Title: Of Onions And Ears
Author: Anso the Hobbit
Characters: Merry and Pippin
Timeline: Brandy Hall, SR 1412 so Pippin is 22 and Merry 30
Disclaimer: Not mine, they just own me.
Notes: Not yet betaed. To my own very special Pippin, Melilot Hill because it`s really her fault…err, idea. :) This story is also a nod to hers and Llinos story “Pippin`s Patent Remedies”. Many authors say not to try the remedies they write about at home, but I say try it. It didn`t work with me, but it could very well work with you!
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It was bedtime when Pippin decided to take a certain matter of ear-rubbing up with his cousin Merry. Merry had been constantly rubbing his ears this day and now his curiosity got the better of Pippin. Concerned he asked “What`s wrong?” Pippin studied his cousin intently, watching as Merry scrunched up his face and again rubbed at his ears.

“My ears are funny.” Merry said, rubbing vigorously.

“Who told you that?”

“Nobody told me that. They feel funny.” Merry said.

“Are they growing? That would be funny.” Merry should have stopped growing a long time ago and really hadn`t grown for many years now as far as Pippin knew.

“Of course they`re not growing, Pip! Not much I should think anyway. Allthough it`s said that hair and ears and fingernails grow all your life.” Merry mused, tracing the outline of his ear-shell with tentative fingers. Maybe that was it? Maybe his ears had decided to have a growing-spurt now that the rest of him was fully grown, to catch up with the rest of him? But then, the funny feeling was more on the inside than on the outside…

“Let me see!” Pippin pried Merry`s hands away, brushed the curls back and studied the pointed appendages on each side of Merry`s head. “They look just fine to me… A bit too large, perhaps.” Pippin laughed and ducked when Merry swatted at him.

“Pippin! It`s not on the outside, you nitwit! It`s on the inside. It tickles and it`s like I can`t hear anything.”

“DO YOU HEAR ME NOW?” Pippin practically swallowed Merry`s ear in his attempt to speak loud and clear.

“Of course I hear you. It`s just like… you know when you`ve been swimming and get water in your ears? It`s like that only I can`t get it out.”

“And you haven`t been swimming,” Pippin stated, looking out of the window at the frozen night “unless you got it when bathing? How long have it been like this?”

“Since yesterday morning.” Merry sat down on his bed, pondering what to do. It wasn`t like it hurt exactly, it was only annoying and he couldn`t hear clearly. His ears were a little sore though…

“Maybe you should go see the healer?” Pippin tried. Merry was just as reluctant about seeing a healer as he himself was. Pippin guessed that was the Took in Merry. No Took would voluntarily go to the healer.

“No. I`ll just wait and see if it goes away.” Merry said, rubbing his ear again.

“Have you talked to Aunt Esmie about it? She usually knows what to do,”

“Yes she does. But she is so busy now with guests coming tomorrow and my Da`s birthday and everything.” Merry said.

“Merry! She`s your mother, she`ll always have time for you.”

“I`m sorry. I know.”

“Hm… Maybe I know of something to do…. I have had my shares of earaches you know.”

“I know, Pippin, but I also know your so-called remedies. Or Frodo`s for that matter. If we were in Hobbiton I could have asked Sam but he will think me a fool for writing him about such a silly thing as a bit of an earache. And besides, he has better things to do.”

“Yes he has. But he would know how to help if you asked him.” Pippin started pacing Merry`s room. “Hm…” Suddenly he stopped. “I know! Onions!”

“Onions?”

“Yes. Peal an onion and place it on your nightstand. That should help.”

“Pippin! That is ridiculous!” Merry laughed.

“No it`s not. It worked on me.”

“It did?” Merry shook his head, still laughing.

“Yes it did.” Pippin crossed his arms indignantly and stared at Merry. “Does your ears hurt or not?”

“Yes they do.”

“Then trust me in this, will you cousin. I`m almost a hobbit grown now Merry, I do know a thing or two about earaches.”

“I`m sorry Pippin. I was just laughing at the picture of me in a bed with an onion at each side of my head.” Merry said.

Pippin tried to not laugh but he couldn`t help himself and sat down beside Merry on his bed, laughing so hard he had to hold his sides. That would indeed make a sight: Merry sound asleep with a plate with a pealed onion standing on each side of the bed. Pippin sobered up a little. “But who would see you?”

“It`s not a matter of who would see me Pippin, it`s the smell. What would the lasses say if they found me reeking of onion? You know how much onions smell! And don`t laugh at me! What would people think?” Merry tried to sound indignant but failed miserably as he barely could contain his own laughter.

“That you`re fond of onions? You`re willing to try then?” Pippin said. “It`s not as if I ask you to put them in your ears, because that would look absolutely ridiculous.”

Merry thought for a bit. It couldn`t hurt, now could it? It was better than any foul concoction or tea the healer would give him. And he could just bathe before breakfast instead of after like usually did so he wouldn`t smell that bad. The sheets would smell for a bit but he would keep his window open and if he lighted a scented candle in the morning the smell would probably go away during the day. Although he wasn`t sure if it worked it couldn`t possibly make things worse. He decided to humour Pippin. “All right.”

“Great. Let`s go get those onions then.”

*****

Merry tried not to feel embarrassed as he lay down to sleep. He knew the Tooks had a lot of wild ideas but so had the Brandybucks. Onions for an earache though, that was something new altogether. Thankfully no-one had seen them go to the pantry and get the onions. That would have lead to too many questions. He tried to ignore the smell and soon he drifted into sleep.

*****

“Well?” Pippin said teasing Merry awake and out of bed the next morning. “Did it work?”

Merry thought for a moment, his ears still stuffed up. ”No. I`m sorry Pip, but there`s no difference from yesterday.”

“Did you believe they would help, then?”

“Well… probably not.” Merry looked down. “It sounded too ridiculous to work so I couldn`t not try it. And it isn`t as if you showed me lots of examples of people it worked on either.”

“I suppose not. But Mama always put an onion beside my head when I had an earache and it always helped.”

“Did you believe it would help?”

“Of course!”

“There, you see. It`s like drinking milk with honey when your throat is sore. You believe you get better because you know that it soothes your throat, but it doesn`t necessarily make you better. It`s the believing in the milk and honey that makes you better, not the drink in itself. That`s why the onion worked on you and not on me. I didn`t believe in it, but you did.” Merry said, rubbing his ears again. “I`m sorry Pip.”

Pippin pondered that for a minute then said. “Let me see again. Maybe you have wax in your ears? My aunt Lilac always complains about having too much wax in her ears even if she washes them every day.”

Merry started to shake his head – he didn`t have his ears full of wax, but Pippin had already a firm grip on his ear, studying it closely. “I can`t see anything. Maybe you should go to the healer anyway?”

 “No.”

“All right then. But don`t come complaining to me when your ears get worse.”

*****

The day went by and Merry was busy helping Saradoc with the accounts of that years harvest and forgot about the aching in his ears. Lunch came and went and after Merry was busy greeting guests and preparing for the festive dinner that night Pippin decided to ask Merry about his ears again and took him aside, leading him into an empty parlour.

“I think,” Merry said, rubbing his ears tentatively and swallowing to see if they still were stuffed “that it`s gone! I can hear normally and my ears don`t feel stuffed at all! It worked after all! Your onions helped!”

“See?” Pippin said, smiling from ear to ear. “You just had to believe in it.”

“I guess you`re right.” Merry smiled. “You and your remedies, Pippin!” Merry said and hugged Pippin.

Just then Esmeralda came in to the parlour and sat down in the sofa on the other side of the table. “Merry? Why does your room smell of onions?”

END