Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Chapter 25. Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Over the next two hours, Healer Woodruff sent along a steady stream of cousins and other hobbits who lived and worked in the Great Smials or Tuckborough to meet with Tolly in ones or twos. None seemed to mind that the summons had come as they were about to sit down to tea or even when they were in the middle of the meal, once they arrived at the study door and were greeted with the astounding and joyful news that Tolibold was alive. Indeed, the word was beginning to spread more widely in the town and the Great Smials itself, where the attendance at tea in the great room swelled alarmingly as people congregated to discuss this unexpected turn of events. 

Pippin was confident that Woodruff had provided guidance to each hobbit she sent into the study since no one mentioned Tolly's wife or his oldest brother. Nevertheless, the young Thain kept a close eye on Tolly to watch for signs of strain, but as far as he could tell, the hobbit was holding up well. Among Tolly's encounters with welcoming cousins and servants and even townsfolk, introducing – or, more properly, re-introducing – the head of escort to the rest of the hobbits who had worked with him as fellow members of the Thain's escort went relatively smoothly.

Another reason why Pippin assumed that Woodruff talked to every hobbit that met with Tolly both before and after their encounter was that Agate had told him she'd included that recommendation in her notes. The precaution would allow Woodruff to adjust the order of introductions as needed even though she was not in the study herself, thus avoiding distraction and perhaps added tension in the process as seen from the recovering hobbit's perspective.

The dwarf-made clock on the mantel struck five, announcing that teatime had come and gone and that they'd been about this business for at least two hours by this point. Pippin wondered how much longer they'd go on, and if they'd end up bundling Tolly off to a bed in the infirmary to rest, continuing the process in the morning – at least until Woodruff could determine whether he'd be able to meet with his closest family members – or not.

Even though, based on Hilly's response early that morning, the young Thain knew that Tolly's loved ones would rather see him return to the North-lands and live out his life if that should be the only alternative to his succumbing to madness and death, he desperately hoped that "or not" would not be the ultimate outcome. What're we doing all this for? he thought to himself, and more than once. If all this ends up being for naught... But Tolly had chosen to take this gamble, and Pippin felt a sense of obligation to the hobbit to see it through, no matter the outcome.

He didn't know about Tolibold, but he was tiring when the steady stream of hobbits slowed to a trickle and then stopped. The moments ticked by, and he wondered... and then Mardibold came through the study door. 

Though Tolly's oldest brother had his healer's face on – calm, collected, matter-of-fact, deliberately pleasant – he said no word of greeting, not even to Pippin, and the young Thain could see the tension that Woodruff's former apprentice was carrying in the set of Mardi's shoulders as he stopped short.

But the door did not close behind Tolly's brother. Instead, Woodruff entered the study and laid her hand lightly on Mardi's shoulder, exchanging a look and a nod with him that Pippin construed as a silent but firm, I'm here, Mardi, and I will help in any way I can.

The young Thain straightened unconsciously, seeing in his Head Healer a fierce dedication to her vocation that fully matched Agate's. Seeming tireless, Healer Agate had observed Tolly closely though covertly and had conversed at length during the rebels' reunion with the hobbit's friends and relations who were visiting in the North Farthing. She'd also spent hours writing up her notes for Woodruff, and then explained them at length during the long middle-night conversation with the Thain and The Red on the eve – or, more properly, early morning – of Pippin's departure.

No doubt Woodruff had thoroughly perused Agate's notes before allowing Mardi to make this attempt. Pippin hoped they'd given Woodruff enough time to do so, anyhow, even with the steady stream of introductions that had preceded this moment.

The Thain and Steward and their escort had ridden southwards two-by-two. Regi and Pippin rode together; Tolly and Haldi followed and, as was the escort's custom, maintained enough distance behind the leaders to allow for private conversation. During the long ride, Pippin had filled Regi in on everything he'd observed and been told, securing another fully-informed ally in the battle for Tolly's survival. In addition to guarding the door to the Thain's study and controlling access to all comers, Haldi had carried the precious sheaf of notes with him and would have handed them to Woodruff as soon as she'd arrived in response to Pippin's summons.

