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At Hope's Edge by Cairistiona	16 Review(s)
Lexilooper	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 1/31/2026
skashgskjh eating hovering in the door like a frightened stray dog skittish Aragorn is my favorite <333 especially in his own house where he is very welcome and once he skittishness is realized there will be many loved ones to reassure him <3 I trust you found some rest," Erestor said with a smile, and Aragorn said nothing to disabuse him of the notion. skasjdhskg this of course he does not "a young elf" lol, like perhaps only 500 years old? Aragorn wondered if his eyes looked as wild as he felt. He lifted his hand, ready to take Erestor by the collar and shake him and only just managed to thrust his hand through his own hair instead. SKADHKJS THIS <33 wild and skittish and impatient and afraid and you need to wait where it is quiet and you can find rest and distraction, for you are quite beside yourself. yesssss he is indeed <3 nearly falling over with concern at the suggestion Halbarad might have lost any limb function without stopping to think it through He had watched baby birds hatch in their nests in its branches, and once he found a small lizard that let him feed it by hand. And in the secret bower beneath its fronds, he found escape from the sometimes merciless aggravations of twin brothers who never seemed to tire of tormenting and teasing their younger brother when they were not out on patrol. After a particularly trying day that had left him in tears, Elrond had come to his rescue, declaring the willow as Estel’s own, and forbidding Elrohir and Elladan entrance into Estel’s leafy domain upon pain of, if not death, then severe application of kitchen duties. THIS IS STILL MY VERY FAVORITE THING <333 his sanctuary within a sanctuary Aragorn shrugged ruefully but said nothing. He was not sure himself why he felt unable to go inside his old home. Perhaps the comforts therein were too sumptuous, too luxurious to indulge in when Halbarad lay suffering and perhaps dying. Or perhaps he did not want to feel caged. both of theseeee <:(( "‘But their sorrow could not be healed,’" Aragorn murmured, finishing the quote about the remnant of Gondolin. He shrugged. "Forgive me. My mood is dark this day." THISS openly quoting about hopeless sorrow "There is nothing to forgive, my child. Rest, and recoup your strength. I would like to see the light of Elendil shine once more in your eyes." So even Erestor sees that there is no light within me. yesss thissss It seems he was quite taken with the murals of Elendil and Isildur battling Sauron and said he wanted to honor the Shards of Narsil, and Isildur for his bravery, and for producing such a fine descendent in, as he put it, ‘that crazy Ranger, Strider.’ While I was a bit surprised he knew your true identity, though I suppose many in the North do know who you are, I must say, it touched me deeply for him to do such a thing for your house, and for you." awwww cuteeeee yess skasdhgsjh wrapping his arms around his chest to try and quell the emptiness and darkness and hollow there <:((( Not that it really mattered. uh...SURE it doesn't matter that something's POISONING you "You said you would keep an eye on it, Halbarad," he whispered, and his throat ached. SKASDHGSKHFSDSSSSS THISSSSSS <:(((( KNEES TO HIS CHIN AND WRAPPING HIS ARMS AROUND THEM <:((( I want a picture of Aragorn sitting like this. It's just such a hurting and trying to find comfort pose, especially for an adult And hope.... He picked up a rock and threw it forcefully into the water. Hope was nothing more than a word bereft of any promise. SKASDHSKHSSSSS THISSSSS the rock accentuating his black and white thoughts He stared, unblinking, unmoving, and the river flowed ever onward. Its swirling eddies seemed to beckon to him, to call to him to dive into its embrace. How easy it would be! He could just walk slowly in... the water first coming to his ankles... then swirling around his knees... then his hips and then his chest and then lifting him as the current carried him away from this hopeless darkness... down to the sea and to the unknown lands beyond where he would find rest at last... THIS <:(((( So why this doubt? This despair? This... this weakness. see, what you do not realize is. It is not a weakness or failing of your own. In your self-deprecation you actually take too much credit to yourself, and ever underestimate the power of the Black Breath. It has a great hold indeed. Why then did he now falter, suddenly seeking escape when none other of his ancestors had suffered such failings. are you sure? You do not know all their thoughts in the dark night watches. All you know is that none ever performed the act. He squeezed his eyes shut. "But how?" he whispered. "How do I find the hope that I once had, that I might give it to others?" skasdhgjdhsjfdh He longed for someone to tell him no, that it was not so, that his blood had not failed, but he knew not who could so reassure him. He dropped his head to his knees and choked back silent tears of despair. SKAAAASJDSSFFHFJSKGHSDJHSSS ELROND WILL TELL HIM UNPROMPTED <333 I really wanna draw this I don't trust myself with the skill or motivation but perhaps if I do find sufficient motivation I will attempt

