A/N: I meant to post this on my birthday (Dec. 8th) but life is being life here it is on Dec. 10th. Enjoy.
**set within the storyline of "the Heir Apparent." Also on here.
In the Forest
Imladris 2943 TA
Gilraen stood at her balcony overlooking the courtyard below, listening to the falls of the Loudwater. She looked down upon her son's rough housing with the twins, Elladan and Elrohir. The play quickly became a game of Dragons. She smiled. Estel was growing up but he was still enough of a boy to want to play at Dragons. She laughed as Elladan as the dragon apparently made a fatal flaw and Estel went in for the kill.
“What has my lady so full of mirth this afternoon?” Elrond, the Lord of Imladris, inquired. Gilraen’s laughter was always a thing to be cherished as the occasions were infrequent; her was a reticent nature. It had not always been so, he mused but quickly put that thought aside. It did not do to dwell on what could not be changed. He quickly smoothed his expression as not to give any pause to the Lady who had been a good companion in the raising of Estel.
Gilraen turned away from the scene below to look upon Elrond. “Estel has slayed yet another dragon!”
Elrond nodded with mock sagacity, “Ah, I see,” as he approached the balcony railing, “Which one?”
“It was Elladan this time. He let his wing drop and Estel did not let that opportunity pass!”
Elrond nodded, “Nor should he!” he exclaimed.
Gilraen looked down upon the courtyard and saw the three compatriots running off to the stables probably to visit Gilgilath, Estel’s horse. “Estel is always so happy when the twins are home.” Her eyes shining with joy. Elrond beheld her smile, and it salved his heart for again these were also rarer than he would have them. Gilraen’s path to Imladris had not been an easy one; so much grief and tragedy had befallen her. He had always tried to make her life in the elven enclave to be as easy as possible within the strictures that were necessary. Gilraen looked at the Elven Lord, “What brings you here this afternoon?” She asked. She thought they had discussed the all the daily issues during the midday meal they shared everyday with Estel.
“Cannot I merely want to visit with you, my lady?”
Gilraen gave him the look she gave Estel when she knew he was holding back something. “Your Elven charm does not work upon me, my lord.”
Elrond sighed and then smiled, “No, it does not.” He was appreciative of the relationship that grown up between them, their shared responsibility in raising Estel. She was not in awe of him as many were within the verdant ravine of Imladris. And she was not easily cowed when it came to rearing of her son. He took a deep breath and began, “Elves at Estel’s stage of development come to a rite of passage.” At the words “rite of passage” Gilraen looked sharply at Elrond, but she remained silent. Elrond continued, “It is where they test the abilities they have learned. The Rite of the Forest helps them to clarify if they are on the path that is meant for them.”
Gilraen fixed her eye upon the Lord of Imladris, “And what form does this rite of passage take, might I ask?”
“Estel, as all the Heirs before him, will spend the three days before his twelfth birthday, in the forest to survive on his own. To see what they see.”
“Survive!” Gilraen questioned with asperity, “To see what they see? Might I remind you that Estel does not know what his heritage is? At your own insistence, might I add.”
Elrond breathed in and tried a new tack. “He will not be alone. I will send Elladan and Elrohir out after him to ensure his safety. And whatever he sees will only guide his path not reveal to him his identity. I do really believe this is right for him. And he will not be alone, but he will think that he is.”
Gilraen looked at Elrond, “More deception. Where does it end?”
Elrond looked away, saying, “I do what I think is right for the boy. You know this. He will be in no danger.”
Gilraen reached for his chin to turn back the Elven gaze to her, “See that he isn’t. Now if you will excuse me, I have the afternoon’s weaving to look after.” Gilraen turned to leave but looked back at Elrond. His countenance bespoke weariness with a tinge of sadness. Her heart softened toward the elf who tried every day to make their lives in Imladris as easy as possible. She had become his Chatelaine of Imladris giving her life in the enclave structure and purpose beyond Estel. “I trust you, but I cannot help but worry, forgive my harsh tone.”
Elrond turned ageless eyes of sorrow and forgiveness upon her, “My lady, there is nothing to forgive. We act as we see fit with nothing but our care of Estel in mind. Thank you for acceding to my wishes.”
