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| Useless Heroes, Uselesser Villains by Virtuella | 8 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Periantari | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/13/2025 |
| hilarious! THis is so brilliantly written. It is interesting to always hear the other side especially how you wrote it with satire and wit. “It’s high time we dealt with this little problem. I heard you can get desensitisation therapy and –” lol! “No,” said Elrond. “I feel one of my migraines coming on. But ride to the Last Bridge by all means. Here –” He rummaged in his pockets and pulled out a gemstone. “–here’s a pretty trinket that you could put on the Bridge.” “What is this, a treasure hunt?” snapped Glorfindel. yeah, why did they just leave the trinket? What would the hobbits and Strider think? :D | |
| Periantari | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/13/2025 |
| This is brilliant. :D | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/9/2025 |
| In the first chapter we have established that both heroes and villains aren’t really in much of a hurry to get on with the plot. Isn't that why we call it an epic? I seem to recall your mention of Sauron waiting until Spring for some reason or other in your other story. (Will that one get updated soon, I hope? Hint, hint.) It's really too bad he didn't bring a smartphone or gps. Or a compass, at the very least. (Dwarves are clever folk. Wouldn't they have invented compasses by now?) While reading this segment, I begin to anticipate a later segment where Frodo stubbornly refuses to ask for directions. Hmmm. I wonder if anyone has written an all-female Ten Walkers AU. (I'm including Bill in the count, of course.) "numpty" These Nazgûl are strangely polite. They remind me rather of the Knights Who Say "Nee!" (The horse has lost a shoe? Is that covered under warranty, or will the rental company ding them for damage?) He feels sure the Enemy cannot get him now, because the door is closed. I'm almost certain that as long as he doesn't look under his bed (or in the closet), he'll be fine. Frodo already has a record of leaving unwashed dishes for Lobelia! Why wouldn't he extend the same courtesy to Freddy? I'm pretty sure that Freddy has played a prank on him in the past that still needs to be repaid... (I am interrupted by a phone call. I'll have to come back and read the rest later.) | |
| shirebound | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/8/2025 |
| Don’t be so fricking superstitious! Nazgûl, nazgûl, nazgûl! There, nothing happened. Hee! “Quick, let’s search the rest of the inn!” hissed the one known as Kevûn. “No,” replied the one called Rûmeo. Hee hee! Loving this! | |
| Leithian | Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 6/7/2025 |
| Wow that's absolutely hilarious and I am eager to read the next parts. I can remember whether these scenes are book based or movie based (did Elrond, Gandalf and Galadriel communicate telepathically in the books? Etc) I cannot for the life of me understand why the hobbits did not carry a map. Or a compass. The last paragraphs reminded me of the Hunger Games. No idea why. | |
| Raksha The Demon | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/6/2025 |
| Very funny, especially the absolutely terrifying Nazgul who can be stopped when someone firmly tells them no. (sounds like dogs I have had, or my cat - sometimes). | |
| Lindelea | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/5/2025 |
| Hmmm. Sauron sounds quite a lot like one of the villain memes from tvtropes. Also, his last conversation in this story with his minions might well work in the form of a crossover of Tolkienish themes set in a Dr. Seuss or Jabberwocky or "Walrus and the Carpenter" style. See "The Council of Elrond" in my list of stories, for example: http://www.storiesofarda.com/chapterlistview.asp?SID=2411 Can a wizard really fall prey to tonsillitis? Imagine all the h/c stories you may have sparked featuring Bilbo or Frodo or the Old Took in the role of Nurse Ratchet. (!) Figwit... I know that name. I must quibble, however, with blaming Gandalf for the date of departure. He told Frodo to "leave soon" if not instantly (for the latter course would raise unwanted speculation). Frodo was the one who wanted to procrastinate, and Gandalf wasn't all that happy about it from the way the text reads. The planning session between Gandalf and Aragorn is amusingly nonsensical. (How I miss Lindorien's snark!) Radagast the "hippie wizard". Was it you who long-ago speculated on exactly what kind of leaf the hobbits were growing to smoke in their pipes? Ouch! The postal service privatization joke is almost too painful to be funny. Ha! I have wondered about the whole telepathy versus accidental eagle thing myself at times. Ah, procrastination. In that context, one might see Frodo and Saruman as kindred spirits of a sort. Perhaps they ought to co-found a 12-step club for recovering procrastinators...? | |
| shirebound | Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/5/2025 |
| These are a hoot! Especially... unless people are a bit assertive and firmly tell them No. Then the lethal nazgûl tend to back off. Or if there’s a fire. Or if someone mentions the name of that star bitch or sings some Elven songs. They don’t like water much either, or steep slopes... | |