Chapter Thirty-six

Frodo felt a cool hand on his brow. He opened his eyes leaving the stillness of sleep to be greeted by bright morning sunlight and Esme’s tender smile. At first Frodo started to smile. For a moment he was back in his room, in Brandy Hall, a young Hobbit of only thirteen or so, but then he took in the familiar surroundings of his room in Bag End. Despair came crashing down over him. "Linwe," was the only word he could get passed the lump that formed in his throat.

"Her fever is broken and she is sleeping peacefully now." Esme said quietly.

"I want to see her," said Frodo. He started to sit up but paused as dizziness threatened to overcome him.

"Now you just lie back down. You are as weak as a new colt yourself," scolded Esmeralda.

"I want to see her!" exclaimed Frodo. He pushed himself up to sitting only to collapse as an even stronger wave of dizziness swept over him.

"For a hobbit who is fifty-three years old, you show no more sense than a tween-ager. Now if you will turn your head to your left you will find that you can see Linwe, just fine from where you lay in your cot."

"It’s not the same. I want to touch her. I want to sit with her and hold her hand. She needs me to be there with her."

"NO! As a matter of fact she does not. Linwe is sleeping peacefully for the first time since she fell ill. She has been through great physical stress. What she needs is to sleep undisturbed. What she needs for you to do is to be still and rest yourself. The lot of you waited far too long in sending for me. You were not getting any sleep. You did not eat, let alone bathe. You were under tremendous stress yourself worrying for her. Add to that you are far too thin yourself and have been since your return home from that journey of yours. Don’t even try to tell me that you are as strong and healthy as you ever were because I know you are not. Tending to Linwe these past days nearly did you in. It is quit possible you were in as much danger as she was. Now, I am here and I am in charge. You will stay in that bed until I tell you otherwise. From there you can see that Linwe is doing much better. Behave yourself and tomorrow I might let you sit by her side for ten minutes."

"Tomorrow! No, she needs me now!"

"Frodo Baggins, you will stay where you are in this room without argument or so help me I will have Merry carry you off to one of the guest rooms and tie you down to a bed there."

Frodo glared at Esmeralda with a fury so intense she feared she had pushed him too far. If Sam had been in the room then he would have seen the look and been reminded of moments on the quest when Frodo’s anger had flared. However, Frodo did not have the strength to maintain his fury. He collapsed back against the pillows on his cot. He brought up one shaky hand to cover his eyes. Esmeralda moved to sit on the cot next to him. "Frodo, dear, I understand how worried you are. But you have been under a tremendous strain yourself. If you do not rest now then when Linwe wakes up it will be to the news that you are very sick yourself. Please, do this my way and we will have you up in next to no time." Frodo’s only response was a nod of his head. "Now, you ought to know that I have decided to keep her sleeping for the next several days. Between the miscarriage and the severity of her illness, Linwe is highly susceptible to additional infections. In her weakened condition such an illness could prove to be deadly. Keeping her asleep will allow her body to use what energy she has to concentrate on recovering. Do you understand?"

Frodo pulled his hand away from his face, "Yes, I understand."

Esmeralda took his hand and squeezed it, "There is a good lad. Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go to the kitchen to fetch you soup and bread. I think in a bit I will get a couple of the lads in here to shift this cot around a bit so that you don’t have to strain your neck looking at Linwe."

Frodo smiled wearily while giving her hand a slight squeeze of his own, "You know, for a moment after I woke up, I saw your face and thought I was just a boy back in Brandy Hall again. I don’t think I realized how much I have missed you until now."

"I’ve missed you too, Frodo, dear. Perhaps once I have got you and Linwe set back to rights we can discuss your coming to make an extended visit at Brandy Hall."

~~~~~

"Don’t tell her," Frodo said quietly.

"What was that, dear?" asked Esmeralda from where she sat near by knitting what appeared to be a hat for baby. It was late in the afternoon. Aside from brief visits with Merry, Pippin, Sam and Rosie, Frodo had spent his day, either dozing or watching Linwe. "Don’t tell her about…" he stammered "about the baby."

"I wish that were possible," Esmeralda said with a sad sigh.

"Why isn’t it?" asked Frodo with anger tingeing his gaze.

"Because she will still be bleeding when we allow her to fully wake up. She will need to be checked regularly for the next several weeks to be sure that there is no infection in her womb as well as for blood clots. We also can not be sure that she was not already starting to suspect that she might be with child. It is not unheard of for a Hobbitess who has had trouble conceiving to not say anything to her husband until she is absolutely sure. If Linwe suspected she might be pregnant then she will know without our telling her that she has miscarried. I know that at this point it is hard to believe but the best thing we can do is to be honest with her. The two of you should mourn your loss openly. In time Linwe will heal and I would imagine that soon after that the two of you will, have the happy discovery of finding she is pregnant once again."

Frodo’s gaze fell in renewed despair. "I fear under the circumstances she will blame herself. There has to be some way of just not telling her. Keep her asleep for several weeks, anything, just don’t tell her about the baby."

"Frodo that just is not possible. Linwe must be told, but I can assure her and you that she is not to blame. Linwe was very ill before she even woke up that morning. The fever already had hold of her and she was not thinking clearly or she would likely have listened when you told her not to go out that day." Esmeralda looked Frodo straight in the eye, without blinking, "Linwe will be fine. You of all people should know how strong she is." Frodo sensed volumes of hidden meaning of her words.