Lexilooper	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 12/27/2025
It was as Aragorn feared. Rest utterly eluded him. <:( He could not bring himself to go upstairs to his room. He only went inside as far as the kitchens, eating a meal standing by the door, as though he were some frightened stray dog ready to bolt at the slightest crosswise look. Skajsjdj this <:( the fact that he himself is describing himself as acting like a frightened stray dog ready to bolt…he’s hurting emotionally so much Also like. Not even sitting down to eat. When hes about to fall over He barely tasted the food and a moment after swallowing the last bite could not remember what it was he ate. And he grimaced but swallowed a cup of willowbark tea, hating the taste but knowing it would help both his headache and his growing fever. As he finished, he had to politely shake off an offer of a bath, and then refuse another of a chair, and a third of a change of clothing. By the time he disentangled himself from the last cloying offer of assistance from the well-meaning staff, he felt ready to explode. <:( BUDDY TAKE A BATH CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES PLEASE you can’t avoid comfort forever, you know The offers feeling “cloying”, he just can’t right now <:( He hurried outside where he prowled through the gardens around the Last Homely House, trying to find solace in the flowers and trees that flourished there even this late in the autumn. He sat down on a bench, but restlessly moved on after just a few minutes. He sat on a rock beside a small stream, but its incessant gurgling only jangled his already taut nerves. His mind seemed to buzz with the intensity of his worries. Thought circled thought and fear swirled around fear and peace was something that he may have known in the distant past but was far out of reach this day. Skkajdj I love the use of “this day”, especially when used by Aragorn, always. Because like, yknow, the movie speech. And also it just sounds like him <3 He paced and shoved his hands through his hair and tore off leaves from the bushes and shredded them in his nervous fingers. He scowled at the heat of the sun and shivered at the shade and as the minutes ticked into hours and the morning waxed and then waned into afternoon with no news, his anxiety over Halbarad grew to unbearable proportions. Finally, when the sun’s shadow told him it was well past mid-afternoon, he could endure it no longer. He turned on his heel and headed for the House of Healing. AKSJDJD HIS EXTREME ANXIETY SHREDDING RANDOM LEAVES it’s so real, you can FEEL it Yayyyy go go He entered the quiet sanctuary nearly on tiptoe, afraid of what he might find. A familiar Elf carrying a bowl of water turned toward him as he hovered uncertainly in the doorway. "Estel! I wondered how long it would be before you came to haunt the doorstep. You lasted longer than I would have thought. I trust you found some rest," Uhhhh Erestor said with a smile, and Aragorn said nothing to disabuse him of the notion. Erestor lowered the bowl to a counter and embraced Aragorn. "How very good it is to see my favorite pupil again!" He released him and picked the bowl back up and dumped the water down a drain. He worked the pump handle to refill it. "You will have to forgive my tardiness in coming to greet you. I have been a bit preoccupied." AWW picturing him following Erestor around when he was young to learn everything he could about healing <33 Aragorn bowed respectfully. "Please, do not apologize. I hope you are well?" "As ever. But I would assume inquiring after my health is not the reason you are here." Thanks <3 "No," Aragorn admitted, "although I am glad to see you. But please, can you tell me... what of Halbarad? It seems to be taking so very long." "Again, please accept my apologies, for I should have come to you sooner with news or at the very least sent someone to you. We become so involved in the matter at hand, we sometimes forget that loved ones are waiting and worrying. So," he said, clasping his hands and falling into the old role of teacher. "You know, of course, that it appeared the arrow was very close to Halbarad’s spine." Skajd that’s so cute. Hes like I know he’s your friend but also. Teaching opportunity "I cannot say," Erestor said, not without sympathy. He took a moment to thank a young Elf who came for the bowl of fresh water, Aw see I love how they’re all so good and make sure to be kind to and appreciate everyone <3 then continued, "But Lord Elrond is not concerned. He is merely being very, very cautious, moving slowly and carefully so as to do no further damage and to make sure he gets every last bit of arrowhead, lest infection set in later, or the shards work their way into spine or lung. But the arrow was not poisoned, thank the Valar, and Halbarad is hardy; his Númenórean blood is serving him well, as yours so often has you. Yay <333 His heart is maintaining its sure and steady rhythm and his breathing is strong despite the medicine that keeps him asleep." He paused and looked thoughtful. Aragorn stifled a groan; Erestor the Endless Elocutionist, as he used to silently grumble under his breath as a bored child, was about to regale him with far too many facts about surgical procedures and the risks thereof. LOLLLLLL The Elf could lecture for hours on end when such a mood fell on