bloody hormones!

She waited till after the sewing lesson with Mireth before trying to broach the subject. Eleniel was coming with them to eat but they had a little time before lunch so the three had gone to an inner courtyard where there was a fountain and benches. Penny was quiet and Mireth could see something was on her mind. She looked at her questioningly and said her name.

Penny looked at her. “Ah. Yes. Okay. Hoo boy, this is going to be interesting. Where to begin?”

She had learnt a phrase that she suspected was something akin to ‘help me’ or ‘assist me’ because Mireth or Celebdor would use it whenever they needed her to come and help them with something in the garden. So she said it.

Mireth and Eleniel nodded, smiled and then clearly asked her what she needed help with.

Penny sighed and went a little pink. She tried to indicate all three of them. “Us. Females. Err... what is the Sindarin for ‘woman’?” She looked at them and said, “Not edain. Us.” She indicated the three of them once more.

Mireth and Eleniel muttered something to each other. They suspected they understood but weren’t sure.

“Elleth?” Mireth asked.

“Well, not exactly. You ‘elleth’. Me?” She pointed to them and to herself as she spoke.

Now they seemed to be getting it. “Ahh,” said Eleniel. “Adaneth.” Then she indicated one hand as she said “adan” and then the other as she said “adaneth.”

Penny nodded and repeated “Adaneth. Good. Now we’re getting somewhere. Umm... ahh..”

She pointed at her stomach and then made downward sweeping motions with her hands towards her legs and the floor. She could see the two elves were utterly mystified. She sighed.

There were some flowerbeds in the corners of the courtyard. Penny now crouched down beside one and started poking her finger in the soil. She counted up to thirty as she made holes. She looked up to see if they were following. They were but clearly confused still. She then drew a line across the first seven holes she had made and then made the same downward motion with her hands from her stomach.

She could see the light dawn in Mireth’s face as she gasped, then turned and said something to Eleniel who clearly said the elvish equivalent of ‘Oh, I SEE!’.

“Of course, Pen-ii! Of course. We should have realised. We,” she indicated Eleniel and herself, “Don’t get them very often. Or rather, we can control it. I forgot that, of course, you humans have no control over such things and get them once a month. Well, we must provide you with some cloths to use.”

She held out her hand to Penny who was dusting the earth from her hands as she stood, very relieved to have made herself understood comparatively easily.

“Don’t worry, Pen-ii,” Eleniel was saying kindly. “You mustn’t be at all embarrassed. Perfectly natural. Is it now?”

She pointed to the floor as she said ‘now’ and Penny looked at her uncomprehendingly. She repeated the question and the motion.

Penny then guessed what she was asking her and shook her head. “No. But soon. Tomorrow maybe,” and she did an arcing motion with her hand to try and indicate ‘not now but after’. They guessed her meaning and nodded.

After lunch they took her to the communal sewing room once more. It was quiet for once so they were the only ones in there. Eleniel went into the store room and came out with a huge bolt of a linen type of material, undyed. She quickly cut a large piece from it and tore it into smaller sections. Then, as Mireth took the bolt of material back into the storeroom, Eleniel went to the huge chest of drawers and opened one of the umpteen little drawers in it. She pulled out a length of knotted material, like a belt.

Penny had been looking at the cloths. They seemed terribly big. Mireth was back and piling the cloths together neatly and, taking the belt Eleniel had handed to her, she placed that on top and handed the whole lot to Penny.

Penny took it but the bewilderment was clear on her face. Mireth and Eleniel exchanged a glance. Penny was holding out the belt.

“What is this for?”

She put down the pile on the central table and picked up one of the cloths. She said, “This seems very big.” She repeated ‘big’ and spread her arms wide and looked questioningly at them.

“How do I use this?” she was asking and then started folding the material in half then half again and again in an attempt to get it somewhere near the size of a sanitary towel. She succeeded only in making something that was about the size and thickness of a housebrick.

The elves laughed softly and stopped her. Penny watched in fascination as Mireth unfolded the cloth and refolded so it made a long, thick strip. Then she picked up the belt, wrapped it round her waist and tied it securely. Then she picked up the long strip and tucked one end over the belt from underneath so the folded material hung down in front of her with the end hanging over the belt. She then picked up the other end of the cloth and motioned that it went between the legs to be tucked under the belt at the back.

Penny understood but she was still fairly horrified. It was HUGE. Nor was she convinced that the belt would hold everything in place, though given how much of the folded material strip hung back over it... Perhaps she could make loops to thread the belt through? She sighed.

