Reviews (35)

PSW · 2 August 2025 · Chapter 8: With More Luck Than Sense

I just laughed and laughed. Thx so much for this! :-)

Lindelea · 19 July 2025 · Chapter 8: With More Luck Than Sense

Hah! "Bless your cotton socks." Would hobbits construe such a useless blessing as an insult, I wonder? If so, Pippin's insults (a la "I hadn't noticed") are even funnier. Pippin's lessened enthusiasm is noticeable; otherwise, I imagine he'd've described automatic motion-activated spotlights instead of the rather mundane "bright lights". Ah. You have invoked the "famous last words" trope. An ancient sorcerer really ought to know better. I was hoping to see Bergil bring the leaves and say something pithy (or maybe snarky), "out of the mouth of babes" sort of stuff. However, the long conversation by the dying Éowyn's bedside is particularly well described. (Make haste? What does that mean when it's at home?) No maps, and no one to ask for directions. That is, if Frodo were inclined to ask for directions. Which (as I have had Sam observe at one point), being a gentlehobbit and, thus, above such mundane matters, he would not be. Let's just set fire to the place. How about a few fireworks for a capper? So Sauron's a Harry Potter fan? (Or perhaps he hopes to pick up some tips from he who nobody names.) Loved the mention of the darling table, by the way. ...and the partying went on. That certainly sounds like a happy ending... What could go wrong?

shirebound · 12 July 2025 · Chapter 8: With More Luck Than Sense

*applauds* What a delight! And at least Sauron got to enjoy one last lavender and rosemary bubble bath before The End. Such a fun tale.

Lady Forlong · 12 July 2025 · Chapter 8: With More Luck Than Sense

“Crafting strong light sources is a feat completely unheard of in all the history of Arda.” Gandalf forgot about Feanor, didn’t he? A nazgul, squeamish about blood. Sure, why not? LOL “I, of course, cannot be killed.” Famous last words, literally. I can’t believe I read the whole thing and I still haven't died laughing. That must prove that it really is impossible to do so. Came close, though. Sorry the fun is over. Maybe you should write a sequel (or at least an epilogue) about the "Scouring of the Shire." ;)

Fimbrethil · 12 July 2025 · Chapter 8: With More Luck Than Sense

Well, that’s that sorted then. But make sure to watch your back, what with all those ancient blades that we’ve seen of late. I, of course, cannot be killed.” Oh, shut up and make haste,” barked Gandalf ‘The Procrastinator’ White. “You are just a minor character; leave the rambling to us. And we don’t need to hear from you either, Herb Master. We are quite capable of droning on about ancient lore ourselves, thank you very much.” Ioreth and the Herb Master left the chamber and made their way to the herb stores, where they spent a few minutes venting about the abominable rudeness of those intruders. However, being professionals and capable of multi-tasking [But can they? I thought Gandalf wanted less talk and more speed, and Aragorn as well. As did Imrahil and Éowyn, and Pippin.], they simultaneously located the required herbs, wrapped them up in a cloth and made a note in the record book Some time later, having pulled Faramir back from the brink of death, Aragorn and Gandalf sat by the bedside of a grievously wounded Éowyn and enjoyed a lengthy chat about the woman’s life story and her virtues of character and person. After half an hour or so, they were interrupted by Éomer coughing pointedly. “I am ever so sorry to disturb your fascinating discourse, gentlemen, and I do of course agree heartily with you about the merits of my sister, but wasn’t there something about making haste?” Gandalf frowned, but at least Aragorn had the decency to look embarrassed and speedily began to crumble the athelas into the water basin. “Oh, rats,” he said. “It’s gone cold. Get someone to bring us new hot water.” Éomer shook his head in despair. [Ah. heehee. So switching the merrits of Ioreth and the Healer with Aragorn and Gandalf.] Heehee this is pretty funny, and you are absolutely right about all the coincidences in the original story.