Time is of the essence, Agate had emphasised as she'd handed over the leather case with its precious contents. Once your Tolly is in familiar surroundings, the process will accelerate – for good or ill. She had smiled wryly. I have done as much "looking" as I can so that you can "leap" quickly upon arriving in Tuckborough and give your cousin the best possible chance for a successful outcome. Just so, as soon as he'd dismounted, Pippin had set events in motion.

Woodruff met Pippin's questioning look and nodded, though Pippin wasn't sure what the nod might mean. I'm here...? or, perhaps, I read all of Agate's notes, and I know what we are doing...? Though the former might be reassuring, he hoped the nod also reflected the latter message.

Mardi stirred restlessly. Woodruff patted his shoulder while fixing her attention on the subject at hand. We are engaged in a conspiracy of sorts, Pippin thought incongruously. Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

'Hullo again, Tolly,' she said pleasantly, as if she and the recovering Took were the only ones in the room. 'I seem to have forgot somewhat...'

'Isn't that particularly troubling in a healer?' Tolly asked, a bit of his acid wit resurfacing in this second encounter with Woodruff within the span of two hours or so. O he could be pleasant enough to healers in a social setting, but apparently he retained enough of his senses to realise that this was not such an occasion.

How curious it seemed to Pippin that Tolly appeared to have no consciousness of Mardi's entrance or continued presence in the room. Pippin wondered if his "Wallas" part was suppressing Tolly's recognition of his oldest brother, for Agate had identified Hilly, Ferdi, Mardi and, lastly, Meadowsweet as the hobbits closest to Tolly's heart. Tolly had also been very close to his father Haldibold, and deeply grieved at having lost his da the previous year, compounding the intensity of emotion threatening to imprison him deep within himself if something should go terribly wrong.

What're you on about now, you young fool of a Took? Pippin seemed to hear Gandalf's irascible voice in the back of his mind. Something's already gone terribly wrong! Pay attention! The stakes are high, and Tolly's life hangs in the balance! Whether he was receiving guidance from somewhere beyond, as in the feeling that had sometimes come over him in past difficulties, or the thought had sprung from Pippin's own mind, he found the reference to wagering eminently appropriate in Tolly's case. The head of escort was a gambler at heart. 

This whole process was a gamble, in point of fact. The safest course would have been to allow Tolly to live out his life in the North Farthing, to leave him in peace and allow Wallas to swallow him whole once more, overshadowing the memories of his recent encounters with Hilly and Ferdi (and Pippin and Haldi, though they would have left less of an impression) until they became unreal to him once more, at most the subject of dreams that dissolved upon wakening.

But would it have been the best course? Somehow, Pippin knew he'd never be able to convince himself of that. Leaving Meadowsweet a widow, their children fatherless, his brothers, along with Ferdi, forever divided from him... The stakes were very high, but abandoning Tolly was, when it came down to the final throw, unthinkable. 

Nevertheless, reconciling Wallas and Tolly in the presence of any one of those closest to him might resemble walking through Moria, as Pippin's mind framed it, or even Mordor. With any of them, Tolly risked falling into a crevice or becoming a prisoner in his own mind, unreachable and beyond rescue.

Though the young Thain had thought they were safely past the stumbling blocks of Hilly and Ferdi, after seeing Tolly's reaction to his mention of "Meadowsweet", he was no longer sure.

Even if they were successful, would they always have to watch their words around the hobbit? And if so, what kind of life would that be for Tolly? At best, he'd be trudging through life, loaded down with a pack that was too heavy – how well Pippin remembered the feeling! – and likely invalided out of the escort, "retired" due to his "infirmities". Would the hobbit see himself as another "Freddy" for his brothers to care for rather than the protector and defender he'd always been?

He shook his head. Borrowing trouble did nobody any good. All he could do was hope for the best outcome, and trust the healers. It was a curious idea for a Took to entertain.

Woodruff's laugh in response to Tolly's sour observation interrupted Pippin's dismal thoughts. 'Indeed!' she agreed. 'And so it only makes sense for me to deal with the matter immediately!'

And skirting around Mardi as if he were merely a piece of furniture, Woodruff advanced on the Thain. 'Now, Thain Peregrin,' she said slowly and deliberately, conveying to Pippin that this conversation was not about him at all. 'I quite forgot to ask you how you managed in the North Farthing... Did you suffer any shortness of breath or difficulties requiring the use of the balm or draught?'

