Useless Heroes, Uselesser Villains

by Virtuella

Considering the lackadaisical approach which is - notwithstanding their dramatic rhetoric - taken by heroes and villains alike, it is astonishing that either side manages to accomplish anything. I wrote this fic a few years ago and considered it too flippant for this site, but now I'm thinking, eh, why not?

G · In progress · Updated 12 July 2025
Characters: Aragorn, Boromir II, Celeborn, Elrond, Galadriel, Gandalf, Gimli, Goldberry, Gollum, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Samwise Gamgee, Sauron, Tom Bombadil

Chapters

  1. 1. The Dangers of Procrastination (1,840 words)
  2. 2. Various Tactical Errors Cancel Each Other Out (3,015 words)
  3. 3. Elves Cannot Multitask (1,535 words)
  4. 4. How to Travel With Cunning and Great Skill (2,486 words)
  5. 5. How Quickly It All Falls Apart (1,752 words)
  6. 6. Just improvise! (1,872 words)
  7. 7. Never Mind the Details (1,587 words)
  8. 8. With More Luck Than Sense (1,880 words)

Read the whole story on one page

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