him, and sure enough, Erestor leaned a hip against the counter, pressed a finger thoughtfully against his chin, and continued on as though he had all the time in the world. "Sometimes the medicine will put a patient too far into sleep, as you may know, if one does not get the dosage just right. Weight, muscle, all these things must be taken into account. Halbarad has not an ounce of fat on him, and that makes it easier, for it is the heavy men, the ones too fond of sitting before a tankard of ale and a plate piled high, that give Elrond the most trouble. Those patients tend to move so deeply and quickly into the realm of slumber that they actually quit breathing, and then of course all sorts of terrible complications ensue from the lack of air. The brain starts to die, you see. And if air is not restored, if breath does not return, the damage can be so severe that there is no recovering. I knew of one unfortunate man who–" Aragorn wondered if his eyes looked as wild as he felt. He lifted his hand, ready to take Erestor by the collar and shake him and only just managed to thrust his hand through his own hair instead. OKAY I LOVE THIS hes like YOU ARE NOT HELPING MY WORRIES LISTING THE THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG even if they’re not applicable to Halbarad. “Wild”, when Aragorn’s eyes are wild there’s some strong emotion there Thrusting his hand through his hair, trying to control himself, not managing to hide really any of his feelings Erestor saw the movement and actually blushed. LOL "Ah, I apologize again. The urge to teach, you know," he smiled, but as Aragorn’s frown deepened, he hurried on, "Lord Elrond will be some hours yet before he can come to you himself, perhaps not even until late evening, for even after he finally removes the arrow, he will stay with Halbarad until he awakens, to keep him still and to ensure that he still has use of his arms and legs." Aragorn felt the blood drain from his face. "What do you mean, he still has use? Did the arrow indeed hit his spine? Is there still great risk? Has he lost the feeling in his legs?" THE WAY HE INSTANTLY PANICS <3 "Steady!" Erestor cried and put a bracing hand on Aragorn’s arm. "I said no such thing. I said ‘to ensure that he still has use’, as in, ‘retaining his normal abilities’." He raised an austere eyebrow and it was Aragorn’s turn to blush. He looked down at the floor and resisted the urge to hunch his shoulders and squirm like the school boy he had been those many years ago. Akskfkdkdk so cute <333 "I am sorry. I just thought... I was afraid that..." "Calm yourself, my child. All will be well." Erestor tugged him toward the door. "Come. Lord Elrond can do without me for a few moments, and you need to wait where it is quiet and you can find rest and distraction, for you are quite beside yourself. Fortunately, I know just the place." “My child” <333 and this time, since Erestor is not his father, calling him “my child” instead of just “child” is so sweet and perfect Aragorn let Erestor lead him away from the House of Healing. "Will you come and tell me any news?" "Of course. But I must be able to find you and I do not fancy having to trek over all Imladris to do so. So I will take you to a spot where a certain small child of Men used to play and fight imaginary armies and, as he grew older, while away the hours with his nose stuck in a book." AKSJDJ AWWWWWW adorable And indeed, he led him to one of Aragorn’s favorite childhood haunts: a giant willow tree growing near the Bruinen. Under the embrace of its vast weeping branches, Aragorn had fought armies of orcs from a hidden fortress and battled Smaug alongside an imaginary Bilbo and company of dwarves. He had watched baby birds hatch in their nests in its branches, and once he found a small lizard that let him feed it by hand. And in the secret bower beneath its fronds, he found escape from the sometimes merciless aggravations of twin brothers who never seemed to tire of tormenting and teasing their younger brother when they were not out on patrol. After a particularly trying day that had left him in tears, Elrond had come to his rescue, declaring the willow as Estel’s own, and forbidding Elrohir and Elladan entrance into Estel’s leafy domain upon pain of, if not death, then severe application of kitchen duties. THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING EVER detailing the things small Aragorn did there <33 OKAY WAIT was Aragorn still living here when Bilbo passed through??? I never thought of that but probably??? I love that so much baby him is like I wanna be like Bilbo and the dwarves and fight Smaug! That is so accurate to a child’s play. Seeing others around them they think are cool and going “I’m gonna play that I’m them, or on adventures with them” by name And then, they arent a perfect family. Also that the twins who are probably as old as a lot of the other elves around here? Perhaps? Going “ah he is our brother” while everyone else, being so much older than him, goes “ah he is our child” <3 it’s cute, even if it does mean they torment him ALSO ELROND BEST DAD EVER AWARD LIVING UP TO HIS REPUTATION OF KINDNESS AND WISDOM <333 “Declaring the willow as Estel’s own” skajdjfjjs <3333 <:))) coming to his rescue, and giving him a space for his own, his favorite space, and not only like, saying “you can take refuge there”, but “this is yours now” <:(( and a tree, a weeping willow, no less. And like. Elves and their trees. So it means a lot to give him a tree of his own. “Estel’s leafy domain” <33 Severe application of kitchen duties LOL <3 How I love this paragraph Lost in memory, Aragorn stepped into the verdant space, thick moss springy beneath his feet. Someone had added a cushioned chaise and a table, whereas Aragorn had only ever had a stump for a seat and a rock for a table. Not that he had needed more. As a boy, he had never been overly interested in reclining sedately when there were dragons to slay. Loll naturally He ran his hand over the table. "I remember this place well, although this is new." "I added a few creature comforts after you left. A rock might have done for a small child but my bones prefer a little cushioning. I come here often," he added. <33 hes like it’s Estel’s placeeee and he picked a good one Aragorn took a deep breath. The air was cool, but comfortable, redolent with the sweet aroma that was found only in Rivendell. He never could decide what created the fragrance. It smelled of heather and honeysuckle, athelas and fresh rain... and something exotically spicy that he could never place. He always thought of it as the scent of all that was good on Arda. It was the scent of home. AKSJDJD that sounds like the most wonderful scent ESPECIALLY if it literally is your home <3 Oooh athelas smell "It is a good place to wait. Thank you." "Do not think I did not notice how you failed to go into the house save for a meal," Erestor said quietly. "Perhaps the Ranger, like the child he once was, still seems most comfortable out of doors?" Thank youuuu Erestor Mm the blood of the Rangers runs deep in his veins Aragorn shrugged ruefully but said nothing. He was not sure himself why he felt unable to go inside his old home. Perhaps the comforts therein were too sumptuous, too luxurious to indulge in when Halbarad lay suffering and perhaps dying. Or perhaps he did not want to feel caged. Skajdjfjdj ooh both make much sense. Perhaps both? Erestor gave him a small, sad smile. "It is hard, I know. Even the most blind Elf can see that you are troubled and careworn and exhausted. Speak and unburden yourself if you wish, but if not, find what solace you can here." He smiled a bit wistfully, looking up into the willow fronds. "‘...they came at length to Nan-tathren, the Land of Willows, and there they rested a while, and were healed of their hurts and weariness...’"(1) <:((( even the most blind elf can see that Oooh a beautiful quote "‘But their sorrow could not be healed,’" Aragorn murmured, finishing the quote about the remnant of Gondolin. He shrugged. "Forgive me. My mood is dark this day." SKAJDJ TEARS <:( also mood, the ending with the dark part of the quote because that’s how I’m feeling but then apologizing for being dark Again “this day” <3 Erestor patted his shoulder in a paternal gesture. "I will send someone with food and drink. You look as though you need it." He lifted an eyebrow and then added delicately, "And a bowl of water, towel and comb, I should think." lol thank you <3 Delicately hehe "Thank you, Erestor. Again, I am sorry I am such poor company." "There is nothing to forgive, my child. Rest, and recoup your strength. I would like to see the light of Elendil shine once more in your eyes." <:( SKAJDJ the light is not there. All is darkness. So even Erestor sees that there is no light within me. Little wonder, really. It seemed for weeks now that his spirit was as a lamp that was fast running out of oil, and now, after Windydale and the hard ride, there seemed only the most feeble flicker to ward off the encroaching darkness. But that was not something of which he could comfortably speak to his old teacher. He looked toward the Last Homely House, barely visible through a gap between branches. "Tell me, Erestor," he said, searching for some other subject, something to divert his mind from dark paths if only for a little while longer, "did Bilfen Broadbow arrive?" Skajjdjfjaksjfkskaksj all Aragorn’s feelings on this, and a reminder that the darkness is really receded only enough for him to be walking and talking. And that’s. Pretty much it. Bilfen! IF ONLY FOR A LITTLE LONGER a last distraction, only putting off the inevitable dark paths of his mind. That is kind of the worst kind of suffering. No light. No hope. Only dark, weary, pained thoughts that will not go elsewhere "Oh yes. He and his dour companion both. Kenevir, that was his name. Master Bilfen has been through much sadness, has he not? I think of Rivendell destroyed as Bracken’s Ferry was and my fëa grows cold within me. But he seems to possess remarkable resiliency, as all Men seem to. It is something I greatly envy about the Race of Men," Erestor said almost wistfully. Mmm whoa An elf envying the resiliency of men I love that. It makes me feel…more capable of being resilient, I guess. Aragorn was taken a bit aback at the thought of an Elf as wise and seemingly content with his life as Erestor feeling any dissatisfaction with his lot. He said nothing, though, and Erestor continued, "Right now he is in the eastern reaches of Rivendell, hunting mushrooms or some such thing. He said he would be back in two days, maybe three, so he is not here to greet you. But he has been busy in the kitchens, watching the cooks and learning new recipes to prepare in, as he puts it, ‘the Hunter’s Horn Reforged’. It seems he was quite taken with the murals of Elendil and Isildur battling Sauron and said he wanted to honor the Shards of Narsil, and Isildur for his bravery, and for producing such a fine descendent in, as he put it, ‘that crazy Ranger, Strider.’ While I was a bit surprised he knew your true identity, though I suppose many in the North do know who you are, I must say, it touched me deeply for him to do such a thing for your house, and for you." AKSJDJFK AWW <3 touches me as well “That crazy Ranger, Strider” loll <333 Aragorn felt his cheeks color at the secondhand news of such praise. "Bilfen has a good heart." Aww he does "Just so, just so." Erestor looked at the sun and clasped his hands. "Well, I must be returning to the House of Healing. You are sure you will be well here?" "Yes, it will do perfectly. Rivendell’s own Nan-tathren," he smiled. He paused, then put a hand on Erestor’s shoulder, "Thank you, Erestor. It has been good to speak with you." <333 yess "Then I take it Erestor the Endless Elocutionist did not bore you over much?" SKAJDJFJ Aragorn felt his face flame. "How did you know–" Erestor merely smiled without answering, then bowed and left. SKAJDJFJKSDKDJ JUST SMILES AND BOWS I love him Also this is so cute because like. I love how self-aware he is, actually self-aware and others-aware, and he does not take offense at the label or get embarrassed and try to not do any lecturing, he just. Is humored and maintains awareness Aragorn rubbed his face, trying to wipe away his embarrassment. How does Erestor know everything that happens in this realm, from whether or not I entered the house to knowing the thoughts that I try to keep hidden? Great question <3 he sees much Hidden thoughts ... he wondered if the extent of the emptiness within him escaped Erestor’s notice. Probably not. Skadjjf “the extent of the emptiness” suggests how infinite it is In the silence that fell with the Elf’s departure, Aragorn felt the shadow swell again. Aksjdkdkskssss alone IMMEDIATELY the shadow swells. Even in Imladris. He shivered, then wrapped his arms around his chest. He looked up at the leafy canopy and the limbs where he had sprawled as an ungainly teenager, his nose indeed buried in a book most of the time. He had been so young, and life so full of promise. <:((( NOO THE ACHE OF A LOST HOPE AND BRIGHTNESS IN LIFE HE FEARS WILL NEVER RETURN He touched the furrowed bark of the tree, and for a dizzying moment, Rivendell vanished and he was bracing himself against the rough bole of another tree, one shrouded in golden splendor in a field to the west, the body of a young Dúnadan at his feet, his eyes accusing him as he lay broken and dead among the corpses of dozens of orcs. Aragorn groaned and shut his eyes, and when he opened them again the grisly scene had faded. Strength left his legs and he dropped to his knees. He wiped the back of his hand across his brow and took several deep breaths, trying to slow the heavy pounding of his heart. No no no nooooo GROANED that is a noise of deepest distress. And not the “accusing” eyes, which are only accusing to his perception. DROPPING TO HIS KNEES and “the HEAVY pounding of his heart” feels like almost a suggestion that it is deliberately tormenting him <:( Where had that vision come from? He shook his head, trying to clear it but the movement merely made it feel as though his brain were rocking from one side of his skull to the other. He held himself perfectly still and the pounding finally eased. Elrond was right... he was indeed ill. Something beyond fatigue was causing this fever. Maybe he had picked up a chill riding through the cool night air. Or maybe his arm was so infected it was poisoning him. Not that it really mattered. He kneaded his temples, wondering at his lack of concern over either possibility. Mmmm rocking that’s not fun NOT THAT IT REALLY MATTERED HMM the seeming juxtaposition of numbness and apathy with still a very loud grief and sorrow and pain is so. Real. Anyways his uncaring. Hurts. He found that the truth was that he simply did not care. <:(( Finally, out of nothing more than a vague sense of duty as a healer, he roused himself to lift his left arm. <:( the vague duty Bless that sense of duty but…experiencing it yourself is kinda annoying when you kinda just want to…not care in peace? There was a sharp sting as the muscle flexed. He peeled back his shirt. The bandage was stained with dried blood but there was evidence of fresh bleeding and some yellowish pus. He laid his hand over it and felt heat even through the layers of bandage. He sighed and pulled his shirt back up. So it was infected, probably much worse than before. "You said you would keep an eye on it, Halbarad," he whispered, and his throat ached. <:((( SAKDJFJJFKS TEARSSSS this grief that his friend did not take care of him as he promised because he almost died himselfffffff Unintentional broken promise that was maybe unavoidable but hurts so much. Because of what it means happened to Halbarad. And there’s sometimes (not sure if it’s in this case) an anger that comes with it as well, misplaced but there, against the person (Halbarad) for getting hurt. Or just, a general anger, that it