Normally, Woodruff would not have spoken so openly about Pippin's constrained lungs in front of others, but Mardi was a healer himself, and Tolly was a member of the Thain's escort (whether he remembered that fact in this moment or not) and thus sworn to discretion as part of his oath to protect the Thain. Thus, Tolly would probably not find Woodruff's presence or this discussion out of place, whether or not he was able to recognise his eldest brother's presence in the room.

Pippin forced a smile that he was not feeling. 'I am quite well!' he answered, playing the game Woodruff had initiated for Tolly's – and perhaps Mardi's – sake. 'Everything in the North Farthing seems to be frozen at the moment! What troubles me the most about winter is the damp chill, but the air feels rather dry to me, even here inside the Smials, at present...'

'Dry air carries its own hazards,' Woodruff interrupted. 'If you please, Thain...' At her gesture, Pippin unbuttoned his vest and shirt and lifted the fabric away from his bared chest with uncharacteristic meekness.

The healer nodded her thanks and bent to lay her ear against the Thain's breast. 'Your heart remains sound,' she said after a moment, 'much as I would expect, for you're much too young for...' She listened again, then straightened and gestured to him to do up his clothing. 'You do seem to be breathing rather more easily than I've noticed when the weather is damp... Freezing weather, it seems, is actually good for you! Nevertheless, 'twould be prudent, I deem, to set a simmering pot just off the fire in whatever room you happen to occupy,' and she gestured to the cheerful fire burning in the study's small hearth.

'Very well,' Pippin said with poor grace, 'but – must you put your herbs in it?' 

Woodruff smiled at him. 'Just the steam adding moisture to the air will be sufficient at present,' she said. 'We'll keep the herbs in reserve just so long as we can.'

As the Thain and Head Healer had played this little scene, Pippin had noticed Tolly walking around the room, stopping at intervals to examine a detail that caught his attention, even as his cousin avoided looking at the largest detail – Mardibold.

Woodruff cleared her throat, and Pippin returned his gaze to her. Recalled to their purpose, he said the first thing that came to mind. 'I fail to understand why it would be beneficial to add steam to the air in the study when you tell me it is the damp of winter that is so dangerous to me?'

Woodruff spread her hands to the sides. 'Too much of a good thing, lad,' she said. 'That's the problem! As we healers like to say, All things in mod—'

Pippin knew, of course, that she'd been about to say "moderation"; however, she broke off short, her gaze so intent that Pippin turned around to see Tolly standing before Mardi, one hand half-raised... in greeting? ...in defence? ...in rejection?

Mardi was trying valiantly to maintain the cool, pleasant demeanour common to most healers of Pippin's acquaintance – truth be told, the young Thain was reluctantly acquainted with more than his share of healers – but Pippin could see that the struggle was costing him dearly. Tears welled in the older hobbit's eyes, and his chin quivered, betraying the strong emotions surging within as he faced his beloved younger brother who had yet to acknowledge him in any way besides the staying gesture of the half-lifted hand, as if Tolly felt the need to hold Mardi at bay.

Despite his obvious distress, Mardi remained silent and motionless, though his breath hitched as he inhaled, betraying the sobs he was striving, by force of will, to suppress.

After a long, nerve-wracking pause, Tolly whispered, 'Mardi?'

Mutely, the older brother nodded, while the tears in his eyes spilled over onto his cheeks.

Tolly lifted his half-raised hand further, reaching now rather than warding off Mardi's presence. He touched the tears rolling down his brother's cheek and took a shuddering breath of his own. Then he spoke a broken, 'O Mardi...!' He shook his head and said, 'How can you ever forgive me...? ...forgive my...? ...Mardi...' Overcome by grief, Tolly turned away and covered his face with his hands.

But Mardi was not about to let his younger brother elude him. He encircled Tolly in a fierce hug, as if he'd never let his younger brother go. Then, abandoning his last vestiges of self-control, Tolly's healer-brother wept freely. 

But Tolly remained motionless in Mardi's embrace, resembling a statue more than a living hobbit, his hands over his face.