Gilraen nodded and left to tend to the weaving in the solar.
~*~*~*~*~
Elrond sat in his study looking over a parchment and sipping a Dorwinian vintage he had a penchant for when he heard a tap on his door. Elmiran announced, “Master Estel to see you, My Lord!”
“Fine, Fine, Elmiran!” the Lord of Imladris called out. “Send him right in!” Elrond looked forward to telling Estel of this chance. He knew that the boy needed this.
“Ada!” Estel started excitedly, “You wish to see me? Are we going to work in the Herbarium today?” He ended with expectant hope. He loved sitting with his adar in the Herbarium with those wonderful comingling aromas listening and learning from his adar.
Elrond smiled and did not have the heart to curb such enthusiasm, “Later today we shall,” as he rolled up the parchment he had been perusing then place in the cubby hole for further study. He had not planned time in the Herbarium, but his young son looked so excited he did not want to disappoint him. “But right now I wish to discuss a different idea.” He patted the space next to him, “Please, come and sit with me.” Estel immediately placed himself next to his father, whose robes smelled of his Herbarium and old parchment. Estel sighed as the familiar smell wafted across his nose. He was at home.
“What is it, Ada?”
Elrond looked down his nose at his precious charge, “What, if anything, have your brothers told you about their first coming of age?”
“They have both mentioned it. The forest ritual. They spent three days in the wilds beyond the ravine there to find what they find.” Young grey eyes sought aged blue ones. “That part I didn’t really understand.”
“Well, Elves are a part of Arda. We are bound to it. We retreat to the forest away from distractions of daily life in this first ritual to hear her voice and understand her path for our lives. This time in communion with her allows us to divine what path within ourselves we are to follow. It is time for you to take this journey.”
Estel nodded then paused, “But I am not an elf. Will she speak to me?”
Elrond smiled and thought of his brother, Elros, Estel’s distant ancestor, who, when both were given the choice between the path of the Elves and the Gift of Men, chose the Gift of Men. Because of this Estel did have trace elements of Elven blood, but he could not have known that. Elrond looked into the young grey eyes of whom so much was expected. Young grey eyes that knew nothing of his past. “Aye, Estel. Arda responds to all who seek her with an honest heart.” Elrond thought with a jaded heart hardened over too many years and too many disappointments. Disappointments that had shown him that most men do not seek Arda nor do they have an honest heart. He was telling Estel his truth; jaded though it was. At least he could admit that to himself. He smiled into the innocent grey eyes that gave him hope even after all the millennia he had seen pass. “Why don’t you go and tell your brothers! I am sure they would love to hear.” He kissed the dark plaited hair on Estel’s head, “Go on off with you now!” Estel jumped up and ran off to seek his brothers. “Elladan, Elrohir!”
Elrond chuckled to himself and walked to the balcony to let the mist and noise of the Loudwater Falls soothe his weary soul. He sipped from his goblet and listened to the roar of water. A voice from behind, “Why are you sending him? Gilraen is right. It is something of a risk.”
Elrond waited till Glorfindel reached the bannister, “I don’t know, my old friend. There is risk but something in my heart says this is right.” He looked at his friend of many centuries. “Something will happen, yes. But my heart does not foretell danger.”
“You have not told Gilraen of this feeling, I take it.”
Elrond took a deep breath and then sighed, “No, but sometimes there can be too much honesty in a relationship,” He looked sideways at Glorfindel and took another drink. He would share his thoughts with the Lady but after Estel had departed.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Estel was very excited about the ritual. The idea that he was going to be out on his own was very exciting. He loved his family, but they were far too protective at times. If he were honest with himself, he would have to admit there had been times that he had not shown the best judgment, like when he rode Adar’s horse after Elrohir told his story of the same venture when he was an elfling. He ended up breaking his arm and almost fell to sleeping sickness. That resulted in a stern lecture from his Adar and mucking out the stables for a month. But he had learned his lesson. He was twelve years old, not a child like he was two years ago. Yet he was watched over, constantly.