happened. Because the pain is so strong that some of it is funneled into anger, to try and feel less pain. Anyways I was not expecting this whisper and it Got To Me He shook himself. Maudlin thoughts never accomplished anything. He lowered himself completely to the ground and drew his knees up to his chin. Wrapping his arms around them, he watched the river. With nothing left to distract him, he could sense the shadow hovering at the edges of his mind, there and gone in glimpses, like seeing a snake sliding through tall grass. Would he ever be rid of its haunting presence? Freedom from its constant bedevilment seemed as beyond reach as the throne of Gondor. As impossible as gaining Arwen’s hand in marriage. And hope.... He picked up a rock and threw it forcefully into the water. SKAJFJDJSJ THE DEPRESSION IS SO SO SO HEAVY wrapping his arms around his knees like a child <3 <:( Freedom from its constant bedevilment This is why you’re here, Aragorn. Okay not why exactly but why you needed to come here eventually. Elrond can help with this. The feeling like the darkness will never ever truly leave though, is also very real and heartbreaking. Cannot imagine that it could really leave while experiencing it. Hope was nothing more than a word bereft of any promise. SKAJDJFJSKSKD THIS SENTENCE BROKE ME Interruption to say: when you used the word redolent earlier I looked it up and quite liked it and wrote it down to remember. Well it is now the next day and I am reading the letter by Tolkien in the intro to the Silmarillion, which I got for Christmas, and he used the word redolent also and so that made me happy XD it is officially a Tolkienesque word, which like, when you used it it already felt like a word he would use so. Anyways it also made me happy to get another reminder of the word and example of using it Also I just realized from a Sindarin book my little siblings got from the library that I’ve been pronouncing Eledh and those names wrong lol He stared, unblinking, unmoving, and the river flowed ever onward. Its swirling eddies seemed to beckon to him, to call to him to dive into its embrace. How easy it would be! He could just walk slowly in... the water first coming to his ankles... then swirling around his knees... then his hips and then his chest and then lifting him as the current carried him away from this hopeless darkness... down to the sea and to the unknown lands beyond where he would find rest at last... OH OH <:((( oh how dark a place he is in. I think Aragorn is not easily driven to suicidal thoughts, this is very extreme. Aksjdj I want him to have more hugs No! I cannot. I will not. <33 The depth of his despair shook him. But how could he not despair? The road before him was so clouded that he could not see beyond today. Nay, not even beyond the next hour. He could not tell if a cliff awaited his next step, or a snare to entrap him, or if the way would suddenly open to a broad and sunny lane. He grimaced. Small chance of that. Mmmm see he is shaken and surprised by his mind turning to this He threw another rock in the river. Tried to deafen his ears to its seductive call, to fight back that cursed shadow with strength that was waning moment by moment. Skajdjdjd strength waning each moment You are Estel. Hope. You must not give in. The words rang false, like a chord struck on a harp that had never been tuned. SKAJDJFJDKSK that is such a beautiful devastating sentence. Also just “the word rang false” LIKE he hears no truth whatsoever in the claim that he is hope He took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Sent another rock to pierce the treacherous waters. Why do they so tempt me? Long have I known my destiny, and long have I known the road would be long and difficult, but ever have I felt the joy of it. Skajsjfjdj yes see he knows his destiny AND THE JOY OF IT, as much as it is ever a burden. He has still carried the joy that will be part of the difficult road and responsibility Middle-earth looked to him for their hope. He saw it every day in the eyes of Halbarad, of Denlad and Eledh and all his men, and in the faces of the villagers and farmers and traders and all those scattered remnants of Númenor that he led. He had seen it in Gondor, where he had served under their Steward as Captain Thorongil and listened as men wondered with wistful voices how it might be if a king ever did reclaim the throne. He had seen it in Rohan, when a young soldier had sighed and told him that if Gondor only had a king, Rohan would be immeasurably safer from Sauron. And in the eyes of the men of Gondor and the man of Rohan, he saw the same expression: hope daring to war with disbelief, faith in what was likely a myth nonetheless lighting their eyes, if only for a moment. Skajdjfksksj Oh how I love the hope the expected return of the king gives them No, he could no more take that hope from them than he could snatch food from the mouth of a starving child. Skajd and we know he would never do that <:( So why this doubt? This despair? This... this weakness. ITS CALLED THE BLACK BREATH DO NOT TRY TO PRETEND IT HAS PASSED Did he not have the pure blood of Númenor flowing in his veins? How often had he been told by Elrond that he was the best of all that had gone before. Why then did he now falter, suddenly seeking escape when none other of his