Pippin felt Woodruff's hand fumble for his and take his hand in a strangling hold. Looking aside to the head healer, he saw hope and worry warring together in her face as she stared at the brothers. He returned her grip, and when their eyes met briefly, he nodded, whether in reassurance or to share a fellow feeling of helplessness, he couldn't have said.

But looking back at Mardi and Tolly, Pippin caught his breath, for Tolly had moved, and he was returning his older brother's embrace with equal strength. Then he bowed his head on Mardi's shoulder and rested it there. His muffled, 'I'm sorry – I'm so sorry...' was clearly audible in the silent room.

Mardi laughed through his tears and said, 'What's there to be sorry about? My precious brother is restored to me, back from the dead!'

Tolly raised his head and stared into Mardi's eyes. 'But I...' he said.

'It wasn't your fault, Tolly,' Mardi said gently. He hitched a breath and raised a hand to wipe at his face. 'And Wallas was only trying to protect you. The part of you that was "Wallas", I mean. There was no evil intent on "his" part, or on yours.' Pippin closed his eyes at this confirmation that Woodruff had, indeed, read all of Agate's notes and, moreover, shared the most critical information with Mardi.

'You're not making sense,' Tolly said, blinking. 'Wallas was never real.'

'On the contrary,' Pippin interrupted, releasing Woodruff's hand and moving towards the brothers. 'Wallas was – is, rather – eminently real! For I saw him myself, there in the Wood. He was with you, Tolly, and he was protecting you. Protecting you, and those he loves, as best he could.'

'He's dead!' Tolly snapped, turning to face the Thain.

'I beg to differ,' Pippin said, aware that all in the room were staring at him and knowing that Agate had not included anything about restless spirits in her notes. He was the only one in the room who'd seen them, for Bolham remained in Bolton and Gorbyl was travelling. 'He never died, Tolly. I didn't understand before, not completely, but I do now.' 

He resisted the urge to wipe at his forehead. 'After whatever happened to divide his being from his body, he returned to the Wood to watch over his family. His own feelings of guilt for his choices – for what he saw as abandoning his primary responsibility – to his wife, to his bairns – for a fruitless search, long years after his brother's disappearance, prevented him from going on to the Feast and the joy and rest he would find there. Agate told me how...' he gulped and tried to order his thoughts, that his listeners might not see his explanation as nonsense.

'Healer Agate told me,' Pippin repeated, 'how she had dealt with cases similar to yours during the Troubles. And old Gorbyl, Wallas's father, was a healer's assistant, there in the Wood! He likely spoke to his sons about that one member of Bolham's band who recovered his wits, as well as the others who did not – who shut themselves away from the world, who became locked up in a prison of their own making, if not of their own volition! Thus, Wallas knew what you were up against! But he also saw how your heart touched the hearts of those he loved still, even as a wandering spirit who had left flesh and bone behind, and he recognised your essence as a fellow protector!'

He was perilously close to "nonsense" in the eyes of the no-nonsense Tooks, Pippin knew, but perhaps his earnestness, his sincerity added weight and truth to the words he spoke. For he thought the others in the room – Woodruff, Mardi and Tolly – might still be listening to him.

'And so Wallas's spirit knew how to help you, even before Agate arrived at the cot and took charge. Old Gorbyl's mind was clouded – how desperately he wanted to believe you were Wallas in truth, and how terribly his own sense of guilt weighed him down, ever heavier as he became increasingly convinced that you were not his Wallas! But that meant,' he fumbled for the words, 'the old hobbit could not help you find yourself again... And, so...' Pippin finished, 'Wallas chose to help you, howsoever he could, for the sake of those he loved.'

'Chose?' Tolly said, his gaze locked with Pippin's. It was as if they were the only ones in the room, and yet... could that be a stirring in the air near Tolly? Could the others see it, or only Pippin himself? 

For that matter, was he seeing something that wasn't there? Days of travel and lack of sleep were telling on him. He rubbed at his eyes as his doubts threatened to overwhelm him.

But when he looked up again, Pippin felt as if something – or someone else – was speaking through him, for otherwise, how could he have known the facts that now poured from his lips? 'When you were blind and deaf, sick and half-dead after the lightning struck, he found you and guided you five miles through the Wood, from the road to his family's cot... He... he even drew on his own strength of will, all he had since he had no body, and thus no bodily strength, to drive you onward, until you reached his goal.'

