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An Unexpected Feast by Cairistiona	19 Review(s)
Lexilooper	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 1/10/2026
His plate held what looked like balls of breaded fish, a small puddle of bright green.... He squinted, unsure. Bright green sauce of some kind, at any rate. He had eaten avocados stirred into a sauce in the south of Gondor and he supposed this must be some similar thing. Steamed rice, an assortment of some sort of sea creatures–shrimp, he guessed, although not easily recognizable with the legs on and the heads still attached and eyes staring reproachfully at him. And a pile of what looked for all the world like the tangled remains of last year’s bird nests. He looked closer. It was a bird nest. Complete with an egg. OH BOY XD ew ew ew that sounds extremely fancy and gross Thorongil hid his sigh. He was tired of strange food in strange places. He thought of Butterbur’s fine roast lamb, served off the spit, and good roasted potatoes and carrots and a thick slice of steaming bread with butter melting over it, and a flagon of rich, dark ale to wash it all down... awww yessss <33 he misses Butterbur's good cooking ... and then he looked again at the shrimp looking back at him. Valar, he was starving but to eat... that... XDDD cackling this poor guy starving but...how...how can he force himself to eat... Just the smell of it... and those eyes looking at him... LOLL <3 I love Aragorn not knowing how to eat fancy food he like EEP He was not even sure how to eat any of it. His host had handed him two sticks. Sticks. Not a fork and knife, nor a spoon. But sticks. Was he supposed to stab the egg and eat it like a child’s lollipop? LOLL <3 I love when there are references to things we have but made to sound very in-place in Middle-Earth--"like a child's lollipop" Surely not. XD you're right It would help if he could speak the language of his host, but he could not. He was here at the banquet only because he had assisted, after a fashion, in fending off a gang of thieves bent on robbing a nobleman’s retinue, having come upon the battle quite by accident as he rode quietly through this extreme Eastern land. Arriving at the tail end of the battle, he had not really contributed much to the fight other than brandishing his sword and swelling the number of the nobleman’s guard by one, but he had been welcomed in the giddy aftermath by the warriors who had done the actual bloodletting as though he alone had saved the day. It was quite embarrassing, to be honest, and he had slid his unblooded blade into its scabbard as quickly as he could. He had nodded and given them a somewhat shy smile and turned his horse, hoping to ride quietly away, but instead they swept him up in their company, and now here he sat in the nobleman’s grand house, at a banquet held in honor of the victory, feeling quite like he had stumbled into a party to which he was not invited, but allowed to stay because the gracious host could find no way with good manners to oust him. oh dear I LOVE this he's like...but I...I didn't really...um DO anything hurriedly putting his clean sword away shy smile <3 but then they still just go YEAH NEW GUY He had never felt more uncomfortable in all his years. aww oh dear poor guy Still, since he was sitting at the table, nothing for it but to press on. He cast a quick glance at the man to his left. He had picked up the sticks and placed one along the webbing between his thumb and forefinger, bracing it against his thumb with his middle finger, and the other he held between his index finger and thumb, and he was deftly maneuvering them like a pair of tongs, picking up the fish balls–if indeed that was what they were–and dipping them in the sauce and popping the entire thing in his mouth. He chewed, his eyes shut with pure pleasure. lollll YES the watching subtly, and this guy just like THIS IS THE MOST DELICIOUS THING and Thorongil's like...is it now Thorongil swallowed hard. Surely I can manage to do the same. surely? perhaps? He placed the sticks in his right hand, finding it a bit easier to use his ring finger to brace the bottom stick. He then experimentally opened and closed them a few times and was pleased to see he could at least manage that much. Whether he could actually pick anything up was another question entirely. Taking a deep breath, he placed the sticks on either side of one of the brown, crisp balls on his plate and squeezed. The ball squibbed out from between the sticks and bounced across the table. lol figures sorry buddy Mortified, he quickly stabbed it with one of the sticks and brought it back to his plate, hoping no one noticed. But the man across