Chapter Thirty-Seven - Decisions

Pippin meandered through the long, winding tunnels of Great Smials while Lilas and her father smoothed things over back in their bedroom. Before he left them alone, Pippin set a bed warmer under the sheets to warm Lilas’ toes. When he kissed her brow, he felt just how warm her fever truly was. And it was not abating at all; she felt cold, and slept whenever she wasn’t feeding Rosebud or entertaining visitors. The ache in her belly remained with no sign of any other malady.

Pippin walked the tunnels until he happened upon his favorite hiding place from his early days living in the Smials--an old storeroom filled with mathoms. He entered the dark old room, sitting in one of the dusty chairs. His thoughts reflected upon his life. Everything he dreamed of for his little family seemed to have been washed away. His wife lay abed with an incurable illness…Rosebud would grow up without really knowing her mother. Pippin shook as he began to sob all over again. When his eyes couldn’t make any more tears, he sat up in the darkness, wiping his eyes, thinking about the coming days. Then his beautiful, baby Rosebud came to his mind. He stood up; there would be no more time for tears…for a while. Pearl was right; after Lilas, the first person he ought to be thinking about is Rosebud. Utter certainty hit him; he would be raising their daughter all alone. No, not completely alone, Pippin thought. His family would help him.

For once, Pippin carried a handkerchief with him and used it to clean his face before leaving the room. As he made his way back to his father’s tunnel, Pippin thought about his reaction over a year ago while he stood before the Black Gate; when the Mouth of Sauron held forth Frodo’s mithril vest and clothes as a token of Sauron’s wrath. Pippin forced himself to tuck his emotions deep inside until a later time when he could properly mourn his cousin. He didn’t like hiding his feelings then, and he didn’t want to do it again, but what else was he to do? He wanted to be a strength for Lilas as she grew more ill. When he wasn’t busy comforting his sick wife, his Tookish resolve would have to take over. After all, he still had a baby daughter to care for.

A few minutes later, he stood before a certain door, knocking upon it. “Hullo, Pippin--come in.” The stocky hobbit with dark brown hair who greeted Pippin was none other than his brother-in-law, Will Goodbody.

“Is Pearl here?” asked Pippin as he stepped through the entry.

“She’s in our bedroom showing a …gift to Pimpernel and Pervinca.” Will led Pippin to the bedroom then left the siblings alone for a bit.

Pervinca was the first to catch sight of their brother in the doorway. “I’m so sorry, Pip,” she whispered as she hugged him. Pimpernel had tears in her eyes as she joined in with her brother and sister. Pearl remained standing next to her bureau holding a bundle in her hands. She felt she had already stepped on her brother’s toes earlier in the kitchen, so Pearl was a bit wary of saying anything to him.

Pippin broke away from his sister, saying, “I came to apologize to Pearl for how I behaved earlier.”

Pearl came nearer, hugging her “little” brother, “And I apologize for sticking my nose where it didn’t belong.”

“No Pearl, your nose was fine. You were right,” he said, eyeing the article in her hand, but said nothing. “I need to look out for my daughter--that is, now that Cassia’s speculation will come true.” He sighed, slippping his hands into his pockets before posing his next, more uncomfortable question. “Where do I start looking for a wet-nurse? What questions do I ask?” He looked at his sisters, “Does a lad even do this sort of thing?”

Pearl smiled, “Well, you’re not just any lad, Pip--you’re a father doing what’s right for his infant child.”

Pimpernel interrupted the conversation before it went further. “Half a moment--you’re searching for a wet-nurse?” she asked. Pippin and Pearl nodded together.

“Have you two forgotten that your other two siblings are each nursing their own baby? I can’t answer for Pervinca, but I think Hilly can manage sharing his supper with his cousin.”

“I think it boils down to if Rosebud is willing nurse from one or both of her aunties,” said Pervinca. “I think she is more familiar with you, Pim, being that you live here. She at least she’s familiar with your voice--but should Rosebud refuse you and be willing to nurse from me, then I--and Brody are most willing to share as well.”

