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|Ten Thousand Years Will Not Suffice by Agape4Gondor||3 Review(s)|
|Larner||Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 7/9/2010|
|Ecthelion seems intent on destroying the fealty of his son and his son's friends to himself. Is this the spell cast so long ago by Curunir during his visits? And it appears it was his Uruk-hais who committed the atrocities at Amon Din. Saruman has much to answer for.|
|French Pony||Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 4/6/2006|
|Finally! I was able to finish this chapter without people coming and interrupting me, always needing something. . . |
I think you've got a good start here, and you certainly have some striking imagery. Denethor's terror at the prospect of Finduilas giving birth is realistic and understandable, especially given all the tsuris that has followed from Rían's untimely death. The diagnosis of Rían's fatal injury almost half a century after her death shows the cleverness of Gondor's new generation of healers, that will eventually lead to the compliments given to Gondor's leechcraft in LOTR. (The presence of male healers, rather than female midwives, at the birth is another issue, but it's not so important right now.) And the juxtaposition of the terrifying Orc massacre with the joy of Boromir's birth was quite striking. You worked that very well, integrating the two events nicely.
However, there were a few things in this chapter that could stand another look-through. Be very careful when using "thee" and "thou." Those forms are not used much in current English, but they do have specific conjugations, and they're easy to get wrong. I knowest should be I know, even though it is followed by "thee." Be careful with the "est" ending on verbs. You use it more than is warranted -- only "thou" takes it, not "I," "you," or "s/he."
At the very beginning, you have Indis remarking that Finduilas is carrying the baby high -- but then you seem to indicate that she's only about three months pregnant, at which point she wouldn't be showing at all.
It seems that Ecthelion's craziness is not just directed at Denethor. His abuse of Amdir was completely unwarranted, and I wonder at that. I understand that Ecthelion's lunacy and abuse of Denethor is meant to be a prelude to the way that Denethor treats Faramir, but it seems that there's far more at work here than just that. It would be fascinating to explore that and find out why he's so crazy, what sort of hold Thorongil has over him that he would treat the rest of his soldiers with the same contempt that he shows for his son. I'm also interested to see when Denethor's change in personality will come.
Denethor is forty-eight years old now, and he seems like a perfectly reasonable man, far more so than one might expect with such a terrible, inconsistent father. That he's survived relatively emotionally intact up until now says a great deal about the strength of his personality, but it also means that the leap he'll make from being sane and reasonable to being horrible to Faramir is going to be that much more extreme. I'll be interested to see how this goes down.
Author Reply: Hi, FP!
Thanks for continuing to read - I got waylaid by another tale and haven't been able to write much of Denethor recently. But the other tale is complete now. Phew!
As for Finduilas carrying high - definite mistake - I'll have to figure out something - thanks for pointing it out.
Also - many thanks for the lesson in thee's and thou's. I definitely don't know a hill of beans about them except for reading Shakespeare and such! Will go back and look at them too. If you see anymore errors - I'd most appreciate the feedback!
I think Ecthelion's contempt for Amdir stems directly from his anger with Denethor. Anything attached to Denethor is suspect... And Amdir is Denethor's best friend.
Denethor's sister's love, his time with Thengel, with Walda and the Rohirrim, and his friend's constant support - these are the things that have helped shape him. What will happen down the road is anyone's guess.
Again, many thanks!
|Aislynn Crowdaughter||Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 4/5/2006|
|In your story, Ecthelion is a stupid old man incapable to lead and so taken with his own hatred against his son he is destroying the moral in his people. In short, you made Ecthelion being movie-Denethor, while creating Denthor bookverse. I asm glad to see justice done to Denethor, but I see no base for this characterization of Ecthelion either. Is there a reason why he despises his own son so much? And your Aragorn is weak to go along weith it. Somehiow, I have trouble to believe this characterizateion, although I can easily see Denethor developing hatred for Thorongil in this story (without Thorongil ever doing anything on his own to set Denethor back).|
Author Reply: Hi, glad you read the story and were touched enough to respond.
Tolkien states in the Appendix (iv) GONDOR AND THE HEIRS OF ANÁRION-
'Turgon followed Turin, but of his time it is chiefly remembered that two years ere his death, Sauron arose again.'
'Ecthelion II, son of Turgon, was a man of wisdom. With what power was left to him he began to strengthen his realm against the assault of Mordor.'
Might you tell me what words I used that made you think I thought Ecthelion was stupid? I tried to show, perhaps unsuccessfully, that Ecthelion was left with a mess by his father Turin. The only good thing Tolkien had to say of Turin was that Sauron rose right before the end of his reign. I took that to mean that Turin did nothing to defend Gondor and therefore, Ecthelion was left in dire straits. That horrendous task, coupled with his grief at his wife's death, caused him to be harsh towards Denethor. The harshness grew as he became older.
Men who are abusive to their children learn it from their forebears. Denethor learned it from Ecthelion - IMHO.
I don't see Aragorn as weak either, in this story, but I might be mistaken. I very much like Thorongil - and I believe Denethor did too... until things happened.
Again, deepest thanks for reading,