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| The Love of a Lord by WendWriter | 1 Review(s) |
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| fan81981 | Reviewed Chapter: 15 on 1/4/2010 |
| I've quickly caught up on the chapters and have been enjoying myself thoroughly. This is a lovely story especially given the obvious romance focus. However, I think the story would be improved if the shifts in persepective were not so sudden and there was a little more stage time for the the main protagonists. For example, the coversation between Buiowen and Anuhim was a little jerky in the previous chapter. You started with "The other Elves noticed this, and remarked upon it." and then followed it by the conversation directly. I would have deleted that para completed as the conversation is clear enough without it. With the para the chapter reads more like "sumary followed by exposition". I liked chapter 15 a lot more - it revealed a little more of Losgael, who is such a gentle character. I am not sure her immaturity comes through but her graciousness does. I will have to go back and re-read it again to pay more attention to her. I find her a more well realised character than Glorfindel actually. I actually felt a little annoyed with him on Losgael's behalf - a good thing I think. Well done and I hope you update soon as you can. Also, do you know that the story is appearing as "complete" on the site? Author Reply: Hi Fan81981, thanks for the concrit. I'm still finding my feet as a writer, so unfortunately, I'm a bit wobbly in places. People like you who are kind enough to tell me how to do things better are greatly appreciated. I've applied your concrit to the passage mentioned, but I'll have to gain more experience before I'm able to spot this stuff myself. I need a beta, really. If you want to volunteer for the job, let me know. Heaven knows I need the help! If you find you're getting emotionally involved with the characters, I'm pleased about that. My stories used to be a bit flat, so clearly that's getting better. The story actually is complete. You can read the full version on fanfiction.net and on TFF.net. This site doesn't like it when I upload more than two chapters at a time. When I tried putting the whole lot up at once, it caused a massive glitch. Thanks again for your kind review. Regards, Wendy | |