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At Hope's Edge - The Appendices by Cairistiona	21 Review(s)
Lexilooper	Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 1/7/2026
It is always different, with each person, each realm of darkness that I have to fight my way through to pull the wounded and dying fëa from death’s grasp. Most are murky places of darkness, unformed and unshaped yet filled with terror and loneliness. And what detail I can discern is a corruption of the fea’s experience, a twisted perversion of what life had been. Joyful memories become nightmare; terrible memories turn to horror beyond words. Aksjdjd if joyful memories are turned to nightmare, what horror already terrible memories would become, indeed. Each plain being filled with a terrible corruption of that soul’s experience, targeted to hurt them most,, In His wisdom, Ilúvatar has given me the ability to fight through such places, to sense where the wounded soul is lying and bring him – or her – back, but it is always difficult, always taxing, always dangerous. <3333 thank Ilúvatar for that gift. But it is indeed painful for Elrond <3 And never more so than now. Oooh This time I stood before a river, its waters black and oily and foul. I walked along its edge and felt its deadness and knew that this was water that had never given their fealty to the great Vala of the waters. Ulmo had never touched these currents, and even Ossë in his wildness in the sea would find no joy in stirring water such as this. It was a lifeless stream, without song or light dancing on its sluggish waves. Skajdjdj yessss exactly as Aragorn perceived, a water that has never heard the Musiccccc (also I just reread Ainulindalë last night só I am remembering the waters clearly, and how they echo most closely the Music. Water that never have been touched by it would be foul indeed.) Surely Estel is not caught in that, I thought in dismay. Aksjdkdfk dismay I stood for a while, watching, listening ... and seeing and hearing nothing. I finally turned my back on the water, certain that if Estel were somehow trapped in it I would have sensed him, and walked on. Good <3 but he was in it before he escaped Trees, misshapen and frightening even beyond the ruined forest of Fangorn loomed over my head, and their roots twisted and moved like snakes beneath the rocky ground. Several times I nearly tripped as a treacherous root shot to the surface and then disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. It was a horrid sight, that unnatural coiling and winding of them, for although I had seen trees move, like the slow movements of Ents who had become tree-like over the years, or even the peevish shifting of Old Man Willow’s roots, this was different. Skajdj the comparisons, and this being much more foul and evil and full of malice than those other dark and frightening forests This was wholly evil, and my mind shied from thinking of just what Estel must have lived through for the darkness of the Black Breath to have created this foul place. Aksjdjdkskdkd if each place is twisted from a person’s experience…for Aragorn’s plain to be so much more sharp and clear in its horror than others he must indeed have experienced many horrors first <:(( I spied a break in the trees and what looked like a meadow, lit with whatever passed for sunshine in this place, and I ran toward it as fast as I could, but I suddenly fell as several roots rose from the ground to wrap themselves around my ankle. I struggled, crying out in fearful rage as I jerked my ankle sharply, but even as I freed my ankle, a root wrapped itself around my arm. I pulled it off with my free hand and scrambled to my feet before any more of the wicked things could twine themselves around me. I glanced upward, but running through the branches of such a malignant forest would be no better. Nay, that would be to throw myself straight into its clutches. Besides, I was no wood elf, and it had been so long since I had run through the tree tops that attempting it now would be worse than dangerous. So I ran across the treacherous ground, and eventually I reached the edge of the wood. Awww he is still an elf though and it’s cute to picture that once upon a time he would run through the tree-branches <3 "Estel!" I called as I broke stumbling away from the trees at last, but there was no answer. I glanced back the way I had come. The trees had closed behind me and all trace of the river was gone. The sky was a uniform gray. Had this been a natural place I would have thought from the lowering sky that it might snow. Hmm interesting But this was no natural place. I shivered and looked around the dim meadow, which had only seemed sunlit when I was in the darkness beneath the trees. But the sky was open above and there was, if not a freshness, then a lessening of the fetid atmosphere of the forest behind me. No natural place indeed. But I’m grateful at least the atmosphere is a little lighter here Where could Estel be? I called and called, but no answer came back to me. Mmm it is harder to find him than I imagined, no wonder he needed to follow his signs I saw a glimpse of movement and turned my head. A stag leaped between boulders. I frowned. I had never before seen deer when searching through these wretched places. But then each victim’s nightmare is its own, and signs came in many forms. I knew how much Estel loved to hunt, so, taking it for a sign, I followed the stag, and found myself climbing. Up and up I went, pulling myself from rock ledge to rock ledge. Now and then my hand knocked loose a rock and sent it falling, but although it bounced against other rocks and sent them tumbling, they made no sound whatsoever. Hmmm interesting a stag And that hes never seen such a thing in one of these places And nothing making any sound "Estel!" I cried, and my call seemed swallowed by the air around me. I somehow sensed, deep in my spirit, that this was wrong, that Estel would not be found up among these high cliffs. I had to get back down. I cursed the traitorous stag for leading up such a dangerously false trail, but as I turned to go, my eye caught another movement. A bird, circling overhead. I watched it as it approached and saw it was an eagle. I pressed myself against the rocks, for who knew if eagles were friend or foe in this place. Hmm continued sound muffling Wrong wrong Ah there’s the eagle!! One of his signs! Even though Elrond is not yet sure It let out a raucous, bugling cry that made me jump, so loud it seemed in the silence around me. It looked at me with an eye more fierce than any eagle of Middle-earth, then flew off toward a valley to my right. Beyond the valley was blackness and smoke and a red glow that seemed to be an echo of the fires of Mt. Doom on Arda. Somehow I knew that if Estel had crossed that valley and passed into the smoke, he would be beyond my call. Ooh good thing he collapsed before he could go any further? The fierceness the fires of Mt Doom I looked up again, searching the sky. Just before the grey sky met black, I spied a small break in the clouds. And in the sky far above the clouds I glimpsed something that sent my heart soaring. A star. AWWW the way although for Aragorn it vanishes too quickly for hope, Elrond’s heart soars <333 An eagle ... a star ... Estel had traveled the far corners of Arda using those tokens as his identity. This could be no mere coincidence. My son was in the valley. OOOOH and I love this because like, Estel didn’t consciously choose those to appear but they did Also, yesss as Captain Thorongillll cool My son <33 I whispered a prayer of thanks and climbed as fast as I could back down the treacherous cliffs, marking the location of the hidden valley as I went. By the time I reached the bottom, I had spied a faint path wending its way through the murky shadows. My feet seemed hardly to touch the ground, so fast did I run. My heart pounded in my chest; my lungs started to burn, but I did not slow down. I was so close ... Skakdj picturing Elrond FLYING across the path ...and then the trail ended in the blank face of another soaring rock wall. "No!" I screamed, and beat my fists against the unyielding stone. I felt like weeping. I ran as far as I could to the left and then the right but there was no way through, and the wall seemed as smooth as glass, no handholds, no cracks ... no way up. SKAJDJDJDJDJ ELROND SCREAMING NO <333 Perhaps Aragorn hears distantly I don’t know if it is too far I bent over, my hands on my knees as I drew in deep breaths. The air felt ... wrong, somehow. It was too thin, yet dragging it into my lungs started to choke me as if I were trying to breathe in water. I backed away from the wall, up the hill and I could breathe again. Aksjdjd is this what Aragorn’s breathing, this poison?? Too thin and yet choking LIKE BREATHING WATER dang But where to go? "Estel!" I shouted. "Estel, can you hear me? You must come to me!" Silence was my only answer. Aaaaaaaskkddkskkdkdsks He cantttttt I started to run again, knowing that I could not keep up such a pace much longer but so afraid that if I did not find him soon, all would be lost. My hair worked free of the braids that held it back and fell into my sweating face. I shoved it back but it kept falling in my eyes and I finally had to stop. I roughly jerked it back and tied it into a knot, ignoring the temptation to yank it out by the handful. Yesss having to stop because hair problems is so real. And his immense impatience at its refusal to cooperate,,, As I was doing that, my eyes did not rest but looked every direction for a way into the valley. I could still see the eagle, but he was far away and moving fast. The star still shone, but seemed dimmer than it had