Fimbrethil · 7 July 2025 · Chapter 7: Never Mind the Details

You say ‘actually’ way too often, Gandalf,” Theoden pointed out. “That’s not actually true, Theoden, I only actually – oh.” “Never mind,” butted in Aragorn in a valiant attempt to save the wizard’s face. “This is actua– this is my Seeing Stone, what with me being King of Gondor and all, so hand it over, will you?” “Of course, of course,” muttered Gandalf, only marginally flustered. Not wanting to blow my own trumpet,” said Aragorn after dinner, while Legolas passed round the little chocolates wrapped in gold foil, “but I did an extremely clever thing this afternoon. I revealed myself to Sauron in the palantír and challenged him to a telepathic tussle. Now he knows there’s a king in Gondor again, which will make him attack Minas Tirith instantly and thus draw his forces away from Mordor and from Frodo. Am I a strategic genius or what?” “Isn’t that going to be a bit unpleasant for the poor people of Minas Tirith, though?” asked Theoden. “Nah, they have me to defend them now,” replied Aragorn with a regal shrug. “But you are three hundred miles away from Minas Tirith.” “So I am, rats. You wouldn’t happen to know of any shortcut?” “Oh, that reminds me,” piped up Elladan. “Dad says to tell you that there is a brilliant shortcut, but I’m supposed to be really ominous and portentous about it, so here goes…” “Isn’t that exactly the same distance?” asked Aragorn after the shortcut was explained. “Probably, but it gives you a chance to be all kingy and destiny-ridden.” “Okay then.” … Yes, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt by now, it’s this: The only way useless heroes can win is if the villains are even uselesser.” “More useless, precious, more useless,” muttered Gollum. … Also Shadowfax! heehee. And Faramir…

Fimbrethil · 7 July 2025 · Chapter 6: Just improvise!

Ah, Théoden, Gandalf, and Saruman leaving the palentír where he did. And did I mention I liked how the guys in Mordor said “They’re taking the Hobbit’s to Isengard!”? And the guys assuming Pippin has the Ring.

Fimbrethil · 7 July 2025 · Chapter 5: How Quickly It All Falls Apart

Aragorn is…stupid here. especially on the river. That Rohan conversation was pretty good.

Fimbrethil · 7 July 2025 · Chapter 4: How to Travel With Cunning and Great Skill

Celeborn is crazy. And yet, he was actually right. Feanor watches possibly no longer jealous, amazed, and possibly awed.

Fimbrethil · 7 July 2025 · Chapter 3: Elves Cannot Multitask

haha *snort snort* Boromir’s…attitude. For lack of a better word. Strange that some of those reasons and answers actually make sense.

Fimbrethil · 7 July 2025 · Chapter 2: Various Tactical Errors Cancel Each Other Out

Boromir! haha! But what in the world happened to Elrond?

Fimbrethil · 7 July 2025 · Chapter 1: The Dangers of Procrastination

This is torcher (is that how you spell it?), but also hilarious.

Lady Forlong · 5 July 2025 · Chapter 7: Never Mind the Details

"hippie queen’s psychedelic lala land" LOL "Any friend of the wizard whose stupidity got my brother killed is a friend of mine…” double LOL So that’s where the title of the story comes from. And Gollum, of course, is the one to correct the grammar, precious.

Lindelea · 5 July 2025 · Chapter 7: Never Mind the Details

Forgetting to put out the fire... is that something like leaving home without checking to see if you turned off the stove? Is Frodo in the habit of watching old movies on the sly, I wonder? Perhaps he does so late at night when insomnia comes to call. It seems to me that the Mouth of Sauron might benefit from sending out resumes on the sly to find better employment where his skill set would be better appreciated. So Sauron was the moving force behind Brexit? I'm not at all surprised. Hah. Someone who reviewed a recent chapter of mine mentioned how handy the invention of the telegraph might be in response to my mention of "a marvel of modern communication". I wonder if their reading this chapter sparked that suggestion, or if it is simply a matter of coincidence or serendipity? Shadowfax has grand ambitions, it seems... (and is "butting in" in the next section a coincidence, speaking of coincidences, or was it a deliberate pun? Shades of Gimli shouting cheerily, "Nobody panic! It was deliberate!") Somehow the Witch King's little pep talk before setting out brings to mind the minstrels' song in Monty Python and the Holy Grail about "Brave Sir Robin" (oddly enough, the song is easy to find in a web search for "lyrics to brave sir robin"). And Gollum as a stickler for grammar? Will wonders never cease? I seem to be full of questions tonight. (I would have been in bed an hour ago, but people are still shooting off very loud fireworks all around us, so there's really no point.)

shirebound · 4 July 2025 · Chapter 7: Never Mind the Details

And the fun continues. Even Shadowfax has an agenda of his own!

