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Answering Machines of Middle-earth  by Lindelea

Rivendell

You have reached this number in error. Elves do not need telephones. They transcend time, you see, living in the present moment. If you have a song to sing, sing it in the Hall of Fires, unless you can find a convenient tree to perch in. If you are a Mortal, do not weary the Elves by asking them to distinguish who wrote which part. If you are the Dark Lord, we do not have to talk to you unless... well, you know the rest, we don't have to spell it out for you.

When the beep sounds, do not waste your time leaving a message. We are busy singing, or eating, or sitting and thinking, or riding out on errantry. We have all the time in the world, but no time to listen to messages, unless they are brought by proper messengers.

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