from him paused, nothing more than an infinitesimal break in his eating, but it was telling all the same. His gaze flicked from the errant fish ball to Thorongil’s face. Something glinted in his dark eyes–a smile, perhaps, or more likely evidence of otherwise well-hidden shrieks of hysterical laughter–and then he very slowly and deliberately picked up a fish ball, as if demonstrating how it should be done. Shrieks of hysterical laughter XD oh poor Aragorn is humiliated but thank you kind stranger for demonstrated <3 THE DESPERATE QUICK STAB well he's trained to do that anyways Thorongil bent his head to the task and tried again, this time working to keep from squeezing too hard. The sticks slid off the ball without picking it up. you're doing great honey <3 His stomach growled. He had to resist the urge to be done with it and pick up the cursed food with his fingers. rightttt ugh so frustrating He tried again and was delighted to finally achieve success. He dipped the ball in the green sauce, coating it liberally as everyone was doing, and popped it into his mouth. good job! uh And immediately felt like the top of his head was going to blow off. SKSJADH XD perfect lolllll and the other guy was just so serenely blissfully enjoying this Hot... it was hot... not just in temperature but with some sort of peppery spice unlike anything he had ever experienced. He felt his eyes well up and his throat close and he broke out in a sweat and dear Valar, he could not possibly chew and swallow but he knew he must... and somehow he did, and immediately reached for the cup sitting beside him. LOLLLL POOR GUY IS SO EMBARASSED PLUS PAIN AND TRYING NOT TO ACTUAL CRY OVER THE SPICE seeing as we have the movie thing with Eowyn's stew I can picture this happening in a movie soo well and I would love it yesss throat closing The man to his left grabbed his wrist to stay his movement, pointing instead to the rice and nodding vigorously as he pantomimed eating it. oh dear I assume the rice helps then? Nearly blindly through watering eyes, Thorongil made a stab at the rice with the sticks and managed to pick up one grain. except--this. How is he supposed to get enough rice to help poor guy? His mouth was afire. He was certain the foul green stuff was eating away his throat. eee He tried again, holding the sticks together and shoving them spade like into the pile of rice and this time he managed to scoop up a small clump of the sticky rice. He shoveled it as quickly as decorum allowed into his mouth and followed it with three more bites and finally the burning started to abate. YAY GOOD JOB "as quickly as decorum allowed" he's tryna maintain some semblance He took a sip of the tea and then let out a quiet, relieved breath. His throat felt like it had been flogged, but at least he could breathe again. yayyyyy hehe throat flogged um OUCH I hope the tea is normal Another glance across the table showed him the man there was no longer bothering to hide his amusement at the spectacle before him. Thorongil managed a weak smile, sniffed and blinked and took a deep breath and then picked up another ball. This time he abandoned the green stuff, for he knew it must contain acid, probably imported straight from Mordor, and instead ate the ball without sauce. He bit down, expecting the flakiness of fish, and was very unpleasantly surprised to feel instead something rather gelatinous and rubbery and tasteless between his teeth, something he had entirely missed in the burning fiasco of the sauce-coated first bite. Trying carefully to school his features, he continued chewing. It seemed a bit chalky but also a bit like boiled egg and, taken altogether, completely disagreeable. But he gamely worked his way through the pile. "for he knew it must contain acid" LOL he knew. And the guy just even more amused. Good job smiling weakly back <3 maybe you can be friends for being a good sport about it all oh dear oh dear is it... "gamely" good job buddy. Points. The last one slid away from his sticks but this time at least landed on his plate instead of escaping across the table in a bid for freedom. Some of the breaded coating flaked off and out of curiousity, Thorongil pried off a bit more so he could see what it was he was eating. He immediately wished he hadn’t. An eyeball looked back up at him from the crumbles of breading. Oh, sweet Elbereth... what is wrong with these people, eating nothing but creatures that are still looking back at them? IT IS oh gosh his reaction XDD I love it so much. eating nothing but creatures that are still looking back at them??? this is worse than Eowyn's stew He swallowed the bile rising in his throat and hoped he did not look as green as