Your starter is:"I think...that I am drunk. I think." (I cheated and used the same starter twice)

Disclaimer: Hobbits are not mine, but JRRT’s. He lets me borrow them.

Wee Note: Although this may describe a fair amount of hobbits, in LOTR Merry is portrayed as a capable botanist, having written a long dissertation about his studies in growing pipeweed, herbs, and other plants. In my tales, I depict his cousin Merimas as a healer…with a well-known passion for concocting homemade medicinal teas.

Synopsis: It is Yule, 1423, and the Tooks are spending the holiday in Buckland at Brandy Hall. The month previous, the Knights of Rohan and Gondor returned home from their duties abroad…bringing back a small souvenir from the Houses of Healing. In this story, the botanist and alchemist come together, but for different purposes. 

BOTANY, ALCHEMY, AND PIPPINOLOGY, Part 1

By Pippinfan 

"I think that I am drunk--I think," said Merry, sipping the steaming water inside the ladle. The contents inside the cauldron had just reached a boiling point.

Many years before, Merimas cleaned out an old root cellar, fashioning himself a workshop of sorts where he could concoct his medicinal mixtures in private. His cousin Merry had always had an interest in the study of plants, although to Merimas, it seemed to blossom after the young hobbit returned from the Wars far south. Merimas gave to Merry a little corner all his own that--over the past year--evolved into an entire section of the laboratory. The laboratory inadvertently became the centre point of activity: Merry researching his plants, Merimas developing them into tinctures, and the both of them generally studying a young tweenager coming into his own, quick-witted and full of a new confidence.

Merimas looked over to his younger cousin, shaking his head. "The day a hobbit gets drunk by tasting boiling water is the day I grow taller than you and Pippin." He leaned in towards Merry, winking, "Taste it again in a couple hours--when it isn’t water anymore!" Just then, Pippin walked through the shop door carrying a small sack. "Took you long enough. Do you have it?" asked Merimas.

"I was caught by the cook’s apprentice," answered Pippin, carefully stepping down the stairs into the cellar-work shop. "She kept asking me questions, like - what was I going to do with a sack of sugar, or where was I taking it…when was I going to bring it back. It was that sort of inquisition."

"Really?" asked Merry, a gleam in his eye. "Tell me, Pip -- what colour eyes did she have, eh? What colour was her apron? Did she smile at all while you two were engaged in meaningless chatter?"

Feeling a bit chagrined, Pippin dropped the sack upon the table in the middle of the room. Slipping his hands in his pockets, he answered, "Grey…blue…and--I guess so."

Merry grinned, raising his eyebrows in question, "You guess so?"

"All right, we both smiled," Pippin confessed. "I was only trying to be kind. It was a ruse--so that I could make off with the sack of sugar."

Merimas wore a grin as he mumbled, "I’ll wager you made off with more sugar than what was in the sack." Pippin chose to ignore that remark, however true it may have been.

Ever since the young soldiers returned from their duties in Rohan and Gondor two weeks ago, the three hobbits worked diligently in Merimas’ laboratory to recreate an elixir Merry had learned of while visiting the Houses of Healing. In Minas Tirith and the rest of Gondor, the herb was known to cure stomach ailments. Intrigued, Merry took a few samples of the plant’s bark back to the Shire to give to his cousin Merimas--a healer who would appreciate his gesture.

Merimas was delighted to learn of his cousin’s thoughtfulness. However, convinced the herb could do more than just calm an ailing stomach,, the lads experimented with it by mixing the herb with a bottle of the Master’s best brandy -- only to see if it enhanced the healing properties, mind you. Cousin Berilac was their guinea pig - unawares, of course. The lads heard him complaining about his "corners" feeling like they were bulging just a bit. All Berilac knew was that some good hobbit left him a bottle of homemade brandy on the table next to his chair in Brandy Hall’s common room.