Well, she had her answer. She still would have the ‘interesting’ problem of what to do with them. She noticed that they had given her three pieces of cloth only. Three. Like her granny had always said about bed linen: ‘one on, one off and one in the wash’. She was, presumably, to wash and re-use them. Utterly vile. Yet she supposed this is what women had done for thousands of years, perhaps still did in large parts of the world in the twenty-first century. Like washable nappies. She was not looking forward to this, though.

She gathered it all up, said thank you to them both, muttered ‘garden’ at Mireth who nodded, smiling, and then she went to put it all in her room.

The two elves watched her go with slight bemusement on their faces. She clearly hadn’t known what to do with what they had given her, so then... what on earth did she use normally? They were utterly baffled and very intrigued.

That afternoon in the garden Penny was given a job of pruning back a large flowering shrub. Celebdor showed her what needed doing: take out the dead wood first, then cut back the live wood to within six inches or so from the ground. It was going to be hard work but Penny was grateful to have something to burn her energy off on.

At supper she ignored Boromir’s smiles in her direction when she happened to catch his eye. She knew he was just being polite but she did not need it and, given the filthy mood she was in, she definitely did not need it tonight. She also ignored Gandalf’s questioning glances at her scowls. She responded dutifully to Frodo and Mireth’s Sindarin vocabulary tips during the meal but all she really wanted to do was go to bed. She was feeling so achy and horrible that she thought she might go to sleep wearing that belt thing.

It was a good job she did and it worked quite well she had to admit. The cloth was cotton-like and both absorbent and comfortable. She felt a little self-conscious with such a clunking great thing on underneath her skirts but with the undershift as well as well as her dress it wasn’t visible to others for which she was SO relieved.

Mireth had given her as a present a little sewing pouch with threads, a needle, a thimble and a small knife in it. Penny had been very touched and said ‘le hannon’ so often Mireth had gone pink and flapped her hands at Penny as if to say ‘really, it’s nothing’.

Penny now used the little knife to cut material from her destroyed PJ trousers. She made ‘liners’ in effect: pieces of material folded a few times that she could ‘line’ the larger strip she was wearing on the belt with. That way, at least for the first few days, the large cloth strips would last, she hoped, a whole day with her only needing to change the liners. Otherwise she would be facing the prospect of using still wet washed cloths since they would take at least a day to dry. That was not a prospect she relished.

She felt dreadful though. Ibuprofen or paracetamol were not available here, of course, but she had bad cramps and felt thoroughly irritated that she didn’t have anything like them available to her. Bugger! She didn’t feel up to breakfast. Nor was she going to her Sindarin lesson. No bloody way! Stuff it. One day wouldn’t make a difference. She wasn’t at school for goodness sake! She dozed instead.

A knock on her door woke her. Her name being called.

Erestor.

Damn and blast! She got up and opened the door.

“What!”

He seemed a little startled at her abruptness and said something that included the word ‘Sindarin’ and was clearly a question. No doubt asking where the bloody hell she’d got to.

She growled, “I’m not well. Okay? Not today.” She rubbed her stomach and went “Ow” just for good measure.

Suddenly Erestor looked concerned. Penny groaned as she heard him speaking more gently and mentioning something about Elrond and Mithrandir. Why couldn’t he just LEAVE it? She knew where this was heading and she really didn’t want him knowing the reason for all this, let alone him involving anyone else. God! MEN! Bloody typical!

“No, Erestor! Hir nin... umm... not Elrond or Mithrandir.” She shook her head, then indicated her tongue and shook her head again. “Don’t say anything, Erestor.” She wagged her finger at him.

He understood what she was saying but had no idea why. “Pen-ii if you are ill, then let us tend to you. Lord Elrond would be most distressed to know you are unwell and refusing help. He would rightly be angry with me if I did not tell him you were unwell. I have to tell him, Pen-ii.” He could see she was getting angry. What on earth was the matter?

“Oh for pity’s sake, Erestor, just drop it, will you!” She was flushing with embarrassment now. “Just.. just... fetch Mireth. Mireth or Eleniel.”

Erestor was looking at her in confusion.

She sighed in frustration, “How complicated is it, Erestor? Go and get Mireth or Eleniel! Do NOT say anything to Mithrandir or Elrond or I will wring your bloody neck!”

She shook her head firmly, scowling at him, as she said ‘Mithrandir and Elrond’. She then nodded as she said ‘Mireth or Eleniel’.