been. "Estel!" I screamed. "Listen for my voice! Answer me if you can!" Skajdjdj again Elrond just. Screaming. Fear was now my constant companion. SKAJD THIS I ran, retracing my steps until I could actually see the valley again, and this time I stood and studied every inch of the land between me and that far green land. I saw the deceptively alluring trail and ignored it and looked for the harder way, OOOOOH WISE WISE WISE the way that looked impossible ... the path that echoed the long and hard road that marked so much of Estel’s life. But that path seemed absolutely hidden. YESSS OKAY IT WOULD NOT BE AN EASY PATH FOR ESTEL’S LIFE HAS NONE, THAT IS TRUE looking for the seemingly impossible way for that is the right one <3 My eye could make out no opening, no break in the seamless wall of rock. I fell to my knees, my eyes filling with tears. <:((((( And then I found it. It was a gap, probably no wider than the length of my forearm, and had I not dropped to my knees, I would never have seen it. It was the only possible way through the impenetrable stone fortress that seemed to guard the valley. YAY YAY YAY finally finding the answer on his knees, when his hope is nearly gone, how beautifully symbolic <3 I started running again. My legs felt heavy, but I forced myself onward. Fear is a great motivator, and I was terrified that all my fumbling would cost Estel his life. Skajdj being in enough fear that he can overcome the obstacles of his own body Noooooo if it did he would never ever forgive himself I reached the gap at last and saw it was narrower than I thought. It almost looked too narrow to squeeze through, but I turned sideways and eased into it. Rough stone pressed my back and my chest, but I pushed myself with arms and legs and inched my way into the passage. I glanced over my head ... the rock walls loomed so closely together that it might as well have been a cave I was traversing. I just prayed it would not get any narrower. Eeeeep that would be so intensely claustrophobic if he was not so intensely focused on reaching Aragorn as fast as possible It did not. YAY I reached the opposite end at last and stepped into the open, drenched in sweat and shaking with relief, for I had never held any great love for tight places. Oooh claustrophobic Elrond now canon yesss Drenched in sweat shaking with relief ahhh "Estel!" I called, desperately searching the sere landscape in front of me. It had looked green from a distance, but that had been an illusion, another lie. This valley was filled with dead clumps of grass, jagged boulders and dangerous vents in the ground through which boiled steam and a sulphurous smoke, the same noxious fume I had sensed in my initial search of Estel’s mind. Skajsjd the amount of things here that are illusions, promising some sort of relief from the death and despair but then being worse than any area yet seen, so goodddd Yess the same initial fume It was a lifeless place, and it reeked of despair, and somewhere in this dreadful place my son was trapped. Skajdj <:( "Estel!" I cried. My voice was growing hoarse. I was weakening far too fast. I had used up too much energy chasing down the false trail. I moved forward but tripped and went to my hands and knees. "Elbereth Gilthoniel, give me strength ... please ... you must help me find my son." Akskdfkdksjsss noooo used up in a pointless chase Weakening quickly Please Elbereth. Please look down on this horrid place of Aragorn’s mind in mercy. I struggled to my feet. "Estel! Can you hear me?" Nothing. I looked at the sky and saw the star nearly overhead, barely visible, so dim had it grown. There was no sign of the eagle. I let my gaze travel downward, studying the far horizon. Stunted trees stretched grasping bare limbs toward the sky, and on one of them perched the eagle. Yessssss I love love that even though Aragorn immediately lost sight Elrond can still see them is still following But ALSO the star is growing dim, so dim, with Aragorn’s feä,,, I stumbled toward the tree, crying out Estel’s name, and for the longest time it seemed like I was running in place, never moving forward, never reaching the place where surely I would find Estel. But finally the eagle took flight, almost as though he knew I was coming at last. As I approached, I saw dark shapes below the tree... a dark-haired man crumpled on the ground, and another standing over him. Even as I watched, the standing man threw something to the side. Skajdjfjsj CRUMPLED is the perfect whumpy word Also I assume it is extremely unusual for there to be another person in here? Since most peoples’ scapes are so vague there’s not much room for specific figures from the twisted versions of their lives to emerge? "Estel!" I cried, my voice breaking. ELRONDS VOICE BREAKING The man on the ground did not move, but the standing man turned and looked toward me. I saw that it was not Estel as I thought, but Halbarad. But that made no sense. Halbarad could not be in this place ...and not with such a look of hatred glaring from his eyes. I glanced at the ground, where he had thrown something, and saw a gleam of steel. Narsil! I frowned. Had he taken the shards of Narsil from my son? Why would he treat them with such contempt? skajdjfjsjsjsjss Elrond’s utter confusion, why would Halbarad?? Being doing any of this?? SEEING THE COMPLETE HATRED which Aragorn has been battered with in each nightmare, and cannot explain, Also the “why would he treat them with such contempt?” Again Elrond’s utter bewilderment at Halbarad’s completely uncharacteristic behavior makes me happy, not quite sure why. Maybe because he’s seeing exactly what Aragorn has been seeing. Or because it confirms how out of character this is. Or Elrond still underestimating how horrible and twisted Aragorn’s nightmares can be under the Black Breath, despite all his experience with it this is still beyond his imagination, and obviously he hasn’t fully caught on yet if he’s so confused about Halbarad’s behavior I stared at Halbarad and it came to me. This was more of the Dark One’s foul trickery. I drew my sword. "Be gone, servant of darkness!" I cried. "Leave him be!" SKAJDJ GOOD JOB HE HAS REALIZED a voice confident and strong, whether he feels it or no The false image of Halbarad wavered, shifted into its true form, that of an orc, then dissolved into smoke and blew away. I sheathed my sword slowly, fearing that such evil might come back in another form, but nothing moved and no one approached. Then I dared looked more closely at the man on the ground. It was Estel. He lay with his back to me but there was no mistaking. I wanted ... no I needed, in the worst way, to run to him, to take him in my arms and hold him and assure myself he lived, but I could not. Estel had to come to me. I walked as close as I dared and dropped to my knees, a few feet from him. "Estel!" Skajdjfjsjsjs the laying with his back to Elrond is wonderful needed in the worst way aksjdjdks <:((( BUT HE COULD NOT Estel has to come Has to find the strength somehow Elrond cannot hold him yet <:( He did not move, but I could hear his breathing, a harsh, rasping sound that smote my heart and checked my own breath. "Come to me, Estel!" I cried. Oh Valar, help him to come to me, please... SKAJSJDJSJSJSJDJSKS A HARSH RASPING SOUND SMOTE HIS HEART can hear clearly the harsh breathing even turned away He moved, then, finally, a listless shifting of his arms ... and it was then I saw the chains that bound his wrists and his ankles. He turned his head and opened his eyes and he seemed not to see me. Skaksjdjdjsjsjdsjsj SEEING THE CHAINS YES YES I FORGOT ABOUT THE CHAINS ah yes the moments of incomprehension "Estel!" He blinked. "Adar?" he whispered. "Yes, Estel. It is your adar. I’m here. I have come to take you home." Skajdjfjsjsj <:(((( <333333 he has comeeeee And he knows not how radiant and powerful he is in his exhaustion. In his extensive efforts spending all his strength for love his power shines brilliantly and Aragorn sees, even if Elrond does not feel particularly shiny right now A mixture of love and fear and joy and fatigue on his face: Aragorn think, Halbarad and all your friends in your nightmares have been twisted to hate you. Elrond would not look this way if he were a servant of the enemy, I think. He is cunning but I don’t know if he could create such a sincere illusion of love and sacrifice. "Home?" He looked confused. "No ... it is a trick. I will not tell ... not tell you ... who I am ... cannot make me ..." Skajdjfjd the confused delirium and darkness "Estel," I implored. "Listen to my voice! It truly is me. You must trust me!" He shut his eyes. "No!" he moaned, a long drawn-out sound so full of pain and bewilderment that my heart felt crushed. "It is a trick... I will not listen!" He curled into a ball, burying his head in his arms. SKAAAJSJDJFFJ drawn-out and full of pain and BEWILDERMENT His mind is so overwhelmed and struggling Elrond’s heart crushed <:(( THE CURLING INTO A BALL AND HIDING HIS FACE AAAAAAH I felt like burying my own face in my hands. I had never come up against anything as difficult as this. Skajd yessss indeed he has not Fatigue wrapped itself around my mind, deadening my wits. "Think!" I told myself fiercely. What could I say to him that could convince him that I was real, that whatever illusion he was trapped in was nothing more than a lie as black and vile as Morgoth himself? The answer came to me. "Estel, a few moments ago you woke from this, briefly. You looked at me and told me that Sauron knew who you were." As black and vile as Morgoth SAKDJ VILE INDEED THANK YOU ELBERETH for the answer I held my breath and for a moment it looked as though he would ignore me, but then he stirred, a shudder