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|The Unbroken Sword by Avon||4 Review(s)|
|grumpy||Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 1/30/2005|
|Very good story, so sad and lovely. I love it that Halbarad tried to find words for a song for Arathorn but could not, but joined in the one of the elves. |
gLove the passin of the sword from Halbarad to Arasgorn, and that Halbarad thinks there is much of his father in the boy.
Author Reply: Sorry this is so late, but thank you, grumpy. I really appreciated the feedback.
|meckinock||Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 1/27/2005|
|I liked Halbarad's quiet grief and steadfast loyalty to father and son; his stay in the empty house, his vigil for the chieftain's body to be brought. Aragorn's appearance was very understated and dignified; and he had just the right combination of shy youth and emerging manhood. Very well done!|
Author Reply: Thank you, meckinock! I had never given Halbarad much thought until I wrote this for a friend's birthday and then I found a quietly loyal man I became very fond of. Sorry this reply is so belated.
|daw the minstrel||Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 1/27/2005|
|I really, really liked this. The details of weather and place and even the horse playing with its bit are well done and give a sense of reality. Young Aragorn comes through even in the small glimpse we see. But I think the thing I like best is the image of the elves coming with the body of Arathorn, singing as they ride.|
Author Reply: Thank you! I just keep circling back and around the whole twins plus Arathorn story.
|purrlin||Reviewed Chapter: 1 on 1/27/2005|
|I happen to like the double layer flash back and I adore good descriptive prose, in fact I sometimes am in awe of how you can use so few words in such a descriptive way.|
But the ending feels flat to me.
"They brought not only Arathorn but also his sword, and in trust for the man’s infant son, Halbarad had taken both his sword and his role as leader of the Dúnedain." this appears at about the mid point of your story... and you end with Aragorn being given his fathers sword. Maybe changing the ending in some small way so that Halbarad also pushes the point that he is handing over the chieftainship as well or that the sword becomes the son as Chieftain as well as it did the father.
It just seems to me that the simple sentence you use to mark the change in time could be turned upon itself to mark this next change too.
I hope I'm making some sense. The way its written at the moment isn't wrong it just doesnt seem to be an end point. I was told once that stories came in many shapes, some like timelines, some like a graph full of ups and downs, but the ones people remember most are those that create a circle, that ask questions but cause the reader to be intraspective rather than retrospective. (mmm cirles...rings...Tolkein is a circle writer)
But this is all personal thoughts...I happen to have loved this story...I have always imagined Halbarad not that much older than Aragorn but your story makes me see that he would have had to have been older, thank goodness he carries Numenorian blood too.
Thanks for another interesting read.
Author Reply: Finally catching up on reviews. Thank you very much for your detailed and thoughtful feedback. I have considered it - I just haven't managed to do anything with this story yet. I see what you mean though.