he felt. As green as that sauce... oh dear He grabbed his tea and took several gulps. Then he picked up the sticks again and turned the eye over so it was no longer staring at him. lollll But the man across the table was staring. And his lips were twitching as he held back his laughter. OH NO I am really...really worried about what that "tea" is and I'm sorry Thorongil but...I am full on cackling as well Thorongil felt heat rush to his cheeks. Thank the Valar for Gandalf’s wisdom in telling me to travel Arda under an assumed name. It would never do for word to get out of how the future King of Gondor completely humiliated himself in front of an entire delegation of... whoever these people are. oh dear yes XD <3 and I love his...uh I'm not even sure. Who. These lovely people are. He indeed wished he truly knew who these good folk were, other than having merely the vague knowledge they were from the far Eastern realms beyond Khan, whose deserts he had crossed in the last months. But his one brief foray into conversation, speaking Westron, was met with blank stares and then such a babble of garbled, yet strangely musical, speech that he quickly sank into silence and simply let events take their course. aw poor guy <3 as many languages as he knows he has not learned this one. Strangely musical cool again I love how despite the food he's like I really do wish I knew who they were and we could be friends! He managed a weak smile at the man across from him, whose own smile broadened considerably. He gestured encouragingly toward the egg and nest arrangement on Thorongil’s plate, then attacked his own. Thorongil nodded his thanks and then watched as the man started peeling his egg in thoroughly ordinary fashion. oh dear oh dear thank you smiling guy for being encouraging at least <3 Relieved, Thorongil picked up his own egg and tapped it against the table quietly, then started to peel it. But as the first chip fell away, he knew once again things were not what they seemed. In fact, it seemed something had gone horrendously wrong. There was a chick in the egg. OH NO I KNEW IT Horrified, Thorongil froze. Keeping his head down, he glanced across the table. The man’s egg also held a chick, and far from being shocked, the man smiled broadly and stuffed it into his mouth. SKAHDFSJDKH his horror at the guy's enthusiasm Thorongil put his egg down and pulled his shaking hands into his lap. This time he knew, he absolutely knew, he was going to be sick. He took several long deep breaths through slightly parted lips, fighting to keep his stomach from utterly rebelling. He finally shut his eyes, opened them, then stared at the rice. oh dear askdhfdjdsg he gonna be sick I love his shaking hands <3 at the idea of I can't eat a BABY BIRD The wonderfully normal, white, fluffy heap of rice. He marveled at its lovely simplicity. How had he never appreciated the wonderful qualities of rice? sksadjhhjskhjkf XDDD cackling again I love him He picked up his sticks again and turned the egg with its hellish contents over and moved it toward the eyeball, telling himself to pretend it was merely a hard-boiled egg and nothing more. Then he took a bite of rice and chewed and swallowed and when it did not lodge in his throat, relaxed a bit and took another bite. Rice grains fell onto the table but he found he no longer cared. "hellish" I love so very much how sensitive he is and well, I agree Unfortunately, the remaining bit of rice did not take long to finish. Then he was left staring at a row of shrimp staring back at him. Still, at least they were ordinary sea creatures, things he had eaten once before and actually enjoyed. He picked up one in his sticks and somewhat clumsily bit off all but the head and legs. It had an odd spice on it, and had a much stronger fishy taste than the shrimp he had eaten in Belfalas, but otherwise was quite good. He made quick work of all of them, then gently put his sticks across his plate and hoped that was the end of the meal. good job buddy <3 suddenly those seem entirely edible even enjoyable It was not. OH dear His and everyone else’s plates were whisked away, and then steaming bowls of soup were placed before them. He leaned over and cautiously sniffed. It smelled of nothing more sinister than chicken soup. And praise the Valar! There was a spoon beside the bowl. Still, he plied the golden depths cautiously, half expecting to bring up some new horror from its depths. But the spoon came back with only broth and bits of what looked like egg in it. And indeed, on tasting, it proved to be chicken broth with shreds of cooked egg floating in it. An unusual combination, he had to admit, but it was very tasty and did much toward