more than anything, but he did not answer nor look at me. Skajdjfjd the stillness and then the shudderrrr Desperately, I continued. "There is more, Estel, things that I would know but Sauron and his minions would not. If you search your mind you will know to them to be true and know that I am true. Halbarad was injured. You brought him to Rivendell. You waited all day beneath the old willow tree, worrying over him, as I worked to remove the shards of the arrow from near his spine and lung. And you were so concerned for his well-being that you ignored your own wound, the splinter wound on your left arm. It has become inflamed, and is giving you fever." Yessss yes yes yes I paused, hoping, but still he did not move. "I followed the eagle, and then the star. You saw them both, from a distance; yea, even followed the eagle yourself to this tree. They are your tokens, my son, and they drew me to you. Just now I saw Halbarad, or the being that was pretending to be Halbarad, swing the chains and hit you. But the chains did not wound you; you were already wounded when you came to Rivendell." Indeed, please listen Aragorn, please trust <3 Finally, he stirred, and rolled over enough to look at me. The confusion and terror in his eyes smote my heart. "At Bracken’s Ferry," he whispered, his voice holding only a faint, rasping echo of its normal vigor. "How do you know? I did not tell you..." SKAJDJF again Aragorn’s suffering smiting Elrond’s heart <33 THE CONFUSION AND TERROR IN HIS EYES ONLY A FAINT RASPING ECHO OF HIS NORMAL VIGOR "No, but I can see the wound on your arm, and no chain did such damage. Splintered wood, still embedded and festering. Erestor has cleaned it, though, and that was the pain you thought came from those chains." I smiled, as gently as I could. "Come, my son, let me take you home and then you can tell me everything." the gentleness was indeed successful <33 LET ME TAKE YOU HOME <333 He stared at me, seeming to take the measure of my very soul with his piercing, suspicious gaze. Then he looked around at the deadness surrounding us. I could almost see his thoughts as he weighed everything I had told him against the voice of his own heart, and then to my indescribable relief, he stretched out a trembling hand. "Ada, is it really you?" he has learned the soul-searching gaze of an elf :))) wait NO WONDER his glare is so piercing, he grew up with ELROND for goodness sake Skajdjdj a trembling hand I put my hand out and he reached forward and touched my fingers, and then let out a joyful cry as he nearly threw himself into my arms. "Ada!" I folded him into my embrace, my heart singing as joyful a song as surely Arda had ever heard, and as I drew him close, the chains fell and a sweet wind laden with the aroma of athelas swept away the toxic fumes. The valley seemed to melt around us. I buried my face in Estel’s hair and wept .... SKAJDJFJ love love love the keeping the same words like “folded him into my embrace”, aksjdfj the immediate absolute turnaround of suddenly his heart is SINGING AS JOYFUL A SONG AS SURELY ARDA HAD EVER HEARD <333 OH THE JOY, and Elrond weeping, weeping <33 .... and when I lifted my face, we were in Estel’s room, and he was stirring in my arms. "Ada," he croaked. <33333 "Give him water!" I cried, and Erestor hurried forward with a cup. He held up Estel’s head as I held it to his lips with a hand that was shaking so hard that I spilled some of it down his chest. He seemed not to notice as he drank greedily. Lol I mean he sort of noticed but certainly did not care YESSS his hand shaking so hard Elrond’s hand. Shaking. Hard enough to spill water. "Slow down, Estel," I said, laughing as I pulled the cup back. Erestor eased Estel’s head back to the pillow and he lay staring at me as if he still could not quite believe it was me and that he was back safe in his bed. In his home. "Welcome back," I said, and laid a kiss on his forehead. "What ..." The look of confusion on his face was almost comical. "How did..." "Shhh. Save your questions, my son," I said. "You were in a far country, and an evil one, but now you are back home and you will recover." I carefully kept my glance away from his arm. Valar, let him be fine. I smiled inwardly. That word again. He shifted uneasily on the bed, wincing as the movement jostled his arm. "Your arm was deeply infected," I said. "It will trouble you for some time, I fear, but it will heal." Let my words not be a lie... He shut his eyes as he nodded. Pain drew deep lines of suffering on his face and he looked... old. Already gray hair shone here and there among the black strands and it seemed in that moment I became fully aware, viscerally aware, that someday I would lose this son of mine to death. SKJSJFJFJF NO NO NO NO SUDDENLY SOBBING That no matter how many times I or some other healer fought to keep him alive, death would inevitably steal him from me, either in battle or on that day when in the fullness of years he finally willingly gave back his life to Ilúvatar. The room seemed to fade for a moment, and instead of seeing Estel as he was before me, I saw him lying in great splendor and beauty, somehow young and full of years both, with a crown upon his head as he slept. But it was not sleep but death that I saw on his brow, and such pain filled my heart that I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out. I would sail long before that moment, I knew, but what of my daughter? What of Arwen? The bitterness of parting would be hers to bear alone. I shut my eyes tightly against the unbearable sorrow of it. SKAJDJFJDKDKD I WILL WEEP, WEEP, WEEP <:(((( To keep from crying out What of Arwen <:( Also the little recognition that although it pains him he has also fully accepted what will come to pass: they will marry <3 SQUEEZING HIS EYES SHUT Valar, where do I hide this pain? Where can I put it so that I can do what you have set before me to do during my time in Middle-earth? How do I not shrink from this grief and seek out the shelter of the West, to not abandon my duty to remain here, to see this age finished and the Age of Man come to its fullness? Oh my gosh the painnnnn the immense grief and sorrow is so heavy upon him So THIS is what he’s thinking of when Aragorn catches the sorrow in his faceeee Help me, Valar, for the end of Arda will be so very long a time to wait to see my children again. AKDJFS <:( indeed it is, but thank you for the reminder and assurance that at the end of Arda he will see his children again. For sometimes it is unclear to me whether they will meet again even then. And this gives me so much hope to imagine that at last, at last, though it may seem immeasurably long, they will indeed meet again. And what a joyful reunion that will be. Okay that TWO of his children will be lost to him in death is so utterly devastating <:( I opened my eyes, and the answer came gently as my eyes rested on Estel. He was looking at me, those eyes of his – eyes as grey and bright as the sky at dawn’s first touch – boring into mine with an intensity I had only seen in one other man, his ancestor Elendil. "Adar?" he said softly. SKAJDJFJSJDJDJ COMPARING ARAGORN TO ELENDIL IS MY VERY FAVORITE THING BECAUSE ELENDIL IS SO VERY COOL AND IT CONFIRMS ARAGORN IS TOO <3 His grey eyes <333 I also love that Elrond indeed remembers and has looked into both those pairs of eyes, and can accurately compare <3 I laid a hand against his cheek. The warmth of his skin anchored me again to the present. To this instant in time, and it was enough. My son was alive now, and that was all that mattered. The future and its sorrows faded back into the recesses of my mind, and I smiled. Awwwwww the warmth of his skinnnn now not a reason to flinch but to be glad for his life. Thank you for this fading of the sorrow <3 "Worry not," I said. "I am not troubled. Not any more." SKAJDJF <333 so he isn’t lying quite so much as Aragorn thought. Ahhhhhhh I want MORE of seeing Elrond watch Aragorn’s continued suffering and fever. Even though it is unnecessary. Just fun. But THANK YOU so much for these two beautiful chapters it completed a part of the story I didn’t really realize was missing <333

Lexilooper	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 1/7/2026
OH MY GOSH ELROND PERSPECTIVE I’M SO HAPPY I love love getting to read whump from both inner perspective (we see all the pain), and an outside perspective of someone who loves them (someone appreciates their pain, we get to see someone hurting for them, view the facial expressions and other things that the character is probably hiding not effectively) My son came home at last, and I nearly let him die. SKAJDJ feels and angst in this sentence My son came home at last <333 Estel, who seemed the son of my heart from the very moment when, at two years of age, he was brought here along with his newly-widowed mother, Gilraen; both were brought here to dwell in safety when her husband, Arathorn, the Dúnedain Chieftain and Heir of Isildur, was killed by orcs. With his death, his only son, a little boy who already showed the piercing grey eyes of his line and who was much loved simply for being the child he was, became precious beyond price, for there could now be no other Heir. Awwww the son of my heart ajsjdd He, like all the Chieftains before him, could be called my nephew, although many generations have been removed between my twin brother’s heirs and myself. Still, each one I loved, and this one more than any other. SKAJD <3 also that would be so crazy to be Elrond and have sooooo many men (including your own twin brother) live and die during your life. This one more than any other <33 And also the confirmation that he did love each one of them <3 hes the best uncle Although I am not his true father, I hold a fierce and protective love for this child of Arathorn, to whom, with Gilraen’s approval, I gave the new name of Estel. Hope, it means. For that is what he is, in so many ways. Hope for mankind, for he will, after traveling a long and difficult road, take back the throne of Gondor for his line. For my brother’s line. Elros, my twin, who chose the mortal life, whereas I chose the fate of the Firstborn. He was the first King of Númenor, and Estel... Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the name we kept hidden to protect him from Sauron’s notice... is his direct descendent and the last surviving heir to the throne. A precious treasure, Estel, worth more than all the mithril in Moria, indeed in all of Arda. Ooh hiding his name makes so much sense Skajsjdj his fatherly loveeee fierce and protective <3 A PRECIOUS TREASURE <33 And I nearly let him die. AKSJDJDDK Really making that hit hard and painfully Even though it seemed to Aragorn that Halbarad’s urgency of injury was far greater…he himself not also receiving instant care nearly DID result in his death. Also would he have died, or become a sort of wraith like Frodo almost did? It was during the sixty-ninth year of his life, barely approaching his prime, for being of Númenórean blood, he is blessed with over twice the life span of the lesser men. He arrived at dawn. Weary, spent, careworn... and I assumed, wrongly, that it was because he carried with him his sworn brother, his cousin and boon companion, Halbarad, who was marked with a grievous wound – an orc arrow nearly impaling his spine. In the rush to care for Halbarad, I gave Aragorn only the most cursory inspection. I saw signs of fever, and as I looked into the depths of his large grey eyes, a hint of something darker. His fëa seemed to lie in shadow, and in a miscalculation that will haunt me even to the Undying Lands, I took it to be evidence of sorrow only. SKAJDJF all these things. Talking about how hes only just approaching his prime (which makes me happy), Halbarad being his sworn brother <33, learning that although Aragorn felt Elrond was seeing into his soul (which, yes, he was), from Elrond’s side it was the most cursory of inspections, only barely glancing over his soul (even though that’s deeper than any man could see lol), his large grey eyes <333 (Elrond has mentioned his grey eyes twice now which I love, he must like them), his fëa did indeed lie in shadow AGAIN PRESSING HOW HE MISTOOK IT FOR SORROW and askdjfjfjdkdkdkdkd it haunting him to the Undying Landsssss that he almost let his son and the heir to the throne die under his careee That it was the Black Breath did not even cross my mind. This makes me happy because. It adds le drama. Yay. It should have. Ilúvatar forgive me, it should have. Sjaksjdjdjs loveeeee And he is right, Aragorn must have learned his self-recrimination skills from Elrond Had I not heard rumors that a Nazgûl, perhaps even the Witch-King of Angmar himself, haunted the southern and eastern approaches to Eriador and Arnor? Had I not sent my twin sons, Elladan and Elrohir, together with Glorfindel, to verify such and to seek out Aragorn to see if he needed aid? Askdjfj I love love the proof again that Elrond was waiting anxiously for Aragorn to come home, wanting so much for him to come home, and keeping him always in his thoughts, sending out his own sons and the greatest elf-warrior to aid him when he did not come home and there were rumors he would need such aid <33 Elrond watching over and sending aid just makes me so happy. And totally gives me vibes of when we may think God is distant from us, or silent, or angry with us, but actually He is constantly watching over and thinking of us and sending us aid in our need <3 Glorfindel holds great power over the Nazgûl and although it will be up to Men to find and somehow destroy the One Ring and thereby overthrow Sauron and his Wraiths, Glorfindel certainly does well to keep the Nazgûl at bay in the short term. So I sent the three of them, and they had yet to return. Yess he does indeed. Thank you for using him as a short-term defense in the things he can help with, even if it is not his fate to take on such things as destroying the Ring. But Estel returned, astride Glorfindel’s mighty steed Asfaloth, and that too should have warned me. But I was so caught up in the joy of seeing my son again, and in my concern for Halbarad, who I could see deteriorating before my eyes, that I pushed aside my instincts and took Aragorn at his word when he said he was fine. Aksjd good point, Glorfindel having lent them Asfaloth is suspicious. But I suppose could be explained by Halbarad’s dire situation alone. Although it may have been that if only Halbarad needed to go to Rivendell Glorfindel would have taken him himself? In the joy of seeing my son again awwwww Deteriorating before my eyes ajsjd Also the thing is Halbarad’s surgery was more urgent and if Elrond realized how dire Aragorn’s situation was he may have had to send others to care for him while he finished Halbarad’s surgery? And that would have been sad. But I would not have him risk Halbarad’s life to personally care for Aragorn when his personal care probably could wait (I mean, perhaps could have without significantly endangering Aragorn’s life, if others were tending to him), and neither would Aragorn Fine. How many times had Estel hidden wounds and illness behind that single word? Estel could have a broken neck and he would smile and say he was fine and send me off to care for someone else’s hangnail. Selfish my son is not, and while I am very proud of him for his sacrificial spirit, it does vex me no end at times like this. SKAJDJ smile and send me off to care for someone else’s hangnail XD how I love Elrond. He can be snarky when he wants to. Selfish my son is not <333 awww this is indeed truth. IT DOES VEX ME TO NO END YES <3 but he is also proud <333 But I cannot blame him for this. The fault lay solely at my own doorstep. I should have immediately sought out the source of his fever, and I should have paid more attention to the disturbance I felt in his soul. But Estel is so hardy, so rarely falls ill... I assumed the fever was due to exhaustion and a long ride through the chill of night. So I sent him away with orders to rest and drink willowbark tea. Skakdj stop blaming only yourself Although yes too many people trusted Aragorn to tell them of his own health when they know he doesn’t Mm yes so rarely falls ill <3 He is not used to judging the cause of sickness in him Willowbark! Like throwing a cup of water at a raging inferno! SKAJDJ I love this anger at himself in the sentence. Ridiculous! I can’t believe I tried to throw Willowbark tea at him! <3 XD also tea autocorrected to fëa and that Mae me happy lolll He needed athelas, and my touch, for it is only Elven medicine, and the touch of those gifted by Ilúvatar to heal the Black Breath, that will completely free its victim from its deadly grip. Aragorn has the gift, and is skilled beyond all men at the healing arts, but not yet fully trained in dealing with the Black Breath, and at any rate, I am not certain how effective a healer is when he is the one in need of care. I remember telling him of athelas, but it was in passing, when he was barely fifteen, during a quiet morning stroll together when we walked past a patch of it and I mentioned its effectiveness against the Black Breath. He had asked what that was, and I told him about the Nazgûl. But at that time, the wraiths were far to the south and not an active threat. I did not feel that he needed to study on it any further at that moment, for I feared that it would stir him to questions for which answers he was not yet ready. So I brushed off his questions to answer on some future day after he knew his full destiny, and somehow in the years that followed, that was the only conversation we had about the Wraiths. Great point about not knowing if one can effectively heal oneself with Athelas Aww he knows he has the touch even though Aragorn has never actually used Athelas before <3 Mm that makes sense. Oh gosh fifteen is young indeed for someone who is only just approaching his prime at 68. Even if he did look like a normal young adult at 18, I don’t know. Still so young no matter what to learn some of those answers, so it makes sense Elrond avoided that. How could I have made such a grievous error? Skajdjdj I had worked long and hard on Halbarad. The arrowhead had glanced off his shoulder blade and splintered into hundreds of tiny fragments, each one of which had to be painstakingly removed lest it someday work its way into Halbarad’s spine, or into his lung, or simply fester in place and kill him with fever. So while the wound itself was not life-threatening, nor was it extremely difficult to repair, because of its precarious location and extensive nature, it took most of the remainder of the day, and by the time Halbarad finally wakened enough to show me he could move his arms and legs, my own back felt near to breaking. Immortal we Elves may be, but we too are prone to aches and pains and fatigue, and Halbarad, that dear friend and kinsman of my son’s, had stretched my stamina to its limits. Aksjd wow hundreds That would be so extremely tedious and stressful thank you Elrond <33 It makes me wonder who needed more urgently extensive care. If some of the surgery could have indeed been put off to rescue Aragorn or if the precarious location of the splinters and any waiting to remove them and letting the wound begin to close over them or anything would have been more dangerous. Love Halbarad waking up to go look it’s okay I can wiggle! <3 Yessss indeed elves are not invincible <3 