Observing the more immediate affect of the tonic on Berilac, Merry, Pippin, and Merimas soon discovered the plant truly did soothe an aching tummy. "I feel as if I can breathe much easier," Berilac told Merimas--not knowing he was the subject of intense study. "I thought it was because I loosened the top buttons on my breeches. This is a most excellent bottle." Berilac turned the bottle in his hand, looking for a label. He asked, "I wonder who left it here?" Then cackled, "Obviously for me to enjoy!" Later on -- unknown to the herb-critics, the poor hobbit dared not leave the immediate vicinity of the privy. It seems that this particular herb not only soothed the stomach, but also cleaned it out. It sort of…got things moving.

Afterwards, Merry suggested that they produce their own version of the brandy-tincture, using the healing herbs mixed in during the process, not before or afterwards. He had a scheme to borrow his father’s still from one of the auxiliary kitchens. Pippin frowned at his cousin’s idea. "Uncle Sara will kill us if he finds out we took one of his stills--not to mention what my own father will do to me."

"And they’re not going to find out, will they, Pippin? All enterprising hobbits have to start somewhere," Merry stated, justifying the secret endeavour. "And don’t say anything to Merimas, or he’ll never get this project started. Now, instead of just standing there watching me work, why don’t you give me a hand with making sure everything is in order?"

A half hour later, all the ingredients had been sorted out upon the shop table, including the dried out bark of the plant. Merimas had already taken inventory of everything earlier while Pippin was away filching the sack of sugar from the Hall’s larder.

Presently, Merry sat in a wooden chair at the fireplace stirring the bark-like substance boiling in the cauldron. Merimas stepped up to check on the progress. "How long has it been boiling?"

Merry checked his pocket watch, "Almost ten minutes."

"Did you add some of the sugar Pippin brought?" asked Merimas. Merry nodded. "Good," said the elder cousin. "Let it simmer for another ten minutes. By then the still should be up and working. Remind me to thank your father later."

"Don’t bother," Merry replied nervously. "I’ll tell him for you."

An hour later, after Merimas and Pippin assembled the apparatus on top the cooker, the lads were well on their way to making the finest "healing" brandy in the Shire. As the captured vapours filled the holding container, BB&T Restorative Remedy was born.

"Who’s going to be the first to try it?" asked Pippin, holding the first mug-full of the product.

"I am, you ninny," answered Merry. "I’m the one who’s been sitting and stirring this mess for half the day!"

Grinning, Merimas asked, "And how are you lads going to be able to assess the herb? I will taste it first." And so it began--each hobbit, in his turn, tasted the fruit of their labours.

Four hours later…

"Lads?" Saradoc peered through the entryway of the laboratory. He turned to Paladin standing behind him, "I don’t hear them."

Gazing through the doorway, Paladin narrowed his green eyes, focussing on the crackling fire in the hearth. "But Pippin told me he would be down here with Merry and Merimas. A fire has been built--they’re here somewhere."

"Well…let’s go in and have a look around," offered Saradoc. Carefully they walked into the room, watchful as to where they stepped or what they touched in the laboratory. The hobbits both stopped in their tracks at the same time--spotting the acquired still sitting upon the cooker. "That’s mine!" gasped Saradoc, frantically pointing at the device on the cooker, then towards the empty bottles of wine lined up neatly on the table. "And--and--those, too!"

Paladin grinned, "Looks as if your lads have put one over on you."

Saradoc turned on his heels, "They’re your lads, too! Pippin is your son and Merimas is your son-in-law."

"Pippin?" Paladin asked, taking a seat at the shop table. "What makes you think Pippin is the middle of all this? My son knows better."

"Does he now?" Saradoc grinned. With a nod, he motioned for Paladin to look at the table chair next to him. Draped over its back was Pippin’s beloved scarf.

Humbled--and worried, Paladin looked to his brother-in-law, "Where do you think they could have gone?"

TBC…in Part 2