restoring his faith in the eating habits of his hosts. yayyy <3 cute The empty bowls were again whisked off, and then an air of expectancy fell on the men, one Thorongil could feel despite having no sense of their language whatsoever. Thorongil sat back, watching with more than a bit of trepidation as a servant of some sort entered carrying a platter covered with a silver dome. This was placed before the nobleman seated at the head of the table, and then removed with a flourish. OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR Everyone leaned forward and then as one murmured approvingly. There was much nodding and smiling, but Thorongil was not sure what the fuss was about. He leaned forward to see better and immediately berated himself for his stupidity. yep XD trying to see what it is, how foolish It was yet another eyeball. This time a very large one, apparently served still in the socket. He watched with sick fascination as the nobleman expertly ate what apparently was a great delicacy. Thorongil simply swallowed hard and was grateful he had not been served one. He was sure he would not have been able to contain his revulsion... or the contents of his stomach... had they presented one to him in such a manner. SKJADHFJK oh dearrrr yes praise the Valar it is only for the nobleman He could not hold back a sigh as he looked down at the table in front of him. How he wished he were home... or even out in the woods somewhere at his own campfire eating his own cooking, which, lacking though it usually was, actually held quite the appeal at the moment. At least he would serve himself no eyeballs. He just managed to suppress a shudder. LOLLL <33 poor guyyyy he's like okay I am not good at cooking but! I serve myself edible things! A movement behind him, and an arm crossed over his shoulder with a covered plate. Panic welled up in him. They were about to serve him a giant eyeball... oh Valar, his nightmares would be haunted by this until he crossed the Dark Sea... and he knew he would be unable to graciously eat such a thing and he would gravely insult his hosts... askjdfhks poor guy his panicccccc however I feel it will not be? The cover was pulled off and there before him lay several pieces of perfectly roasted chicken on a bed of steamed rice. WHOA WHAT FOOD He felt like grabbing the hand of the server and showering it with kisses. Instead he turned around and nodded his thanks. Nodded them quite enthusiastically, in fact, with a great smile that he could not hide. The server returned his smile with a smaller, more decorous one of his own, then waited while Thorongil plied his sticks and worked a bit of meat free and put it in his mouth. skdajfhkjhsk awwww he enthusiasm he CAN'T CONTAIN poor guy Tears came to his eyes, but this time of sheer bliss. awwwww <:( he's like FOOD NORMAL FOOD The server behind him leaned down, and in perfect Westron, said, “We do not often have Men of the West at our table. Had I known, I would have served this to you instead of the máodàn, the fertilized egg. It is not widely accepted by those outside our nation. When your plate was brought to me with the egg nearly intact, I realized my error. Please accept my humble apologies.” SKASJDFHSJKG UM TEARS <333 THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND KNOWLEDGE OF WESTRON Thorongil stared, taken aback that here at last was someone who spoke Westron. He quickly found his tongue, however. “There is no need. It is I who should have simply enjoyed that fine delicacy of your nation.” aw he's so courteous as well <3 The man bowed, then retreated through a door that presumably led to the kitchens. <3333 thank youuuuuu server Thorongil watched the doorway for a moment, then turned and looked up and down the lavish table, with its silks and fine tableware and candles... and the evidence here and there of the nightmarish food selections... and thought of the kindness they had shown to him, a stranger who did not even speak their language nor understand their customs. Someday, when he at last came into his inheritance, he would return to this nation. awwwwwwwww yessssss he's so sweet I love love how much he loves making connections and friends <3 And he would eat the máodàn even if it killed him. awww poor guy he's too good <33 yesssss basing it off your own experiences I love that <3 (and fair enough I don't think I would be able to bring myself to try maodan either)

Eirinn Leigh	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 4/21/2016
Wonderful. Quite humorous! Author Reply: My apologies for the late reply... somehow the notification ended up in my spam folder. :/ But thank you! So glad you enjoyed this and that it gave you a chuckle!