aww hes like Halbarad…that dear friend and kinsman…uh pushed me to my very physical limits. As much as I love him and would do it again. As soon as he was sleeping again and could safely be left in the care of the assistants in the House of Healing, I stumbled into my home. I hesitated beside Estel’s closed door, but hearing nothing but silence within, and not wanting to disturb his rest, I passed it without opening it, and staggered to my own bedroom. I think I was already well along the paths of sleep even as I peeled off my clothes and pulled on my night clothes. I fell into bed, and I do not remember ever pulling up the blankets. Aksjdjdjd Elrond literally STUMBLING and falling asleep on his feet from exhaustion Stopping outside Aragorn’s bedroom door to listen, even though he thinks he’s okay still considering checking on him <33 hmm if there’s silence and not moaning or screaming with nightmares I wonder if Aragorn was still lying awake then Some hours later, I was awakened out of my exhausted slumber by the unlikely sound of Mithrandir shouting my name. Wizards rarely shout, unless it be to hurl imprecations and spells at their enemies. I had certainly never heard Mithrandir so much as raise his voice here in the safe confines of Imladris. I blinked, wondering if I had dreamt it, but his voice came again, this time from the hallway. My heart rose to my throat, for no one shouts in the depths of the night unless something horrible has happened. I leapt to my feet and, not bothering with donning a robe nor tying back my hair, ran to the door in my night clothes and bare feet. Yesssss RUNNING in pajamas and bare feet and hair down. “The unlikely sound” lol <33 I love it. True indeed, about wizards rarely shouting. I love how we get to see from Elrond’s pov how incredible and serious it actually is that Gandalf is shouting, and in Imladris in the dead of night. For it is true also that rarely does anyone shout in the depths of night, and never without reason Aksjdjd his heart rising to his throat, Elrond being filled with panic and anxiety "Elrond, cease your slumber and come immediately!" his voice thundered. I yanked open the door and through the hair falling in my eyes saw him standing in the doorway to Estel’s room. The look on his face opened a vast hollow in my gut. I hesitated, shock immobilizing me, and Mithrandir raised his voice to deafening levels. "Elrond! Your son does not have time for you to stand as a coney caught in the gaze of a wolf!" Skajsjdj Elrond himself freezing and Gandalf instantly yelling him out of it Aksjdjdjd the combination of standing in Aragorn’s doorway and the look on his face absolutely freezing Elrond for dread <33 Your son <3 I blinked and ran, feeling the rare rush of embarrassed heat fly to my cheeks. I may be the Lord of Imladris, but Mithrandir is one of the Istari, and although it had been many years since he had need of chastising me, the truth is that sometimes even the highest Elf needs a sharp kick. I avoided his eyes as I slipped past him into Estel’s room. SKAJDJD ELROND AVOIDING SOMEONE’S EYES OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT this is a special moment. Even if it’s not good circumstances. It’s also a good perspective on just how ancient and powerful Gandalf actually is—a literal Maia—seeing how Elrond, one of the highest of elves left in middle-earth, completely defers to, respects, and takes chastisement from him. Like, it’s easier to forget how great an ancient Gandalf is than it is to forget that about Elrond I think, and yet Gandalf is certainly above even Elrond My son was on his bed, dressed in the night shirt I had Erestor lay out for him but still wearing his stained and patched leggings. For some reason, maybe because thinking on it kept me from thinking on things far more terrifying, the incongruity of it caught my eye, and I had to fight back the ridiculous urge to chide my son for not undressing properly for bed. LOL <33 Why are you sleeping in your clothes!! Focus, you fool! What does it matter what he is wearing? <3 hey I’d probably notice too Oh I also love seeing how by the time of “Elrond cease your slumber” he is already coming out of his bedroom Also love that his bedroom is so close to Aragorn’s as well And picturing Elrond with hair falling in his eyes It felt as though I had to drag each thought and each movement from a mire, but I turned my eyes to my son’s face. It was drawn as if in great pain, and he tossed his head on his pillow as the most pitiful cries came from his mouth. The cries broke through my odd malaise and I rushed to his side and laid my hand on his forehead. It was so hot that I flinched. "Estel, Estel! Quiet, my son, quiet," I murmured over and over, trying to soothe him but he would not be calmed. "I am here, my son. Shh. I am here." SKAJDJDJD “as if in great pain” yesssss The most pitiful cries <:((( yes yes yes I repeat I LOVE seeing whump from both perspectives Literally flinching at the heat BUT HE WOULD NOT BE CALMED <3 I am here asksjdjdjsksk <3333 Elrond is here for him now Estel could not hear me. He moaned and cried out things that I did not understand at all. "No! That is not my name!" Then he tossed his head on the pillow, crying, "He knows ... Adar ... he knows ... he knows ..." He kept repeating the words over and over, lost in delirium. Skajdjdjsjsjsjsssss these wordsss the moaning and tossing his head and the wordss I had thought maybe he’d be all still and pale but no the unconscious distressed movements and noises are so much better I looked wildly at Mithrandir. "How long has he been like this?" Wildly askjdjf again this being from Elrond <33 "He collapsed in the hallway, just minutes ago. We had been talking, in his room, and he seemed ill, and tired. But nothing like this. But, Elrond, he has–" Mm he has fought a wraith? I cut him off. "Get Erestor. Have him bring me athelas, and... and supplies..." My mind seemed to have locked up. I could not think of what I needed. So I waved Mithrandir out the door with an impatient gesture. "Just tell him Estel has fever. He will know what to bring. Hurry!" I spotted scratches and a bruise on Estel’s wrist and wondered if there was an unseen wound that had somehow gotten infected. "And water and bandages!" I cried as Mithrandir disappeared to search out Erestor. Aksjdjdjdjd Elrond the great healer being so panicked he can not even think of what other supplies he needs Hmm as in the bruise suggests an infection because that causes easy bruising (I have no idea if it does) or the bruise and scratches suggest it’s quite possible he carries worse wounds? I placed my hand again on Estel’s forehead, and another on his chest, and his reaction shocked me. As soon as I touched his chest, he bucked upward in the bed, arching his back and groaning as though I had stabbed him. AKSJDJ WONDERFUL I need to go back to Aragorn’s chapters and see if there’s anything on his side of feeing like hes being stabbed or hit in the chest or something in his dream because I don’t remember I immediately pulled my hand away, but kept one on his forehead. I pulled back the collar of his tunic, and thought I saw a dark bruise, but there was no evidence of blood. Mm is that a random bruise or lingering from the Nazgûl’s sword? Again it has only been like, less than two weeks? And bruises heal slowly, especially severe ones I left it for the time being, and, closing my eyes, I tried to reach his mind, but all I saw was a fog of darkness tinged with flames. I gasped, for I could almost smell a sulfurous fume. It was a stench, a soul stain, an evil that I had not seen in many long years but one with which I was far too familiar. Aksjdjdjskd Elrond gasping at the horror of what he finds A soul stain, an evil <:( It was the Black Breath. "Estel," I whispered, my heart breaking. "How did I miss this?" AKSJDJDDK heart breaking HEART BREAKING Elrond’s heart breaking for Estel aakskdjdjdkdjddj to see the pain and darkness and shadow and evil and horror over his mind Also I still keep forgetting that even until this point, Elrond had no idea what was ailing Aragorn. Seeing him writhing on the bed with burning fever was such a shock and he had no idea why or how Estel came to be in this condition, only beginning to guess that he could have an infected wound causing a fever, like, he really does not know what is going on at first and that would be SCARY, no wonder he was so frozen I knew I needed to go more deeply into that horrifying realm of shadow, but I needed athelas and where was that councillor of mine? Since there was nothing I could do for the Black Breath until Erestor arrived with the athelas, I decided to see what else was wrong. The Black Breath does not cause such a fever as I felt in my son, so there had to be something else... some wound... skajdjd “that horrifying realm of shadow” suggesting how even Elrond fears to enter there, Yes indeed find the cause of the fever as well <3 Valar, let it not be from a Morgul blade.... oh that would be terrible indeed I swiftly pulled Estel’s breeches off and examined each leg, feeling an odd pang as I looked at the sturdy, well-muscled length of them. It had seemed only yesterday that those legs were no bigger than the length of my forearm, chubby little things propelling him into more trouble than any two-year-old should ever have been able to find. AKSJDJDJD FEELS <:(( <3333 this fatherly pang of “where did the time go? How is he now grown?” Now they were scarred but strong, the legs of a man who had walked many hard miles. "Strider," I murmured the nickname he had picked up on his journeys and accepted somewhat wryly as his own. It was such a low name, one spoken in derision, but for some