ancestors had suffered such failings. Would he be the lesser son of greater ancestors? Why could he not follow the example of his own mother, who kept no hope of her own, but gave of it freely through her son? The memory of her self-sacrifice flayed him, derided him for being so impotent that he seemed unable to find his way out of this dark tunnel in which he found himself. Gilraen never would find herself in such straits, nor would Arathorn had he lived. They had found their hope, and given it away without fear or hesitation. They had lived up to the legacy of Elendil their ancestor, who had given all in the battle against Sauron. Now so must he. So must he. AKSJDJDKSKLSDK flayed him, derided him for being so impotent…NO you are nothing if not potent Again. Do not forget the Black Breath. The repeated “so must he” <:( He squeezed his eyes shut. "But how?" he whispered. "How do I find the hope that I once had, that I might give it to others?" Skajdjfjsjsjdj <:((( Willow fronds swayed in the breeze but gave no answer. There was no answer in the waters, nor in the sky nor the mountains nor the sea. In all of Arda, there was none who could give him what he needed most, and he feared he no longer had the strength to find it for himself. It was as though the pure blood of Númenor had faltered in him, somehow. Diluted perhaps by time itself into something unrecognizable and something without strength or purity. He shuddered. Has it come to be that the last descendent of forgotten kings is the weakest? My own lack, my own inabilities... have they doomed the Men of the West to extinction, and Middle-earth to ruin? NOPE okay I really love whatever it is (I forgot) that says the image of Elendil is most closely reflected, out of all his descendants, in Aragorn. Elendil is so so cool and so is Aragorn and I LOVE them being compared <3 He longed for someone to tell him no, that it was not so, that his blood had not failed, but he knew not who could so reassure him. He dropped his head to his knees and choked back silent tears of despair. SKAJDJJFJSKD silent tears Choked back Perhaps this seems my answer to everything but…I think Elrond can reassure you

Ellynn	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 8/25/2010
Poor Aragorn. :( Though, I am quite sure that he feels so bad because he is still under the influence of Black Breath, although he can't/doesn't want to see it. I suppose I'll discover in the following chapters if I'm right. Author Reply: I really made it tough on poor Aragorn, didn't I? g

Dreamdeer	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 8/10/2009
Honest. Vividly honest. Aragorn's struggle is everyone's struggle, sooner or later in their life, and the author makes the reader identify with it. Yet a host of rich details also make the character distinct, make the story as new as it is old. The willow-refuge in particular was a touch of genius. Author Reply: Thank you, Dreamdeer... your reviews are incredibly reassuring and encouraging. This chapter was a risk. I wasn't sure it would be accepted that someone like Aragorn could reach such a nadir that he might actually, at least fleetingly, consider ending it all. Of course, Aragorn being Aragorn, his innate strength and hope, battered though it is, makes that an impossibility. But I do think everyone has those incredibly dark moments. Hopefully most of us will then take a deep breath and go on anyway. I'm also glad you liked the willow... I read about the remnants of Gondolin and knew I had to bring a touch of Nan-tathren into Aragorn's life here, because it suited the story so well with its mix of refuge and sorrow. Thanks again for the review!

Estelcontar	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 4/20/2009
I fear Aragorn is very much still under the effects of the black breath. The stubborn ranger should let Erestor know how he felt, but no, he won't. He should listen more to Halbarad. I liked your Erestor. I like his wistfulness for the vitality he felt in Bilfen, and I like his perceptiveness about Aragorn's despondency, and the fact that he took Aragorn to Aragorn's special spot in Rivendell, which he had made more comfortable. These little details tell a lot about his kindness, as does too the little bit about 'Erestor The Endless Elocutionist', which was also a most welcome touch of humour in a dark chapter. Aragorn's inner struggle is very powerful and poignant. And I'm really, really happy that in spite of all you make him struggle on and not give in. I just wish that for once he would ask for help. Can you tell I liked this chapter? Author Reply: Hmm, yes, I think I can see that you liked this! LOL Thank you so, Estelcontar. Yes, this is about as low as a strong man like Aragorn can sink, isn't it? And it's not like him to have suicidal thoughts at all, so yes, the BB is still affecting him greatly. And yes, Aragorn would never actually give in, I don't think. He's too strong for that, despite everything. I'm happy you liked my Erestor... I really wanted to show that he's a very kindhearted person, with many of his own strengths but also just a tad bit eccentric. He's very much an empathetic person and can sense mood and mindset perhaps more quickly than others. All those years trying to read Elrond, I suppose! Glad you enjoyed this and thanks for the review!

