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The Lady of Bree  by Crystal Gray 1 Review(s)
MirielReviewed Chapter: 4 on 10/15/2003
Sorry that I'm not reviewing all the chapters seperatly...as much as I try to do that, I can't today, and I want to write this before I forget what I want to say!

First, kudos to you for an escellent plot. The characters were captivating, and once again I am delighted to find a story about Frodo and a woman that isn't a Mary-sue, or even the ones that "Aren't Mary-sues!" but posses their qualities.

Lily (How funny, almost all the "good" Frodo stories have this as the females name--anyway) is a real, living character. She has personality, history, and future.

Frodo is well written in this story as well, although I find it hard to believe in any of such stories (not just yours) that he would have fallen in love after the ordeal with the ring. Although, this is a bit different, as he doesn't go overboard and stay in ME. *Rolls eyes at various AU stories*

Sam and Rosie are also well done, staying true to their character withought being over bearing.

Merry-he was excellent. Did he fall in love with Lily as well? That part confused me a bit.

I loved the bit about "the lesser ring." That was wonderful. AS I've said so many times, I wish that I had thought of it!

Ok, I did have several pointers.

First, you seem to have forgotten that when there is a noun of direct adress, a comma goes after the noun, before the noun, or both, depending on where it is in the sentence. Example: "Frodo, please pass the salt." or "Please pass the salt, Frodo." or "Excuse me, Frodo, could you pass the salt?" That makes it much easier on the reader to focus on the story instead of being confused in the sentence's meaning.

Second, the chapters were really, really long. Maybe if you had shortened them to about 1000-1500 words each, it would have been easier to read. Maost people see long chapters and run. :) Plus, you can stretch out the agony of the story longer. :)

Other than that, I really enjoyed it. Cheers!

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