Pearl smiled, “There you have it, Pippin. Have you talked to Lilas about all this, Pippin?”

“I haven’t been back in our apartment since her father arrived.”

“How was she feeling?”

Pippin gathered his thoughts for a moment. “She was tired, but in good spirits. Her cramping was about the same, but I don’t think it’s going to stay like that with her fever wearing on her. As you said earlier, I’m expecting Lilas to be too tired or too sick to nurse pretty soon.”

Pervinca asked, “Does Lilas know about…you know?” She gently rubbed his arm when he nodded. “Poor lad,” she said with compassion.

“I told her this morning,” he said.

Pimpernel inquired about her niece; “How is Rosebud? She’s not getting sick, is she?”

Pippin shook his head, “No.”

Pearl intervened, “I wouldn’t think so. I already asked Merimas about that, and he told me--for example--that if Lilas had caught a mere head cold, Rosebud would have gotten sick at the same time, or even before. Lilas’ milk is fine for now, but I can’t say for certain once her fever begins to rise.”

Silence enveloped the bedroom as the four siblings stood around in thought. “What’s that?” Pippin finally asked, pointing to the object in Pearl’s hand.

“Oh--I almost forgot I was still holding it.” Pearl said, then held up the “gift” Will referred to earlier. “I made it myself; it’s a gown for Rosebud to wear at her Name Blessing.”

Pippin gaped at the fine handiwork of his talented sister. The long, ceremonial gown was made of an ivory colored, silk fabric with brocade pattern; material obviously not available in the Shire. Lace was sewn along the bodice edge with two rows of lace at the hemline. The neckline and puffy short sleeves were trimmed with piping of the same silky cloth, as the lace would irritate the baby’s skin. Tiny white buttons decorating the length of the back for ease in clothing the babe. “Pearl!” he gasped. “It’s so…so…beautiful!”

“I was going to show it to Lilas,” said Pearl, “but now…it would be most inappropriate. Pervinca made the matching bonnet. I sent her the materials last week by Quick Post so she would have enough time to sew it.”

Pervinca went to the bed, moving a soft knitted baby blanket aside--made of an ivory colored yarn--revealing a small baby’s bonnet, made of the same fabric as the gown. The crown was trimmed in with lace and along the forefront of the brim. More silk piping decorated the inner edge of the brim and was long enough at each end to be tied loosely together under the infant’s chin to secure it. Pervinca held it out for Pippin to see. “I made this, while Pim knitted the blanket.”

Pippin stood gazing at the exquisitely made gown, bonnet, and blanket; imagining his Rosebud dressed in such finery. “Show it all to her,” he said suddenly, an idea forming in his head.

“Pippin--that would be cruel,” Pervinca chimed in. “A newborn’s Name Blessing is held at the end of their first month.”

The tween shook his head in response, “No it won’t be cruel--because there’s going to be a Name Blessing tonight. We can go talk to Lilas first, then I want to speak to father.”

While Pippin was alone in the storeroom and visiting his sisters, Lilas was deep in her own conversation with her father, Silas Broadhammer. The same hobbit who drove her to Great Smials four months ago, scolding her the entire way of how much of a disappointment she’d been. When Lilas saw him enter her bedroom, she wondered what his motivation was--having been hurt by his rejection in the past. However, deep inside, her troubled heart struck a chord; she understood why he was here. Even now, lying abed in the apartment she shared with her daughter and loving husband--who would one day be Took and Thain of the Shire--Lilas desperately desired the approval of her father. In recent months, she had learned her letters and numbers, she had learned to knit, she learned from her mother-in-law how to socialize at a party…but was this enough to gain her father’s acceptance? Would he notice her accomplishments? Would he see how much she had grown in heart and mind? Yet there was no bitterness in her voice when she greeted him. “Hullo, Pa.”

“Hullo, Lilie,” he answered, using the nickname he gave her as a little lass. He slowly took a seat in one of the bedside chairs. Lilly, his wife, remained sitting in the other chair next to the cradle, but said not a word.

