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From the noteboook  by Anso the Hobbit

Title: The Fin Art of Pipe Weed Smoking
Author: Anso the Hobbit
Characters: Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin and Frodo-lad
Summary: it is a fine art to smoke pipe weed and it`s better to learn from those who know the game than to find it out by yourself.
Notes: Not betaed. Written as a very belated birthday story for Dreamflower after the bunny she requested. :D
Disclaimer: Not mine, they just own me.

“’Tis a fine art, Merry.” Frodo said solemnly, and a little admiringly. “It`s not something you can do just so.” He snapped his fingers. He had found Merry coughing and choking with a guilty look in his eyes and a smug smile on his face from stealing his father`s pipe and weed. Apparently the young rascal had managed to snatch the pipe and weed from under his father`s very nose.

Merry nodded, still coughing. He had been sitting hunched over in a chair when Frodo arrived but sat up now, drawing a deep breath, which of course only led to more coughing and hacking.

“Here.” Frodo handed him a mug of water. “Take small sips. Not too fast now, or you`ll be sick.”

Merry nodded and slowly drank from the mug and finally regaining some colour in his cheeks. “Thank you.” He finally managed.

“That`s better.” Frodo patted him on the back and shot a glance out through the door to see if anyone saw them. “Now. I`d better teach you this properly before you decide to steal your father`s weed again. Come on.” He helped Merry to his feet and after retrieving Frodo`s own pipe and pouch the they walked outside. They found a lovely little hill a bit to the side of the Hall and sat down.

“Now then,” Frodo said, taking out his pipe and looking at it. “I assume you have been watching a hobbit smoke his pipe before?” Merry nodded. “Good. Now hold your pipe just so.” He handed the pipe to Merry and watched as he held the pipe. “Now, you….”


“put the pipeweed in the bowl.” Merry filled his own pipe slowly so that Pippin could see how it was done and watched as Pippin filled his own. “Not too much now, not enough to fill the bowl completely. You don`t want your pipe to burn, just the weed.”

“Why doesn`t the pipe burn, Merry? All pipes I`ve seen are made of wood.”

“Yes, but the inside of the bowl is set in with something to prevent the bowl from being too hot and the pipe itself to burn. That`s why you can hold the bowl while the weed still is burning.”

“All right.” Pippin held up the pipe. He had just recently got it as a birthday present from Merry and was quite proud of it. His earlier attempts at smoking hadn`t worked out very well, and the last time he had a hard time explaining to his mama why he suddenly were sick all over his bedroom floor. He`d told Merry when came to celebrate his birthday a few days later, and as if Merry had read his thoughts, he`d brought Pippin a pipe and a pouch of weed, giving him them at the proper time, the evening before his birthday. “I know you`ve tried.” Merry had explained. “And if you hadn`t I thought it was time that I taught you how to do it.”

“Now,” Merry said and Pippin looked up from his pipe again. “Light the weed and suck hard on the stem with your mouth closed and swallow the smoke.”


“You`re not supposed to swallow the smoke!” Pippin objected. “You just inhale long enough to let the smoke fill your lungs and then let out the excess smoke through your nose.”

“Now, careful…” Merry said, watching Frodo-lad intently.

Frodo hacked and coughed and Merry handed him the mug of ale. “That is very good for your first try. Now, the pipe musn`t die, so gently now inhale again, but not as much as the last time.” Frodo did so and the weed took on an orange-red glow and he managed to keep the smoke in his lungs and blow out through his nose.

“Excellent!” Pippin slapped him on the back, pleased with his pupil. “Now continue like that and don`t let the pipe out.”

Frodo smiled. He knew he could trust his “uncles” to teach him to smoke and used the opportunity when they all were gathered to celebrate the 22nd of September. Sam hadn`t wanted him to learn to smoke yet, though. Frodo-lad thought that might have to do with all the smoke poor Mr. Frodo had inhaled when he and his Da had climbed up that mountain and that maybe Sam had thought there was a connection between Mr. Frodo and himself, although Frodo-lad didn`t quite see it. He felt like a Gamgee through and through.

Just then someone cleared his throat behind them and all three of them turned to look at Sam.

“What`s all this about?” He said, hands on his hips.

“Um… well.” the Thain and Master chorused, just like they had done when faced with the wrath of an elder after some mischief when.

“It was my idea, Da!” Frodo said. “And you know it, I would have learned to smoke soon anyway.”

Sam looked at them for a long time then finally nodded. “All right. I suppose you`re right.” He looked at Merry and Pippin. “Now, don`t you come here and teach him any outlandish manners though. No Gondorian drinking songs or battle verse from Rohan.”

“Well,” Merry said. “Frodo used to say that it was better to learn these things early by someone knowledgeable about them than to find them out yourself later on.” He leaned back in the chair and fondly remembered the time Frodo had taught him to smoke properly.


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