Lady Forlong · 29 June 2025 · Chapter 6: Just improvise!

How to circumvent security protocols: If you’re a Wizard, pretend you need your staff because you’re old. Stir fried worms and lava brew LOL Yeah, orcs are cheap. “Password 123.” It figures. Trivial Pursuit indeed! PS Still living dangerously, but I haven't died laughing just yet. Well, almost. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I have a death wish or anything like that, but I am still looking forward to your next chapter.

shirebound · 28 June 2025 · Chapter 6: Just improvise!

“May I just point out,” said the Mouth of Sauron, “that you are jumping to conclusions a little? Shouldn’t you at least have questioned the Halfling? After all there were four of them, and you didn’t even ask his name.” That Mouth is a lot more clever than he gets credit for. Hmmm, I wonder what's for lunch in the Mt. Doom Canteen today...

Lindelea · 28 June 2025 · Chapter 6: Just improvise!

I feel for Theoden. I cannot face the day without my coffee. “Come now, hobbitses!” Gollum cheerfully gesticulated southwards. “Fresh disappointments lie ahead!” Pretty accurate, actually. I can see why they eventually made Pippin Thain. He has lots of bright ideas. Just wait until he thinks of putting some of Gandalf's firework powder into shells and invents rocket launchers to chase away potential ruffians... Treebeard and Gandalf, besties forever? Perhaps Theoden could suggest that Gandalf bring strong coffee back with him from Edoras. Empty biscuit tins can be so handy! Maybe not for just everything and anything, though.

Lady Forlong · 25 June 2025 · Chapter 5: How Quickly It All Falls Apart

I disregarded your warning. This is too much fun. I love the way Pippin keeps coming up with ideas for things that haven't been invented yet, and everyone keeps fluffing him off. Now he's all the way into the 20-21st century with the GPS tracker idea.

Lindelea · 23 June 2025 · Chapter 5: How Quickly It All Falls Apart

Ah yes (rubbing hands together), another chapter to savor! There's an old advertising jingle I remember from the 1970s: Plop Plop Fizz Fizz (I just now found a mini-documentary that CBS posted on their YouTube channel by that title, like a stroll down memory lane). It popped into my head when Frodo asked for an aspirin. And then, of course, other applicable scenes came to mind. "I can't believe I ate the whole thing!" Pippin and lembas, Pippin and/or Merry lounging around at Isengard with their pipes and plentiful foodstuffs, any number of hobbits at Bilbo's Birthday Party... "Try it! You'll like it!" I'm drawing a blank. Boromir arguing for someone from the West to use the Ring? Aragorn sampling Éowyn's cooking in the film? The other three hobbits shoving Sam towards Rosie after their return to the Shire (also in the film)? "Mama Mia! That's a spicy meatball!" Gollum tasting something, I don't remember. Lembas? Stewed rabbit and herbs? "Oh what a relief it is!" Frodo after the Ring goes into the Fire, for sure. oOoOoOo (excuse me whilst I borrow your divider) I choked on my tea when I read, "They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!" Well done. Take a bow. "There's no time for that!" <--Did he learn that from Gandalf? Alas, poor Sauron. It appears that excessive orb-viewing is ruining his eyesight. Ah, Gandalf. He's one of those souls to whom "make haste" has no meaning unless he's saying the words himself, I suspect. It tends to be one of the shortfalls of an immortal being, I find. I have detected a trend. Rather than a randomly organized commentary, we're following the flow of the plot, more or less. And it only took me five chapters to figure this out. Accordingly, I am looking forward to reading more.

shirebound · 23 June 2025 · Chapter 5: How Quickly It All Falls Apart

I love Pippin's ideas, too bad no one else pays attention to him!