Lilas watched her Pa’s bottom lip begin to tremble. He then rose up, going to Lilas he enveloped her in a hug, kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry, Lilie--for all I done t’ ye. I--”

“Shh,” Lilas said, still hugging her father. “It doesn’t matter now; none of it matters.”

Silas kissed his daughter, “I was…a fool, Lilie. I should never--”

“Pa!” Lilas gently admonished her father. “Have ye seen yer granddaughter?” She smiled watching her father look around the room, wiping his face with his handkerchief. “She’s in her cradle, here, Pa.” Lilas pointed downward on her side of the bed.

Silas walked over to where she was pointing; he stood mesmerized for a moment, his jaw slackened at the tiny infant lying in the cradle. “She’s a sight, she is! Beautiful, lit’le babe!” He bent over, gazing at the infant stirring out of her sleep.

“Now look a’what ye’ve gone an’ done,” said Lilly. “Ye’ve gone an’ woke’er up.” She gently took the babe, holding her as Silas drew closer. “Hullo, Miss Rosebud,” Lilly softly spoke, “meet grandpa Silas.”

“Hullo, Rosebud,” he greeted her, taking her into his arms.

Rosebud looked at the big hobbit who held her. He didn’t look like her mum, didn’t sound like her mum, nor smell like her mum--but her empty tummy was telling her that she wanted her mum. Rosebud was hungry, wet--not to mention her nap was cut short--and she was not happy about any of it. Screwing her little face into a scowl, she started to cry.

“The poor baby,” Lilly took back her granddaughter in her arms to soothe her.

“I think she’s wanting t’ eat,” offered Lilas. She held out her arms as her mother placed the crying babe in them. “And she’s needs changin’.”

“C’mon, Silas,” Lilly said, shooing her husband from behind towards the door. “Out with ye. While Rosebud is takin’ her meal, I’ll take ye back t’ the room t’ wash up. Wait for me in the sittin’ room or ye’ll get lost in these old tunnels.”

When she had shut the door, Lilly went back to where Lilas sat up on the bed to help her daughter change Rosebud’s nappy. Handing Lilas the box of powder and a clean cloth, she blurted out what had been growing on her mind. “What are ye goin’ t’ do about her, eh?”

Lilas wondered at her mother’s sudden question. “About who?”

“About ye’re daughter, Lilas. Ye’re baby ought t’ be the first thing on yer mind. Ye can’t long be feedin’ her yer own milk, gettin’ sicker an’ sicker.”

“I’m not sick!” Lilas shouted, then wished she hadn’t when she saw her mother’s face. “I mean…I’m not that sick…yet.” She placed a hungry Rosebud up to her breast, who latched on instantly.

“Say that t’ yerself when ye look int’ her lit’le face as ye feed her this time.” Lilly dropped the soiled cloth into the bin on her way to the door. “I’m goin t’ see yer Pa to our room t’ wash up, then I’ll be back.”

For a long while, Lilas sat staring pensively at the soft, auburn curls of her infant daughter. As Rosebud nursed, Lilas’ gaze drifted deep into her daughter’s dark eyes, that were not yet giving a distinct color. To Lilas, Rosebud’s eyes were pools of innocence, eagerly waiting for the day when they could see the green hills of Tuckborough from her bedroom window. In her mind, Lilas envisioned a young lass of about eight years, running heedless through a summer meadow with long tresses of auburn curls dancing freely behind her, laughing at the ticklish feel of the cool grass beneath her little feet.

Back in reality, Lilas’ eyes blurred with hot tears, realizing that she wasn’t with Rosebud in the meadow. Next, she tried to see the eight-year-old lass as a young hobbit-woman preparing to share her life with a young gentle-hobbit. Again, Lilas didn’t see herself among the celebrators. She saw Rosebud, Pippin, and his friends, but not herself. Lilas braved the weather of emotions flooding her so that Rosebud could continue nursing…but nursing for how much longer?