The ritual held that three days before, in this case, Estel’s twelfth birthday, the seeker would be taken out to a wilder portion of the area surrounding Rivendell and left with a bedroll, tent skin and sticks, a hunting knife, his bow and arrows, flint for fire and a waterskin filled with a special tea brewed for the forest ritual and another waterskin. It was considered enough for three days in the wild. The last few days of February were milder than was normal. Rivendell winters were never very harsh owing to the ravine where Imladris was nestled. But there was still snow on the ground in patches.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The night before Estel was to depart Gilraen was out on the balcony and looked straight up into the nighttime sky. She paused for a few moments allowing the stars to bring her a modicum of peace. She told herself she was not so very far from home because the same starlight fell upon her in Imladris, also that fell upon the plains that her people, the Rangers of the North lived and waited. She sighed, then said, “Estel, can you come out on the balcony for a few moments?”
Estel got up from the small circle of items to be stored in his travel bag and joined her on the balcony. Gilraen looked at her son and stroked a stray dark hair behind his ear and noticed the glint in his eye was so very reminiscent of Arathorn. She smiled, “You are getting to be so like your father.”
Estel looked at his naneth. She rarely spoke of his father and when she did there was always a tear in her eye. He learnt not to ask questions about him because he had no wish to bring on his naneth’s troubles. Yet she was speaking of him now. “What about father?” he ventured tentatively looking for the everpresent shadowed look to cross her face.
Gilraen stroked his hair more, “He loved you very much,” she said, skirting around the strictures that Elrond had placed upon her when the two first came to Imladris. Arathorn and who he was not to be spoken about for fear that his existence as Heir would be overheard by unfriendly ears even here in Imladris. It was why her son was known as Estel and not his given name of Aragorn. Estel stood with wide grey eyes, listening rapt, not even moving for fear that his naneth should stop talking. “He is with you in your heart at all times. He loved you that much.” Estel nodded but did not speak. “Look up, my son. See the stars!”
“I see, Nana!” the boy once again ventured.
Gilraen looked down to see the enrapt look on her son’s face. She kissed the top of his head. “You see the constellation of the Bowman?”
“Yes,” the boy whispered.
“The star just above the top of the bow!”
“Yes,” the boy whispered again, gently not wanting to break the moment.
“That is your father’s star. He is always with you, watching over you and waiting.” Estel looked at the star, gently biting his lip as he pondered, much in the way that Arathorn did when pondering an idea Gilraen noticed. Her heart ached as memory and reality joined together. She drew a deep breath and slowly released it. “If ever you are doubtful or troubled. Just look to that star and he will bring you comfort.”
“Yes, Nana.” She kissed the top of his head again. Estel looked at his naneth and felt the shared love for a moment before they went back inside. Later she tucked him in for the night and kissed him on the forehead and after she extinguished the candle by his bedside, she stood for a moment at the door watching him sleep, she whispered, “My gift to you,” and left the room. Estele had not been sleeping however and heard her words. A sense of wonder enveloped him, and he fell asleep with a feeling of love tucked into his heart.
~*~*~*~*~
Gilraen fussed over Estel as they stood by the falls waiting for Elladan and Elrohir to take him by horseback to the appointed place. She was still very uneasy about this whole venture and privately thought that Elrond had taken leave of his senses. “Have you everything you are allowed?”
“Yes, Nana. As I did the last two times you have asked.” Estel replied.
Gilraen had the good grace to look just slightly abashed. Gilraen looked about her and then took something from around her neck. It was a beautiful moonstone pendant that seemed to glow ever-so-gently as if lit from within. “This is the pendant given to me by your father on the day of our marriage. I wish you to carry this on your journey these three days as a touchstone.” She placed it around Estel’s neck and then kissed the stone and then kissed Estel’s forehead. “It will be our secret shared between you, your father and me.” she smiled conspiratorially. Estel nodded and tucked away the pendant for safe keeping.