'But he wouldn't have known me from – from the returned King at that point!' Tolly argued. At least he was listening and understanding the stream of words Pippin could not seem to help speaking.

'Time means little to the dead,' Pippin said. He did not know how he knew this, but he did. 'It is said that there is no passage of time for hobbits who have arrived at the Feast. And so, in choosing to stay in the world and not go on to the Feast, Wallas had the same sense of time – or not-time. He could see and be in All Time at once, even though we living hobbits can only see the current moment clearly. The past is but memory, and the future a swirling fog that some fey Tooks can catch glimpses through, of future events, though never a clear view...'

'All Time,' Tolly echoed, his face losing all expression as if the discussion had strayed too far from the here and the now, becoming nonsense and whimsy to be dismissed without further consideration.

Pippin's heart sank, but if his eyes were not deceiving him – and he had no way of knowing if they were or not, at this point, so focused was he on the battle at hand – the swirling air moved closer to Tolly, stationing itself on the side opposite from where Mardi stood, but close enough to touch the hobbit, perhaps to whisper in his ear or his heart...?

For after a long moment, Tolly nodded, and then he turned back to his older brother. 'Mardi,' he said quietly. He threw his arms around Mardi, and Mardi hugged him in return, and in almost the same breath, both brothers rejoiced, 'I am so glad to see you again!'

But Pippin was distracted as the swirling air near Tolly resolved into a ghostly form before his eyes, one that clearly revealed the resemblance between Wallas and Tolly – and Mardi, as well. The ethereal archer – for he bore a bow case and quiver on his back – smiled and nodded at the young Thain and rendered an archer's salute, touching his nocking fingers to his brow in thanks for allowing him to use Pippin's voice to speak, and in farewell...

Pippin blinked, but the vision remained. Perhaps it was real after all, like the vision he'd had of Strider, his face keen, bending to scrutinise the ground and then running over a dark trail behind the host of Uruk-hai carrying two young hobbits towards Isengard...

As Wallas's translucent form began to fade, the young Thain found himself wondering if the hobbit would finally transition to the Feast. Or would he linger in All Time, as Pippin thought of it now, waiting to see his loved ones arrive and settle in at the Great Smials? Might Wallas be concerned about the welcome they'd receive from the Tooks? 

But if Pippin's fleeting foretaste of All Time was real, then Wallas already knew. He would already have witnessed his family's arrival as well as subsequent events, including Meadowsweet's response. Even though those events still lay in the future, from Pippin's perspective, he could only imagine Tolly's beloved embracing the north-Tooks whole-heartedly. Otherwise, how could Wallas, in good conscience, allow himself to release the hold that anchored him to Middle-earth, that kept him entrapped here as a wandering spirit, preventing him from reuniting with his loved ones in the joy of the timeless place that was the Feast?

The rational part of his mind warred with the fey Tookishness that was seldom acknowledged, even amongst Tooks. And yet, Pippin could not deny the vision standing before him, belying his attempts to explain it away. Though he was no archer himself, he touched his fingers to his brow in salute to the fading archer, thinking at him, I look forward to seeing you at the Feast!

Before he dissolved into swirling air and then disappeared completely, Wallas returned Pippin's smile and gave a final nod of assent. Likewise... Pippin seemed to hear him murmur. His belief that he had heard the word, in truth, and not merely imagined it was reinforced by the strong similarity he detected between Wallas's voice and Tolly's – along with his perception that they were not identical. He couldn't help thinking how he looked forward to standing with them at the Feast at last and seeing the hobbits side by side.

He swayed and put his hand to his head. So weary. Yet he could not seem to stop the flow of thoughts. Was their close resemblance part of a greater Plan of sorts, or merely testimony to the close blood ties between the Tooks and the north-Tooks, going back to the time of Thain Ferumbras II and his brother, Bandobras Bullroarer?

None of your nonsense, now, lad, Pippin reprimanded himself, shaking his head. There was a limit to the level of whimsy that was healthy or even advisable, and though he seldom ran up against that barrier, he could not help but feel he'd reached the limits of nonsense now.

On the other hand, he felt badly in need of a nap.

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