~~~~~

Late morning five days after Linwe’s fever had broken she opened her eyes to bright morning sunlight. and Esmeralda’s warm smile, much as Frodo had a few days before. "Here you are, dear. Take a drink of this water," said Esmeralda holding a glass up to Linwe’s lips. Linwe took one tiny sip. The water washing across her tongue made her realize her mouth and throat felt parched, so she took several larger sips. "There you are, I think that is enough for the moment. How are you feeling?"  

Linwe blinked several times, "Rather groggy and weak. Esme!  Why are you here?"

"I am here, because you have been very sick. Your fever got quite high. Poor Rosie did not know what to do for you, so she sent for me. Fortunately I was still at Great Smials, so it didn’t take long at all for Merry, Pippin and I to get here."

"Where is Frodo?"

"He is out getting a bit of air at my orders. The lad has barely left your side since you got sick. I have had to be rather firm to make sure he takes care and does not exhaust himself. The two of you are really quite a pair, you are both extremely stubborn. This time around I can say that you have been the better patient but then I have been keeping you asleep for several days. I had no good excuse to keep your husband in the same state. Frodo will be most pleased to see you awake. He has been so worried for you. We all have."

~~~~~

Linwe felt herself rising once more out of the depths of sleep. She lay for a moment with her eyes closed, letting her mind wander. Without thinking she twitched her hand then felt another hand closed its fingers tightly around hers. Immediately Linwe knew who’s hand it was that held her own, "Frodo?"

"I am here," came his softly spoken reply

Linwe slowly opened her eyes, turned towards the sound of his voice, and smiled. "I missed you earlier. Esmeralda said that you went out for a bit of fresh air. I tried to stay awake until you came back but I just couldn’t do it."

"You needed the rest more than anything. However when I found out that you had been awake I swore that I wouldn’t leave your side again. I have been waiting a long time to see you with your eyes open, alert, and you healthy."

"I am awake. I think you may have to wait a bit longer for me to be healthy. I am rather weak. I tried having a bit of soup and my hand shook so much that all of the soup spilled off the spoon," Linwe said with chagrin.

Frodo smiled,  "Well at the very least you are better than you were a few days ago. You are recovering now, before long you will feel perfectly well again."

Linwe smiled, "I love you."

Frodo leaned forward and kissed Linwe’s forehead, "I love you too."

Esmeralda knocked on the half open door then walked into the room, "Oh good, you are awake again. How are you feeling?"

"I feel a little better. I think I would like a bath if possible."

"That you can be concerned for such things is a good sign. I think a bath could be arranged, though a short one. I don’t want you getting too tired out. However, before we get to that there is something I need to talk with you about."

Frodo’s hold on Linwe’s hand suddenly tightened, Linwe looked at him in time to see him flinch. "What is the matter?" she asked in a small wavering voice.

Esmeralda sat down on the bed opposite of Frodo and took up Linwe’s other hand. "Linwe, there is one thing about your condition that you need to be aware of." Esmeralda took a deep breath then continued. "Before I get into that there are a few things that I need to know. Could you tell me when you had your last monthly?"

Linwe glanced at Frodo and blushed, "It was two weeks before Yule, I believe."

"Was it different in any way? Did it come at the time you expected it to?"

Linwe thought for a moment, "No, as a matter of fact it was several days late. I remember being excited about that. I had planned to go see the midwife to see if maybe I was… well you know, but then the day I was going to see the midwife my monthly came."

"Was there anything else unusual about it?"

"Only that it was lighter than usual. It was really only a little bit of spotting.. Why are you asking me all of these questions?"

Esmeralda sighed heavily, in her eyes there was a shadow of deep sadness. "I am sorry to have to tell you this, Linwe, but you were pregnant. Judging by what you have just told me you were about two months along when you got sick. It isn’t unusual to have some spotting in the first month."

Linwe looked from Esmeralda to Frodo, her thoughts in a confusion. Pregnant was good! Why is no one happy? Why had Esme said... "You said ‘were’," Linwe interrupted her own thoughts not knowing how her words closely echoed Frodo’s several nights before, "what has happened?"

"Dear, your fever was so high. It was more than the baby could endure. I am so sorry, but I am afraid you have had a miscarriage."

Linwe felt as though her heart had been ripped from her. The emptiness that was left in its place was dark and cold. Linwe felt she could barely breathe. She pulled her shocked gaze from Esmeralda to turn to Frodo. Sadness and despair, that was what she saw in his face. Linwe wanted to plead with him to tell her that what Esme had just said was not true. All she managed was one word, "Frodo?"

Frodo could not give her what she wanted and hoped for, "I’m sorry, my love." 

 Linwe took her hand from Esme. Looking down she pressed her hand to her belly. Empty, there was nothing there. No one. Her greatest wish, there and gone now. Linwe could only sit in stunned silence for many long moments. Tears spilled down her face unheeded. With each passing moment of Linwe’s silence Frodo became more frightened for her. "Linwe, please say something or look at me." Linwe’s breathing started to come in heaving gasps. "Linwe!" She heard an anguished cry that seemed to fill the room and herself. As she found herself in Frodo’s tight protective embrace she realized the cry had come from her.