The twins rode up from the stables and they all waited for Elrond to appear. Within minutes the Lord of Imladris appeared. He looked at his youngest and said, “Estel, step forward.” Immediately the twelve-year-old left the company of his naneth and stood before his Adar, trying to look as solemn as he thought he needed to look for this august occasion. Elrond hid his smile of pride for he thought it might not have been interpreted by the boy as such. “Bow your head,” The boy bowed, Elrond placed both his hands on his son’s head. “You go to seek Arda and come to know her. Go with an open and honest heart and she will seek you.” Elrond lifted the boy’s chin, “Go forth with Manwe of the winds, Oromë, of the trees, Lorien of visions and dreams. Varda of the Stars and Yavanna of the green and growing. Be in the present with them.”
Estel, his eyes shining with possibilities, looked up and smiled at his mom. He placed his hand over his heart where her pendant and gave a nod. She smiled. He mounted behind Elladan and the journey began.
They rode in silence where Estel was going to be left for close to an hour; it was the furthest he had ever been within Rivendell. It was wilderness unlike any he had ever experienced. He found that it stole into his soul. Elladan had been watching him and wondering if the place would affect him as it affect both he and Elrohir. Apparently even trace amounts of elven blood can feel Arda in this particular glade. Elladan looked at Estel and then at his brother nodding. Elrohir looked at Estel and saw the effect the same as his brother. Elladan spoke, “We will leave you now, muindoreg nin.”
Estel started and then looked at his foster brother nodding, “Yes!” he said a little distractedly.
“We will come and get you the day after next.” Again, Estel nodded. “Till then.” stated in a distracted voice. The twins withdrew to a distance just outside the glade leaving Estel to his Seeking. Estel looked around the glade. It was cold and clear and he had never felt more alive. He could reach out his fingertips and feel. He spoke aloud, “Hello.” he paused, feeling for the right words. “I have come to share this space and this time with you. If you will allow it.” The wind rustled through the trees.
He set up a camp of sorts and drank a little of the tea made from the waterskin. The essentials done, he sat in front of his little camp enclosure. He had not been given instruction on how to seek. He suspected that was purposeful. He could hear his Adar intoning that “Everyone needs to find their own path.” He sighed and then took a deep breathe. He let the feel of the forest flow through him. He could hear the flow of the stream nearby fill his ears. He imagined that he could feel the forest growing. Or at least he thought he imagined it. It was becoming more difficult to distinguish between his own thoughts and that of the forest. He pondered what was in the tea his Adar gave him. No, if he were honest this feeling had started before he drank the tea. It had started the moment he entered this glade. He was enrapt. He looked up and saw the Bowman in the sky and just above his father’s star. He stopped trying to keep himself separate from the world around and he felt himself dissolve. He felt love flowing from the star. Logically that could not happen, but he cast aside logic. Logic seemed to hold no sway in this place where he was. He sat there gazing until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw a man. An older version of himself. No, that was not right.
“Father?” Estel asked, knowing it was true.
The man nodded, “My son,” the words escaped as almost a sob.
“Am I dead?”
“No, My son.”
“Then where am I?” Estel noticed that he was no longer cold, though when he looked around he was still in the glade.
“You are where your thoughts have brought you.”
“You sound like Ada?”
“Ada?” Arathorn paused, then light dawned. He recognised the abbreviated form for the Sindarin word for father. Elrond was his son’s father. So much time with his son he had been deprived of. And with a pained smile, he said, “I do sound like Lord Elrond, don’t I?” Estel smiled and nodded.
“Well, let me try to be less cryptic.” Arathorn thought for a few moments, “Those of us who have even a trace of elven blood–”
“I have elven blood?”
Arathorn, “Yes, all the Heirs do. Descended as we all are from Elros, Lord Elrond’s twin brother?”
“Ada has a twin brother?”
Arathorn paused again and looked at his son, remembering the last days of his life on Arda before the Gift had been given back. “Oh my son!” He gathered Estel up a huge hug. “I see there are many things that I have forgotten!” Estel was barely listening. He pushed aside the many questions that he had that he could never ask his naneth for fear of the pain in her eyes. He existed in this moment being hugged by his father. He came here to Seek. To Seek what he had not known but Arda chose to gift him with the knowledge of his father’s love. That is what he found. His Adar’s words came to mind, “Be in the present with them.”