PSW	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 11/23/2015
:-) I needed something short and light-hearted before bedtime, and I thought....what better than Thorongil eating eyeballs with chopsticks?? It was just as fantastic this time around... ;-) Thanks (again) for this delightful read... Author Reply: Ah, I know what you mean! I keep a list of lighthearted fics on my phone, for when insomnia or just a bad strikes. I'm honored my little fic is one you use for that!

Winterwitch	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 10/21/2013
What a wonderful, wonderful tale! I just had the time of my life. You describe this so beautifully and in such a fun, entertaining way, showing the fun part of Aragorn's cultural shock as well as the appreciation he has for the foreign customs and the details of that culture seen through his eyes and shown by his hosts. I thought that bright green sauce at the beginning was Wasabi, but is this served in the Chinese kitchen? My knowledge of Chinese - and Asian - kitchen and cooking in general is limited to what I know from European restaurants and the numerous cookbooks I have and love. I had a similar experience once, though, at least as far as the hotness goes; in my favourite Mongolian restaurant they did a mistake with the Wasabi for the excellent Sushi they serve and served it kind of double-strength. I love Wasabi and tolerate this kind of hotness usually well, so I coated my Sushi liberally - far too liberally. The WW said he didn't know a human's face could become so red! g How lucky you are to have made these travels and experiences, though I could easily forego the eye delicacies. Author Reply: Thank you, Alcina! I had a feeling you'd enjoy this one. g And I did have wasabi in mind. The things he eats here are a blend of several different Asian countries' cuisines, because I wanted a generalized sense of the Far East without pinning it to any specific culture. I imagine that poor Aragorn's face was about as red as yours! Wasabi can be... intense. LOL I'm more of a hot mustard/hot pepper sauce person, myself, and yes, I'll probably skip the eyeballs too! Thanks for reading!

Kaylee Arafinwiel	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 1/15/2011
Cairistiona, I've read this a few times, yet I've never reviewed it...I'm sorry! It gets better with every re-read though...poor Aragorn! I just want to hug him. A few months ago, I was finishing up an accelerated Medical Administrative Assisting course, and my one-month externship was served in my neurologist's office...I asked him if he'd take me on, and I was very thankful he'd rather take me than entrust me to some strange doctor's care. :) It was a good time; I quickly got into the feel of being "on the other side". One thing I did not get used to was the places we went for lunch. Dr. Ahmed and his other assistants were from the general Middle Eastern/South Asian region, and enjoyed Indian food. I...did not. Nor did I grow to like it, lol. I appreciated the bread. And the occasional not spicy rice. And the sweets were ok. But the rest...the curry and the curried rice and the whatever else nearly took my head off, so oh, can I sympathize. I do not recall any eyes, though, thank God. I hope never to find any. (And, occasionally, they'd take pity on me and order Subway, or a couple of times it was fish & chips, knowing my weakness for British food. :) I really do love them...just not the Indian food. So I also had the equivalent of that Westron-speaking server guy around from time to time.) Can I join in the requests for a sequel? Maybe this could expand into a "Thorongil Travels Arda On His Stomach" series? LOL! Kaylee Author Reply: Thank you, Kaylee! What a wonderful idea for a story series! LOL I'll have to give that some thought. If I do end up writing some more, I'll dedicate them to you. :) What I love about this story is how so many readers have shared with me similar experiences--there's seems to be a lot of wincing reactions of "been there, done that" to Thorongil's predicament. I'm not a fan of super hot spicy food and I very much sympathize with your lunches. There's nothing quite like those Asian peppers for making your skull blow off and leaving you light-headed. LOL I guess some people like that experience but I never have and never will. reaches for glass of milk to wash away the memory Yes, pass the fish & chips, please! Thanks for the review and for sharing your own experience. :)

Linda Hoyland	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 6/24/2009
I'd not read this before as I usually read while eating!Thanks for the warnings. I loved Aragorn's nobility and the kindness of the host when they realised he was squeamish about their food. Aragorn is braver than I am! Author Reply: Thanks, Linda, I'm glad you enjoyed this... and glad you heeded the warning even if it meant a delay for you in reading it. LOL I think Aragorn, even in less than ideal circumstances, would always try his best to make sure he didn't insult anyone. And yes, the kindness is a reflection of my own hosts when I was in China. Good people there. :) Thanks for the review!