Erestor finally got it. Or in part, at least. He nodded, murmuring ‘Mireth’ and ‘Eleniel’, and went off to find one of the two elleths while Penny slammed the door on him, fuming in annoyance and acute embarrassment.

Mireth or Eleniel would immediately understand what all this was about. She cursed herself for not going downstairs for breakfast now and trying to find one of them to tell them. They could have made some excuse for her with Erestor. Stupid of her. Really stupid.

She should not have got so narked with him just now either. It was not his fault. Now he would no doubt be told the REAL reason for her not feeling up to his lesson and she would never be able to look him in the face again. Girls knowing about it was one thing. Males and, in particular, beautiful, austere male elves who hardly knew her from a bar of soap, was something else entirely.

Penny groaned. What a nightmare this was turning out to be.

There was soon another knock on her door. It was Mireth and, much to Penny’s astonishment, she was giggling her head off.

“What’s so funny?”

There followed a long explanation, little of which Penny understood, but the name Erestor was mentioned several times and, given the hand gestures Mireth was making of placing her hands on her cheeks or fanning herself, Penny guessed that Erestor had indeed been told what was going on and had been hugely embarrassed by it all. Mireth seemed to find the idea of Erestor going pink to the ears hilarious. Penny had to agree it was an amusing thought but she felt nearly as embarrassed as she suspected Erestor now did.

She felt very unwell though. Mireth saw it in her eyes as soon as she had recovered from her laughter at Erestor’s expense. It was obvious Penny was in some discomfort. She led her down to the kitchens, the first time Penny had been inside them though she knew where they were.

Penny gasped in astonishment at the huge ovens she saw there, the three large fireplaces with poles long enough to roast a whole deer on them as well as the hooks and contraptions to hang every assortment of pot you could imagine above the flames. The walls were lined with shelves filled with saucepans, pots, bowls and jars. Row upon row of jars, indeed: large and small, terracotta, earthenware and glass. Every one had something written on it in Tengwar.

She noted that the chefs, busy chopping and preparing pots of things to go on the fires since it was only an hour or two before lunch, were all males. They nodded and greeted them pleasantly enough as they entered but did not question Mireth at all. Clearly this was perfectly normal for someone to wander in and help themselves to whatever they needed.

Penny, who knew almost the entire alphabet now, amused herself as Mireth busied herself putting a pot of water over one of the fires by trying to spell out the words written on the pots. Mireth looked up, smiled and came over to her. Penny held out a pot to her and slowly, with difficulty, spelt out the word. Mireth beamed and nodded. Penny felt very pleased with herself. She had no idea what the word meant but she could read. Some of them she could not manage since there were letters she could not remember the sounds for, or had yet to learn, or else she could not make out the writing. But it was a start.

Mireth was calling her over. She pointed to a pot, small and with a blue glaze up to half way round it. There were flowers painted in white round its rim. Mireth read out the label to Penny, tracing the letters with her finger as she did so. Penny nodded.

Penny then watched as Mireth fetched a mug from the many in a cupboard nearby, and then, the water being hot, she picked up a cloth that hung on a hook beside the fireplace she had used, folded it twice and then placed it round the handle of the pot to take it from the fire.

She placed the pot on the large central table next to the mug. Then she went to a drawer and took out a small wooden spoon. She then, making sure Penny was watching her, took half a spoonful of some pale brown powder from the blue pot and put it into the mug. She then stuck the spoon into the water and added just enough water so she could mix a paste with the powder. Then she indicated for Penny to pour more water into the mug while she stirred all the while, mixing the powder thoroughly. She placed the pot back on a shelf and then moved to another pot and again indicated it to Penny and read out the label. She took out the stopper and, using a clean spoon, added two spoons of what was clearly honey to the hot liquid in the mug. Then she offered the mug to Penny, pointing to Penny’s stomach as she did so and indicating a stool for Penny to sit on.

Penny thanked her and sniffed at the mug. All she could smell was the honey. She wondered what this was for. Was it for periods in particular or a general pain killer?

She took a sip. Mireth had put two spoons of honey in but it didn’t completely mask the taste of whatever that powder was. It was very bitter. Penny coughed and spluttered. Mireth grinned but made gestures clearly insisting she drink it down. Penny tried again and nearly gagged. God, it was foul. But then she was really feeling pretty unpleasant, so if this worked...

She pinched her nose and swallowed it as fast as she could, fighting the retching in her throat.

Mireth nodded her approval. She held out her hand for the mug. Then she beckoned Penny over to the far side of the room where, beside a door that clearly led out to the gardens of Imladris and, Penny suspected, was near the kitchen gardens, there was something that was obviously a sink. Of sorts.