Lady Forlong · 21 June 2025 · Chapter 4: How to Travel With Cunning and Great Skill

If it was possible for someone to die laughing, I'd be dead by now. Good thing the password didn't involve multi-factor authentication ;)

Lindelea · 20 June 2025 · Chapter 4: How to Travel With Cunning and Great Skill

"bats as spies"; Sauron obviously needs one of those suggestion boxes on the wall. Maybe some kind of programme that pays a bonus to employees who offer valuable contributions. Of course, with such a toxic corporate culture, I can imagine the suggestion box filled with cobwebs rather than slips of paper. Pippin is ahead of his time. Do you think Caradhras might have potential as a ski resort someday? It might be more profitable and less fraught with peril than delving in the depths of Moria in search of mithril. Gandalf reinforces the idea with his impression of a Saint Bernard with a jug of spirits tied around its neck. What exactly did they scout out? I have often wondered... Suddenly, I had a flash of inspiration while watching Sauron watching the Wargs in the palantír. He should hire someone to create an action-adventure video game! Then he could try out different parameters (numbers of Wargs, numbers of Orcs, weather phenomenon, strategies, etc.) before committing his forces. I'm surprised you left off the part where Boromir chucked the stone into the lake and woke up the Watcher in the Water. Probably annoyed the heck out of the creature, too. ...not to mention the loss of one Pony, known as Bill. Commas versus quotation marks. You know what they say. "Grammar saves lives." (As even the most rudimentary web search reveals...) There's Pippin being creative again. Only this time he's re-inventing the wheel, as everyone, I'm sure, remembers the rails-and-carts system that Bilbo and the Dwarves took advantage of quite a few years before this time, reminding me of a Harry Potter "Gringotts" scenario or a "Hobbit movie" video game preview. In addition to tricks on a tightrope, have you seen Legolas on a snowboard? (a stairboard?) Alas poor Elrond. First a migraine and now a toothache. I would definitely vote for railings. I'm surprised the government inspectors haven't come around and levied heavy fines for health and safety violations, at the very least. Do the Galadhrim even have permits to build treehouses? Maybe they considered the boat route during the planning stage and discarded it because they'd lose Gimli (I think Dwarves hate boats, though I might be mistaken) and Legolas (the Sea-longing is even worse after an Elf actually sails on the waters of the Sea and doesn't merely hear about it second-hand from a few seagulls). Very amusing! Reading the chapter was a nice Friday-night treat! Cheers!

shirebound · 20 June 2025 · Chapter 4: How to Travel With Cunning and Great Skill

“Warg attack! Warg attack!” squealed Sauron. “Get them, get them, pewww, pewww, pewww!” *snork* You have me grinning mightily.

Lindelea · 15 June 2025 · Chapter 3: Elves Cannot Multitask

Actually, you could have posted a chapter with no text, and just the title would have left me laughing... I'm glad you didn't do that, though, for I am looking forward to reading the text. In reading, I kept thinking the observations here go well with the Elvish chapters of my "Answering Machines in Middle-earth" which the mods (perhaps reluctantly) allowed to remain on the site despite its modernish elements. Bless them. Glassless windows... a bug? or a feature? Gah! How I hate evaluation forms. Do people even *read* the things, or do they just have a checkbox in the management plan that they feel better when they check it off? ("Distribute and collect evaluation forms.") Revisiting the topic of procrastination: Why didn't they reforge the sword a lot earlier? Here they have the Heir to the Promise running around Middle-earth with a scabbard containing a blade that's about a foot long! (In the inn at Bree: He drew out his sword, and they saw that the blade was indeed broken a foot below the hilt. ‘Not much use is it, Sam?’ said Strider. ‘But the time is near when it shall be forged anew.’ Why wait?) Might Arathorn (and possibly other Chieftains) have lived longer if he'd had a full sword blade, I ask you? Aragorn might have had more than a 2yo's memories of his father! What??? Boromir had rope all the time, and he let Pippin jump over a giant fissure without it? That sounds more caddish than noble. He may be exaggerating his skills here, as well, for how did an "experienced traveller and warrior" happen to lose his horse??? Effectiveness of the presentations at the Council? Um. (See my "Council of Elrond" story for more details.) Maps. Yes. Maps would have been quite helpful, I should think. I'm a visual learner, myself. Though I have a preference for chocolate in my sweets, I must agree that the pink cakes with almonds on top are quite good.