Arathorn held his son close. Thought brought him from beyond the veil, to this moment beyond time to be with his son, if only for a small moment. Through the opening in Estel’s tunic he saw a gleam of a moonstone. His heart stopped for a few beats. “My son, that pendant that you wear. May I see it?”
Estel nodded and brought it from inside his shirt, “Nana gave it to me to wear on this journey, to wear it as a touchstone. She said that you gave it to her on your wedding day.”
Arathorn looked at the slightly glowing pendant, Gilraen, his beautiful Gilraen, eyes full of life and her honey blond hair always in a braid, except for the times when it was not. He closed his eyes when he thought of those times. He opened his eyes to his son. “Yes, I did.” He cleared his throat, so full of emotion that he was unable to speak. “The happiest day of my life along with the day you were born.” Arathorn’s eyes were shining with tears.
“Why did you go away?” Estel asked. He had not meant to ask; it just tumbled out before he could stop it.
Arathorn closed his eyes against the pain of that question, “My son, there is no easy answer for that question. I did not want to, nor was it my choice.” He chose his words carefully this time. “We were taking you to Imladris to live and be safe when we were attacked by orcs. I was killed.” He looked Estel in the eye, “I would never have left you or your mother, but the decision was taken out of my hands. Do you understand?”
“Yes…but I wish I could have known you. I wish I could have grown up with you. Nana rarely speaks of you. Except when she gave me this to wear and she showed me your star up in the sky.” He looked up at the sky to the star and then to his father. “Do you think she knew I would find you?”
Arathorn looked up at the star and down to his son and shook his head, “I do not know, perhaps. Perhaps that is why I am here. Nienna’s ways are mysterious, but I choose to think she brings comfort to the sorrowing.”
Estel looked at the sky again and then put his arms around his father, “Ada said to live in the present moment, so I shall and not pester you with questions as I so often do with him.”
Chuckling at that brief glimpse of Estel’s inquisitive mind is, Arathorn placed his arms around his son and held him tight, “Your Adar speaks with much wisdom.” There was so much he wanted to tell Estel but after a few slips earlier he knew he could not. “Always remember the love I have for you. I will be with you always.” Estel stood wrapped in his father’s arms. And the next moment he was being shaken awake. He looked up and saw Elrohir's face filled with concern.
“Wake! Muindoreg nin!”
“I am awake! Stop shaking me!” He looked up and saw Elladan on the other side of him also concerned. “I thought you weren’t going to come for me until the day after tomorrow!”
Elladan looked at Elrohir and then spoke. “Muindoreg nin! It is the day after tomorrow… We found you asleep and could not rouse you for a fair few minutes.”
Estel sat up and looked around, “Where is he?”
Elladan looked around, “Where is who?”
“My father, he was here. We were talking.”
At first Elladan thought Estel was talking about Elrond, but then he realised the boy had used the Westron word, “Father” not the Sindarin word, “Adar.” “Do you mean your father?”
“Yes…” Estel said yet as he was speaking the strands of memory were turning to dust and slipping away. “Never mind. Maybe it was just a dream. But…” he lapsed into silence. He helped to gather his belongings as disappointment began to settle in. He had not communicated with Arda. He had not been worthy. After some time they arrived at the Last Homely House. The ritual concluded with Estel meeting with Elrond as soon as he returned.
Elrond paced until he heard that the twins had returned with Estel. As soon as he was announced Estel ran into the arms of his Adar and began sobbing, “I am a failure, Ada. I tried but she did not come.” Elrond hugged his youngest son at first wondering if he had been mistaken to have sent his youngest on the Seeking.
“Estel, look at me.” Elrond looked into the troubled grey depths. “You did not fail. It is not always apparent immediately what has touched you. Go to your naneth. She is frantic with worry.”
Later that evening Estel was at his balcony looking up at the stars. He gazed upon his father’s star. “What did I do wrong?” In his mind, “You did nothing wrong, my son. I am here, watching you.” His heart warmed with joy. He knew then he had been visited and he had been gifted with the memory of his father’s love.