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| Shadow II: Northern Flames by fael bain | 1 Review(s) |
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| Lyn | Reviewed Chapter: 25 on 5/29/2006 |
"Not now," Legolas said, turning to look at Elrohir, who had a million questions in his eyes too. "We must move off, or the dragons will return." Making a few hurried excuses, Legolas disappeared only to return a few minutes later, paler than before. "We must leave," he said in answer to their curious stares. "We carry on northwest once we have rounded the edge of the cliffs. If we keep low, the dragons will not spot us. Otherwise, we give them a good fight." ---- Where did Legolas go and why? What made him "paler than before"? Is this something that Elrohir and Esendri are not supposed to know? I would have preferred knowing as a reader. In fact, I prefer knowing exactly what is happening and why unless it is something the (reader) or (Elrohir, Esendri, other characters) must not know (but will be revealed later in the story). For me, there are many instances of missing scenes or missing words. I feel disconnected every once in a while when reading this story. The end of one chapter does not occur at the beginning of the next chapter---there is no continuity...the next chapter is just a brand new scene. It's as if something is missing. It reminds me of watching a mystery story on TV and the signal is occasionally distorted, so whenever the picture is available, you know you are still in the same story but something happened when the picture wasn't available and you have to guess what happened. There are enough connected scenes and images and thoughts that I can get the GIST of the story, and this is a very imaginative and entertaining story! In fact, this one of BEST story lines I've read and the characterizations are excellent; however, I just wish there were more explanations as the story goes along so I know exactly: 1) what is happening and 2) to whom it is happening. Author Reply: Hi Lyn, I've edited it to read: 'Making a few hurried excuses, Legolas disappeared in the direction of where Eilwar had left his pack, only to return a few minutes later, paler than before, clutching a letter in his hand which none of the other two noticed.' I guess I really hate a style where everything is spelt out carefully to the reader, but because in my head everything falls into place and make sense, I sometimes do get a bit muddled as to what I tell my readers. I'm sorry you find it frustrating, and I agree that it is disconnected, but I am hoping to slowly let the various mysteries unfold. I think part of my reason for doing so is (perhaps a cheap way of) bringing across the own questions and confusion that the Elves feel about the whole mystery. I know there is a lot of room for improvement, and the story sprawls a lot, and I am working on making it more coherent. I really appreciate your pointing out bits that do not make sense, so keep the comments coming. Cheers. fael | |