reason he never protested or seemed overly offended by it. For some reason <3 he is just so humble. Never overly offended. I sometimes fussed at him, telling him if he would not defend himself against the slur, to at least tell the name-callers to say it in Quenya. He had given me one of his quiet smiles and said, "Telcontar it shall be someday, but for now, it is safer to be lowly Strider." It was one of those moments where the child brings the parent up short with his wisdom, and he had laughed as I bowed my head, duly corrected. AWWW <33 he is wise beyond his years indeed. That is such an Aragorn moment, to surprise Elrond with his foresight and wisdom <3 and I love him predicting that one day he will indeed use Telcontar The scars I saw were old. I traced a finger along one particularly horrendous one that ran the length of his right thigh. It could easily have killed him and I wondered what the story was behind it, if anyone had been there for him, or if he had been in the wilds, alone, with no one to give him succor. My throat ached, but this was not the time for mourning over my son’s old wounds. I rolled him carefully onto his side, to better see the back of him. No wounds there. AKSKDJDKSKDK <:(((( if anyone had been there for him With no one to give him succor <:(((( how I love that word and how it breaks my heart to imagine that Aragorn may not have had it with that life-threatening wound. Elrond certainly does not know how he got it and was not there to care for him <:( He moaned again, crying out for me, pleading for me with a sorrowful voice that pierced me right through. I touched his cheek and murmured soothing words that he did not seem able to hear. I hurriedly pulled his tunic up and looked at his abdomen, mindful of that painful way he reacted when I touched his chest. My son’s life left no softness about him; the muscles there were as lean and well-defined as those on his legs, and there were a number of scars, but nothing recent. AKSJDJDJDJD pleading for Elrond skajjjjjj I can’t <:( I love Aragorn pleading crying for his Ada, who is right there and yet Aragorn cant sense him, doesnt know, cant draw comfort Mm yes his chest. And whether or not the sword-bruise is the one still there, it makes sense that he would react as he did when the darkness was first over him. His chest never fully healed from that and now that he is overcome by the Black Breath, the pain and darkness of that place being even touched is probably back in full fury askdjd or perhaps greater, seeing how vocal his reaction was this time It saddened me deeply to see etched on his body the evidence of the difficult journey I had foreseen him taking. skajsjdjdjs <:((( that the time has now come, indeed many years have passed that he has been on that sad hard road once only foreseen I chided myself again. I had to stop this mawkish reflecting and focus. It would jostle him too much to work his tunic off over his head, so I pulled the small utility knife I keep always on sheath hanging around my neck, even when I sleep, and its keen edge made quick work of slicing through the fabric. <:( I am grateful he does but it’s also sad that he finds this so useful that that is the thing he always even sleeps with It was then I saw more clearly what made him flinch when I touched his chest. A bruise, a very deep one from the looks of it, marred the skin, in the clear outline of a sword. YESSS OKAY GOOD IT IS INDEED THE BRUISE "Estel, what evil did this to you?" I touched the skin around the bruise, careful not to touch the bruise itself, pressing lightly, seeking out evidence of broken bones, which thankfully I did not find. Still... the bruise was nearly black, and ugly. And as I looked at its shape, a chill walked down my back. It looked for all the world like a Morgul blade. SKAJDJ YES YES nearly black yessss as I said bruises heal very slowly, look worse before they start to look better, and this one was DEEP He must have battled the Nazgûl hand to hand. I looked at his face, and it seemed I could feel his fëa weaken even as I watched. How long had the battle gone on? And how long in the days since had Estel fought off the effects of the poisonous miasma the wraiths spew out? My son was strong... his bloodline gives him fortitude and endurance few other men possess. But no man can withstand the Black Breath indefinitely. Aksjdjdkskdkd thank youuuuu for seeing and understanding what Aragorn did and wondering how long. And although I am grateful Halbarad and the other rangers do know and appreciate how long Aragorn battled it, Elrond knows much deeper the challenge and danger and poison of that and I am happy <3 An icy pit formed in my stomach and I feared what else I might find. Had the Morgul blade penetrated his flesh... Elbereth, please no. Do not let me find what I fear most... I cannot bear to lose him to... Aakdjdjdjdkdj <:(((( no no no I did not allow myself to finish the dreadful thought. I looked more closely at the bruise, running my fingers as close to it as I dared without causing him undue pain. <33 I let out a shaky breath when I found no evidence that the blade had broken his skin. The wraith must have somehow slapped Estel with the flat of the blade. INDEED HE DID But he could have a wound elsewhere... I applied the knife again and cut the sleeves away and found a bandage around Aragorn’s upper left arm. From the smell alone, I knew immediately this was the source of his fever and my fingers hesitated over the stained bandage, for I feared that I would find the telltale evidence of the stabbing tear of a Morgul blade. If it were so... if a Morgul blade had done this damage... then Estel was already lost to me. AKSJDJDK how terrifying this would be. He is SURE that if Estel is in this condition and has already mentally been fighting the Black Breath for an unknown amount of days, if there is a stab wound then he has passed beyond the point of return. Utterly terrifying. I shut my eyes tightly. Tears have no place in a healer’s eyes. UM THIS LINE IS GONNA PARADOXICALLY MAKE ME CRY I angrily swiped my eyes against my sleeve and forced myself to move. Skajsj yesssss the angry trying to stop the tears Just like Aragorn I unwrapped the bandages, wincing as at last I found the ugly wound and then had to shut my eyes again as relief rushed through me in such a wave I felt almost dizzy. SKAJSJDJ RELIEF <333 These were no Morgul blade wounds but looked to have been made from splinters of some kind. Two of them were angry with pus and redness, perhaps from remnants that had not been completely removed. I glanced at the door, willing Erestor to hurry with that water, for the wound needed cleaning and needed it immediately. I looked at the redness that spread outward from the wound. One streak had already started up his arm. He might lose the arm, but then the bleak realization hit that with the wound so close to the heart, the poison would surely kill him before he would ever lose the arm to gangrene. I may have to take the arm right away ... I felt sick at the thought. Aaaaaaasksjdjfjdjdjdjd Elrond himself feeing sick at the thought, imagining that he might have to amputate his son’s arm, so immediately, The infectionnnn and the description, those two cuts Aragorn had first started to see start with infection, the angry red streak now traveling up his arm, the immediate realization that he might lose it but he might also die, I looked at it once more and decided that the infection had not gone so far that cleaning it and applying medicine might yet save the arm without undue risk to his life. A risk it would be, but one I deemed worth taking, at least for one day. By tomorrow evening, I would know. Oh good. Good good. <33 one worth taking indeed I think, Estel uses all parts of his body so much Somewhat relieved, I left that wound to its own and checked his other arm. It seemed unharmed. I then touched Estel’s cheek again, for he had fallen silent. "Estel," I called softly, and to my surprise, his eyes opened and he looked at me. Akskdkdkskdkd EYES OPEN <33 "Ada?" he breathed, his voice tight with pain and fear. The look in his eyes... it was hard to look upon such terror, and harder still seeing it on the face of my son. All the protective instincts of a father rose to choke me for not having saved him somehow from this. I have failed you. I banished the self-pitying thought. What did I expect from this suffering man before me? Absolution? ‘Twas a selfish notion, and such blessing from him I could never ask. SKAJSJDJDJSKSJDJDJSSJJD as we have only heard from Halbarad before, through Aragorn’s ears, that there is such terror there, now seeing it through Elrond’s eyes, Aragorn’s eyes being open and supposedly seeing Elrond’s face now, not staring off into some distant dream, the combined semblance of lucidity with the fear, pain, and terror that is so naked and overwhelming it is hard to even look at, AKSDJFJ and Elrond, his father, having to gaze upon that, see such tortured terror in his little one’s eyes (also, that combination of words helped me picture it a little better I think. Because picturing the terror in someone’s eyes who has been tortured, say in Sauron’s tower, or by some evil thing, hits deeper than most kinds of fear. And I can’t imagine Aragorn would look more horrified after that experience than he does now. For he is indeed being tortured in Sauron’s lands but by his very own brothers in his mind Asksjdjdjsjdj “and such a blessing from him I could never ask” okay first calling absolution from Aragorn a blessing is beautiful and sweet to me. Second, ARAGORN WOULD WILLINGLY GIVE IT <:( "Shhh, my son. You will be fine," I soothed, hoping that I was not telling a bald-faced