It was a huge basin attached to the wall with a pipe leading from a hole in the bottom that ran out through the wall and outside. There were, of course, no taps. Mireth indicated a large bucket underneath it with a ladle in it.

Penny picked it up as Mireth directed her to. It was very heavy and she struggled a little but eventually managed to get it onto the top of the cupboard right next to the sink. At Mireth’s insistence she ladled cold water into the pot of water they had heated just now and then Penny poured that into the sink as Mireth rinsed the two spoons and the mug under the water’s flow. Then they dried them and put them back in their places.

By the time they left the kitchens Penny could feel it working whatever it was. The pain was easing and she felt far more herself again.

Mireth asked her a question which she didn’t understand but Mireth repeated it and gently placed her hand on Penny’s stomach as she did so looking at her inquiringly.

Penny nodded and smiled. She made a horizontal motion with her hand as she said, “All gone. Le hannon.” Mireth beamed.

As Mireth headed off to the sewing room and Penny returned to her chambers, she was suddenly very grateful that Mireth had shown her how to organise a bath.

It had been the morning after the questioning and, thankfully, Mireth had quickly understood Penny’s hand gestures. Mireth had pointed at herself and had also made washing motions so it was clear she would have a bath as well. So, after their afternoon gardening and with a couple of hours till the evening meal, Mireth had taken Penny into one of the rooms near the kitchens.

It was clearly a water room of some description: that was all Penny could think to call it. There was a pump against one wall with a grate below it to catch any water spilt. All along one wall were buckets and tubs of various sizes. To one side was a large fireplace that spanned the entire wall and was deep enough and wide enough to fit two huge cauldrons over the fire.

Mireth had set the fire while indicating Penny should start filling the cauldrons with buckets of water. It was hard work. Penny was huffing and sweating very quickly.

Mireth had told Eleniel they would be bathing and she had come to help given that there would be enough hot water in both cauldrons for three baths so she could have one also. As they left the water to heat up they had started getting things ready. Two would carry a tub and the other two buckets of cold water behind them and they did this three times to each of their rooms.

Once the water was steaming hot in the cauldrons (which took quite a while to heat up) they had filled two buckets each at a time and carried them through the corridors and up the stairs to their rooms. They passed ‘en route’ several elves who, after hurried questioning of the two elleths, came to help them. It was a huge rigmarole, basically. At long last they had added five buckets of steaming hot water to each of the tubs and that seemed to be sufficient.

What this all meant was that, two days later, Penny knew where to get water and buckets from and she was grateful since she would be doing necessary washing in her chambers every day, if not more than once a day, for the following week. Mireth had also fetched a clothes airer for her to use in her chambers for which Penny was truly thankful.

She quickly managed to get the hang of it all over the next day or two and it was not as bad as she had feared. The belt worked quite well and kept everything secure while the liners she had made did their job brilliantly. She washed them out in a bucket of water she would carry to her room and then, once done and the material hanging on the airer, she would carry the bucket back down again and tip the water away where Mireth had shown her to.

At lunch later that day Mireth said something to Gandalf who was seated with them both. He turned to Penny.

“Mireth wanted you to know that the powder she showed you this morning is for all pain. Any pain you may have. But you should take it only twice a day maximum, say in the morning and again in the evening, if you need to. Now you know how to prepare it you can do it yourself any time you need to.”

Penny nodded and thanked both Gandalf for translating and Mireth for showing her something very useful indeed.

“What is the powder, Mithrandir? What plant is it?”

Mithrandir told her its name – the same as that written on the pot – and explained it came from a tree: its bark, ground up. He made grinding motions in his hand. She nodded.

It was only later that it occurred to her that it could possibly be aspirin. Or something very similar, at least.

‘Every day I am learning something new it would seem’, she said to herself. She was slowly finding her feet.

My apologies for the subject matter (and the lack of Fellowship sightings) in this chapter, and I do hope no-one was too put off by it, but I would remind everyone (not that you need reminding, I am sure grin) that the challenge this story was written as a response to demanded to know what REALISTIC problems the ‘girl falls into ME’ would face. And this, ladies, is one that we would all have to face sooner or later. Inescapable. Just like the latrine issue. Just as inevitable and just as potentially problematic.

Though why I am apologising for this after inflicting the awfulness of the Latrine of Dooooom on you, I have no idea/evil manic laughter/

adan - man (mortal human male); edain is the plural form

adaneth - woman (mortal human female)

Hir nin - my lord