Pippin and his sisters quietly entered his apartment, each sister bearing the gift she made for their new niece. At once, they began whispering how Pippin should broach the idea.

“Pearl and I will go in first,” said Pippin, taking charge of the Took brigade. “We’ll call you in when we’re ready.”

“Listen!” Pimpernel indicated for quiet. “Do you hear it?” A moment went by without a sound, the others shook their heads. Suddenly, a deep sniffling sound emitted from the bedroom while another soft sigh was heard there in the sitting room.

“Lilas is crying,” said Pippin in a somber voice.

Pearl whirled around when another soft noise came from right behind her on the couch.

“Hullo,” said the smaller form, sitting up on the couch.

“Hullo, yourself!” answered Pearl. “Saborra?”

“Sorry--I didn’t mean t’ startle ye. My Ma is tendin’ t’ my Pa in our room,” Saborra glanced up at the siblings. “I came in t’ watch o’er my sister after our Ma left, but I got a headache from my pony ride earlier. Lilas told me t’ lie down on the bed,” then the young tween blushed, “but I felt funny lyin’ where Mr. Pippin slept, so I came out here.”

“You’re fine, Saborra,” said Pippin. If Lilas’ situation wasn’t so dire, he would be amused by his sister-in-law’s hesitancy--perhaps even tease her a bit. But no; there wasn’t much for him to smile about at present. Pippin offered, “Pervinca’s husband, Merimas, is a healer. His favorite concoction is a medicinal tea. I’ll--”

“I’ll go fetch him, brother,” said Pervinca, “you go in with Pearl and talk with your wife.” She turned towards the door and left.

“Do as your sister says and lie down for now,” instructed Pearl, “Pimpernel will sit out here with you until somebody returns bringing you a nice hot cup of tea soon. Pippin and I are going in to speak with Lilas. You’ll be fine out here.” Saborra nodded, leaning back against the couch pillows.

Pippin entered the bedroom with Pearl behind him. They saw Lilas sitting up in bed, cradling Rosebud while she nursed. “Hullo, Lilas,” he spoke softly, “I‘m going to sit here with you for the rest of the night, all right?”

Lilas looked at her husband drawing near, “Ye don’t have t’, ye know. I’m fine.”

Pippin sat upon the bed next to Lilas. Her pinkish nose and eyes gave away her true feelings. He tenderly swept his fingers across her face, wiping away her tears. “Maybe you are, but I want to make certain of it.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, enveloping her into a soft hug--as much as he could without interrupting Rosebud’s meal.

“I’m frightened, Pippin,” Lilas whispered into his ear.

“So am I,” he whispered in return, then kissed her. “We’ll be frightened together, all right?”

Pearl loathed to break the loving moment between the tween-agers, however, it was the nursing infant that was her primary concern. She cleared her throat to gain her brother’s attention. “Pippin..”

Glancing in Pearl’s direction, Pippin remembered the reason why his sister was there in the room. “Lilas…,” he started. “There’s something we need to discuss.”

Lilas listened as Pippin and Pearl spoke about Rosebud’s imminent future. She began to weep all over again when they got to the part of finding a wet-nurse. In an odd way, Lilly’s departing words earlier prepared Lilas for this chat. Her reflective thoughts earlier drove home the truth of her situation. Deep inside, Lilas knew that it was for the best…for the sake of her baby. Still, it broke her heart nonetheless.

Rosebud began to fuss as she sensed her mother’s growing anxiety. Pippin took his daughter into his arms, hugging and kissing her. “Everything will be just fine, sweet Rosebud,” he spoke lovingly to his daughter. He carefully handed the baby over to his sister, “Will you hold her for a moment, please?” Pippin then took Lilas into his arms, cradling her as she sobbed into his shoulder. Consenting another lass to nurse her baby was one of the hardest decisions a mother could make. It was decided that the transition would begin in the morning; giving Lilas enough time to absorb everything. In addition, a very special ceremony was going to take place this evening. Pippin had not yet spoken to his father, but he had no doubt that The Took would make every effort to assist in his son’s endeavor.

TBC