lie. I stroked his hair back and smiled down at him and carefully hid all traces of my own fear. Akskdkdkskdkd Elrond not knowing "You will be fine, my son." Okay to clarify: ELROND’s definition of fine, not Estel’s. "Arm... hurts," he whispered. Akskdkdkd it must indeed for him to deliriously declare this to his father, nearly the first thing he says, "I know. The wound has become infected. Can you tell me how you were injured?" He licked his lips. The pitcher beside his bed was empty. Again I looked wildly toward the door. How long could it take a wizard and a seneschal to bring water? Aksjd great question The licking his lips making it feel like suddenly he is desperately parched, whether or not he actually is, and dying for want of the relief of water, "I... wall collapsed... splinters..." His voice faded. I had never seen him so weak. Akajdjdkdjsjskdjdj and he has seen him in many circumstances and at all ages. But this is the weakest he has ever seen his son. "Shh, that is all I need to know. I will take care of it. Just rest and do not worry. I am here, and I will take care of you." My lips trembled but I kept my voice steady. <:(( SKAJSJD ELROND LIPS TREMBLING I am here and I will take care of you <:( oh those sweet beautiful words "Not just... my arm... There is blackness... a shadow..." His eyes had closed but they suddenly shot open and he looked at me with such despair that my heart skipped a beat. "He knows, Adar. Sauron knows... who... who I am." Aksjdjdkskdkdkd he has to tell Elrond of the blackness, he thinks, and then of his delirious thoughts of Sauron. THE BLEAK UTTER DESPAIR his hope is lost and gone I did not know what to say, for there was no way of knowing if Sauron truly did discover, through the Wraith, that Estel was the Heir of Isildur, or if his fear was an illusion brought on by his fever or the Black Breath. I prayed it was merely confusion. I brushed my hand again over his hair, trying to find words of reassurance. "Then he knows," I finally said. "There is nothing to be done about that right now. He cannot reach you here. You must not worry." <33 good response. And there is indeed no way of knowing at the moment and that’s scary and makes it hard to respond appropriately His eyes drifted shut and he sighed. His lips moved and I leaned close. "I am sorry... so sorry... I have... failed... everyone. Failed you..." A tear fell from the corner of his eye and tracked down his temple to dampen his hair. I brushed it away and my heart utterly broke within me. I pulled him into my embrace and though he had once more lapsed into unconsciousness and could not hear me, I reassured him over and over. "No, Estel. You have not failed me. You have not failed." I let the tears fall this time, and it was thus that Erestor and Mithrandir found me. AKSJDJDJSKDKDKD oh perfect moment for them to walk in thank you <333 I could not have picked a better time THE SINGLE TEAR ELROND WEEPS NOW AKSJDJDKSKDK THANK YOUUUUU cradling Aragorn in his arms And actually, this is the bit that Aragorn does hear, and it gives him some modicum of strength, so thank you Elrond <333 Erestor skidded to a halt in the doorway, the water he carried sloshing in a great wave onto the floor. "Oh Elbereth Gilthoniel!" he cried. "It cannot be! He has died?" AGH I did not think of how terrible this would look to them. Oh his agonized reaction <3 I shook my head violently, unable to speak. Mithrandir came over and laid his hand on Estel’s forehead, and then on mine and I felt a comforting peace settle on me and even Estel seemed to relax in my arms. I blinked and looked up. "Thank you, Mithrandir," I choked. ALKAJSJDDJKSJSJD Mithrandir giving them sorely, sorely needed peace <:((( thank you thank you thank youuuuu I forget sometimes he can do things like this Also just, picturing Gandalf putting a hand on each of their foreheads, especially strong healer Elrond’s, is so sweet to me <3 and I want to draw it now ooh maybe just maybe I will “I choked” aksjd he so desperately needed support and strength and peace "Let us see what we can do about this young man," Mithrandir smiled, and his pragmatic benevolence seemed to wash over me and strengthen me. I lowered Estel back onto his pillow and again swiped my sleeve, which was becoming admittedly soggy, against my eyes. Awwww <33 his pragmatic benevolence His soggy sleeve <333 just picturing Elrond in such a position of weakness: barefoot, in his nightshirt, messy hair, weeping stricken over a deathly ill Estel, is unlike anything we have seen before, and how I love it Mithrandir grimaced and produced a handkerchief and handed it to me. "As bad as Bilbo," he muttered. "Never with a handkerchief when you need one." SKAJDJD this made me smile so big when I was least expecting it <33 I wiped my eyes and blew my nose and felt very much like a small Elfling AKSJDJDJDJSJSJDJDJSSJ I bet he has not felt that way in a very, very long time and it makes me so happy <333 everyone, even Elrond, needs to feel small again every once in awhile, and like someone older and wiser is directing things but something about Mithrandir’s matter-of-fact manner calmed me even further, to the point where I was finally able to gather my wits and think like a healer and not an overwrought father. Aww good <333 I rose from where I sat on the edge of the bed and took up the athelas that Erestor had laid on the small table beside the bed. I blew on the leaves softly and held them between my hands for a long moment to warm them. Erestor, long used to working with me, placed the bowl of what was left of the steaming water beside the bed and I cast the leaves into it. The aroma immediately refreshed me, and I could tell from their soft sighs that neither Mithrandir nor Erestor were immune to its effects. <333 yayyy refresh them all Aww I love how Erestor and Elrond naturally work together. And LOL the rest of the water that isnt now sitting on the floor Warming the leaves <3 giving his healing breath But what of Estel? I eased myself onto the bed beside him and with Erestor’s help tugged the table over closer to him. I dipped a cloth in the water and squeezed out the excess, and then wiped Aragorn’s face with it, but he neither stirred nor opened his eyes. Aksjdjfkdjd the Athelas having no visible effect whatsoever Unlike the first time, with Halbarad, when it woke him up and brought him back I glanced at Erestor. "He is moving deep into shadow." I swallowed hard. "But I think there is time to clean up his arm. Likely he will not feel the pain it is sure to cause him, UM PERHAPS MAYBE HOPEFULLY EXCEPT NOT :))) and I do not think a few more minutes will matter one way or another as far as the Black Breath goes, yet if it takes–" I swallowed. "If it takes a long time to bring him out from under the Breath, the arm would worsen and undo everything we have gained." Mmm good points good points great points "Let me clean his arm, Elrond," Erestor offered. "You have worked long and hard today on Halbarad and I fear you will have a long, dark journey to call Estel back. I am not the healer you are, but I think I can manage. You need to rest for a few moments and let the athelas strengthen you before you begin." Mmm yes good idea thank you <33 "As always, you speak wisdom, my friend," I said. I moved further down the bed but kept my hand protectively resting on Estel’s knee. Indeed <33 thank you for seeing the wisdom and not protesting. But also still the protective hand <333 Despite the heat coming from his skin, I felt him shiver. I pulled up the blanket and tucked it around his legs and hips as I watched Erestor quietly and efficiently clean the wound. It was a messy job, but he did not flinch or hesitate. A pile of bloody rags soon grew on the floor by his feet, and at one point he triumphantly held up a jagged splinter of wood. YAYY also thank you for the like. When he has fever and shivers giving him blankets. <3 cause I feel like it’s far too common in fanfics for people to decide that any fever, no matter how small, needs to be cooled, and will like withhold blankets from sick people far before they near a dangerous temperature that would actually need cooling. And it rather makes me sad because I want the people to get comforted with blankets XD "It was so deep, any of us would have had trouble finding it," he said as he tossed it atop the rags. mmm yes Although Elrond will find one more later So it is not quite the last But yayyyyy good job Finally, he sighed and sat back. "There. It is finished. I cannot see any more evidence of splinters and the wound is clean. I do not think I will put any stitches in it but simply work medicine deep within, to fight the infection, and then bind it tightly. And pray the infection does not worsen." Mm good ideas <33 I leaned forward to see it better. "You have done better than I could, I think." And he had. Erestor did not have the reputation I had, and he would deny it until the day he sailed, but the truth of the matter was that he was every bit as skilled in wound care as I. He blushed slightly at the praise but busied himself with clearing away the debris on the floor. "Are you ready, Elrond?" Aww yayyy <33 I love that so much I nodded absently. I pulled the blanket up and across Estel’s shoulders, stalling a bit, although it needed to be done, for he still shivered. Mm yes stalling I smoothed the blanket over his stomach and arms, careful to avoid touching the bruise or the splinter wound. His gentle touch <333 Finally, I took a deep breath and looked into Estel’s face. Never in my darkest nightmares did I imagine having to journey after my own son into that realm that was neither death nor life. SKAJDJFJ when something is worse than a parent’s