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| The Grief and Guilt of a Ringbearer by Cantora Eledhwen | 3 Review(s) |
|---|---|
| Marilla | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 11/29/2003 |
| I'm glad my reviews are helpful to you! I know some grammer because I read a lot, and I know Tolkien because most of what I read was either written by Tolkien or is about him and his books. I have a suggestion for you, maybe you should change the title to "Grief and Guilt of the Fellowship," because I'm sure that the other members feel guilty too, and this chapter shows that you know that. It might be a good idea to include change the title to reflect that. I don't think that you need to make this a seperate vignette - it fits into this story just fine, and isn't really too long for a chapter. Let's see...oh, yes. You seem to have issues with the verb "throw." "THROUGH yourself in next time..." should be "THROW yourself in next time..." Yes, they sound the same, but they are different types of words. Office supply/school supply stores sometimes have grammer reference cards that are very helpful with these types of words that sound identical or almost identical - I have one that I use for the words that I have the most problems with. I think maybe having Boromir think of Pippin as his son is a little bit far fetched - after all, they're about the same age on the calendar even if Pippin is emotionally and mentally a little younger. But I do love the scene with the two of them, and I do agree with you that Boromir was closer to the younger hobbits than to Sam and Frodo. I like: " 'Well, I can fix that.' Boromir said mischievously and with a roar he swept Pippin up and set him on his shoulders." Great mental image! Author Reply: Yes, and I SHOULD know grammar better than I do.. I read all the time and I always have! But I was homeschooled through elementary school and most of middle school, and somewhere my english studying dropped off. In fact, when I was in 8th grade I failed both of my exams that year in english. Literature was fine though, obviously. I'm afraid I'm still reaping my harvest from that. Hmm... that *is* a great idea! I'll talk to my beta about it and see what she thinks. It's a great point. Erg, I know. Several other people have caught me there. Silly verbs. Grr. WILL change that. It's so much easier to change things HERE than it is on ff.net. I'll look into those stores, too. I see your point there, though I think the main reason Pippin seems so much younger than Boromir (at least from Boromir's pov) is because he is so much shorter, besides being more immature. Also, Boz is the big military man who has killed and seen death and everything, while Pip is so innocent and naive (sp?). That also makes him seem younger. I'm so glad you like that part! I've had several comments on it. I like the image myself. | |
| Trishette | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 11/27/2003 |
| Awwww... this is so touching I'm nearly in tears! Author Reply: Oh my goodness! What a compliment! I've never had someone tell me I nearly brought them to tears! Wow! | |
| JULES6 | Reviewed Chapter: 3 on 11/26/2003 |
| Hi Cantora, I like this chapter with it's different points of view from other members of the fellowship. Even though Boromir might have seen a lot of death in battle, I can truly believe that grief would be the most difficult of emotions to understand for someone such as him. Well thought out and well written. I am still enjoying this - please continue. JULES Author Reply: Thanks so much for sticking with me! And I *will* read your stories, I promise! *growls at the clock* I agree... grief and death aren't things you fully get used to. | |