Larner	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 4/4/2009
I think the time has come for Elrond to work rather quicker on Halbarad that he might come the sooner to Aragorn, who in some ways is the worse hurt. Someone needs a hope infusion. Love the story of the willow! Author Reply: A hope infusion, I love it! LOL That's definitely what Aragorn needs. Glad you liked the willow aspect of this... it's based a bit on my own fondness for willows, dating back to childhood and that big old lovely willow in the front yard. :) Thanks for the review!

Linda Hoyland	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 4/4/2009
PS. I forgot to add that I love willows too. These grow along the riverbank in my town and I always think they are where Aragorn and Faramir sunbathed and Shelob's daughter dwelet in the roots! http://www.freewebs.com/lindahoyland/backgroundinformation.htm Author Reply: What a lovely picture! Yes, that's a bit what I visualized with the willow, although my willow has fronds that grow all the way to the ground to create a bit of a secret room... I had a willow like that in my yard as a child and it was a wonderful place to play. :)

Linda Hoyland	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 4/4/2009
Poor Aragorn, he seems to have reached the depths of utter despair. I hope Elrond can help him once halbarad is out of danger. I eagerly await what happens next. Author Reply: Thank you, Linda--yes, Aragorn's just about at his nadir, isn't he? And Elrond too busy saving Halbarad... it's a hard spot for him. I think it would be hard on a good day to know that the fate of the world rests upon you; Aragorn's far from having a good day, and the weight is becoming more than he can really bear, I fear. Thanks for the review!

Elflingimp	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 4/3/2009
Looks like Aragorn is at the end of his rope, with the shadow taking his spirit over without him realising it and physically he's not in to great of shape either,hope Elrond will show up in time, I feel so bad for Aragorn. Hugs The Imp P.S. Thanks for the Thursday update, that was so nice! Author Reply: Thank you! I'm glad you liked this chapter... and you're certainly welcome for the double update this week. Yes, Aragorn has a lot of things going on and the fever and the BB really is hindering his ability to think clearly. I'm glad the story's generating sympathy in you for poor Aragorn! I'm going to try to update again on Monday again, if the chapter is ready to go. Thanks again for the review!

Silivren Tinu	Reviewed Chapter: 19 on 4/3/2009
I'm beginning to think this was the wrong time for Halbarad to get injured. ;-) He certainly wouldn't have allowed Aragorn to drift off into darkness like that, but, on the other hand, I doubt even Halbarad would have been able to permanently keep Aragorn from despairing as long as something isn't done about the cause of said despair... and I think there's certainly more to it than Aragorn's own doubts. I don't think he'd be likely to consider committing suicide if a certain Nazgul hadn't meddled with his mind somehow. I'm really glad he's at least in just the right place to get healed. :) That place by the Bruinen with the giant willow tree sounds wonderful! I think I would love to spend time there, too. It was a good idea of Erestor to lead Aragorn there, though I don't think Aragorn really cares at the moment. ;-) I wish Elrond wouldn't be busy right now, though I really don't want him to stop treating Halbarad. sigh Methinks Aragorn could really use some fatherly support at the moment. anxiously looking forward to the next chapter Almut Author Reply: Thanks, Almut! You're absolutely right in thinking that Aragorn wouldn't be in such despair without the Black Breath having a hand in it. Normally I don't see Aragorn as ever entertaining such thoughts, but one of the effects of BB is despair... and I think when such deep despair hits, the mind of even the strongest man might flirt with the idea of just walking away from it all in whatever fashion he can. And yes, poor Elrond has no idea just how bad off his "other patient" is, does he? Even an Elf Lord can't be two places at once, unfortunately. I'm glad you liked the willow... I love willow trees, and I wanted a willow that wasn't evil. LOL And then after I'd roughed that part out, I ran across the bit about Nan-tathren in the Silm and it all sort of clicked together. Thanks for the review, and I may very well star updating twice a week. Readers seem to be wanting the chapters a bit sooner and you know, I kinda want to get the story told, too! :)

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