Chapter 19. To Have and To Hold

They lay entwined beneath the ancient oak, looking at the lanterns shining like promises in the branches. They were the only hobbits left on this side of the stables; all the rest had gone to the Celebration Field, to the pavilions there made ready for sleeping. Faramir sighed and Goldi’s arms tightened about him. ‘What is it, my love?’ she asked softly.

 ‘I had the oddest dream,’ he said slowly.

 ‘Just now?’ she said in surprise, and he chuckled.

 ‘No, earlier, just before I awakened to your kiss,’ he said. ‘Fancy sleeping through your own wedding!’ She smiled and nuzzled against his chest.

After awhile she spoke. ‘What dream?’ she asked.

 ‘I dreamed I was dead,’ he said slowly, and she stiffened. Caressing her back reassuringly, he soothed her with soft words until she relaxed again.

 ‘What was it like?’ she asked sleepily.

 ‘It was the most beautiful place I’d ever seen,’ he said.

 ‘More beautiful than the Green Hills?’ she asked.

 ‘Greener,’ he said. ‘And the sky was bluer and the flowers brighter and everything... o Goldi, you cannot imagine how lovely it was. There are not the words to describe the place, or how it felt to be there. I felt whole, and well, and...’ He fell silent.

 ‘I’m surprised you didn’t want to stay,’ Goldi said at last.

 ‘But I did! I wanted to stay ever so much Goldi,’ he said honestly, for they were always truthful with each other. He held her more tightly then. ‘Even if it meant leaving you for a little while, for I knew I’d see you again ere long.’

 ‘How could you know that?’ Goldi said. She gasped, frightened, and pushed herself away, to look into his eyes. ‘O Farry,’ she whispered. ‘Is it that I’m to die soon? Must this joy end so quickly?’

 ‘No, no, not at all!’ he was quick to reassure, pulling her close again, rubbing his hands up and down her back until her shivers subsided. ‘It is just that time is so different there, my love. So different,’ he mused, adding in a wondering tone, ‘so different... a lifetime here is but an hour there, I think. Though Frodo did look as if he were ninety or more, just as he would if he’d stayed in Middle-earth... Perhaps the time only seems to go slowly there. In any event, I had only a few breaths of that marvellous air, yet you tell me I was lost since the day before yesterday.’

Goldi did not ponder the paradox of time but seized on the name. ‘Frodo?’ she said. ‘He was there?’

 ‘He said he’d come to send me back,’ Faramir said. ‘I didn’t know where back was! I suppose he meant back to Middle-earth, back to life, back to...’ He kissed her once more, suddenly very glad to be where he was, not regretting leaving the shining dream behind. ‘Back to you,’ he whispered.

 ‘What was he like?’ Goldi said, resting her head on his chest. ‘Was Bilbo there?’

 ‘No, just Frodo,’ Faramir said, thinking back to the fading dream. ‘He was... old, as I said, old as a gaffer but somehow young at the same time; I don’t know how to describe him, Goldi. He was lively, and merry, and... well. He was well, Goldi, as if he’d left all troubles behind and lived in peace and joy.’ He laughed suddenly. ‘I asked him if he were dead, and he said, ‘Not yet! Not until...’

 ‘Not until what?’ Goldi said, raising her head to look into his eyes again. She remembered the end of the Red Book, and the conversation between Frodo and Sam before they came to the Grey Havens, though the Gamgees never spoke of it. It was part of a story in a book was all, there was naught to it. Or was there?

 ‘I don’t know,’ Faramir said dismissively. ‘He didn’t say what he was waiting for. He seemed more concerned about sending me back, for your sake and my Da’s.’

 ‘Yes,’ Goldi said. ‘He nearly died, you know.’

 ‘I know,’ Faramir said softly, hugging her closer. ‘I know.’ He took a deep breath. ‘But he didn’t die, and he’s trying now, working with the healers instead of turning his face away.’

 ‘Yes,’ Goldi said. ‘It was a near thing, but you returned in time.’

 ‘In good time, I’d say,’ Farry said in a completely different tone. Goldi could not suppress a giggle as he pulled the blanket over them again.

***

 ‘Still awake, Ferdi-love?’ Nell whispered, raising her head from her dearest one’s chest. Ferdi’s eyes were open, fixed on the stars above them. They’d moved their pallet from the pavilion in order to sleep under the open sky.

 ‘They are just as they always were,’ he said. ‘Just as they always were.’

 ‘O my love,’ she said as her arms tightened around him. ‘Of course they are. Go to sleep, dearest.’

 ‘What if...?’ Ferdi said and stopped.

 ‘ “What if” what?’ Nell said, and when he did not answer at once she raised herself up to look into his face.