darkest nightmares…oh you know it’s bad My mind skipped back to a time after the battle of the Dagorlad when so many had fallen under the Black Breath... I had exhausted myself to as close to death as an immortal Elf can get, and still far too many died and passed into shadow. The guilt of what I felt was my failure stayed with me for centuries. Aksjdjfkdk I never thought about that. The Nazgûl would have been in that fight. And Elrond would have gained much experience healing people from the Black Breath there. But many would still have died indeed, and Elrond coming as close to death by exhaustion as an elf can get…also this puts perspective on Elrond’s telling Aragorn that his nightmare plain is bleaker than any other under the Black Breath he has seen. He has seen MANY. And still Aragorn caps them all. Which is also a testament to his strength of will <3 Nooo not the centuries long guilt <:((( But that torment seemed as nothing compared to how I would feel if I could not save this single man lying before more. AKSJDJDJDJSDJDJ THAT TORMENT SEEMED AS NOTHING he loves Aragorn so, so, so much. And his life is so incredibly important. Aksjd Valar, I ask that all grace due me be given to my son ... <333 please please please <3 Aksjdjdjskdsnsm like the movie line of Arwen’s grace passing to Frodo. This is honestly beautiful. An ancient and immortal and extremely powerful elf and all he wants is for any grace given him to pass instead to his dying human adopted son <333 I laid my hand on Estel’s brow, and closed my eyes. AKSKDKDKDDKDK I am much excited to read the next chapter

MikoNoNyte	Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 2/3/2013
These two outtakes were intense. Seeing Elrond's point of view - his attempts to keep his emotions in check and get the job done. He's not the Rock we all think he is! But his journey into Aragorn's soul - or whatever we're calling it - I think I remarked in the story itself -what the hell is inside Aragorn to make his inner world like this - and it's amusing to see Elrond taking the same thought. The hard hard life of his son, delineated with his careful inspection for wounds made me pause more than once, thinking just how difficult a path Aragorn did in fact have (beyond the silly adventures we fans like to write). And that Elrond, essentially in undressing his son, is seeing just how difficult it has been! His judgment of his son vis-a-vis Arwen suddenly gets pushed aside and rightfully so. But again to that inner world and Elrond's view of it: thank you! Not just for letting we readers see it from Elrond's eyes, but to see it fade and become the world it should be before bringing Aragorn back. Oh, and you let me know if my "I'm talking to you directly" reviews annoy or bother. It's my style but I can be much more critical; it's just not fun that way. :) Author Reply: You're not at all annoying me with your chatty reviews! I thank you for them! I'm also very grateful that you're enjoying these old stories of mine (of which At Hope's Edge definitely is... my thoughts on Aragorn have become more refined since those days). "But again to that inner world and Elrond's view of it: thank you! Not just for letting we readers see it from Elrond's eyes, but to see it fade and become the world it should be before bringing Aragorn back." You're very welcome! I wrote this mostly as an exercise in writing Elrond and in getting that healing scene sorted out in my mind, then decided readers might enjoy reading it. I'm always interested in exploring those ways in which Elrond and Aragorn could come together rather than the ways in which they stand apart, and that thinking drove how I wrote the two of them. I like the idea of Elrond having an epiphany (or at least having the seeds planted for an epiphany) at some time between their initial falling out and the war of the Ring that his foster son is more than worthy of his daughter, even if he still wouldn't have allowed her to marry any Secondborn short of the King himself. And I kind of think that Aragorn likely carried a lot of really dark memomies--how could he not--but that under normal circumstances, he did not let them unduly trouble him. The Black Breath, however, stripped him of the strength he needed to keep those nightmares in check. It was fun (for me, not for him!) to explore that "what if" scenario.

Ellynn	Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 8/25/2010
Wonderful. Perfect. Author Reply: Thank you!

Minerva Organa	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/26/2009
My goodness...this was wonderful! I love your portrayal of Elrond, and I really like that you're giving us his perspective of the tale. =) Author Reply: Thank you, Minerva! I'm glad you liked this... I had to get into Elrond's head as well as Aragorn's to see how it all happened, and Elrond's Tale is the result of that--I found out during the process that I really, really like Elrond. grin Thanks for the review!

Linda Hoyland	Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 5/25/2009
A very vivid glimpse of the shadow world that Aragorn was trapped in .I liked the way you explained the false Halbarad. Author Reply: Thank you, Linda! I'm glad you liked seeing that world from another's viewpoint. I think the false Halbarad was both a figment brought on by the Nazgul's evil and also something that sprung from Aragorn's own fears that he will let everyone down. I think any person who highly values doing the right thing and being responsible has those feelings... not doubt like the LOTR movies showed but just fear and doubt that he might not be up to the challenge because of his own shortcomings. And I think Aragorn likely hates to think he might let people down... so his brain, jacked up and screwed up as it was because of fatigue and injury and Black Breath, conjured up a worst-case scenario of what his own dearest friend might do if he did. It was hard to get all that into the story without belaboring the point, though. LOL But thank you for your review and glad you liked this! :)

Lily Baggins	Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 5/19/2009
I'm enjoying seeing how Elrond covers his true emotions and thoughts when Aragorn is aware, in order to spare Aragorn any worry or pain. But inside, Elrond is very worried---about Aragorn's health, his future, his very soul . . . Words cannot convey how much I adore reading these details---as I said earlier, I never tire of them. I'm just so glad you decided to share these with us! Author Reply: Thank you, Lily! I'm glad you enjoyed the Elrond chapters. I have always imagined one of the hardest things a doctor has to is hide their emotions when dealing with patients who have become as close as loved ones, or indeed who are loved ones. The mental strength necessary to do that, for the good of the patient, must be enormous. Elrond has had centuries to perfect that, but then he's also never really had a foster son who was a son in every sense of the word like Estel is. Very hard moments for Elrond! Thanks again for the review!

Silivren Tinu	Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 5/16/2009
The dark inner place Aragorn was trapped in was just as creepy and sinister seen through Elrond's eyes as it was through Aragorn's, if not more. shivers I'm sorry to repeat myself, but... poor Elrond! His fear to be too late and fail in saving his son was so intense that it almost made me worry, though I knew already how this would end. ;-) Still, it is nice to see Elrond worry so much about Aragorn and fear so much for him. It's far too easy from his description in the books (and need I mention the movies? :P) to see him as the bad guy or something close to it, but I far prefer to see him as a loving father who was brought into an impossible situation and trapped between his love for his son and his love for his daughter. I loved how you showed this conflict at the end of this chapter and also solved it, at least for one moment in time. :) Almut Author Reply: Thanks, Almut! I'm glad you liked this glimpse of Elrond and his own thoughts and fears... he really wasn't presented as a fully rounded character in Tolkien so it's interesting to play with him, see how he might think and act and feel. I wish Tolkien had given us more about Elrond, but at least we can explore him via fanfic! Like you, I like to think of him as a very compassionate and loving person... both toward his family and the free folk of Arda in general. I think he must have felt a real calling to make the choice of the Firstborn, so he could do what he could down through the ages to defeat Sauron. It's so interesting to me to think about Elros and Elrond and how instrumental they were in the history of Middle-earth. Anyway, I'm rambling... I'm very glad you liked this and thank you for the review!

Estelcontar	Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 5/15/2009
You did a great job of portraying Aragorn's suffering, and the effect it had in Elrond. I'm glad Aragorn is in now on the road that leads to healing. Author Reply: Thanks, Estelcontar! It always is a relief to get Aragorn to that place where finally he's on the mend, isn't it? I'm glad you liked seeing it from Elrond's POV. Thanks for the review!

Larner	Reviewed Chapter: 2 on 5/15/2009
A horrible vision of Aragorn's own private hell, to which the Nazgul's touch brought him. And there is pain, yes; but a hope he cannot yet imagine. Lovely! Author Reply: Thank you, Larner... that's a perfect summation of it all, isn't it? It really was a hellish place, and yet Elrond brought hope into it. The Nazgul are just beastly, aren't they? Thank you for the review!

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