websterans	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 5/12/2009
Hilarious! As an American city gal with a Chinese husband, this one really rang true for me. Have you ever tried eating shrimp rolls, or whole shellfish, or maybe just big pieces of broccoli, neatly with chopsticks, while your mother-in-law is watching? Author Reply: Oh my, that would be pressure! I have to say I've never had that worry, no. I managed fairly well with the chopsticks in China, although some dishes utterly defeated me and I had to sheepishly ask for silverware. LOL I'm glad you enjoyed this story and that it touched on your own experience. Thanks for the review!

Laikwalâssê	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 4/19/2009
thank you so much for this delightful piece of a humourous story, albeit I could very much sympathize with poor Aragorn. Only thinking of eating an eyeball or a chick makes me ill. Nonetheless you made my day and made me laugh. Thank you. Lai Author Reply: Thank you, Lai! I'm glad you got a laugh out of this, despite (or maybe because of?) the disgusting food. I'm with you... don't think I could ever really eat any of those things! Thanks again for the review. :)

Lily Baggins	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 4/18/2009
Oh my---this had my eyes goggling out of my head, wondering what dish was coming next, and my ribs aching with laughter. Poor Aragorn! And we all know this couldn't have been the last time he was faced with such . . . exotic . . . cuisine. My dad ate a fertilized duck egg back in the 1940s, in the Navy, while stationed in China, and he said it was the most hideous thing imaginable. So this really hit home! And years ago, my best friend went to the Philippines and said they're called "baloots" there---very popular. Eeegh, I can eat many odd things, but one of those isn't it! Kudos to you for this engaging story---it was a treat! Author Reply: Thank you, Lily! I'm glad you liked this and could relate to it--seems like nearly everyone has had a story about their own encounters with bizarre foods, but you're the first who knows someone who had maodan or yes, balut! So it was indeed hideous for your dad... I did find myself wondering what it might taste like. But not wondering enough to actually try it! And I do think you're right... there's probably a lot of other bizarre foods Thorongil had to eat. Hmm, maybe I could make a series of this... grin Thanks for the review!

Larner	Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 4/16/2009
I suspect I would not do well on a trip to China or Japan, as I can't eat most seafoods or shrimp, my stomach does not tolerate peppers or onions or even cucumbers well (acid reflux does horrible things when faced with strong spices or acids), and rice makes me want to gag, as the texture of it is something I've never tolerated well. Add in a general dislike of both tea and coffee, and I simply would be reduced to a diet of vegetables, chicken, and water, which hopefully would not give me problems! Poor Aragorn--at least he found one person who appreciated how he felt! That dish of poultry and simple rice must have been so reassuring after realizing he'd been eating eyes! Gaack! I did giggle, however! Author Reply: And you can't drink the water in China! LOL Well, you can, if you boil it or drink bottled water. But yes, it would be hard for you over there if you were in an area that didn't have many Western restaurants (or ones that serve a Western menu, which fortunately many do). Anyway, back to Thorongil. grin I'm glad you liked this and got a giggle out of it, and yes, thank goodness for the kind-hearted, astute and understanding chef! Thanks for the review!

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