When he did answer he spoke low as if ashamed to voice his fear. ‘What if I waken and they’re gone again?’ He took a shaky breath, stroking back the curly lock that fell into her face as she hovered above him.

 ‘O Ferdi,’ she said. ‘They will always be there, whether you see them or not... and so will I be.’ She laid herself down beside him once more, holding him close, kissing him and softly singing to him by turns until his eyes drifted closed at last and he slept in the warmth of her embrace.

***

 ‘Drink up, Pippin,’ Diamond said in her no-nonsense voice.

 ‘Every other sensible hobbit is asleep,’ her husband protested. ‘Why are you forcing more broth into me? I think I’m about to float away as it is! And salty! It just makes me more thirsty!’

 ‘Good!’ Diamond said. ‘Then you’ll drink more!’ He’d lost a dangerous amount of blood, and had turned his face away from all the healers' efforts up until the time he heard young Beregrin speak and he could hope again.

 ‘Why are you torturing me?’ he complained, pushing the cup away, but she was just as determined, resisting until he had to give in for the weakness that ruled him. As the cup reached his lips he sipped automatically, then said, ‘Why are you so angry, love? Farry’s well and married, I’m on the mend, all the hobbits are out of the Smials and Everard and Gimli are bursting with plans to rebuild better and stronger than the old manse ever was, and you’re...’

 ‘Me!’ Diamond said in outrage. ‘Me? How about you?’

 ‘Me?’ Pippin said more softly. He took the cup from Diamond, nearly spilling the contents as his hand shook, and put it down beside him. ‘What about me?’

 ‘You—you—’ she sputtered. He waited patiently. Finally she was able to continue. ‘If you ever give me such a scare again, I’ll... I’ll... never forgive you!’

 ‘Never is a long time,’ he said mildly.

 ‘As if it wasn’t bad enough to think all our sons dead,’ she said, tears flooding her eyes, ‘and then you! Turning your face away, giving up the fight... As if it wasn’t bad enough, and then to think of losing you as well!’ She couldn’t continue, but turned away and buried her face in her arms.

 ‘O Diamond-love,’ he said softly, but when he would have sat up to embrace her she unburied herself and pushed him back against the pillows again.

 ‘That’s all I need,’ she snapped, ‘for you to get up and burst your stitches and start to bleed again. Stay put!’

  ‘Yes, dear,’ he said, uncharacteristically meek. She took advantage of the moment to pick up the cup and bring it to his mouth; he drained the contents and settled back with a sigh.

 ‘Your colour’s a little better,’ she said softly. He lifted a hand to cup her cheek; she covered it with one of her hands and leaned into his touch. ‘Promise me something,’ she said.

 ‘Anything, my love,’ he answered, and she knew that if it were in his power he’d be true to his promise.

 ‘Promise me that you’ll not die before I do,’ she whispered. ‘I couldn’t bear it.’

 ‘O Diamond,’ he said brokenly, and suddenly she was lying on the pallet beside him and they were holding each other as if they’d never let go.

***

They lay entwined beneath the ancient oak, looking at the lanterns shining like promises in the branches. Goldi sighed and Farry’s arms tightened about her. ‘What is it, my love?’ he asked softly.

 ‘Perhaps we should do it all over,’ she said slowly. ‘It was hardly a proper wedding after all. No wedding breakfast, no songs, no toasts, no vows...’

 ‘You didn’t say the vows?’ he said, half sitting up in shock. Perhaps they weren’t properly married after all.

 ‘I said the vows, beloved, I did indeed,’ Goldi reassured him hastily, pulling him down beside her again. ‘But you...’

 ‘Ah, is that all that worries your golden head, my sweet?’ he chuckled, drawing her hand to his lips and tenderly kissing the tip of her thumb. ‘Easy enough to remedy.’

 ‘What do you mean?’ Goldi asked. She had never heard of a dying hobbit coming back to life in the middle of a wedding before.

Faramir pulled her close, nestling her head under his chin. He sighed and began to speak softly. ‘On my honour, before these witnesses...’ He slowly waved an arm to encompass the winking lanterns and the stars that peeped through the canopy of the ancient tree. ‘I most solemnly swear to give my heart and my head and all I possess to Goldilocks Gamgee, to hold nothing back of myself or my affections...’

Goldilocks sighed and snuggled against him as he continued to the end of the vows. ‘...to seize each moment, to live to the fullest the love that's between us... To refuse no joy set before us... That each day might be a golden coin to add to the treasure trove of our love... Until I've drunk the last drop in the cup, and no more days remain to me ...As long as life shall last, until I take my last breath of the sweet air.’

 ‘As long as life shall last,’ she murmured.

He kissed the top of her head, adding simply, ‘And after.’